fancy frosting

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Go follow her awesome account! Very soothing!

dupes/alternatives masterpost ✨

Hey loves, this masterpost was partially requested and I’m so excited.  I recommend to do your research before buying the dupe, some of the dupes are better than others. Some brands are repeated. Here is a dupe masterpost for MAC lipsticks. Here is a dupe masterpost for liquid lipsticks. Here is a spreadsheet of Coastal Scents eyeshadows to MAC eyeshadow dupes. Most of these dupes I found online so I do not take credit for any of those but some I researched myself. This is under read more because this list is very long. :) If you have any more dupes or questions, feel free to send them in.

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screams into the abyss 

i need domesticated cooking at three in the morning because neither party can sleep. 

lazy afternoons on the couch; cuddled up together while one watches some tv show that they’ve become recently obsessed with and the other reading a book on something they enjoy, every so often looking over the rim of their glasses to see how the show has progressed and look up out of the corner of their eye to their partner with a fond loving smile.

early morning baking sessions. cupcakes, or sophisticated cakes. learning how to make fancy frosting, throwing flour at each other. one cracking an egg on their partners shoulder, which becomes an all out food war, but they manage to salvage enough to make a few of the original cakes.

late night love making. not sex, not fucking. just pure love between two people. sharing soft whispers and kind words, warm gazes. nothing crude about it but just pure love.

six in the morning walks in the snow because “wow new york looks beautiful right now” with the snow on the ground and covering essentially everything and the sun just poking through the white clouds to throw a few beams of magnificent colour through the skies.

i need domesticated coupley!things with no angst in sight.

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The Joker x Reader - “Auntie D”

All villains get paired up by the Dark Shadows World - “Match Made in Hell (MMIH)” Division. It’s always such a challenge to find a suitable match for The Joker. Good thing you’re still around.

“What about her?” one of the entities points out and the others attending the meeting are fast to disagree.

“No way, he’ll kill her in a week!”

“She’s not strong enough to keep up with him!” another one vociferates.

“He’ll eat her for breakfast and burry the leftovers,” the leader concludes and the contendent is dismissed.

“Oh, what about that one?” someone points out towards the woman and nobody’s happy with the new choice.

“Are you kidding me?! She’s such a wimp; no way she can handle The Clown Prince of Crime!”

“Wouldn’t last two days,” another committee member complains.

“Bad choice!” more and more object.

“I’m so sick of this, we have the hardest time finding him a girlfriend,” the youngest entity sighs and suddenly you are seen on the board.

“What about Y/N?”

“Didn’t we try before and it didn’t work?” one recalls, intrigued.

“Yeah, but it’s been a while. I always thought they should have stayed together, they can handle each other. How did they break up?”

“Something about him being selfish and her not paying attention to him,” the boss remembers.

“That’s it?! We can fix this, I see she has no match yet either. We’re running out of options so I think we should make it happen again and go with the flow. No better choice. Y/N is in the same building with The Joker as we speak and we’ll have to force things a bit but it could work. All in favor, raise your hands. Oh, right, we don’t have any.”

Just a bunch of shapeless Dark Shadows.

“Yes, yes, might as well, it’s frustrating to keep on meeting about this problem.”

“Agree, I’m sick of it myself. Let’s do it!” the youngest entity impatiently speaks.

“They are so close to one another, we need to act NOW.”

“Proceed,” the leader gives its blessing and…

*********************

You and The Joker almost - kind of- sort of –nearly…well … definitely had a thing going about a year ago. You are actually thinking about that at the present moment as you crawl through the vents of “Diamond Emporium” store so you can get to the goodies.

Mister J is there on a heist with his men and you have no clue about each other’s presence…yet.

MMIH Division is taking care of it.

You suddenly hear the cracking sounds under you and before you can move another inch the ceiling gives out and you land right in front of your ex, almost killing Panda in the process.

“I’ll be damned, Frost, a fallen angel ! Is it Christmas already?” J grins, instantly recognizing you. “What are you doing here, Doll?”

You gather yourself from the floor, dusting debris off your clothes, grateful you didn’t break anything.

“Same thing as you, J: making sure the air ducts are clean.”

“Ha!” he snorts, signaling his guys to spread around so they can collect as many items as possible.

“Sir, the seif is over there,” Frost announces and you turn around to look.

“Want me to open it for you?” you offer, this way you can get a few things as payment instead of The Joker getting everything. You know how he operates: too bad he had the same wretched idea of robbing the place in the same time with you.

J debates and decides after a few seconds:

“Are you as fast as you used to be?”

“Faster,” you smile, fixing your hair.

“OK then, go for it,” your former boyfriend pouts, watching you head over the seif. A very sparkly necklace gets your attention so you break the small glass case and get it out, tossing it to the ground after analyzing it.

“Too shiny,” you answer J’s soundless question when he looks your way with an intrigued expression on his face.

“Too shiny?!” he repeats. “Since when a woman complains about diamonds being too shiny?! Never heard of it before,” he grinds his teeth, puzzled.

You just lift your shoulders up, you don’t need to explain your taste in sparkly stones – he should know that by now.

Jonny is waiting by the seif and you just have to say it:

“My, my, Frost, you always look so sharp in your perfect tailored suits. I love men that dress fancy for every occasion.”

Frost straightens his back, pleased at your compliment:

“Thank you, Y/N.”

“Oh, please, don’t let me interrupt your flirting,” The Joker shouts. “Can we finish this faster? We need to move out !”

Ahhhh, he’s getting annoyed, one of his “qualities” you like so much.

You start your work and J is messing around with his cane. He doesn’t want to bring it up but when does he ever know how to control himself?

“What’s wrong with my outfit, hmm?”

“Huh?” you stop what you’re doing so you can hear him.

“What’s wrong with my outfit? Since …ummm…apparently you like guys in suits. I wasn’t aware.”

You stare at his attire: no shirt -  just the purple coat, Batsy shorts and boots. About 4 heavy gold chains around his neck, a handful of bracelets on his wrists and a bunch of rings on his fingers.

“Nothing, it looks…good,” you smirk, getting back to your stuff and…done.
“My God, you are faster!” The Joker exclaims, forgetting he was irritated about your earlier statement.

“I just want a few things; you know me: I’m not greedy.”

“Go ahead,” he agrees as you open the seif.

“I want this one…and this one…” you pick what strikes your fancy, excited at the excellent quality.

“What is this?” he frowns, pulling out a chocolate bar from a small drawer inside the seif.

“Weird, why would you keep chocolate with diamonds?” you inquire, surprised.

“Maybe one of those sentimental souvenirs for someone working here?” J tries to guess, disgusted at the thought.

“How dumb, you think so?”

“Maybe,” he glares at the bar, scoffing.

“Is it expired?” you bite your cheek, in mood for sweets.

“Nope, still good.”

“Can I have it?” you reach your hand and he gives it to you.

“Suit yourself, Doll.”

“I think that’s all I want. I’m done,” and you rip the plastic foil, beginning to munch on the chocolate.

The Joker’s henchmen stashed a lot of diamonds in bags and you linger around for a bit.

“I heard you have a kid,” J sniffles, puckering his lips.

“Yes, I’m taking care of my niece. My sister died last year, shortly after we…e-hem…went our separate ways,” you bring him up to date since he’s gazing at you with those hypnotizing blue eyes, expecting a briefing.

“She died?” he replies, not really giving a crap and you are aware of it.

“Car accident,” you mumble and your eyes get teary, saddened at the memory.

“That sucks.”

That’s the best he can say for “I’m Sorry” in Joker language. Thank goodness you speak that language.

“It does…” you whimper, trying to keep it together.

“We finished, sir!” Frost announces and you are glad for the interruption.

“I’m going then,” you back out, holding tight to your backpack.

“I might need you again, Y/N. Your skills have improved even more. I have a heist in 2 days, 3 seifs inside Gotham Bank. Interested?”

“Yes, of course,” you mumble, wanting to hurry up and run before the cops show up.

“Want me to pick you up?” J offers.

“Sure, I’ll text you the address.”

“You don’t have my new phone number,” he yells before you disappear behind the stairs.

“I’m an excellent hacker, I’ll figure it out!” you scream back before sneaking through the gap in the wall J’s henchmen opened for themselves to get in.

***********************

You managed to get J’s phone number and text him your address ; it was a piece of cake. Yummm, cake…you love sweets. Anyway…

He came to pick you up for the robbery, wearing… a suit. Dark green. Looks ravishing on him, not that you pay attention to such details.

You are going to take a shower and get ready. In the meantime, he’s left alone in the living room with Mikah, your niece.

She’s 7, going on 40.

MMIH Division’s strongest ally and she’s not even aware.

“I know who you are, I saw you on TV,” the girl inspects J, curious to hear him speak.

“Did you now?”

“Yes, plus Auntie D has pictures of you on her cell.”
“You don’t say!” J grins, suddenly more interested in the conversation.

“Are you a bad man, mister?” Mikah wants to know right from the source.

“Yeah,” the short answer confirms it.

“Can I sit in your lap?”

“NO!” J growls, hoping you’re coming back soon.

“My aunt says she has the biggest crush on you,” the kid reports, not understanding why.

“Does she now?”

“U-hum, she talks about you quite a lot.” The little girl tightens her pony tails. “Hey, mister, are you single?”

“Supposedly,” he rolls his eyes, wishing she would shut up.

“Auntie D too. You should take her on a date.”

This feels like an interrogation: The Joker is the one that likes to ask questions, not the other way around.

Mikah just ignores his earlier reply and places herself in his lap. J doesn’t know how to react. She touches his face and he tils his head backwards because surely doesn’t like to be touched by strangers.

“Are you shy?” she bounces her legs, giggling.

“No, kid, I’m not.”

“Why do you have tattoos on your face?”

“Because I wanted them there, that’s why.”

“Auntie D says you are very handsome. I guess you are…in a strange way. Why do you look different? Auntie says we shouldn’t judge people for being different.”

Why can’t she quit talking?! J thinks. Is there a turn off button somewhere?

“Do you dye your hair?” she caresses the green locks, smitten with the wild color.

“No, it grows like this.”

“I think that’s cool. What happened to your teeth? Why are they silver?”

“Do you ever shut up?!” your ex snaps, fed up with the questionnaire.

“No, only when I sleep, ” your niece innocently blurs out. Mikah notices the numerous tattoos under the almost unbutton shirt. “Untie D loves guys with tattoos. She told me once you are a stud and then she covered my ears, but I heard it. I asked what it means because you don’t look like a horse in pictures. Auntie said to forget about it, it’s not for children.”

J snorts, finally amused.

“Did Y/N say that?”

“U-hum,” she nods. “Why do you have a cane? It doesn’t look like you’re limping.”

“So I can spank people that don’t behave,” J winks, entertained.

“Are you gonna spank Auntie D with it?!”
“Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!” he laughs. “Maybe, if she doesn’t behave.”

Interesting kid, he never had a dialogue with one before.

“Do you have children mister?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

The Joker lifts his shoulders up, not replying. Mikah continues her tirade:

“Auntie D says you’re the Daddy type. So how come you don’t have any kids yet?”

J is getting quite immersed in this crazy spiral consisting of the little girl spitting out things he shouldn’t know about.

“You should have a baby with Auntie D, I would loveeee a sibling,” she continues yammering and J wants to cover her mouth.

He finally has to seek for an answer to the burning question:

“Why do you call her Auntie D? Her name doesn’t start with a D.”

Mikah places her index finger on her lips, getting secretive.

“It’s girl stuff, I can’t tell you if you’re not part of the girl club.”

“I can be,” The Joker grins, hoping to trick Mikah into telling him.

“You’re a boy, can’t be part of our club.”

“Ohhh, that’s too bad, little Doll. But if you tell me, I’ll take your aunt on a date.”

She gasps.

“Oh my God, for reals?!”
“A-ha,” The Clown Prince of Crime is fast to utter.

“You promise?”

“Yeah.”

She gets close to his ear, whispering:
“My auntie’s bra size is a D-cup, that’s why I call her Auntie D.”

The Joker doesn’t remember hearing anything funnier than this for the past few months. He snickers, closing his eyes and Mikah giggles, happy the bad man is laughing at something she said.

“I’m ready,” you finally step in the living room, gathering your wet hair in a messy bun. You are intrigued seeing your little niece in J’s lap, both laughing, accomplices on a secret for sure; you can tell.

Before you can express your curiosity regarding the scene unfolding in front of your eyes, J gets up, leaving the kid on the chair he sat and cracks his neck, approaching.

“Change of plans, Princess, we’re going on a date. Go put something nice on.”

“We’re going on a what?!” you crinkle your nose, watching Mikah’s mouth opening in amazement - she seems delighted.

“Hurry up, I don’t have all night,” he pushes you back towards the bedroom.

“I don’t want to go on a date with you,” you protest, displeased and baffled.

“Shut up, woman, don’t talk back to me! Be grateful you have the honor of having a date with The King of Gotham,” he snarls, shoving you in the bedroom and closing the door behind him. “And hurry up…Auntie D!!!!” and you hear him laugh as he distances himself from the door.

What the hell is going on? You debate, perplexed about tonight’s twist, digging in your closet for a dress. But you have to admit you don’t really hate the present situation. After all, you still have the biggest crush on your ex, too bad he doesn’t know.

********************

Match Made in Hell Division is absolutely, utterly and indisputably more than happy to close two difficult cases in the same time: The Joker and Y/N aka Auntie D.

You took enough of their precious time, even if they have an eternity to their disposal.

Plus, J is the first male villain to be part of a girls’ club, another legendary skill he will forever be praised for in The Shadow World.

It all started with a bra size.

Also read- MASTERLIST

http://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/153664676321/joker-x-reader-masterlist

Midwife - John Shelby

Request: hello, can i please request a John imagine where you are a midwife and you deliver adas baby, and he just watches you in amazement cause of how controlled you are and stuff and he asks you about midwifery and stuff but he doesn’t really have a clue what he’s going on about, he just wants to talk to you. Thank you x

Midwife - John Shelby

“How long have you been a midwife?” John had been following you since you’d arrived at the Shelby household to care for Ada.  

Finn had come to get you early this morning to tell you that Ada was having the baby. He had been wildly excited about a nephew for the first two hours but now hour ten was approaching and he had fallen asleep in the kitchen. John however, seemed to have more stamina, and much less responsibility, because he kept following you around the house and asking you questions. At first you didn’t mind, whenever you needed a blanket or water or a rag he was eager to volunteer his services. You weren’t naïve to his intentions, which were far from being a helpful older brother in his sister’s time of need.  

