Three and a half years— that is how long you have been with him, the guy that swept you off your feet the minute you laid your eyes on him.
It wasn’t just his copper-colored eyes, wavy chocolate-brown hair, or his captivating voice that can make girls’ swoon undoubtedly— it was the winsome man he is behind closed doors that made you fall for him, his gentleness is what caused you to let your walls’ crumble down and to let him into your world.
The man you fell in love with is a man of many words; Shawn is so gentle with you, always attentive, and does his best to keep an eye on you in every situation, even when he is miles away, across three different time zones, or on the other side of the world completely. He always makes sure to be there for you, even if it is just by a phone call or a prompt text before a concert that reassures you that he has landed in the new city and is safe.
Despite all the wonderful things about him, the features, the love, and the passion— there is a downfall. There are times you don’t know whether or not he is being truthful with you, you don’t always know if he is ’just out with the guys’ or if he is really ‘just havin’ a few drinks’.
There is always something deep, deep down inside you that has you questioning a few things on occasions. You have reason to question a few things, not just because he is a famous international superstar, but because putting all the fame aside, he has fallen into a hole before— a small hole that strained your relationship at one point in time. You don’t care if he is out with his friends, or if he is out drinking, you just want him to be careful and safe, and to make the right decisions when it comes to certain girls’ in that friendship group that has more than just friendly ideas of him.
You sigh heavily as you throw your phone to the couch, your hands running through your hair, your thoughts running wild with many different possible ideas. He has not answered any calls’ or texts. To be honest, he has been MIA for the last few hours.
He assured you before leaving that it was just a few drinks’ with friends’ and that he would be home at around midnight, (Not that you cared), but it is now four in the morning and you have no idea where the hell he is, or who the hell he is with. The last you heard of Shawn’s whereabouts— he left the bar with two guys and two girls’ — at least that is what Brian said.
Quick crappy sketch sorry for the bad quality. Again it’s crunch time so I don’t have time to spend on fan art for a little bit but I just felt like scribbling this idea out.
School AU- Saitama is a perpetually late and laid-back teacher, and Genos is the super-driven ace student who has a huge crush on him. Specifically, there’s this trope in anime/manga where a late character uses the famed shortcut hole through a wall on the way to school. Guess who finds Saitama-sensei on his 2nd day in a row being late? “Hey wait, I’d recognize that butt anywhere!” XD I really just wanted to draw Saitama in an embarrassing situation. Okay I need to go. SHAME.
“I didn’t want to cry in front of all those people. On the left side of the stage, there were people who were booing me, which was scary. I just thought, Yuck, this is weird. So I didn’t focus on the punters. I focused on the community.”
-Courtney Love about her speech at Nirvana’s Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction in Brooklyn 2014.
❛ No more places to hide. ❜
❛ It’s always the same. ❜
❛ Fear will keep me going. ❜
❛ For what it’s worth I don’t really need it. ❜
❛ Wanting it is drilling a hole in my brain. ❜
❛ Wanting it iss tearing a hole in my soul. ❜
❛ Fame, what a lame wish is what I ache for. ❜
❛ I was the first to get nowhere. ❜
❛ If I could only reach, if I could only see. ❜
❛ They call it the new way of thinking. ❜
❛ I’ll become a man/woman in no time. ❜
❛ It’s the system that’s controlling my moves. ❜
❛ I serve my country, my town. ❜
❛ We must protect our homeland. ❜
❛ I’m paying my dept to elderly. ❜
❛ I’m earning my place in society. ❜
❛ I’m honouring the ones who’ve died. ❜
❛ It’s a cornered love. ❜
❛ It was never meant to work. ❜
❛ But we try and we try and we try. ❜
❛ Pain doesn’t go by, it’s easier for mind. ❜
❛ It’s not like I wear jeans or something. ❜
❛ You came with such a short notice. ❜
❛ They say the youth is the time to sow. Don’t they? ❜
❛ Some say that one can’t do it too slow. ❜
❛ I was told to work hard, so I tried. ❜
❛ I didn’t know how hard would be enough. ❜
❛ What you reap is what you sow. ❜
❛ I’m asked how I didn’t know. ❜
❛ Later on it can be seen. ❜
❛ I have to sow my own. ❜
❛ I mustn’t like you. ❜
❛ We should stay apart. ❜
❛ I’m thirsty, I’m out of juice. ❜
❛ Won’t you get off my case? ❜
❛ It’s crime, let’s make a deal. ❜
❛ Don’t try to steal it. ❜
❛ You make me feel too much. ❜
❛ I cannot go that deep. ❜
❛ That’s what you should scream. ❜
❛ There is no room for you.❜
❛ I’m pushing you out of it. ❜
