Fanon Homestuck characters i experienced in fics over the years because i Love being in Pain: Beta kid Edition
JOHN: blank slate?? John “Can Be Whoever U Want” Egbert. sleeps with a nic cage bodypillow…..
uses :B a lot? Hello Naughty Children Its Nonstop Mean Pranks Time i hope u like ur hair dyed pink and half shaved
JADE: infomercial voice: Ever Needed an unnecessary antagonist to ur Dave x (character/reader insert) ship but didnt want to create a whole new character? Try Jade Harley for the low low price of $stop
ROSE: summons the power of every lovecraftian monstrosity to empower her ability to be ur wing-man in the up and coming ship of the fic. at exactly 12 midnight EST on a blue moon, during the Lost 29th Day of February, she may mention the tales of a wandering cryptid by the name of Kanaya then u will unlock her quest chain to later unlock this vampire to be a new playable character and gain an achievement
DAVE: 2 ¾ cups of all purpose Personality. 1 teaspoon of irony. ½ cup of apple juice. 2 eggs. 2 cups of white sugar. 1 ¼ cups of All I Do Is DJ. Then pour into a blender and sprinkle in 4 pounds of Popular Highschool Boy Tropes, force the lid closed, turn it on and pray
Don’t get me wrong, I love JKR and love everything canon, however, Slytherin’s in the books are (rather terribly) always described as evil, ugly, stupid or all of the above with the exception of Draco Malfoy. Canonically, Millicent Bulstrode is described as ogre-like, Pansy on more than one occasion is described as a dog and she has no relevance to anything other than being a bitch. Crabbe and Goyle are described as stupid and negatively associated with being overweight (not that that is a bad thing in some situations). Marcus Flint, held back for being stupid, is a manipulative cheater with bad teeth. Blaise Zabini’s only character depth is that although he is attractive and presumably very smart, his mum is a whore so he must be evil.
People get mad when people assume Slytherin’s are bad… and that is all the fault of the author of the Harry Potter series herself, whether intentional or coincidental.
As a fandom who are still so active after so many years, we have built a beautiful fanon world where anything and anyone is up to our own personal, colourful interpretation.
Thanks to us, Pansy Parkinson may be a typical mean girl because she has insecurities about hiding her lesbian relationship or she may be a kickass feminist. Marcus Flint may have a crippling crush on Oliver Wood and he may be a muggle who was adopted by purebloods. Millicent Bulstrode is now no longer an ogre but a beautiful girl with a soft stomach and round face and contagious smile. Even Draco Malfoy has been developed by us, the readers, in such a way that we sometimes even cry at the things that he’s been through WHEN HE HASN’T EVEN CANONICALLY BEEN THROUGH THEM.
Imagine the common room full of cold, frowning, ugly people. Then imagine the common room full of these eclectic, cunning and determined characters. Imagine which common room you would rather be in.
That’s why I will always support any headcanon you throw my way, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, major character, minor character, real ship, fake ship, golden trio era, marauder era, next generation; anything, because fanon just makes things 100 times better.
Europe is literally the creation of the Third World. The wealth which smothers her is that which was stolen from the underdeveloped peoples. The ports of Holland, the docks of Bordeaux and Liverpool were specialized in the Negro slave trade, and owe their renown to millions of deported slaves. So when we hear the head of a European state declare with his hand on his heart that he must come to the aid of the poor underdeveloped peoples, we do not tremble with gratitude.
Know what ticks me off the most about the “we’re canon” and “but that’s not canon” and “your ship is not canon” nonsense? It buys into the whole proprietary ownership of storytelling that Disney exemplifies: tales as commodities controlled and dispensed by suits with their own self-serving agendas.
If you tried to tell the bards or poets or ballad-writers of centuries past that there’s such a thing as “canon” and it’s superior, they would have laughed in your face. Try telling even the famous storytellers like Shakespeare or Homer or Sappho or Ibn Tufail.
The recent preoccupation with “canon v. fanon” in the culture battles makes the Textual Poachers author’s quote more relevant than ever:
“Fan fiction is a way of the culture repairing the damage done in a system where contemporary myths are owned by corporations instead of owned by the folk.”
- Henry Jenkins, 1997
A peek at Team Avatar Alumni! (It might be hard to see, but their hair is gray and their wrinkles are more evident close-up.)
Mako - about to turn 50 years old. Chief of Police of Republic City and Deputy Director of the United Republic Secret Service (agents that protect high-profile politicians). He is about to celebrate 32 years in the police force. Mako divorced his first wife at age 31 and buried himself in his work to cope. At age 35, he was assigned to manage the security detail of the Fire Nation Representative to the Global Assembly (A UN-like organization created by Avatar Korra), and the representative just so happened to be the Fire Nation’s Princess. She made his job difficult in that she kept escaping to explore the city without bodyguards, tried to tease him, etc. Eventually, his irritation towards her turned into affection, and they fell in love and eloped. For many years he has faced occasional pressure to resign from his position due to his very political, high-profile marriage, but close ties between the Fire Nation and United Republic have made it a non-issue for the most part. He is still something of a workaholic, and his relationship with his teenage daughter (from his first marriage) is strained.
Bolin - 48 years old. Filmmaker, television director, advertising director for Future Industries, entrepreneur, self-proclaimed “super secret agent”, former police officer, former soldier in Kuvira’s Army, former mover star, former pro-bending star. Bolin married Opal when they were both in their mid-twenties, and they had four children. Half of the family are airbenders, and the other half are earthbenders, so Bolin and Opal decided to rotate their homes between Zaofu, Republic City, and the Air Temples. Opal is a teacher at the Air Temples and also does international humanitarian work, and Bolin is currently “in between projects” - meaning he hit a writer’s block in his latest film and is taking a long vacation to the dismay of his assistants and producers. His oldest daughter is an ambitious metalbender hoping to study architecture in university, his outgoing twin boys include an airbender and an earthbender, and his youngest daughter is a shy airbender.
Asami Sato - About to turn 50 years old. CEO of Future Industries, the world’s second largest technology / industry company. She has focused much more on global development and poverty reduction in the last few years, making her one of the most famous philanthropists and businesswomen in the world… still trying to decide if she and Korra adopted kids, and if so how many. Thoughts?