I was thinking this weekend about how awkward it was that Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them insists that Americans call muggles “no-maj.” First off, it just doesn’t sound like an abbreviation we’d use, and it sounds even worse in plural. But I finally realized the more important point: it’s too direct. Especially for the time period, Americans would never have been that straightforward in talking about a topic that sensitive. And so I would like to submit, in the spirit of early twentieth-century slang, a list of possible euphemisms we may have used for muggles:
He washes his dishes with a cloth.
He pays in nickels and dimes.
He rides the trolley to work.
He takes his boots to the cobbler.
He’s grateful for Mr. Edison.
He’s one of Grisham’s boys. (here imagining that Grisham was a prominent wizard who famously fathered no magic children)
He dances on the ground.
He writes with a pen.
He’s fond of a two-piece suit.
He’s more King Arthur than Merlin.
He’s got to wind his pocket watch.
He gets his wax from bees.
His wife darns his socks.
He treats his ailments with tonics.
His portraits stay put.
His broom is only for sweeping.
I’m having a little too much fun with this, so if you have any to add, please send them over.
soooo what are you looking for in a guy?
kind. sweet. approximately 6'2". ginger. messy hair. wears bow ties and a blue coat. no one can ever figure out THE FUCK his eye color is. has to have solid cheek bones just saying. also jawline. freckles are a thing. wizard. Hufflepuff™. author. magizoologist. is actually Newt Scamander.
Newt: I’m gonna tell you all of my secrets. Percival: Oh, no, that’s not necessary. Newt: I once forgot to brush my teeth for five weeks. I didn’t actually sell my last car. I just forgot where I parked it. I don’t know who Grindelwald is. And at this point I’m too afraid to ask. When they say 2% milk, I don’t know what the other 98% is. When I was a baby, my head was so big scientists did experiments on me. I once threw beer at a niffler, and then it attacked my niece Rebecca. Percival: That’ll do, Newton.
(Parks and Recreation; season 6, episode 16: New Slogan)
guys i’m so disappointed… eddie redmayne is actually really problematic… i really want to cry rn because i really loved him so much.. there’s a detailed post with the tweets and stuff here ….. why do amazing celebs have to go and be messy like that :(