anonymous asked:

When my gyno stuck the clamp into my vagina before inserting my mirena I got the feeling of needing to fart. Have you ever been farted on? I was so worried about farting it made the experience ten times worse. Should I talk to my gyno about it?

When you say “clamp”, I assume that you’re talking about the speculum, right?

The speculum is a metal or plastic tool that is inserted into the vagina in order to hold back the walls of the vaginal canal for the provider to see and potentially take samples from or do a procedure in the cervix.

Below your vaginal canal is the rectum and above it is the urethra and bladder, so its very common for people to feel pressure in both those places once the bills of speculum are opened.  

Y'all know that I worked as a GTA (Gynecological Teaching Associate) for a couple years during midwifery school.  I taught medical, nursing, PA, NP and ND students how to provide comfortable pelvic exams using my own body.  So trust me when I say that I’ve had more pelvic exams than all of you put together.  

Yes, I did fart.  I farted on students and I farted on my coworkers and I’ve farted on practitioners before.  It’s just part of the pelvic exam.

I’ll also add that patients fart on me all the time.  They fart during pelvic exams, they fart during labor, they fart as I’m suturing up their tears after they’ve given birth.  Birth and vaginas are beautiful things, but they’re awfully close to the rectum, and there’s absolutely no way to separate the two.  Trust me, there’s nothing you can do - farting, pooping, peeing - that your provider hasn’t seen already and hasn’t gotten all down the front of their scrubs.

If you’re so worried about this that you can’t handle the anxiety, just make sure that you go to the bathroom right before you leave the house and then again when your provider finally comes in the room.  Just say, “Do you mind if I run to the restroom real quick before we start?”  That’ll take the pressure off a bit (emotionally and physically) and you don’t have to worry too much.

Meblrs, nurblrs midwife-blrs - amirite or amirite??

2

The Benefits of Farting,

Jonathan Swift, the famous author of the literary classic Gulliver’s Tavels, was one of the great masters of satire and social commentary in the early 18th century.  He was also known as a prolific jokester and hoaxer.  In 1722, Swift published one of the lesser known of his works, entitled, “The Benefit of Farting Explained”, which was essentially a mass pamphlet which was handed out to the public.  While certainly a comedic man, Swift was also very critical of the society in which he lived.  He especially criticized societies taboos, among which in the early 18th century farting had become.

Published under the pseudonym “Don Fartinhando Puff-Indorst, Professor of Bumbast at the University of Craccow”,the essay is divided into four parts divided into four parts, defining and describing the essence of the fart, then detailing gas’s relationship with law, society, and science. The essay’s title claims that it was “translated into English at the Request and for the Use of the Lady Damp-Fart, of Her-fart-shire” by “Obadiah Fizle, Groom of the Stool to the Princess of Arse-Mini in SardiniaOh, and scholarly reviewed by a “College of Fizz-icians.”  

The crux of the essay detailed the health benefits of farting as well as the deleterious effects of holding ones farts in.  According to Swift, holding gas in can cause, “Cholicks, hystericks, rumblings, belching, spleen, etc.” Swift further claims that such a habit can have other effects on women as well, “but in the women of a more strong constitution, it vents itself intirely in talkativeness; hence we have a reason, why women are more talkative than men.”  Swift concludes the essay with the claim most of the social characteristics which separated the sexes was due to retained gas.

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Every have Fart Guilt? andrewjdv releases more than gas..

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AN: Feel better soon, Anon <3

Tony needed to fart. Good God, he needed to fart. He had never needed to fart so bad in his whole life. 

But he couldn’t

Beside him in bed, Steve slept on, oblivious to Tony’s turmoil. Last night had been the first time they’d slept together; Tony couldn’t ruin the still present post-coital glow by waking Steve up with a huge fart. He’d leave him for sure, and then Tony would be sad forever. 

He really needed to fart, though. 

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