❛ Your honor, what is this, a court of love? ❜
❛ I can love you if that is what I really want. ❜
❛ You can’t stop me. ❜
❛ You can’t stop me from doing that. ❜
❛ I’m losing my dignity over here. ❜
❛ Can’t you see? ❜
❛ Am I really too hot for you baby? ❜
❛ I don’t wanna live. ❜
❛ I’m definitely immune. ❜
❛ Schools limit my abilities. ❜
❛ Just want to fly off, like a kite. ❜
❛ I am me and I am troubled. ❜
❛ Don’t try, please, don’t try to change me. ❜
❛ I need space, a room to grow. ❜
❛ Can’t hold me down no more. ❜
❛ I am not here to amuse you. ❜
It had started when she posted a picture of them together at his house. It was funny how she posted a picture of their other friends as well but none of the others had their faces in tabloids the next day. It was hers and his. She just dyed her hair ash grey and his was peach. They looked good together she had to admit it but that didn’t mean they were dating. Rumors spread like wildfire whenever it involves his name. He was a global star. A trendsetter and a genius. He was the leader of Big Bang and any news involving him is big news.
The people however forgot that they had always been close. They had always been friends and she had posted many pictures of him and her together. So why now? Why was she suddenly worthy of being his scandal?
She laughed as the host continuously took a jab at her relationship with Kwon Jiyong. She kept her calm and took deep breath while maintaining a smile and laugh when she thought she should. She didn’t find the rumor to be at all interesting but everyone else did and she was tired. She was tired of denying the rumor that everyone knew wasn’t true but kept on telling it because it could be news. It’s going to up their rating.
'We’re just friends. He’s been my senior since forever.‘
She continued to deny it.
He however wasn’t interested at all in denying or confirming it. He was the bane of her existence. He toyed with the rumor and everyone loves it except for her. He didn’t have to deal with the glares and the insults.
No, she did.
She was strong so she laughs every time they were in a show together and he would playfully egg the rumor on. Sometimes she didn’t understand what was going on. Everyone knew it was a rumor but everyone continued on as if it was true. It had became funny how he stretched that rumor dry. It was becoming incessant. She sooner realized she had became accustomed to it. She had understood the humor behind their relationship as he did. It was funny that they thought they were in love when not one bone in her body was interested with him.
It was however not long that she became curious. Is there not one single bone in her body that wasn’t attracted to him?
He was beautiful. He had that playful eyes she always fall for and he had that smirk he always give her when he knew something she didn’t. She particularly likes the glint in his eyes whenever he came up with a plan. She also likes how his fingers would lightly brush her hair away from his face or how his arms falls around her shoulder. It was normal. It was brotherly.
They were best friends.
Suddenly, she saw him less and less. She answered his texts only when it was an emergency or for work. He didn’t even bother calling her to ask to hang out anymore. They were losing each other as the rumors continued to get bigger. Youngbae saw what was happening. He saw how she looked different whenever he mentioned his name.
They were losing that one thing that made them best friends.
She laughed jumping up on top of Daesung asking to be piggyback. Daesung ran through the hallway entertaining his little junior as they joked and laughed. She then was passed over to Seungri and he made a few attempts to drop her as she shout everytime, slapping his back annoyed. Then it was his time. Seungri passed her to him. It was usually the one person she liked being piggyback the most but at that time; it was not. He wasn’t the strongest thus it was funny seeing him struggle to run across the hallway at the fastest time. She tried hard to make it seem as if everything was right.
'Why is your cologne so strong?’ She asked trying to ease the tension that was slowly building between them.
'So you would fall for me.’ He joked.
It was unusual that her cheeks could get heated at such a petty comment. It was normal. Those comments were normal between them but she couldn’t help that her cheeks were warm or that he cleared his throat once the comment left his mouth.
The curiosity growing.
Her chest against his back made him felt burden. He was aware of it. He was never aware of how her chest felt being pressed against his back. He never even cared. He felt something tugged at his heart as if questioning him.
It only kept growing.
He drank another shot of whiskey and she did as well. She was always competitive and when Youngbae reached for her glass telling her to stop. She laughed and so did he.
They were best friends.
