fancy cheeses for all


warning: triggers apply. adult language, sexual themes, violence, offensive subjects, offensive behaviors. please read & reblog with caution.

❛ And what exactly does “hooked up” mean? ❜
❛ It’s like a car wreck… you can’t not watch. ❜
❛ What’s that smell? It’s either vomit or fancy cheese. ❜
❛ There is no God. We’re all gonna die. ❜
❛ The hell? You’re supposed to negotiate! ❜
❛ If you’re looking for money, I don’t have any yet.  ❜
❛ How do you feel about metal splinters to the eye? ❜
❛ Are you up-to-date on your rabies shots? ❜
❛ I don’t like that you’re getting hurt on purpose to make money. ❜
❛ You’re kidding me? You’re actually serious about this shit? ❜
❛ You’re kinda growing on me. ❜
❛ Wanna see how fast I can unhook your bra? ❜
❛ You make my life a living hell and I want you out of here now. ❜
❛ Half of the world has penises, why do people get so upset about seeing them? ❜
❛ You’re nothing but a warm mouth to me. ❜
❛ I think I’m depressed. I’ve been feeling kind of funky lately. ❜
❛ I never said it was yours. You just wanted it to be. ❜
❛ Wouldn’t be the first time somebody’s disappointed me. ❜
❛ I don’t mean to be an asshole. It’s just… genetic. ❜
❛ Fuck you is what you were invited to. ❜
❛ I can’t even begin to imagine what kind of pussy you’d be in juvie. ❜
❛ I want normal people problems. Like, am I getting enough fiber? ❜
❛ Hey, I think I just insulted myself. ❜
❛ Hey! What the fuck man! He’s/she’s dead! ❜
❛ Oh, could you be a little more vague? ❜
❛ You came all the way down here to talk about my pubes? ❜
❛ How the fuck do you not have a gun? ❜
❛ Sure you’re ready to pop your armed robbery cherry? ❜
❛ You should have seen your face. ❜
❛ You don’t know who you messed with, bitch. ❜
❛ You fuck with the bull, you get an ass full of horns! ❜
❛ I’m not used to having people yell at me all day long. ❜
❛ I have this friend. I think you two might really hit it off. ❜
❛ I’ve seen you put out after the first drink. ❜
❛ You know, I’d hug you but neither of us would like that. ❜
❛ I don’t get why just don’t use her/his face for target practice. ❜
❛ I want a fucking lawyer motherfucker! ❜
❛ You’re covering your own ass and you know it. ❜
❛ You know I used a condom. ❜
❛ Do you know where I can buy a gun? ❜
❛ You think you scare me? Bring it, bitch! ❜
❛ I’m starting to get fucking homicidal. ❜
❛ I will make this kitchen my bitch. ❜
❛ They’re having a party for kids across the street. No booze. ❜
❛ A shrink at school says I’m one of God’s mistakes. ❜
❛ I believe the answer to that question, like the answer to most questions, is fuck you! ❜
❛ Did the two of us finish an entire gallon of box wine the other night? ❜
❛ I can’t handle anything up my ass without alcohol! ❜
❛ I’d be crying right now if I wasn’t so high. ❜
❛ I’m not my dad. You hear me? I’m not my fucking dad! ❜
❛ I would never do half the shit that you’ve done to us. Why are you even here? ❜
❛ Even the homeless get better stuff than us. ❜
❛ I am just as likely as anyone of this family to make something of myself. ❜
❛ You want to get shit faced in the middle of the day.  ❜
❛ You have no money yet you’re going into a grocery store. Interesting. ❜
❛ Let’s go get drunk and buy a gun. ❜
❛ It’s a shame when someone you love gets taken away, isn’t it? ❜
❛ If this is a relationship you wanna save, then you gotta fucking save it. ❜
❛ Off to deal drugs on a Saturday morning? ❜
❛ I’m probably biased, you deserve better than him. ❜
❛ If you don’t get out right now, I will shoot you. ❜
❛ Still don’t want your family to know? ❜
❛ Did I mention that I’m falling in love with you? ❜
❛ You can’t feel a persons headache by touching his head. ❜
❛ Are you robbing me with my own fucking gun? ❜
❛ How can you tell when you’re in love with someone? ❜
❛ Is that supposed to be some kind of insult? ❜
❛ I’m done living the way other people want me to live. ❜
❛ I think I was trying to prove something, not to you but to myself.  ❜
❛ If it wasn’t sex then what was the problem? ❜
❛ What do you want me to say? That I’m self-destructive? ❜
❛ Random destruction makes you think of me? ❜
❛ I haven’t abused marijuana like the rest of you, so yes I remember. ❜
❛ Your turf? What is this West Side Story? ❜
❛ All I’m gonna be thinking about while you choke me out is how much I love you. ❜
❛ If I don’t invest in myself, no one else will. ❜
❛ It smells worse than a dead hooker’s ass in there. ❜
❛ I don’t wanna be me anymore. ❜
❛ Why would anyone go to the zoo sober? ❜
❛ I’ve had so many abortions the next one is free. ❜
❛ I’d trade my left nut for one more hour of sleep. ❜
❛ How do you do that? The nice thing? ❜
❛ I’m sick of living in your shadow. ❜
❛ I never thought I’d say this but you were right. ❜
❛ Where can I get knives and blunts? ❜
❛ I can’t share a room with someone in constant state of arousal! ❜
❛ I’m sneaking antibiotics into his toothpaste just in case. ❜
❛ I got tasered for like a second and I crapped myself. ❜
❛ I’ve never seen you put on deodorant before. ❜
❛ I haven’t had a drink for two days…well granted I was unconscious. ❜
❛ I’ll be in the bushes across the street stalking you. ❜
❛ Is there anything more enjoyable on earth than humiliating your peers? ❜
❛ I need to buy a gun. For protection. In case there’s a shooting here. I’m scared. ❜
❛ It’s my job to tell you when you’re making a huge mistake. ❜
❛ Have you ever woken up naked in the street with no idea how you got there? ❜
❛ You’re either boning or you’re waiting to bone. ❜
❛ Doctors are thieves, they just have degrees to keep them out of jail. ❜
❛ You want me to be realistic? Okay, I’ll be realistic. ❜
❛ I confided in you and you told everyone. ❜
❛ I have no idea what that means but I’m enjoying trying to picture it. ❜
❛ I never made any fucking promises to you! ❜
Pepe and Pear

