fashion-flash

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Jasmine Tookes wearing the $3 million, 450 carat Fantasy Bra at the Victoria Secret’s Fashion Show in Paris, November 30th, 2016

What’s up, party people? I tell ya’, I always had a hunch Barry saw me as a potential best man – or best mate, as Julian would say – but now it’s official.   When he and Iris tie the knot I’ll be there ready to rock the most epic best man speech ever heard on any Earth! This promises to be some high level adulting and I have to make sure I look the part.  Even though, the couple hasn’t set the date, I found myself looking into the mirror – fantasizing about the occasion – and decided your boy needed to step up his fashion game.  To put it simply, it was time to dress like “a real grown up” as Harry would say. So I cracked open my limited edition Green Arrow piggy bank and hit up the Central City Mall to buy some new threads. 

It’s been a hot minute since I hung around the mall, and I was bombarded by youths, elderly mall walkers (gotta get that heart rate up!), and pushy bargain hunters.  It reminded me of the classic zombie mall sequence from Dawn of the Dead (freak-ay!)  But I then spotted some kids hanging by the food court, goofing off.  They made me nostalgic for my old mallrat days.  Ah, the memories. I resisted the urge to hit up the video game store and headed straight for some upscale clothing shops.  Before I knew it I was in my own Pretty Woman montage of trying on baller outfits.  Slacks and new leather shoes? Check. Check.  Silk buttoned down shirt? For days.  Suave sports coat? You know it.  Suddenly I was strutting the mall, turning heads left and right.  I stopped at a storefront and looked at the fashionable man before me. Turns out I clean up real nice until…

Two kids from the food court ran past me, scuffing my shiny new leather loafers.  I turned to see a security guard chasing after them.  I ducked down a hallway where no one could see and opened a quick breach and popped out right in front of the kids.  I told them to slow their rolls and asked why they were being chased.  The kids looked scared and pleaded that they weren’t doing anything wrong – they were pretending they were Flash and Kid Flash on the hunt for a meta.  I have to say, I was touched, just the security guard caught up to us.  He barked at the kids – “no running allowed!”

When I told the guard they were only emulating the heroics of The Flash and Kid Flash, the security guard softened.  Turns out, he was also a big fan and let the kids off win a warning.  The kids thanked me and said they never expected a grown up to be so cool.  They disappeared into the mall, probably to hit up a Spencer’s Gifts like I did back in the day.

On my way out, I caught a glimpse of myself in a storefront window.  I saw the reflection of a sharp-dressed, serious man and realized I was kidding myself. This is isn’t me.  I’m fine at being an adult, but in my own way, going by my own rules. So I returned all the clothes and stopped at the food court’s Big Belly Burger for fries and a shake, in my Cisco-approved wardrobe.  And Barry and Iris will be cool with whatever threads I decide to rock on the big day.

They knew it was a gimmick, but, like most struggling groups at the time, they were desperate. A last-minute gig at the Apollo filling in for a food-poisoned O'jay’s and the Supa-Fly’s had caught the fever: they had had a taste of the big time. Their dance moves were good but not great, and Pete’s bass playing had been slowing them down ever since he lost those four fingers after slamming them in his Caddy door. They needed an edge. When Terrence accidentally left a pair of his shoes on stage before a performance, Gandy quipped they had their new lead dancer. And so, “Invisible Larry and the Supa-Fly’s” were born. The band prospered in the northern circuit and even birthed a mild dance craze in North Phillie (“Do The Invisible Larry”). However, during a coveted performance on “Soul Train”, Terrence’s attempt to animate the shoes using tethered gerbils went awry (Don Cornelius was deathly afraid of rodents), and the band broke up shortly thereafter.

Marak Benzins & Vlada Suleimanova by Liva Steina wearing Flash you and Me

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Another meme I won’t finish: [3/?] favorite outfits:

You look really nice.

Bonus: