family dinner

  • Me:*out for dinner with my dad because we were too lazy to cook*
  • Random Old Lady:*comes up out of know where with the most judgmental look ever* (will also be refereed to as 'ROL')
  • ROL:Isn't he a little old for you?
  • Me:Well, considering he's my Dad, I'd say that your a judgmental hag.
  • Dad:*chokes into his drink*
  • ROL:You should respect your elders.
  • Me:You should respect your youth, we're the ones who'll decide on whether or not to pull your cord in like, what? Five weeks?
  • Dad:*chokes on his drink again*
  • ROL:*storms off*
  • Dad:*looks at me with a disapproving look*
  • Me:What?
  • Dad:Come on, you and I both know it will be three weeks.

i’m preparing family dinner bingo tonight

it includes squares like

“is that eyebrow piericng a ~~~homosexual~~~ thing. I don’t know! I was just asking”

“why aren’t you taking care of your skin? i’m just concerned.”

“do you really need to swear in your facebook statuses”

“ *insert something racist about the situation in ferguson* ”


Alfred: This is just one of my many strategies for this dinner to go right! Juno brings it all together with her calming baby waves as shown in my scientific diagram. Besides, Matt is super irresponsible with kids, remember? I’m too much of a mature adult to let something reckless happen!