DISCLAIMER: None of these characters belong to me. They are the property of Crying Breakfast Friends and Pepe’s Burgers.  I just wrote this for fun.  PLEASE DON’T SUE ME!

Rating: PG for romance and crying.

The club was called the Midnight Snack.  In it’s prime, all of the ripest fruits and fancy cheeses in town showed up at it’s doors to dance and be merry.  But that was years ago, and now the club was just a rundown dive for all the snacks that the fridge had forgotten.

Everything at the Midnight Snack was almost past its expiration date.  Everything, that is, except for Pepe and Pear.

Pepe was a burger.  He played the ivory keys.  Pear was… a pear.  Every night, she would sit herself atop the piano and the two would sing duets that could make an onion cry.

They sang songs of romance and unrequited love.  It was their act, but Pepe always wondered if it were… more than an act.

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Random thought?? So Stan is a skilled artist in his own way, he creates taxidermy creatures and cobbles together various crafts. What if one of the tourists who comes in is a snooty gallery curator and sees the stuff around the Shack and is like “Mr. Pines, this is exactly the kind of avant-garde outsider art my gallery is looking for. There is a certain je ne sais quoi to these, and people will pay a hefty sum for these eccentricities”  “Don’t know what Juno says quack is but you had me at ‘hefty sum’. So that’s how  Stan gets to be in an art gallery with all his stuff on display everywhere. He drinks a lot of wine, and eats all the fancy cheeses, and wrangles patrons. “My oh my, what is this delightfully quirky creature?” “What’s it look like, it’s literally a squirrel-duck. Lookin’ at it costs you five bucks.”  I mean, Stan being in a fancy art gallery opening (with his stuff being displayed) is hilarious to me for some reason?

anonymous asked:

Butterfly kisses bc I don't know which ones are those

“have you ever had a butterfly kiss?” shawn asked.

the question was out of the blue, and you glanced over at him in surprise. “what’s a butterfly kiss?”

“i’m taking that as a no, then.”

