falstad wildhammer

What kind of friend™ would they be

For @khadgars-raven​.

Anduin: Is A Cinnamon Roll But Could Also Kill You. His affection of you is strictly platonic, he has a boyfriend. Yes, it’s Wrathion.

Ghost Varian: Your Best Friend Is Your Dad. Alright, you want to go to that party, my child? No, no, it’s cool, have fun. But please, drink safely, here, have my pepper spray, and for the love of the Light, text me every now and then so I don’t die being afraid about you, okay?

The Council of Three Hammers:

Muradin: I Never Wanted To Be Great But I’ll Do My Best. And your best. And his neighbor’s best. He is doing everyone’s best.
Mourning Badass Widow On Revenge Strike. Not exactly Kill Bill but close enough.
Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them. He is the Hagrid everyone deserves.

Tyrande: Have You Tried Yoga? Subruban Mom. We all can’t be neurotypical, Tyrande.

Mekkatorque: Sleep Deprived Computer Magic. Your eye twitches as he pour his coffee with Red Bull.

Velen: He Is Always Right.  Also he has a Tragic Backstory™ but you need to be at least a level 30 friend to unlock it.

Genn: Let Me Do This, I Am Bitter And Better. Also he is a werewolf.

Aysa: Art And Craft And World Domination. Anything can be a weapon and a friend. She Isn’t as creepy as she sounds, she is really a nice girl.

Thrall: Poor Mental Health Which He Considers Normal. Not that long ago you and your friends put your saving together and signed him to a therapist. She called you after the first meeting, saying that you are the most amazing person that you could keep Thrall alive.

Spirit of Vol'jin: Technically Speaking It Is Legal. Very cool, can get almost anything but sometimes needs a responsible adult, because he doesn’t want to be the responsible adult himself.

Ghost Garrosh: Means Well But Does Bad. Comes with free Fucked Up Family.

Baine: Stoner And A Kind Philosopher But Don’t Piss Them Off. It takes a lot to make him angry, but he isn’t exactly a forgiving nature.

Sylvanas: All I Ever Wanted Was A Nice Life But Since I Didn’t Get It Everyone Is Going To Suffer With Me. She is very pretty. Pretty deadly.

Lor'themar: I’d Kill For You, Say A World And That Scum Is Dead. He also has a problem with drinking but he manages, it isn’t that bad.

Gallywix: The Devil Sold Me His Soul The Other Day. Not really a nice guy but a very useful guy.

Ji: Wise Chinese Mentor With Super Short Temper. Think Master Shifu but more done with the world.

Taedal: Gamer Pro. He doesn’t judge you on games, but for the love of god don’t ask him anything. He is a walking encyclopedia, he is going to drown you in facts, lore, and theories.

+Bonus Khadgar: Hoard Like A Dragon. He collects everything, really. And while wise beyond his years, he is down to every stupid idea. He comes up with the most of them.

World of Warcraft fancast:


Thrall:  Armie Hammer

Vol’Jin: Keith David

Sylvanas Windrunner: Olga Kurylenko

Baine Bloodhoof: Martin Sensmeier

Lor'themar Theron: Kenneth Branagh

Trade Prince Gallywix: Danny Devito

Garrosh Hellscream: Damion Poitier

Cairne Bloodhoof: Wes Studi

Varok Saurfang: Ken Watanabe

Rexxar: Djimon Hounsou


Varian Wrynn: Jon Hamm

Anduin Wrynn: Alexander Ludwig

Tyrande Whisperwind: Rinko Kikuchi

Jaina Proudmoore: Emily Blunt

Malfurion Stormrage: Brian Tee

Muradin Bronzebeard: Peter Mullan 

Moira Thaurissan: Laura Fraser

Falstad Wildhammer: Kristofer Hivju

The Prophet Velen: Ben Kingsley

Genn Greymane: Jeremy Irons

Gelbin Mekkatorque: Mark Hamil

Vindicator Maraad: Faran Tahir 

If they run a business on the planet Earth

For @khadgars-raven.

Anduin: He is a doctor. Army doctor. But God (Light?) help him if he doesn’t help all the people he runs into.

Ghost Varian: Everybody knows that pub which is probably haunted and has irregular opening hours but also fine ale? Varian is owner of one, it’s called Wolf’s Head.

