Send one to my Muse, or alternatively send 👍and my Muse will say one to you!
“What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.” “Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.” “A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, ‘Sorry we don’t serve food here.’” “Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? Because he was a little horse!” “How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!” “Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.” “I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.” “How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.” “Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.” “'Wow, you’re a fart smella…I mean smart fella!” “I had a dream that I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted!” “What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1” “Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.” “What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.” “How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.” “Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.” “I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen.” “Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.” “How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.” “Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.” “Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.” “Don’t call me later, call me Dad.” “What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant” “Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.” “What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese.” “Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.” “What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.” “I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro. It’s a total rip-off.” “The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.” “This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.” “5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.” “Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "do you know how to drive this thing?”“ "What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.” “What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.” “I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.” “To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket… You can hide but you can’t run.” “The rotation of earth really makes my day.” “I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that’s just nuts.” “What’s brown and sticky? A stick.” “I’ve never gone to a gun range before. I decided to give it a shot!” “Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.” “Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up.” “A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.” “I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.” “Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.” “I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.” “People don’t like having to bend over to get their drinks. We really need to raise the bar.”
as you may have been able to deduce, i saw my fair lady tonight and the production was very well-executed but holy shit that fucking misogynist duck fart of a script has filled me with so much rage that the anger fumes can only safely exit my body via typing or yelling
and i have yelled about it a bunch tonight to my patient and right-thinking friends but it’s nearing midnight and i live alone
all of which is to say: this blog is about to briefly become a henry higgins hateblog
a fun fact about my fair lady is that a key turning point in its genesis occurred when george bernard shaw died and the creative team felt they now had more freedom with regards to the ending, i.e. doing the opposite of what shaw clearly wanted
sorry did i say “fun” what an amusing typo i meant HELP HELP THE ANGER FUMES, THEY ARE OVERTAKING MY BRAIN
Cow of the wild. This is s story about Donald trump he was on a missions to conquer the world but he realised the world was ttoo much so he pretended to be a wolf. Donald trump the wolf. He wanted control of the cows but the cows didn like d0nakd trump because even the cows hated Donald trump.. did you know that donal0d trump means Frt in English. It does I swear to goe. Hyojin choi has a mother who ate her dog. What a shame. I don’t like stereotypes but this ones real. DoNALD TRUMP TURNED INTO A WOLF and ecveryone was like what the fuck. Rune became really hot abd even though chiibe wasn’t a furry she wanted to ffuocconk rune. Ok can but we all agree that rune is really hot. Ok I gotta pee but brb wow I don’t rememvber writning thus. Hypjin was there and she was ttelling everyone not to be racist but she is Asian and she told everyone that her mom was forced to eat her own do g once. What a crazy world ok. I want to eat a pizza but im gonna ask twitter first.. ok since no one has answered me yet im just gnna make a pizza. Hey chiibe did you know that everyone headcanons kion from the lion guard as gay? Wow what the fuck. I can imagine kion and beshte getting together or ono and beshte, imtired. Imi gonna make apizze brb. Chiibe, aka me, went to make pizza. Then beshte rom the lion guard met up with hyojin and hyojin said r=that she wouldn’t fuck a hippo so beshte was sad. But it was ok because hyojin had her friends who provided her with the tastiest bleach from all the land. Bung from the lion guard ws there, hhe fucked dona,ld f=trump in the asss who appreciated bunga’s long honey badger penins. But then out of nowhere obana appeared and fucked Donald trump. He was ok with this because he had fancied Obama for a long time. Also Donald trump wanted to make americca into a society similar to cow od the wild. But he couldn’t because two dragons showed up who said they were ther true airs to the throne so donaald trump and Obama couldn’t rule America but they ended up finding two really cooll horses tha could fly. Obama ended up having sex with one punch MAN OBAMA HAD ALWAYS WANTED TO FUCK AN EGG. Also chloe from miraculous ladybug was there. No-one liked hebecausre she was a bitch. Fuck Donald duck. I mean Donald fart.. ujhiocgbfxtrWGMKNK. Pyrocinca was there and he told everyone to kill themselves but they didn’t because it was pyrocynical. Neopets. So many people are telling me to go ion neopeyx. Bbut flightrising is better than nepooetts. Why do people block demi m the best entertainment evr. Squizzy is a memer. Flightfethers is very edgy. Fluffylovey.. wolves. Miraculous ladybug………………….