“I’ve been a midwife for about nine years now. My mum is a midwife as well, and my nan was before that.” You explained. It was probably a great deal longer than nine years because your mother had been carting you around to watch ladies give birth since you were able to understand basic commands and assist her.  

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Rose (Joker x reader) 10

Pairing: Joker x reader

Storyline:  You are a young student, respected and admired by your family members. One night, you attend your father’s banquet for his business, when the gangster king himself catches you snooping around in places where you don’t belong.

Warning; lust and violence 

Chapter 10

You were both panting as you heard a knock on the bedroom door. “Frosty! Do come in!’’ Mister J shouted and put a shirt on as he turned his head back to you. ‘’Get dressed, breakfast is in the kitchen.’’ Then he pulled out his gun and grinned. ‘’We’re going out.’’

 

You giggled loudly and rolled out of bed, skipping around his room, looking for something nice to wear. Mister J strolled down the hall with his gun in his hand, his eyes shut in contentment. A smug smirk appeared on his face as he imagined what it would be like to fuck you when you were such a submissive and obedient little girl.

Meanwhile, you had found some piece of clothing that fit you perfectly and hurried down the hall, after Mister J who had just disappeared around a corner. The sound of your heels clicking was the only audible sound for miles. When you had made it halfway down the hall, you slowed down and tilted your head, like a curious bird.

In front of you and around you were the most luscious paintings you had ever seen. Colors were swirling on portraits and a light smile spread across your face. The echo of a familiar maniacal laugh shook you out of your state of mind and you bit your lower lip, and walked into the kitchen where J and Frosty sat and laughed.

You couldn’t help but laugh at those to idiots. The sound of your soft laughter made both of their heads turn in your direction. Frost’s face turned to its usual stone cold i-have-no-feelings expression as he weakly attempted to throw a smile in your direction.

Mister J on the other hand grinned widely, all of his silver teeth glaring your way. He opened his arms and licked the side of his mouth. ‘’Y/N! Baby’’ he exclaimed as he started walking towards you. Then his eyes drifted from those eyes that had him captivated since the first time he looked into them and down to your body. His jaw clenched and he let his mouth fall slightly open as his eyes drifted back up to meet yours. ‘’My, my… you look to die for’’ he purred as he closed the space between you and nuzzled his nose into yours.

‘’Now, let’s get you something to eat’’ he clapped his hands loudly, making you jump and squeal. You raised your eyebrows and nodded your head vigorously. Frost looked at you and seemed to force himself to lighten up and relax more as he had come to realize that you were gonna be staying a while. Also, he had never seen the boss so infatuated with a girl before.

For as long as he had been working for The Joker, he had never seen him show any interests for relationships. All he cared about was gasoline, gunpowder and squealers. Of course, there was the occasional stripper he would bring home for a quick fuck and drop but it never meant anything. It was his way of releasing some steam. But this, this was something completely other than it. At times, it even seemed like he treated her with respect.

You sat down next to Frosty and devoured the bowl of sugar cereal in front of you as he awkwardly started to ask you questions like; what do you do in your spare time? Etc. You couldn’t contain the little giggle that played on your lips and you gently rested your hand on his muscular upper arm. ‘’Frooosty.. let’s not be so formal. Come on, talk to me! And not about school or my plans for the future or my home situation, I mean really talk to me.  

Frosty’s expression displayed the level of stress playing on his face. His eyes glanced down at your hand and then frantically around the room, as if he was scared that Mister J would suddenly walk in and see his little baby girl touching someone else than her daddy.  

Eventually, he seemed to loosen up and very slowly began opening up to you. It turned out; you actually had a lot of things in common. About twenty minutes later, Mister J came strolling in with his cane and raised his eyebrows skeptically as his eyes landed on you and Frost clutching your chests while laughing loudly.

‘’Well, well, well, someone is having a lot of fun without me’’ he purred and massaged the back of Frost’s ears as he laughed his famous laugh and looked over at you. ‘’Now, my little killer… we’re gonna have some fun’’ he purred and stroked your cheek with his cane. You blushed weakly and started playing with your silver spoon.

‘’Frost!’’ he shouted, making Frosty jump slightly in his chair. ‘’Boss.’’ ‘’Bring the car around. We’re going for a drive’’ he grinned and grabbed you by the arm. You slightly winced at his rough touched but quickly halted after him. Perhaps afraid that you would try to escape, his grip on your arm never loosened until he had gotten you into his car.

Mistah J hit the gas and raced down the silent streets with you by his side. You couldn’t remember the last time you had been outside and your eyes were wide and excited, taking in every bit of nature, every building and every person they could capture before they disappeared. ‘’Daddy?’’ you spoke softly and looked over at Mistah J, who’s eyes were on the road ahead. When he heard you use his favorite pet-name for him without him asking you to, he growled and rolled his head in your direction with a smug grin playing on his devious face.

