Happy really, really, really, REEEEEALLY late Birthday Alisha! @rivendell101
This was inspired by you and B’s Natsu and Gray brotpcop! AU with private investigatorLucy! …as well as that one fic of yours where drunk Lucy crashed in Natsu’s bathtub!
His wet boot soles screeched on the
polished tile, his shoulders tensing at the cacophonous noise. In his
grip, the gun shifted, aim dropping lower by inches. “Oops-”
“Quiet, flamebrain.” His partner,
Gray Fullbuster hissed at his side, his own pistol still held up and
ready. He had his jet black hair greased back, looking more like a
misplaced business man than a cop but at least he had a sharp eye and
a quick draw. Especially helpful when the power to the building was
off, save for a few flickering emergency lights on a generator.
They were both going blind into the
hornet’s nest so to speak.
“I was quiet!” Natsu hissed back,
readjusting his pistol as if his lack of attention never happened.
Gray’s lips quirked, but Natsu knew it
wasn’t from amusement. “I was talking about your yapper. Every time
you open your mouth, you’re loud…and stinky.” he added as an
afterthought, “Do you ever brush?”
What a dick.
“Do you ever hear the stupidity that
comes out of your pea brain?” Natsu retorted in a whisper, pausing
at a corner to cock his gun up. Gray followed suit on the other
corner, the two of them mirroring the other in image and breathing.
The first time they were truly silent and one unit.
They moved as one, twisting to point
their weapons down the hall in opposite directions. Their eyes
scanned and pinpointed all possible threats, index fingers poised to
“Clear.” they both muttered,
’Back up just entered the opposite
side. If our guys are still dumb enough to be here after we pulled
the power, we’ll catch ‘em.’ A voice buzzed from their earpieces,
stern and hardened from working the beat.
“10-4 Captain.” Gray murmured
into the little radio on his shoulder, unable to hear any reply since
it was muted. “We got the first floor almost clear. Proceed to the
“Ass-kisser.” Natsu teased with an
emotionless face, although the humor in his tone was hardly hidden.
“Shut it. We got this already
bagged. They can take the rest.” Gray snapped, already moving down
the right hall, careful not to let his boots squelch on the floor.
Down the left hall, a single window offered a glance outside. Rain
was still pouring down, keeping the outside light away.
Every so often, thunder rolled,
shaking the very walls of the building. It shook Natsu down to the
bones too, stirring up the thrill with every quiver.
“Steady. Two more rooms and we can
stake at the stairwell.”
Gray huffed, adjusting his grip on the
weapon. “Shouldn’t I tell you that? You are practically bouncing.”
Of course, he was also thriving with
energy, his heel twitching. Not even his partner missed it. They were
both ready for action, wherever it may happen.
unfortunately something went wrong, either the submission didn’t go through or i just straight up forgot to submit them lmao, so i thought i’d might as well share them here, that way it can gain at least some amount audience
((note: pay attention to the titles))
Donald is the Pig of Animal Farms -A series of limericks about the 45th United States President
“There isn’t much else he can do” It doesn’t seem
Trump understands, What’s needed to
sign off commands. 'Cause time and again, He must use a pen, Which he can’t,
‘cause he’s got tiny hands.
“But make room in his ass for my shoe” There once was a
man known as Trump Who brought the
whole world to a slump. He’s missing his heart, and he smells like a fart, ‘Cause his head
can be found up his rump.
“Can he even see?” He looks as if
eaten by squids, And has eye lips
instead of eyelids. He’s worse than a mare, has fraudulent hair, It’s no wonder
he scares all the kids.
“lmao my b” He seems like a
pretty good fellow And looks good
in orange or yellow. He packs quite the punch, and goes great with a lunch, No wait - I’m
describing a Cheeto.
“Making fun of his hands #2” I’d worry that
taunts precede bans, Even though we
live on separate lands. But what could you do? 'cause I can’t hear you Over the sound
of my normal-sized hands
If Tom King and Tim Seeley got into a fight with Peter J. Tomasi and Patrick Gleason, who would you help out? (let's pretend Tom King couldn't kill them all in his sleep)
Why is this happening? Who did what to whom? Did Tom and Tim get jealous that I was sucking off Pete and Pat in the back room at the local con? How about we make it more exciting by adding Gail Simone and her husband as combatants?! Although why would they be involved? I bet Tom and Tim got snarky with a cosplayer and they came to the cosplayer’s defense. And maybe the cosplayer had an animal companion and Pete and Pat were all, “Hey! Let’s kill that stupid dumb animal!” so then they joined in. Oh! And then when the fight was really getting bloody, Alan Moore and Warren Ellis descended from heaven and began jerking off all over the battle!
I think if this happened, I wouldn’t help anybody. While everybody was distracted, I would go fart on Cullen Bunn’s head.