“you still haven’t told me what it is,” you pointed out, sliding your chair closer to his. it was midday and you were in the kitchen with him, eating lunch. a fruitful trip to the grocery store had resulted in the spread of meats and cheeses that were set up all fancy on a tray, and you had picked up a baguette as well. it all felt very parisian, even if you were in canada and most of the meats were probably actually italian.

“it’s the eyelash thing,” he said, mouth full of food. you grimaced at him and he raised an apologetic hand to his mouth to cover it as he chewed and swallowed. speaking more clearly, he clarified, “like, when you flutter your eyelashes on someone’s cheek. so it feels like butterfly wings.”

“eyelashes?” you said. “that… sounds like a really weird sign of affection, but okay. try it.”

shawn laughed but leaned in suddenly, and your heart did that thing it always likes to do when he gets close - which is to say, speed up to an almost alarming rate. but instead of directing his plush lips to yours, he made sure that he was eye-level with your cheek. you stared down at him in skepticism, or as much as you could without going cross-eyed.

then shawn began to flutter his eyelashes, slow at first and then speeding up so they beat like, well, butterfly wings. the sensation tickled a little, but you didn’t move, lips curling into a grin at the feeling of it.

“so?” shawn said, pulling away only slightly so that his breath fanned over you. “is it still weird?”

“nah,” you denied, leaning forward to blink against his cheek just once to return the favor and hear the sound of his laugh. “it’s honestly kinda cute.“

read the other kiss-themed blurbs here!

Dating Jimin would Include

o   Compliments 20/24

o   « Isn’t my (y/n) just perfect? »

o   “Look at you rocking those jeans”

o   “That booty thou”

o   “ Jimin your booty is cuter than mine”

o   Just that will make him turn into a blushing mess

o   Hair porn

o   Eye smile

o   Tickle fight

o   Him trying not to laugh while he record you & zoom on your face

o   Taking embarrassing pictures of you

o   Chasing after him


o   Both of your phone gallery will be picture of both of you

o   Sending you selca EVERY !! SINGLE !!! DAY !

o   If he sees you sitting in the audience , he’ll go overboard . So extra

o   ‘ Get that tongue back inside young man’

o   RUDE

o   Playing with his hair because it’s perfect

o   “What shampoo do you use? Unicorn tears? ”

o   Jimin punching my whole family & I , would hurt less than dating him

o   Skinship

o   His hands is glued to your body

o   Even if the boys are there , he’ll casually put his hand on your thighs & you’re like

o   “Jimin , we’re not alone”

o   “  I know ~”

o   If they start teasing you ,  he’ll ask them to stop but of course they won’t , so he’ll just sit far from you ;however, a minute later his head will be on your lap

o   Lol , you thought he won’t do it again ? I’ve some news for you

o   Nothing can stop Park Jimin from physical contact

o   Holding hands is a must ok , even if it start sweating you’ll keep holding hands

o   “Jimin, my other hand is feeling lonely; can I have this one back?”

o   “No ~”

o   ‘Jimin , my butt isn’t for you to hit’

o   Probably think that Jungkook is cuter than you at times

o   Nicknames

o   At first , he’ll get flustered when you call him by a nickname but then he’ll keep muttering it to himself

o   “(Y/n) just called me chimchim” I’mbadwithnicknamesi’msorry

o   “Chimchim”

o   “Chimchim”

o   “Say Chimchim one more time”

o   Dates

o   He’s a romantic awkward turtle sprinkled with cheese

o   Fancy restaurant

o   Stargazing on a rooftop  with all the lights and junk food

o   Random dates at unbelievable hours

o   ‘Jimin it’s past midnight’

o   ‘ It’s never too late for a road trip’

o   Shining smile

o   Taehyung third wheeling 5 times out of 10 we both know you’ll be the one third wheeling

o   ‘Is Tae coming?’

o   ‘Of course, the more the merrier!’

o   Ending at a PC bar

o   Getting close with Tae

o   Taehyung being a huge shipper , making you do weird stuff

o   ‘ Ok , & now Kiss ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ’

o   And you both are like ‘ WHAT’

o   Precious giggle

o   Dorm dates : Movie night with the boys

o   Sharing him with the whole squad duh , especially V & Kookie

o   ‘(Y/n) , just come and watch the movie , Jimin ain’t yours tonight’

o   Jealous Chimchim when you’re too close to a member

o   ‘I’m your favorite right?’

