We knew we were in trouble. Our team just lost a very important account to the company and the boss was about to sit us all down for a meeting. His business attire was gone, just jeans and a jacket. He was still firm, strong, and angry. The power in his walk made our hairs stand on end.
“Let me just say that I’m disappointed in every single one of you, you dropped the ball. These are mistakes that were SO easy to avoid if you communicated with me. We lost 33%, 33% of our company. THIRTY. THREE. PERCENT. That STINKS! You all stink!” his diatribe went on and he continued saying stink for a few more minutes.
That’s when the smell hit. The obnoxious smell, it was bad. Some of my colleagues were looking sickened. But our boss kept talking, and talking, and talking, while we kept choking, and coughing, and dry heaving. Where was that smell coming from?
“Oh, and by the way, I see you all are getting acquainted with that egg salad I had for breakfast. The beans will kick in soon. Welcome to your personal hell. He propped his ass up on the table, I couldn’t believe how far it hung over. This fart made noise. The noise, that noise was what taunted us all. We couldn’t breathe, and the anger in that fart humiliated us, even his farts were angry at us. Co workers ran to the doors only to see they were bolted shut. Some of them banged against the walls hoping that they were strong enough to bust through them.
"I dare any one of you! Any one of you to come over here and get a closer whiff! Come on! Anyone of you! It’s the only way you’re getting the key!” He was a psycho. He was bent over on the window ledge and slapping his ass. Pointing at us as he taunted our weak inability to handle his wretched gas. The smell got more intense as every time he farted the room got more dense. The boss laughed and was in near tears from the pain on our faces. That was when I took one for the team.
I walked up to him, my eyes burned, his face smirked and his eyes squinted as though he was a villain finally getting Superman to surrender. “In you go…” He grabbed my head and pushed my face into his ass. It burned. It truly burned. The warmth felt like a furnace, the smell magnified. His ass swallowed my nose and I felt stuck. I began to buck and struggle as countless streams of silent gas left his ass… he was still letting out silent ones in between the countless number of loud angry blasts… this man was truly trying to kill us…
“Ten more buddy, ten more and I’ll give the others a key… I have 56 of them on this chain, so hopefully I give them the right one the first time. If not you’ll have to smell ten more until I do get the right key to them.”
Sadistic. The other employees looked in fear of what our boss was capable of, and in awe of my strength to get us out, to offer my face as sacrifice to our powerful, flatulent boss.
“Oh, that must have been the wrong key! Sorry team! hahahah!!!!” He knew which key it was, he knew it. He was gonna make me take over 500 farts today. I fell for it, I was the sucker that fell for it.