fancy-things

anonymous asked:

You're a treasure and I love your writing! Could i request Taron + Spanking and aftercare, thank youuuu <3

Originally posted by fiveguysfiction

i luv doing headcanons and drabbles for my babe omg // i got so carried away with his wtf

dump nsfw ideas here

  • look at taron’s hands. like don’t tell me those are the hands of satan like oh my god just look at them
  • okay so more or less the reason why the night would end up with you bend over his knees is because you’ve been a naughty girl
  • maybe because you both were invited with the kingsman crew for a dinner night out
  • the dinner was fancy and everything looked so amazing, the tables and the event was just marvelous
  • but of course amidst the fancy tables and other things, you couldn’t help it once both taron and you were sat alongside each other
  • you couldn’t help it —so you gently placed your soft hand against your boyfriend’s thicc thigh just under the table
  • you’d let out a giggle as you’d look over at taron who shot a glare directly at you
  • and you found it so adorable, even though you knew it was the beginning of your scheme
  • so later on your hand would roughly slide up his thigh and halt very closely to his crotch
  • “darling, not right now please”

Keep reading

tag yourself as movements in classical music
  • Medieval: often ignored, shy, secretly gay, likes to stay in the same place all the time, dreams of being a monk
  • Renaissance: loves to dance, likes fancy things (but not too fancy), nobody else could pick them out in a crowd but everyone is friendly to them
  • Baroque: very particular about everything, draws immensely detailed doodles, gets super side-tracked on pointless tangents, everyone's distracted dad friend
  • Classical: very neat bedroom, makes bad puns constantly, has a 9-5 job, everyone's helpful but slightly exasperated mom friend
  • Romantic: can never make up their mind about anything, gets shivers when they go to art museums, cries a lot (and you'll know about it), sad bisexual (TM)
  • Impressionist: super gay, loves music that isn't in their native language, cries easily, just wants to have a good time
  • Early Modernist: just like Romantic but also does drugs and is afraid of but also super interested in sex
  • Serialist: angry at everything, "you don't understand my torment", probably a communist
  • Neoclassical: wants to be just like classical but has never gone to sleep before 1AM, keeps a very neat bedroom except for a single massive pile of clothes in the closet they refuse to acknowledge, occasionally steals Renaissance's hoodies
  • Total Serialist: 500% angrier than serialist and proud of it, has never had fun, has probably killed someone
  • Academic Avant-Garde: has never done the same thing twice, trusts nobody else, has an on-again-off-again relationship with total serialism
  • Minimalism: loves technology, still wears Google Glass and the Apple Watch, meditates for fun, trying to learn Hindi (and horribly failing), often incomprehensible to everyone else but is actually super friendly
  • Polystylism: originator of the term "pastel grunge", wears immensely clashing outfits, steals everyone's looks, memes
UPDATED TRUMP DOCTOR LETTER

To Whom It May Concern:

A lot of people have expressed a desire for an update on President Donald J. Trump’s health since his inauguration. I have been the personal physician of President Donald J. Trump since 1980 and I am here to say that Mr. Trump’s health is absolutely better than ever.

Since being sworn in, Donald Trump has lost 50 pounds and gained 17 inches of height. He’s the longest president who has ever lived. His livers are both functioning flawlessly. His blood sets an all-time record for the state of New York for “most” and his blood pressure was rated “excellent” by seven different Fox News Twitter polls. He doesn’t even have one cholesterol.

I can say this unequivocally: Donald Trump has the most bones. Scientists estimate that he now has around 900 bones in his body and more are being discovered every day. Some of those bones have never been seen before. They allow him to be really good at presidential things like signing executive orders and making love nightly to his wife who wants him to.

Mr. Trump’s test results have been astonishingly excellent. He actually has a blood type we’ve never seen before: “All.” It’s both the universal donor and universal recipient, and sprinkling it on your penis makes your penis bigger. Mr. Trump’s blood is gorgeous. It has a rich color that’s hard to describe, but if I had to put it into words, I might call it “red.”