The Council of Three Hammers:

Muradin: Born too late to explore the Earth and too early to explore the space. Born just in time to have the best summer camp for children.
She started a private school. And a good one.
The person in charge of protecting national parks and protected landscape areas. He takes none of your bullshit and just try to put an oil pipeline on these lands and it will be the last thing you’ve ever done!

Tyrande: She owns chain of recreational resorts which seriously take care of themselves. She will probably have to never really work hard in her life.

Mekkatorque: He has a small repair shop for computers. But when it comes down to the business, he can repair your car just as well. The sign outside says: “Miracles on the spot - Impossible in three days.”

Velen: Your kind local priest, the person responsible for the non-profit animal shelter, and the loudest person at geek conventions.

Genn: Service dog training. He has a gift or something, as if he knew what it is like to be a dog.

Aysa: She sells her calligraphy and has meditation courses where she also teaches about chi. What she considers a basic knowledge turned out to be very profitable.

Thrall: He is a builder, he makes houses. He makes good houses. He has a job that makes sense to him and is more than happy with it.

Spirit of Vol'jin: There are people who don’t believe his little teashop is all trustworthy, and connect him to mafia. Vol’jin when asked, of course denies that but would you expect anything else?

Ghost Garrosh: Much to everyone’s surprise, even his own, he is an excellent banker. He is excellent with numbers. He is also fiddling with some robotic and that looks quite promising too…

Baine: He has a nice apple farm which is also popular for couples seeking some retreat holiday resort. He also has sheep there.

Sylvanas: She runs three pharmaceutic corporation. Most of the money she makes go on AIDS cure research. Rumor has it she is a victim to it but so far no public statement from her has been made.

Lor'themar: He used to work for police but nowadays he is a politician because “Somebody has to take care of this country”.

Gallywix: You know that fast food chain which is way more popular and reasonably priced than all the other fast foods in your town and the whole country? Yeah, it’s Gallywix’s.

Ji: He teaches martial arts and works as stagehand at local theater.

Taedal: He owns a nightclub in Los Angles. Some geeks nicknamed it Lux and keep calling Taedal “Lucifer”.

They are going to be a parent!

For a lovable anon. So the faction leaders are going to have a baby, isn’t that wonderful? What were their reactions when they learned?

Anduin: I… I gotta marry the mother before there is a public affair. As much as I don’t want to, I have to watch my reputation… (Heavy sigh)

Ghost Varian: This time it will be a daughter! I know it!
Ghost Tiffin:
I didn’t know ghosts can get pregnant…

The Council of Three Hammers:

Muradin: Neato. Another Bronzebeard. I will do my best to not screw up with my child that much they run away from home and marry the king of my sworn enemies.
I hope it is a girl. I have saved everything I had ever worn. She will look magnificent in it.
Darn. I am going to be a one hell o’ a crap father.

Tyrande: Well finally! I was just beginning to think at least one of us is infertile.

Malfurion: The chance of you getting pregnant in the past would be higher if we actually slept together more.
It is not me who spends half of their life asleep in some cave, you know. So it isn’t my fault.
Can I be the godfather?

Mekkatorque: Considered the last list… this is the best news I could have heard! Well, maybe except “The legion decided to fuck off and never return.” But still, it is great news!

Velen: May the Light save my son from having prophetic vision.

Taedal: How do you know you’re having a son?
(Pulls out a sign saying “Prophet”)
(Smacks Taedal’s head with said sign)

Genn: …Is the whole Worgen curse inheritable? I don’t want a cursed children.

Tess: Does it really matter that much? So my sibling is going to change form here and there. The world is not going to fall apart because of that.
Tess: You’re saying it like being a Worgen is a bad thing, but seriously, I am quite jealous I can’t change in a gigantic wolf-human when I want to tear someone apart.

Aysa: Yes. My very own cub. A perfect cub. The world dominance is close.

Ji: Shouldn’t that be Sylvanas’ line?
Foolish Ji. Every lady craves world dominance.

Thrall: Aggra have you heard? I am going to be a father!

Aggra: (In late 2nd trimester) Oh what a surprise, I had no idea…
Also, you are not naming this one after your parents.
I thought that Orgri-
Orgrim counts as your dad.

Spirit of Vol'jin: Kids born aftah dey faddahs’ death be bad news. Moss’ likely to be possessed by sometin’…

Ghost Garrosh: Just curious - How many children do you actually have?
Vol’jin: No idea. Many.
Vol’jin: Wait. Aren’t ya goin’ to be a faddah’ too? Ya nevah’ got laid…
Ghost Garrosh: Adoption is an option, you know? Even for ghosts. I am adopting lonely ghost children.