‘’Mm- such a good little girl’’ he purred and stroked your knee with his ringed fingers. ‘’What is it baby?’’ You swallowed and clicked your tongue quietly. ‘’Uhm.. where exactly are we going? And-uh what are you gonna do?’’ you asked carefully, afraid to seem disrespectful. The Joker was a ticking time bomb. You never knew what could trigger his darkest side to rise.

Mistah J looked back at the road and smirked. ‘’Well that’s a surprise kitten! And if I told it to ya it would be completely ruined, and we wouldn’t want that now would we?’’ he said in a baby voice. You giggled and pushed a strand of hair behind your ear. When the ring on one of his fingers grazed a sensitive part of your kneecap, you jumped slightly and squealed. ‘’Mister  J, that tickles’’ you giggled as you put your hand over his.

Surprisingly, Mistah J grabbed your hand and held it for a minute, instead of letting his own creep up your inner thigh. ‘’God, you’re so cute!’’ he laughed and pulled over. ‘’Since you’ve been such a good girl to me, daddy’s gonna take you shopping, how’s that?’’ he grinned

Little sparks of electricity bolted in your chest as you grinned and clapped your hands. ‘’Really!? Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you you singsonged and kissed his lips excitedly. Just when you were about to pull away from the peck you had placed on his lips, he growled and grabbed your face, pulling you back into a rough kiss. His tongue grazed your bottom lip as he moaned into your mouth.

Roughly, he pulled away with widened eyes as he looked at you. ‘’If you continue being such a cutie patootie, we’re not gonna make out of this car’’ he laughed and stroked your hair. Joker got out of the car and walked around to open the door for you. Gee, who would think he was such a gentleman? He placed a protective grip around your waist as he walked into a jewelry store. Apparently, he knew the owners because when the man behind the counter laid eyes on the two of you, his eyes immediately filled with fright and a nervous smile erupted from his shaking lips.

‘’Mister Joker!’’ he exclaimed and opened his arms welcomingly. ‘’What can I do for you today?’’ Mister J chuckled at the obvious fear laced in the voice of the middle-aged man. ‘’You see this little beauty here?’’ he looked down at you and you blushed, looking down at the floor. The man swallowed hard, feeling uneasy as to how to reply. He didn’t want to offend the Joker by not complimenting her beauty which she so gravely possessed. On the other hand, complimenting what belonged to him might strike a chord within him and result in himself ending up with a golden bullet between his thick eyebrows.

A warm line of sweat ran down the man’s forehead as he cleared his throat. ‘’Uhm- y-yes mister joker, absolutely’’ he gently smiled whilst chewing nervously on the insides of his cheeks. Mister J seemed fairly pleased with you shivering man’s answer and let his stern exterior fall into a smile as he stroked your back.

‘’I need something pretty and shiny around her neck to match those beautiful little orbs she has.’’ You looked up at the man with pouty lips and batting eyelashes. ‘’Of c-course Mister Joker, I know just the thing’’

The man wobbly walked over to one of his glass desks and pulled out a beautiful black box. You couldn’t help yourself but to lean over and sneak a peek but Mistah J was quick to pull you back and playfully scold you. The man clumsily wrapped the box in another box, which was laced with gold and sparkled. He made his way over to an old computer and typed some information in before he nervously handed Mister J the box and offered him a pathetic and forced smile.

‘’Always a pleasure doing business with you Mister Figs’’ Mister J grinned satisfactory as he grabbed the golden box and turned on his heel, walking back out to the car with you still tight in his grip. ‘’Now, I’m gonna take you somewhere really special’’ he murmured as he placed little kisses on your cheek. You smiled widely up at your daddy and got in the car. ‘’Lemme guess, it’s a secret’’ you whispered and put your index finger over your pink lips and made a hush sound. Mister J snickered licked his lips. ‘’That’s right kitten’’

A couple of minutes later, you pulled up outside of what looked like a really fancy club. Frost suddenly emerged from the main door and opened the car door for you. You felt a little jolt of happiness spread across your body and you wrapped your arms around his neck in a friendly hug. ‘’FROSTY!’’  ‘’Ah-ah-ah’’ a low voice came from behind you.

Mistah J was shaking his finger at you playfully but had a not-so playful look on his face. You looked down innocently and gently pulled away from Frosty. He simply nodded at his boss and made his way inside you. You followed him but stopped dead in your tracks and a rough grip on your shoulder pulled you back and up against the brick wall.

‘’M-mistah J?’’ you stuttered as you looked into his mad eyes. Mistah J squeezed your shoulders harder making you wince in pain as he inched closer to you. ‘’Let’s make one thing clear, dollface. You never touch anyone else but your daddy unless daddy tells you to. You belong to me. Only me. Now, if you keep acting like such a bad little girl, daddy has to take you upstairs to his private room and spank your ass raw’’ he growled, his lips grazing yours occasionally.