They did everything together. She had always wondered what would change if she had been a few years older and had been his age instead of being four years younger than him. Would he still look at her with that same smile? Would he still look at her as if any moment she could break? Would he cared for her like she was a precious glass they all needed to take care of?
She was his best friend.
He told her that multiple times.
'No one understands me better than you.’ He said and she understood because no one understands her like him. They both understand each other well. They both aimed for the same thing. They both had the same glory and fame. They both were globally known. They both had that empty hole in their soul and not one clue how to patch it up.
She took another shot.
He did too.
She had another.
He did as well.
It became blurry how much shot they had taken each and she felt numb. No other feeling bubbling inside her other than curiosity.
Curiosity kills the cat they say.
He kissed her or she kissed him. Not one remembered what happened but before anything had continued. They had locked eyes. She had that questioning eyes whether they should stop and he had that inquiring eyes if it was right to continue.
They were best friends.
They shouldn’t be doing things like kissing but they were curious. All those headlines and all those rumors circulating them like prayers in their ears. They were starting to believe it. Were they more than friends?
It was a joke if he had said he wasn’t attracted to her because he was. He just never had the urge to kiss her before. He couldn’t remember if he had that urge to kiss her then or it was just curiosity bubbling inside but it happened all the same.
They kissed again.
Until one thing leads to another and before they knew it she was moaning his name and he was dying to hear it. The next day was the worst. They both had a hangover. They both were under the same blanket which wasn’t new.
They were best friends.
He was the first to woke. His head throbbing and his arms numb. It had been her pillow and it wasn’t the first time it had happened. So he woke her up to get her off his arm. It wasn’t the first time it had happened so she rolled over burying her head deeper into the pillow. He woke up and took some painkillers and tried to wake her to hand her some. It happened before. She took her pills eyes barely opened and collapsed back to bed.
Once he had sober up with some coffee and breakfast. It felt different. It felt weird. He wasn’t happy about it nor was he sad but he was no longer curious.
They were best friends.
It had took a little longer for her to realize what had happened and once it did she cursed herself still naked under his duvet. She hated that she had took their friendship out of its boundary. She hated that she was stupid enough to be curious.
She couldn’t handle complex. She didn’t like what had happened and neither did she hate it but she didn’t feel the need for it to happen again.
They were best friends.
She trudged out of his room clad in his t shirt and shorts that she had taken from his closet. She saw him sitting in the kitching scrolling his phone and she greeted him and he returned it not even looking up from his phone. It wasn’t awkward. It was normal. It felt normal. She took out some apple juice and poured herself a glass.
She looked at him and he looked back at her. He laughed and she did as well.
'So we’re cool?’ She asked and he nodded.
This was simpler.
'It shouldn’t have happen.’ She told him once she sat herself down with some scramble eggs on her plate.
'It should.’ He disagreed and she looked up confused by his disagreement.
'I was curious and so did you. It was ruining our zen.’ He replied washing his dishes once he was done with breakfast.
'Our zen?’ She prodded further.
'Yes. Our zen.’ He flicked in between her eyes as she stared at him confuse. She flinched and when she opened her eyes again she only saw his retreating figure.
She smiled staring at her best friend’s back.
They got their zen back she thought. Not fully understanding the meaning but it felt right.
They said curiosity kills the cat, but they forgot that the truth brought it back to live.
I have to say a thing about the Hall of Fame induction last night:
Did you all cry like I cried when I saw the genuine expressions of loving care between Krist, Dave, and Courtney? I hope you did, too, because that is what Kurt would have wanted. Whatever was going on between Kurt and Courtney, and Kurt and his band, when he died is long over and these people need to heal like anyone would need to heal after losing someone they all love so much. The fact that it was a public loss and a public fight for the Nirvana and Kurt legacy made it even worse for both sides.
If you are trying to continue the hate between Courtney and Dave, you need to just stop. Please let these people continue to heal. You are not helping anyone by fighting a fight that none of them ever wanted to have, because it revolves around the loss of a loved one. Now they are taking the steps to at least be civil with each other and anyone trying to incite an argument between fans or between Courtney and Dave needs to take a fucking seat, and let them sort their shit out. Holding grudges hurts, and I can’t fucking say it enough, THESE PEOPLE, LIKE ALL PEOPLE WHO LOSE SOMEONE
Pitchfork’s Courtney Love interview: The rock icon speaks out on, well, everything: making peace with Nirvana at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, the possibility of a proper Hole reunion, Kurt Cobain’s vinyl collection, snubbing Jared Leto, looking up to PJ Harvey, and much more.