o   #Jiminprotectionsqaud

o   Jimin teasing suga like there is no tomorrow

o   Protecting Jimin from Yoongi’s wrath

o   ‘I’m too young to die’

o   Protecting Jimin from all the hate , because he’s an angel

o   ‘No , you don’t need to lose weight’

o   ‘But-‘

o   ‘Your tummy is cute as it is’

o   Stuffing his mouth with food

o   ‘Tae’s grandma likes us chubby’

o   Pickuplines

o   Deep awkward seducing voice

o   ‘Put your expensive ‘hard to get’ title down just for tonight , just for tonight..’

o   ‘Who taught you that?’

o   ‘ Namjoon hyung ?’

o   Puns

o   ‘What did the oceans say to each other?’

o   ‘Nothing they just waved! ‘

o   ‘Park Jimin.’

o   ‘Just one more: What do you call a fake pasta?’

o   Praising this ball of sunshine

o   ‘ You did well ~’

o   ‘Our Jiminie is working hard’

o   ‘ I think I’m blind , your smile is just too stunning’

o   ‘Have you eaten a CD? That high note was gold’

o   Him liking it too much & getting all shy or him smirking and biting his lip

o   Being the kind of couple that make people cringe

o   Flowery background ‘Shalalalala ~

o   Always got each other’s back. ALWAYS

o   ‘You can do it!’

o   ‘I’m rooting for you babe’

  • Often asking you if you love him 
  • and you’ll always have say yes & give him tones of reasons & he knows but he just like to hear you saying them
  • Pillow talk
  • He’ll mostly whisper because it’s a precious time of the day where he get to talk to you about everything & nothing , things that made him laugh or things that hurt him 
  • His hands will go through your hair & will be drawing circle on your palm 
  • He’ll always want to hear about your day & will be all ears .

o   Precious giggle

o   Jealous , protective Jimin if he feel competitiveness

  • Playing Pranks on the members or at each other 
  • Sunshine 
  • Jimin caring Jimin
  • Hard working Jimin
  • Him making you so proud

o   You can’t get mad at him , you  just can’t ok .He’s too precious

o   Stealing his sweaters

o   Jimin with glasses

o   Big scarf Jimin

I tried my best ,this is so cheesy I’m sorry.

 Jimin is just so perfect

Admin Bong-

anonymous asked:

nothings wrong with you, that fun pizza looks much more appetizing than any actual pizza, idk what ops problem with fruit is

It’d be a great alternative for me since I can’t eat very much pizza. When I do, I save it for super duper fancy expensive pizza, like… with goat cheese and prosciutto and all that fancy bourgeoisie crap. There was a straight four years of my life when I was basically forced to eat nothing but Pizza Boli’s pizza, perogis, and tuna sandwiches, and I think it scarred me for life.

Did you know mayonnaise comes in 2 gallon jars? I didn’t. I wish I didn’t know that.

Nobody knows the horrors I’ve seen.

Their freshmen year of high school Dustin takes a culinary class as his elective much to his surprise he learns he loves cooking and especially cooking for others so pretty soon the gang gets a new tradition they all crowd over at dustins house and he makes a new recipe for them. Sometimes it’s something as filet Mignon and other times it’s as simple as Mac n cheese but it doesn’t matter how fancy or simple it is all that matters to them is that they’re gathered around the table eating together and smiling and laughing

Hellenic Polytheism 101: Xenia

Xenia is a concept in Hellenic polytheism that is very close to my heart. It’s really one of the core parts of my practice, and I don’t know if I would be comfortable trying to separate it from my practice, because it is so heavy wrapped up in everything I do.

Xenia is hospitality. It’s our responsibility as hosts to treat our guests well, and our responsibility as guests to be kind and thankful to our hosts. There are dozens of examples of xenia in ancient Greek writings. From Penelope and her suitors, to instances of the theoi disguised as humans seeking shelter, food, and drink from mortals. Xenia goes beyond a religious act, confined to ceremony, to a daily practice and a way of living our lives.