You swallowed hard and nodded your head. ‘’Y-yes daddy, of course’’ you muttered and smiled at him. Mistah J released the grip he had on your shoulders and let his hands drift down to your ass as he pulled you into a heated and wet kiss. ‘’That’s my girl’’ he growled and groped your ass, making your pussy tingly slightly. You moaned sweetly into his mouth and he pulled away from your lips slowly, as if it was agonizing for him to force himself from pulling your little skirt down to your ankles.

‘’You wanna try on the gift Mistah J bought you?’’ he spoke in your ear as he played with your hair. You smiled and inhaled his toxic cologne. ‘’Yes, please’’ you giggled and waited, your back glued to the wall as he walked back to the car and pulled out the little golden box. Your eyes were wild and darting back and forth between his eyes and your little present.

‘’Open it.’’ You slowly leaned forward, opened the box, and then proceeded to open the little black box that was inside of it. Once you opened it, your eyes widened and you gasped at the sight before you. It was the most beautiful golden necklace you had ever seen. Every detail was laced with gold and diamonds and in the middle was a blue diamond that sparkled so beautifully that it almost blinded you. You couldn’t keep your eyes off it and felt tears forming in your own blue orbs.

‘’Mistah J, it’s so beautiful’’ you spoke breathlessly and looked at him who had his eyes glued to you in anticipation. ‘’Thank you, thank you, thank you!’’ you squealed and wrapped your arms around his neck. He purred into your ear kissed the back of your ear. Then he grabbed the necklace and slid behind you. You grabbed the locks of your hair and held it up, allowing him to wrap the necklace around your neck. When he was finished, he placed a gentle kiss on the skin of your bare neck. ‘’They’re waiting.’’ You looked up with furrowed brows but didn’t question him as he pulled you inside. When the doors opened, a heavy bass danced inside of your ears and you felt shivers run down your spine. Again, your eyes widened along with your mouth as you took in the sight before you.

Strippers were dancing on golden poles with masks on, furniture was either purple or gold, and every single person in the club looked like they belonged in a movie. Mistah j placed his hand on your waist as you kept walking down the stairs. ‘’See all those people looking at you?’’ he murmured in your ear as his eyes searched the room. ‘’They’re probably looking because I’m with you.’’Mistah J playfully squeezed your waist and chuckled in your ear. ‘’Noooo, they’re looking at you because you are drop dead fucking gorgeous.’’ You blushed yet again and looked in his eyes. ‘’You think?’’ Your voice was soft.

Mistah J breathed heavily and furrowed his brows. ‘’Oooh yeah, you’re the most beautiful little creature I have every laid eyes on.’’ The blush in your cheeks had now grown a dark red as your breath increased. ‘’You’re handsome too daddy’’ you said and placed the palm of your hand the naked skin of his chest where his shirt was unbuttoned. The Joker could feel his heart skip a beat at the little girl’s compliment. She had never told him that before, and despite being a cold-hearted killer, he always appreciated, like any man, a compliment from a beautiful young lady.

However, when his eyes drifted back up to the crowd, something must have caught his eye because his demeanor changed in a matter of seconds and he stiffened. Sensing his reaction, you looked out to see what he was looking at. Without speaking a word, Mistah j pulled you with him, over to a group of his henchmen and some men you had never seen before. ‘’Take care of her’’ he whispered into the ear of one of his henchmen. Then he walked forward into the mass of men in suits and greeted them all with a grin. The puddle of men chuckled and disappeared into a dark room. You looked curiously at the henchman who was sternly looked at you with his blank expression, uncertain how to treat you.

‘’I wanna dance!’’ you exclaimed and tugged on his suit. ‘’I do not think that’s such a good idea miss.’’ His voice was monotone and boring. You pouted your lips and scolded him. Sighing dramatically, you surrendered and looked into his dark eyes. ‘’Fine, what are we gonna do then?’’ you asked and clicked your heels on the marble floor.

The henchman looked annoyed as he looked around the room, trying to come up with an answer. ‘’Why don’t you just look around, sweetheart. I’ll keep an eye on you’’ he spat and looked back up at the dancing crowds. You scolded him and turned dramatically on your heel as you disappeared into the crowded mass of sweaty people.

If he was going to be such a fucking asshole, you might as well make him work for it. ‘’I’ll keep an eye on you’’ Yeah, we’ll see about that… You ducked behind a few people and began dancing. Quickly you had disappeared between the sticky bodies and were swinging your hips with the beat. The henchman, which had by this point lost sight of you, sighed loudly and rushed to the crowd to find you before the boss put his head on a stick.

You kept your eyes fixated on him, making sure he didn’t find you. You couldn’t help but laugh as you saw his frustrated eyes dart back and forth through the crows, frantically searching for his boss’s pet. Little drops of sweat were beginning to form on your forehead and you noticed how hot it was. When your eyes drifted back up, they met with dark and angry ones and you saw the henchman start to push his way through enthusiastic and horny dancers.