Baine: (Blows the Horn of Celebration) This will be the happiest children on Azeroth!

Genn: Because it will be a cow in a grass field?
No, because his parents are not fucked up.

Sylvanas: Uh-oh.

Kel’thuzad: So…
Sylvanas: Get lost!
Aw, c’mon, I am just interested! You are dead, how can you even possibly reproduce?
That is a secret. Now get lost!
You just don’t want to admit you have no idea how that happened, am I right?

Lor'themar: Well… I totally knew I could do that…

Kel’thuzad: Necrophile.
Lor’themar&Sylvanas: Get. Lost!
Kel’thuzad: I am not judging. Just saying. Could I get so-
Kel’thuzad: Lord Regent Theron you can sheathe your sword, I am already leaving…

Gallywix: Oh. I thought it was weird to gain that much weight all of sudden.

Milda: (Whispers something to Gallywix)
Alright, I have been informed the mother had already left to Booty Bay. …And I am going to star some fitness…

Ji: Half-panda-half-dragon baby! My dreams are coming true!

Aysa: I knew you were spending too much time with the Red dragonflight, but it never occurred to me it was that much time…

Taedal: Hey, Illidan, do you still wanna be a godfather?

Illidan: (Gives a mean look to Malfurion)
Well, when you talk about it… Yes.

What musical instrument would they play

For @horzkasvk. I did some research, so I assure you all of those things exists.

Anduin: Zither. Because everything else seemed either too easy or wasn’t discovered yet when he started his practice. He was four at that time.

Ghost Varian: Guitar. The most universal instrument in the world.

The Council of Three Hammers:

Muradin: Triangle. Everything else was too complicated.
Organ. Big, dramatic, and way cooler than anything you are able to play.
Flute. Seconds him as a weapon.

Tyrande: Violin. It is gentle, can sound like someone singing and is one of the few musical instruments that doesn’t irritate Malfurion.

Mekkatorque: Hang drum.It looks sci-fi, it isn’t sci-fi, therefore it is for Gnomes.

Velen: Yaylı tambur. He can get really offended when someone mistakes it for a frying pan.

Genn: Violoncello. It would be a sin to have this thighs and not have an instrument that compliments them.

Aysa: Erxian. There aren’t that many instruments she could hide in her hair and smuggle onto every party.

Thrall: Bass. It is big and has a deep voice. It is like the mother Thrall never had.

Spirit of Vol'jin: Drums. Any drums. In fact all drums. As long as you can smack it, he plays it.

Ghost Garrosh: Trumpet. He felt it was his duty to be the morning alarm clock back in the Warsong Hold.

Baine: Saxophone. Whenever he plays, his legs go all crazy.

Sylvanas: Piano. First, it’s classy and might be creepy, second it feels right to make the original Horde quartet be able to form a jazz band.

Lor'themar: Electric bass guitar. You know, so he could still join Nightwish.

Gallywix: Harp. Some people have their soft part hidden deep, deep inside.

Ji: Kazoo. It is self-explanatory.

Taedal: Castanets. Listen, with horseshoes like this, you wanna dance flamenco and you wanna dance it right.

+Bonus Nozdormu: Ocarina. He heard the phrase Ocarina of Time somewhere and got bad ideas…

“Come Dine With Me” competition!

For a lovable anon. Where I am from we actually don’t have “Come Dine With Me” show but we have similar “Tables set!” (Wikipedia says “Spread!“ but let me tell you that’s some ugly translation) For those of you who don’t know this show at all: You gather 5 amateur cooks and each day one of them hosts a dinner for everyone. Their rivals give them points (1-10) and after five days the person who has the most points wins some prize, usually money. The dinner consists of appetizer/soup, main dish, dessert, and an activity. (Yes, I know that it is usually appetizer followed by soup but listen, I’ve just came up with 20*3 unique meals and 20 activities. And speaking for myself, I have problem to fit into myself a dinner consisting of two dishes, so 4 feels too many.)
I had our leaders randomly (I used dice) sorted into groups of 5, so we will have 4 winners in the end.


