ok but let me tell you about this PM tho

i wasnt really paying attention at first, she found me, I’m cosplaying god tier John

she comes up to me “Hey, John!! I have a letter for you!!”

pulls out an envelope from her mailbag which is FULL of envelopes with different homestuck names on them

gives me one that says JOHN

and it says

“my darling son”

“if you are reading this it means you finally came to your senses on a way shitty movie. by realizing cage sucks you have taken your first and biggest step toward not being a total embarrassment to the egbert family name. speaking of which you might want to crack into one of my metric fucktons of shaving cream i have for some reason and bust that nigh invisible teen stache before it starts to become a problem. egbert men don’t cotton to whiskers as you know good and god damn well. i didn’t bust my fatherly ass to raise no bigfoot, im proud as shit youre my son or whatever. next stop: figuring out mcconaughey is trash. you can do it junior.”

today i was hangin out in my john egbert cosplay waiting for a bus and an andrew hussie cosplayer saw me

ran over

held up a sign that said “you want this update??”

and handed me a piece of paper that said “DEAD”

and im just