President Donald Trump has no family history of cancer, diabetes, or death. The president’s family members are immortal beings that walk the earth without end, craving the sweet release of death that will never come unless they make a deal with a cool witch. Donald Trump will never die, he will just keep growing vertically forever until he lives in space. It’s really astonishing.

His physical strength is extraordinary. He can lift as much as a mother whose child is trapped under a car, but he’s more attractive than that mother and he hasn’t let himself go like she has. Have you seen the way she dresses lately? The hypothetical mother in this simile is a total chunk. 4 at best. As the famous doctor Hippocrates once said, “Would not hit.”

Since the Inauguration, Mr. Trump has kept an extremely active lifestyle. He starts every morning by walking straight up into the sky and then walking down again. He also visits me regularly for checkups. Mr. Trump doesn’t let me touch him because of gay, so I just eyeball it and give him a once over. I can usually tell just by looking how much blood is in him that day or which liver has taken the lead, so it’s not a super intensive process.

Mr. Trump is not only the healthiest president that has ever served, but also the most handsome. I usually want to kiss President Trump when I see him, but I would never break the doctor-patient trust, so instead I kiss the portrait of him I drew on my little note pad. There have been no presidents that even come close to President Trump in terms of overall health and hotness. Franklin Pierce was pretty hot, but his body wasn’t great. James Garfield was more cute than hot. President Trump is the total package. I know this because of my stethoscope.

Just to give a little more background on me, I’ve been a doctor for years. I got into medicine the same way a lot of doctors do: I once took an unmarked pill that I found under a toilet in a public restroom, and the next thing I knew, I was blacked out doing surgery on a man on a Benihana table with the big knives they got over there. I flipped this guy’s appendix right into my hat. And that’s when I caught the bug, for surgery and for tetanus!

Now, I want to address some of the slanderous things that have been said about me. It’s just like these coastal elites to say I’m not qualified as a physician. They think you need fancy things, like a diploma from Harvard Med School or a diploma from a med school or a GED or a car or medicine or clean hands. You don’t need those to be a doctor! All you need is the right attitude and a good sense of humor and to be Jewish and a blank death certificate just in case!

This is America. We’re not “fancy” here. You’re supposed to be able to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and put a bunch of clamps in a guy and see what tubes you can clamp up without making him sleep forever. My grandfather was a blue-collar worker, and so was my father. I am a red-collar worker because my collar is always covered in spurting blood. I may not know art or science or what a “lung” is, but I do know that I love America and am a lung-doctor!

Because of my love of America and Donald Trump, it is an honor to be his physician. Donald Trump could teach us all a thing or two about health. Not only is he the healthiest human ever, but also the healthiest dog, house and Faberge Egg. I wish him luck as he continues on his endless journey.

Love,

“Doctor” Harold N. Bornstein, M.D. (Mostly Doctor)

You know something I really appreciate about Zevran? His repeated asking and checking that the warden consents to everything in their relationship. Even from the earliest stages, where he’s just admitting he finds the warden attractive:

[pictured: a quote from Dragon Age Origins from Zevran: “I fancy many things. I fancy things that are beautiful and things that are strong. I fancy things that are dangerous and exciting. Would you be offended if I said I fancied you?]

In asking if it offends, he gives the warden the opportunity to say “your flirting/advances make me uncomfortable” and willingly accepts it.

[pictured: several quotes from Dragon Age Origins from Zevran -
1. “But a beautiful woman like yourself? Why not? I am sure you draw many stares from men and even other women. Does this bother you?
2. “But you would prefer I desisted perhaps? It would be difficult […] but I am nothing if not a gentleman”
3. “But a handsome man like yourself? Why not? I am sure you are a man who draws many stares from women and other men alike. Does this bother you?”
4. “But if you would rather I desisted, I shall do so. I’ve no wish to make you uncomfortable”]

When you question him on why he stares/gazes at the warden on a frequent basis, he explains and then gives the warden the opportunity to say “yes, this makes me uncomfortable, please stop”

[pictured: a quote from Dragon Age Origins from Zevran - “A willing victim it is. And if I might ask, if the opportunity to proceed past the massage should present itself…?”]