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anonymous asked:

as someone not from michigan, what is a pickled bologna and what makes it so important

it is exactly what it sounds like and as someone who loves vinegar and someone who loves mystery meats i consider it a perfect food. ideally consumed with butter crackers and pinconning curds, but a good colby or cheddar is also acceptable. it is impossible to make it look appetizing because it isn’t, it’s garbage, it is so so good but it’s impossible to try and fancy it up the way you can with summer sausage because it’s bologna. make all the fancy meat and cheese plates you want with it but in the end it’s vinegar bologna and it will always look like a lunchable with delusions of grandeur.

there are other brands but they are irrelevant because koegel’s is the good shit

Haus Cat

i really need for the Haus to get a cat because reasons so here, join me

  • one day bitty goes to pull his pie off the windowsill and there’s this orange tabby cat with one ear a little messed up and an infected eye from what was probably a fight with another stray or maybe a raccoon
  • bitty enlists ransom and holster’s help to catch the poor stray but, obviously, they fail miserably (seriously who thinks to catch a cat with sriracha and peanut butter???) and call dex who seems like the kind of person who can catch animals. he shows up with a half a pound of cold-cut turkey and a cat carrier. the stray is safely contained in ten minutes.
  • nursey comes along and pays for the vet bills. it turns out that the cat had an infection in her eye (they find out it’s a her cause the vet) and the vet gives them medicine and does a full check-up and tells them the cat is okay aside from the infection and tells them to give her all of the medicine
  • they bring the cat back to the haus and make sure it doesn’t get out until it had it’s full dose of medicine. by the time the dosage is up, the cat has become accustomed to the pie crumbs and the fresh turkey and the special kitty-pouches that cost a fuckton of money but make the cat so fucking happy that she won’t leave. no one protests. a new container goes up next to the pie fund labeled “cat money”
  • somehow the haus has adopted a cat. it only goes downhill from there
  • no one can agree on a name. bitty says it should be something pie related since he’s never heard of a cat who likes pie before and holster thinks they should call her “lemon” after liz lemon and nursey wants to name her after some cat in some obscure poem or novel that absolutely no one has read (”Ms. Mistoffelees is a great name” “shut up nursey”) and jack just calls her the word for cat in Quebecois
  • they cat usually goes to whoever she wants or responds to the person who is holding food because she has so many different names it’s hard to keep track and to be completely honest she loves food.

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The Three Reasons (Solangelo)

This is a birthday gift to my friendie @too-music.  Happy Birthday! Enjoy your dose of Solangelo Fluff.  

Happy Reading!

Pairing: Solangelo (Will Solace and Nico Di Angelo)

Words: 2326

Warnings: Fluff overload…if you think I’m kidding, read on…

Excerpt:  At first, Will thought Nico was going to get mad.  Instead, Nico squeezed his hand and didn’t say anything about it.  Will blushed, grinning like an idiot. To this day, he’ll tell you that it was the third best day ever.

(Photo Cred: @cherryandsisters)

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christmasace  asked:

Do you have any cute Nathanaël headcanons? ovo I love the stuff you have for all the other characters too though, so also funny Plagg headcanons?

Aw, I’m so glad that you like my stuff!!! :3 I try really hard, so I’m glad that you enjoy it

As for Nathaneäl, he can sing a high tenor because he’s a late bloomer. He’s really smol now, but once he hits college (college, not collège), he grows two feet and suddenly is taller than everyone and no one has any clue how that happened. Also he is swarmed with women because he is now a tall, shy, sensitive, artist boy. He is so scared. He was never prepared for this. Someone help him.

And Plagg, well, one time he snuck into a fancy restaurant and ate all the cheese they had. It was awful and there was almost a riot of rich people who wanted their goddamn cheese. He is also responsible for eating several of the past Chat Noir’s out of house and home. He once tried to fly to the moon because someone said that it was made of cheese. It did not work.


The more I think of how Mally and Alistair would get along, the more I think about their friendship growing and how the people Mally is closest to would react.

Like at first everybody is like “lol that’s nice. the inquisitor found someone who is just as much of a goofball as she is”, all smiles and shrugs.

And then they start sending each other letters, to the point that Mally gets super excited whenever anyone tells her the king of Ferelden has sent correspondence and she just cheerfully shares some of the stories and jokes Alistair shared with her, because ‘oh my god this guy is a total hoot!’.

Then Mally starts sending him random loot she finds that’s related to dogs or seems Warden-like and Alistair sends her all sorts of fancy cheeses, because hell yeah, this is delicious cheese and Skyhold is out in the middle of fucking no where so let me send my buddy nummies.