You squealed slightly and sneaked behind a few people and that’s when you saw a back exit. An escape route and fresh air. Without thinking of the consequences, you slipped out through the door. You caught your breath and sighed at the delicious and cold Gotham air hitting your sweaty body. You placed your tanned fingers on your necklace and gently caressed it, smiling to yourself. ‘’Now, now, that’s a pretty necklace ya got there!’’ a rough voice spoke in front of you. Terrified, you turned on your heels to run back to the door you came out from but stopped dead in your tracks when another man was standing with a gun aimed towards you, blocking the door.

You gasped loudly and turned around to face the first man again. ‘’I –don’t have any money’’ you stuttered and choked back tears. The disgusting pig placed his dirty hands on your shoulders and you instinctively pulled away in repulsion. ‘’Why don’t you look like a million bucks’’ he chuckled and looked you up and down. You gulped and looked away. ‘’What do you think Fred?’’ he shouted towards his leather jacket friend. ‘’Fred? Really?’’ you chuckled, suddenly feeling a surprisingly large amount of confidence erupt inside you.

‘’Shut your filthy mouth slut!’’ Fred shouted and detached his back from the steal door and started walking towards you. A very strange feeling started spreading throughout your body and every strain of fear was instantly washed away. You felt a certain, familiar presence in your loins and sighed, smiling. The two men looked dumbfounded at you as you began laughing hysterically. ‘’What the hell is the matter with you?’’ the one without a name shouted, frustrated. You just kept cackling as the steel door was kicked open behind you, revealing a very very angry Mistah J. ‘’You’re so screwed. ‘’

Yesterday’s Survive or Die Alert proved what teamwork can do, regardless of player rank. Despite the rest of my squad being relatively new players, we survived the 20 waves of Infested Defense with bullets, ice, blades, lightning, and stealthy reviving! And had a great time to boot!

I drew this comic to honor that moment, and to remind the player base that Warframe rewards Cooperation.

The Story:

I joined a public squad during the Alert first as Saryn Aran and met the Excalibur and a Frost Prime (the host). Shortly afterward, the Frost Prime disconnected, leaving just me and the Excalibur to defend the pod. A wave or so later, a Mag and a Volt (rank 9, oh dear!) join in. Though they were running with mostly starter equipment, they put in a good effort. However, the copious amounts of Toxin damage became too much, Saryn Aran ran out of revives, and the mission was a failure.

Eager to try again, I switched to Calamity Jane (Shooting Gallery to stun, Peacemaker to clear the area), the Mag player switched to Loki, and the Volt player switched to Mag (perhaps it was his/her only rank 30 ‘frame). The squad made it through 10 waves this time around, but again the Toxin damage took its toll and the Infested mobbed the pod while everyone was downed.

It would’ve been easy to just quit then, but this squad of new-ish players was so determined to succeed that it felt unkind to give up on them. This time, against the general consensus for Infested defense missions, I ran with Commander Snowball. Slowing down the Infested seemed like a good idea, since it made them easier to hit and harder for them to hit us.

Ice proved its usefulness by slowing the mobs down to get chopped up. Excalibur tore through swarms, Mag gunned them down, and Loki stealthily revived fallen players. The pod went untouched for about 15 waves…then the Parasitic Eximus came in full force.

Somehow I managed to scrape together enough energy between waves to keep up the Ice Waves and Avalanches and occasionally re-raise the Snow Globe. The Excalibur ran out of revives during the last few waves (none of them had encountered enemies over L30 before so it wasn’t pretty), but Loki and Mag managed to hold on. It was somewhere during the last two waves that I got swarmed and fell, but somehow Loki had enough energy to turn invisible and revive me before it got to looking like the second run all over again. That revive saved the mission, as it meant I came back with enough energy to Avalanche the Infested surrounding the pod and cast Snow Globe to shove out the ones that didn’t get frozen. Victory was ours!

I was pleasantly surprised that I did not end up carrying the team with fancy equipment. Yes, Frost, Amprex, Marelok, and Galatine were important, but it was Loki’s sneaky revives and Excalibur and Mag’s efforts that made the run successful.

It’s not always about the metagame. Great teamwork can be effective regardless of mastery rankings.


And yes, I stood on the Cryopod often while being an ice/lightning wizard. As a side note, good old Cheesecutter was my arsenal’s MVP. =D

Ducked!

Ok so this belongs to my old science teacher, not me. She had an older brother who would beat her up on a regular basis, and he’d get in trouble but he wouldn’t stop, and so one day she ran. He chased her. She let herself be cornered in front of the front door, which was one of those fancy frosted glass ones. He tried to punch her. She ducked. He punched through the fancy frosted glass door. He broke his hand, had to pay for the door, and was grounded for a month. She went off free.

Petty Revenge: Internet`s best petty revenge stories are here. | submit

Homemade Frosted Cinnamon Rolls, "Taste Just Like Cinnabon!"