And even when he’s obviously asking the warden to sleep with him, he still checks the warden is certain of what they’re getting into and what they want (and if the case may be they just want a massage, he accepts it).

Everyone dismisses Zevran as a casual romance, whose only in it for the sex and cares for little else, but its obvious that he has a great respect for everyone, and is willing to understand and accept boundaries, regardless of how he may feel about it and I really really appreciate that there is a character who so frequently checks on the warden’s feelings and consent.

Neko, Shiba Inu/Australian Shepherd mix (16 m/o), Spring & Greene St., New York, NY • “She destroys fancy things. Anything fancy. She’s against the economy.”

Lay my heart down with the rest at her feet
Fresh from the fields, all feeder and fertile
Bloody and raw, but I swear it is sweet  

“So what is your role?”

“Oh uh. I’m trained to be a biologist, but am currently a poison merchant.”
“Ah. You humans do not manufacture any biologically, so that makes sense. Is it for defence?”
“Uhm. Not really.”
“For… pest control?”
“Haha, nah. More for <<excrement and amusement>>”
“I think there was a translator issue there. What was that?”
I take it your species doesn’t do the recreational ethanol thing, eh?”
“What?!”
Look bys, its a big thing here. Fancy meals are expected to have a poison accompaniment. We brew poisons to try winning world poison competitions. We mix poisons to try and make them taste as much as fruit as possible, or as strong as possible. There’s Expensive Poisons that have smoked ingredients to taste both toxic AND burning. A bit of an acquired taste, that one.”
“….humans are weird.”

The types and what I think of them based on what I've seen from my friends(and probably a little insulting)

~as an INTJ

INTP
- quiet
- can make a bitch face that makes you cry
- probably thinks u stupid
- says that MBTI is shit
- fashionista
- has an ENFP friend(“ENFP no!”)
- savage
- that friend who has ultra weird ideas when drunk
- probably most adorable smile on earth
- smart
- most of the time just rising eyebrows and blinking

ENTJ
- bossy af
- prima ballerina
- she is beauty she is grace
- she will punch you in da face
- always in warm socks
- also an actress
- knows how to build things
- basically good at everything
- will shout at you if you do something wrong
- probably slept with almost all male friends

ENTP
- a n n o y i n g AF
- never shuts up
- meme queen
- so loud
- not funny jokes
- make up queen
- at least smart
- thinks she’s better than you(and maybe she is)
- if you take a sip from her mug u die
- has an ENFP slave
- kinda selfish
- another fashionista
- if she laughs the whole room laughs with her
- soooo much self confidence wow

INFP
- THAT SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE
- garbage lord
- writer buddy
- has ton of OC’s AND GAY SHIPS
- cannot into decisions
- junky food
- understands(really)
- don’t like loud people
- constant lala land
- savage without even noticing
- 4w5
- has 8 minute long video of herself eating french fries on her phone
- impressive self control
- cute laugh
- cute
- the best person to rant with

ENFP
- can’t stay in one place for a minute
- suddenly disappears in a middle of a party
- daydreaming a lot
- cheerful
- likes to drink A LOT
- too many friends
- nice for everyone ugh
- that laugh which sounds like a puppy riding a pink bicycle in a tuxedo
- can bring ENTP back to earth

ENFJ
- mom friend
- has too many friends HOW IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE
- gonna steal your friends without even noticing
- likes fancy drinks and kitschy things
- obsessed with doggos
- sudden outbursts of anger
- hypochondriac
- really anxious when driving
- doesn’t understand a concept of a personal space

ISTJ
- another bitch face
- can rise one eyebrow HOW U DO DIS?????
- doesn’t understand memes
- smart
- lack of self confidence
- secretly hates u
- wears comfy clothes but looks so good
- has a lot of savings but hardly ever uses them
- they knows better ok? don’t even try to tell them that they are wrong
- don’t particularly like pets
- perfect teeth
- so so so smart once again
- sometimes are rather calm but sometimes… don’t ask