So the next time Mally and Alistair get to meet up, giddily calling one another ‘King Al’ and ‘Inquisitor Mal’ respectively, Dorian just reminds Alistair with a brilliant grin that the position of Inquisitor’s Best Friend has been filled, thank you very much, and Josephine is super polite when she suggests that perhaps his highness find a different variety of gift to send the Inquisitor given that she always shares her cheeses with The Iron Bull and the flatulence can be a bit much, and Bull is totally chill about the Malistair broness, but he regardless hugs Mally at random and when he is sure no one else is in earshot he just whispers ‘love me most plz’ in her ear before proceeding to get his nuzzle on.

A Promise You Just Can’t Keep

Summary: “I promise to never see you again…And like you, I always keep my promises Mr. Dragneel.” Here’s the story of a promise fate forces Lucy not to keep when an arrogant treasure hunter enters her life. She soon realizes how one broken promise can change her life forever. Adventure, betrayal and love all await Lucy as dark truths from the past come to light. -NaLu (Gruvia, Gajevy)

Rated: Teen and Up

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Following the path lined with yellow roses, Lucy made her way to the manor where the rest of the wedding guests were socializing. Cocktail hour was being held in a few of the first floor rooms. Many guests were enjoying themselves, walking amongst the connected rooms, conversing, drinking and nibbling on finger foods. Lucy’s stomach growled slightly and she desperately needed a drink, but she couldn’t relax just yet. She had to herd the 100 guests into the ballroom where the main reception was taking place.

She spoke to one of the wait staff to gather his help in directing the guests to the ballroom. He nodded and motioned for the other waiters and waitresses to follow his lead as he politely began ushering guests to their seats. Lucy told the bartenders to close the bars, giving the guests another incentive to leave the rooms. Follow the booze; Lucy thought as more and more guests left after realizing the bar was closed.

“There you are,” a voice called out to her as Lucy finished checking to make sure there were no more lingering guests. Turning towards the voice, Lucy’s features broke into a smile as she recognized the person.

“Gray!” She called back as a man dressed in a smart black suit with an ice blue tie came walking towards her.

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anonymous asked:

Brotp Kai and wolf headcanons please

That one’s interesting because we really didn’t get a chance to see them interact much over the course of the series, but I’ll give it a shot.

  • Wolf is initially kinda awkward around Kai (around pretty much everyone he doesn’t know well, actually), but they eventually bond over mutual respect for Cinder and making fun of Thorne (who, to be clear, everyone loves, but who is also teased by all).
  • At official events, Wolf usually just hangs out in a corner somewhere because the limelight makes him feel sub-conscious. Without fail, Kai will join him for a while at some point during the evening and sits next to him muttering snide remarks (this is Emperor Sass we’re talking about here) about the people he doesn’t like (Linh Adri. Snotty lunar aristocrats. Etc.) until Wolf is first snickering, then chuckling, then flat-out guffawing. It helps make those evenings a lot more pleasant for Wolf and Kai wants everyone to be happy at his events. 
    • Bonus: Wolf’s guffaw is this wonderful rumbly-growly bark. Cress may or may not have recorded it at the last Peace Festival and Scarlet may or may not have made it her portscreen’s ringtone.
  • Also at said official events, there are always a few particularly obnoxious journalists who trail Kai around, snapping unflattering photos and asking prying questions and he just cannot get rid of them…but Wolf can. They’ll be hovering around Kai and suddenly there’s just this malevolent presence behind them. A shadow falls across their vision. They turn around and there’s Wolf just hulking over them, brawny arms folded, eyes narrowed, teeth bared in a smile that really, really, really isn’t a smile. Needless to say, they typically don’t bother Kai for the rest of the night.
  • Sometime after Winter, when everything’s a bit calmer and everyone has a little more time on their hands, Kai asks Wolf if he would consider giving him some of the self-defense training he gave Cinder because he really doesn’t like being helpless in tense situations. Wolf is more than happy to oblige because he is basically everyone’s big bro and Kai flies out to the farm every week or two for a lesson.
  • As a thank you, Kai keeps sending those samplers you get from gourmet food retailers with all the different fancy cheeses/meats/fruits/etc. for Wolf to try since he’s still testing out Earthen cuisine.

Send me a BrOTP and I’ll do headcanons!