I promised you the cinnamon roll recipe, and here it is! Actually, it’s been on my blog this entire time. Remember Cindy’s Tea Ring recipe? Well this is it with a couple changes! 

When I was making Cindy’s Tea Ring with her over Halloween, I couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like as cinnamon rolls. I mean, they taste almost identical to Cinnabon’s cinnamon rolls. Everyone on Christmas morning agreed. 

Ingredients Tea Ring *2 Cups Warm Water, *2 Packages Active Dry Yeast, *1 Tbsp Salt, *½ Cup Sugar, *1/3 Cup Melted Shortening (I used butter), *6 Cups Flour, *2 Large Eggs, *1 Cup Brown Sugar (or more for preference) *½ Stick Butter (salted or unsalted), *Cinnamon. 

Ingredients for Icing *1 Stick Butter, *3 - 5 Cups Powdered Sugar (or more for consistency)  *4-6 Tbsps. Milk. *1 Tsp Vanilla. 

For Dough tutorial, click here! (Step by Step Instructions)

Preparing the Dough:

1. Mix together yeast and warm water. 
2. Once the yeast is dissolved, pour in the sugar and combine.
3. Pour in 1/3 cup of melted butter (Or shortening) and only 3 cups of the flour. Mix together. 
4. In a separate bowl, whisk the eggs together, and then add them to the mixing bowl and combine. 
5. After the eggs are completely mixed in, add the remaining flour, and salt. (If you use salted butter, there is no need to add extra salt.) If you are having trouble mixing the flour in, add a tablespoon of warm water one at a time. 
6. Cover the dough with a sheet of wax paper and a towel on top. 
7. Let the dough sit in a warm area for about 45 minutes to rise. It may take longer if the area is not warm enough. 
8. Lay out a pastry cloth. (Or use your counter) Sprinkle flour on top and roll out the dough. 

9. Preheat Oven to 350 Degrees.
10. Once the dough is rolled out, melt ½ stick of butter and brush it onto the layer of rolled out dough. 
11. Spread out brown sugar over the butter layer. It’s okay to add extra brown sugar to fill out the center. The more, the better! 
12. Sprinkle Cinnamon all over the brown sugar layer. I add extra cinnamon every time! 

13. Roll the dough layer up. 

14. Cut around the ring. The rolls should be about 1 in. thick. 

16. Place the rolls on a greased or non-stick baking sheet 2 in. apart from each other. 

17. Bake for about 13-16 minutes.

Keep an eye on them. All ovens bake differently. The outside should be lightly brown. They’ll continue to bake once they are taken out of the oven, so don’t hesitate to take them out if the middles are gooey and the outsides are brown. 

18. Let them cool completely before adding on the icing if you don’t plan on eating them right away! If you do plan on eating them immediately, start icing! It’s delicious when the icing melts. 

19. Melt the butter in a microwave safe bowl. 
20. Add the powdered sugar and stir.
21. Slowly mix in the milk and vanilla.

If it’s too runny, add more powdered sugar. If it’s too thick, add more milk. 

22. Frost away!

You can make them fancy by drizzling the frosting on top, or you can just glob it on there like I did. I love cinnamon rolls drowned in frosting. 

Not everyone likes frosting, so you can leave a couple un-frosted. They still taste great.

 My brother kept saying the frosting was identical to Cinnabon’s. He couldn’t get over it! And I’m allowed to brag about it because it’s Cindy’s recipe, not mine! 

The great thing about making the Tea Ring into cinnamon rolls is you can give them to people in goody baskets. I gave my grandma, aunts, and friends some.

The frosting has a harder layer on top, so it doesn’t get everywhere. They just look so pretty. I am thinking about making a ton for my Grandma to bring to Church Sunday. 

To store them, I just kept them in a plastic bin out on the cabinets. If it bothers you that there is milk and butter in the frosting, you can leave them covered in the fridge. 

Cindy, Jeremy’s mom, likes to make the dough and freeze it for later. She says it saves her so much time and it comes in handy during last minute baking. 

They are great cold, but my favorite is when they are warm and gooey! I microwave them for about 30 seconds, until all the frosting is melted. 

I added a little cinnamon around the plate to give them a nice touch before serving them to the family on Christmas morning! 

And of course, Mr. Grumples makes his appearance when food is present. 

These were a hit Christmas morning! It was a nice break for my mom. She usually makes her monkey bread. (We call monkey bread, cinnamon rolls, in our house) 

The insides were perfect. The middles were gooey, the outsides crispy, yet soft, and the flavor had you dancing around the room like a fairy. Wait. What the heck did I just type? I meant to say…they were the bomb! I should make these in a bakery and name them CinnaBOMBS! Scoot over, Cinnabon. 

My parents loved them, too! (Hi Mr. Grumples…)

What do you make for breakfast on special occasions?

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Looking for a healthier cinnamon roll recipe? Try my Cinnamon Rolls Glazed With a Protein Honey Coconut Milk Icing! (Grain, Gluten, Dairy, and Refined Sugar Free) ones!