ESTJ
- that kid who asks too many questions during your presentation
- constant bitch face
- hot
- stingy
- falls asleep during parties
- a rant person
- bossy
- hard working
- teachers like her

ESFJ
- will help you EVEN WHEN YOU HAVENT ASKED FOR HELP
- has a lot of friends
- drinks a lot
- hard-working
- daddy’s little princess/mama’s boy
- assertive
- smoking a lot
- tells everyone what to do

ISTP
- white Kanye West
- would kill u if u did something with his shoes
- likes weird electronic genres of music I can’t even name
- on 9gag all the time
- knows all memes
- League of Legends pro player
- can make funny faces
- looks like he was angry
- black humor(especially likes jokes about Jews)
- awkward silence gains a whole new meaning

ESFP
- the whitest person I know
- “what do u meat it was sexist?? it was funny!!!!”
- only wears yellow pants
- likes PE teacher probably a little too much
- can’t find a girlfriend
- will massage your feet if u don’t watch them properly
- has stupid ideas
- likes basically every person
- drinks wine at parties even though he says that true man should drink only vodka
- don’t know when someone is mean to him

ESTP
- loud
- hey lets go to the another city and get drunk!!! because why not
- class clown
- talks about her life too much like seriously
- and also about various secretions of her body
- probably gonna end up in jail
- smart and stupid at the same time
- lazy
- has problems with concentration
- talkative
- has problems with self-esteem which she covers acting out like a douche

Don’t take this personally lol
transcript of the speech i gave at Vassar’s black baccalaureate service

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, honored guests, and the Vassar class of 2017.
Just saying that aloud made me feel old. Class of 2017? Most of y'all were born after dark-skinned Aunt Viv left the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. That’s wild.

I want to first thank you for allowing me to be a part of such a special moment in your lives. I am honored, privileged, and a bit in disbelief that you asked me of all people to give this address. I try not to have feelings, and I’m going to do my best not to cry today, but no promises.

I’m here to stand in the gap between you and your parents and guardians and any other elders in your lives that you stopped listening to because you thought they were wack and out of touch. I remember being in your shoes not TOO long ago, and it is my fervent prayer that something that I say here today will help you avoid some of the mess I went through.
To be honest I’m a little nervous, but I figured there was no way could this be worse than when Betsy DeVos went down to Bethune-Cookman, so let’s get started.

As you transition to life after Vassar the changes will be both inevitable and swift, so I’d like to begin by giving you some well-intentioned advice and warning you about the continued process of becoming an adult.

Keep reading

a guide to stim toys!

trying to decide what stim toy you want? i’m here to help !!

(note: this is based off me n a few others’ experiences)

Fidgets

  • tangle toys
  • fidget cubes
  • spinners
  • bike chains
  • other moving part toys

Pros:
-easy to get your hands on
-typically not expensive
-wide variety

Cons:
-not very discreet

a popular, well-liked type of stim toy! good for keeping focused, self regulation, and they’re pretty fun to play with ! there’s quite a variety of them out there, some may not even be marketed as stim toys (ex: plastic toys from stores).

Chews

  • chew jewelry (necklaces/bracelets)
  • chew toys
  • teether rings

Pros:
-meant for chewing! you won’t break em
-no more chewing on wires/fingernails/etc
-jewelry can be designed nicely to look like regular jewelry

Cons:
-actual chew jewelry/toys are harder to get and can be pricey
-teether rings aren’t discreet

many autistic people never outgrew the instinct/need to put thing in their mouth or chew on things! and some other nd people chew for other reasons! that’s what these are for! plus, they can also help with anger management!
tip: if you don’t want people to see your chew necklace, tuck it under your shirt and chew when you’re alone/no one’s looking!

