fashion of gallifrey

anonymous asked:

Do you think the Doctor ever smokes?

The First Doctor gave it up after the cavemen incident, along with a host of other vices (such as living in junk yards and trying to murder people with rocks). He still takes out his pipe occasionally though, when the local culture is especially accommodating to such things. 

The Second Doctor has other cravings, but when he feels the need to keep his hands occupied, the memory of smoking does cross his mind at times. 

The Third Doctor can be tempted by exotic and fragrant blends, good kretek and small amounts of snus. He thinks the Master’s cigar fixation is rather silly. 

The Fourth Doctor will try anything once, and has spent many a long evening accepting tokes of whatever stuff Iris was pumping into her lungs. 

The Fifth Doctor doesn’t smoke. At all. It’s one of those things Iris finds so infuriatingly attractive about him. 

The Sixth Doctor tends not to be interested in smoking, but he could spend hours lecturing about the history of the tobacco trade across several galaxies. Mel tends to cut him off before he even gets started. 

The Seventh Doctor has very little interest in most vices, but has found that the occasional shared peace pipe works wonders in political negotiations. 

The Eighth Doctor tends to stay away from smoking. However, he isn’t above sampling a bit of the local culture if it’s especially lovely. 

The War Doctor doesn’t think about it, not even once.

The Ninth Doctor is just getting back in the game of reckless hedonism — eating meat, playing tourist, dancing with dashing space captains and falling madly, wonderfully in love with it all — and considers smoking at times, but adventure tends to interfere. 

The Tenth Doctor prefers not to override his senses — plus he knows full well that if he’d start putting that stuff into his mouth on a regular basis, there’s no way he’d ever stop. 

The Eleventh Doctor tries smoking a cigarette once and ends up setting his nose on fire. 

The Twelfth Doctor tries it, calls it rubbish and simply moves on to other things. 

The Richard E. Grant Doctor would murder for a cigarette at times, but as much as his body has its cravings, it also has its pesky natural limitations. Smoke makes his lungs burn and his eyes water — plus it gets all up in the Master’s circuits. 

The Arabella Weir Doctor smokes like her life depends on it. 

The David Warner Doctor isn’t above a nice cigar at times, and he keeps a special collection to share with Alistair when the skies are calm and the nights are peaceful. Not from Earth, of course. Never from Earth again. 

The Geoffrey Bayldon Doctor tries to hide his pipe from Susan. He thinks he’s succeeding. 

The David Collings Doctor has had the occasional urge to smoke, but concern for Ruth always came first — he had to set the right example for his little girl. 

The Cabinet Of Light Doctor fully indulges in his body’s cravings, and finds cigarettes to be one of the most pleasant things 1940′s London has to offer. Between all the broken toys and half-rotting furniture and moss-covered walls surrounding him, this little bit of hedonism reminds him of life, much more than of death. 

“Johann Schmidt” notices early on that accepting a cigarette quickly forms many of the social connections he so desperately needs. He tends to stuff them into flowerpots when no one’s looking. 

The Lord Burner regrets that some things just aren’t fashionable on his Gallifrey. Then again, some other things are — and in his line of work, one vice is easily replaced by so many others. 

The Doctor flicked the temporal stabiliser off and pulled down the transitional element control rod taking him out of the Vortex. Quite the wrong way to actualise and quadro-anchor even a Type 40 Time Capsule, isn’t it? Exiting the interstitial continuum at the perihelion of a temporal ellipse can cause serious buffering in your harmonic wave packet transference and sever your main fluid links, can’t it?

‘Here we are, Stratford on Avon, 1572!’ announced the Doctor proudly and wrongly. If he’d ever bothered to use his Absolute Tesseractulator to pinpoint his dimensional locations he wouldn’t have made these kind of mistakes, of course, but the Tesseractulator had never come out of its box, had it?

Charlotte Pollard, the Doctor’s friend, came over to him and flicked on the ceiling scanner.

A friend’s an Earth thing. It’s a bit like having a colleague or fellow student you co-operate with, but without any exams or project targets at the end to make the co-operation meaningful. There was a fashion for having them on Gallifrey at one time, ask some of your older cousins about it, they might remember.

— 

“From Tales from the Matrix – True Stories from TARDIS Logs Retold for Time Tots by Loom Auntie Flavia, Panopticon Press, 6803. 8 Rassilon Era. Part of the Wigner Heisenberg Collection, The Mobile Library, Talking Books Section. Location currently uncertain.”

‘Apocrypha Bipedium’ by Ian Potter, from Short Trips: Companions.

Every Doctor Who story should have a version as told by Time Lords sassing and criticising the Doctor’s way of going about things.