the signs trying to cover up a fart

aries: aggressively blames it on the nearest person

taurus: awkward laughter for two minutes straight

gemini: thinks up excuse to leave, walks away before their friends smell it

cancer: screams at anyone who accuses them of doing it

leo: denies it to the grave

virgo: blushes, runs away on the verge of tears

libra: farts again just because they’re cool enough to get away with it

scorpio: acts repulsed so dramatically that no one could ever think they did it

sagittarius: turns it into a hilarious joke

capricorn: would never fart in public in the first place

aquarius: owns up to farting, still manages to make everyone feel guilty for teasing them

pisces: didn’t even notice that they farted

Dear Americans

I don’t know about your language, but here in the UK, when small children and adults around small children need to talk about farting, we use a different word. That word is trump.

So when one is farting, one trumps. When one farts, one is trumping. When the noxious odor of your recently de-gassed bowels floats around the room to the delight and disgust of your peers, you have trumped. The smell of your trump may linger for many minutes after the event.

For absolutely no reason whatsoever and apropos of nothing, I strongly feel that if your language lacks this wonderful word, you should feel free to immediately and prolificly adopt it for this purpose.