Squishies

  • stress balls
  • moni moni animals
  • stretchy rubber toys

Pros:
-fairly easy to get
-inexpensive
-stress balls are a “normal office toy” (less chance of judgement)

Cons:
-monis and rubber toys aren’t as discreet

a calming stim! very soothing, good for relieving stress and anxiety. i like to roll my moni moni animal between my hands a lot!

Weighted

  • weighted blankets
  • weighted lap pads
  • weighted stuffed animals

Pros:
-fantastic sensory input
-good for insomnia

Cons:
-harder to get
-pricey
-not discreet

i LOVE weighted stuff!!it’s a great feeling. super calming and soothing. really good for helping you sleep!!

Plushies

  • stuffed animals/plush toys

Pros:
-very easy to get
-varying prices

Cons:
-not discreet
-seen as immature and babyish (unfortunately)

plushies!! super important. super good. soft, huggable, lovable things. many people have them as comfort items!! it’s so good to hug them and pet the fur

Textures

  • bristle brushes
  • spiky toys
  • fur
  • many more

Pros:
-wide variety
-there are good textures in a lot of places!
-spike toys are slightly painful and can leave little indents, which is a good alternative to self harm!

Cons:
-spike toys are harder to get

textures!! we all know n love our textures. my favorite is fur!! sometimes i stim by petting my pets! (my hamster is especially good, she’s so soft!). textures are everywhere and everyone likes different things! but there’s also specific toys/tools that can help! like bristle brushes and spiked things!

Visual

  • stim jars
  • glitter containers
  • fish tanks
  • online videos/gifs

Pros:
-wide variety
-easy to make
-there are a lot of gifs online

Cons:
-no tactile stimulation

popular!! easily found online, and easily made irl! fun things to watch. i especially love to watch fish tanks!

Slime, Sand, and Orbeez

  • slime
  • kinetic sand
  • moon sand
  • sandbox
  • orbeez
  • jelly/gelatin

Pros:
-really fun
-unique textures

Cons:
-a stay-at-home toy
-needs to be kept in a safe dry space
-harder to get
-messy
-fancy slime is expensive

these things are the most popular in stimboards and videos, because they look so cool!! if you make your own, you can do whatever you want with it! they’re all really unique textures and feelings and super fun to play with!
tip: be careful when using borax! it’s toxic

-

i hope this helps!! feel free to add on if you have anything!

My life really took a turn for the better once I embraced casual witchcraft.

I spent so long thinking I had to do these big spells, or sachets, or build up all these fancy ingredients for one thing– and I do do those, when it’s necessary, but it isn’t the witchcraft that really brightens up my life. The magic that makes me happy is what I put into the bread I bake, the tea I brew, the words I write, the jewelry I craft. Just a little bit goes a long way. It’s much easier to feel the difference of a lot of small things than one big thing.

Embrace casual witchcraft. Don’t push yourself too hard. Just do.

4

❝ I want to be in it. I want to be in the game. I want to stay here longer. I want to stay with these guys. Give me the thrill of the court.

                                                                      I want to fight.  ❞

影山 飛雄 for the amazing @09kageyama

  🎉 The happiest happy birthday to you Pam!! 💕💕

We all love the suave and handsome man, but consider…

Ignis Scientia

  • The man who can flirt up a storm, but the moment someone flirts with him, he freezes, stutters and stammers, and then has Gladio slide in and drag him away.
  • The nerd who can do all of these fancy talented things but can’t draw a stick figure at all. They’re just ovals with eyes, that look too much like something profane.
  • A dork who failed to understand that ‘getting baked’ did not mean that Prompto and Noctis were going to try making a cake together. He was disappointed
  • A man who really gets into character when playing Clue, because he IS Mrs. Peacock, dammit! And Mrs. Peacock knows that Mustard is a lying bastard.
  • The guy who had to keep pushing his glasses up and down while squinting at menus because 'does that say 'fondue’ or 'fuck you?’
  • A man so polite he once encounter a Tonberry, asked it to put the knife away and give it directions, and the Tonberry listened and walked with Ignis to where he was supposed to go.

Because everyone has a dorky side, right?