Vol’jin: Raptor egg soup, tiger-burger with mashed potatoes, exotic fruit salad with ice cream, and bone carving.
Spring rolls, beef goulash, 7 flavors rainbow pudding, and candle making.
Garlic spread and spicy bread, scrambled eggs with sour cream and gammon, caramel cream puffs, and make-your-own-firework with later firework display.
Spring carp soup, clefthoof kabob, Terokkar pine-nut cake, and Hine’n’Seek with his 37 ghost children (unintended).
Tartare, slow cooked turkey with dumpling, various cupcakes, and cupcakes decorating.

Winner: Vol’jin. Warchief, more like Warchef.


Falstad: Open (vegetarian) sandwiches, escalope of three meats with baby carrot, macaroon, and playing darts.
Sweet corn seeds in spice, chicken tikka masala in flatbread, grilled fruit, and painting on leather.
Spicy cinnamon rolls, sweet rice with pineapple and crunchy chicken bits, mascarpone cheese cakes, and beauty makeover.
Small fruitcakes, jungle stew with bread, ice cream, and ice cream making.
Creamy tomato soup, trout a la creme, tiramisu, and mini golf.

Winner: Gallywix. If you bitch about people’s cooking, you better be a good cook yourself, that’s his motto.


Sylvanas: Mushroom cake, roasted lamb with stuffing-cooked-aside, olives and creme cheese in spring onion (presented as eyeballs), and mirror labyrinth.
Especially spicy devil clams, saffron-and-curry rice with sweet deer, various baked cheeses with cranberry sauce, and fire dancing.
Ramen, noodles of thousand flavors and grilled vegetable, sweet rice cakes and Hearthstone tournament.
Thin mint-and-chocolate cookies, hare stew with potatoes and homemade cornbread, small grilled cheeseburgers, and ale tasting.
Sweet-and-sour chili soup, crispy breaded chicken strips with orange sauce, vegetable sushi rolls, and painting on silk shirts.

Winner: Lor’themar. The sweet victory was worth staying sober for five days straight.


Anduin: Creamy fish soup, potato pancakes with beef, cheese fondue, and 5-man version of Jihui.
Onion soup, pork tenderloin with pasta and spinach sauce, blueberry cheesecake, and opening champagne with a sword.
Homemade pates with dwarven shortbread, sweet dumblings with strawberry stuffing, chocolate-vanilla butter roll, and visiting her lava-heated glasshouse.
Radish salad with sour goat cheese, skewered warp stalker bits and exotic fruit, open sandwich (danish style), and pearl-hunt diving.
Lady Deathwhisper:
Gazpacho, risotto with four meats, frozen cream puff ball surprise (varying flavor and a nut inside), and ice sculpting.

Varian: Hold on, hold on. Lady Deathwhisper? What is she doing here?
Lady Deathwhisper:
You see, there was one competitor needed for this group and the Lich King thought the Scourge should be… More positively represented.
Lady Deathwhisper:
And Kel’thuzad is a miserable cook, so…

Winner: Anduin. The living proof that less sometimes means more and simple and traditional is always good.

What really, really upsets them

For a lovable anon. Do you ever have that one little thing that doesn’t really matter but it can drive you crazy? Sure, everyone has. The leaders are no exception.

Anduin: “A king should-” Anduin knows what king should and shouldn’t but he also knows what needs to be done and if you ain’t going to do it, then Light help him, he is doing it by himself just out of spite!

Ghost Varian: Maybe don’t tell him he died. He knows and doesn’t like to be reminded.

The Council of Three Hammers:

Muradin: Mentions of Arthas. He can never decide whether to be or sad or disgusted or mad at himself and this indecision makes him angry.
Mentions of her husband. Especially coming from the heroes.
Animal harm and/or abuse. On the other hand he also disagrees with D.E.H.T.A., so he doesn’t have it easy.

Tyrande: Malfurion needs rescuing. She should have married Illidan, things like that wouldn’t happen to him…

Mekkatorque: Poorly closed water tap, so the water is actually dripping.

Velen: Bronze dragonflight. They have a long-term argument going on about his prophetic vision. Now when Nozdormu is no longer an Aspect and the bronze dragons are time-blind, it is more heated than ever.

Genn: Garlic. It isn’t an allergy, he just… Doesn’t like garlic. At all.

Aysa: Untidy places. If it is not crystal clear and clean, it belongs nowhere near Aysa.

Thrall: Slavery. Don’t you even dare to mention it. Don’t you even dare to hint at it. It’s a life hazard.

Spirit of Vol'jin: Cold. Jungle Trolls aren’t made for cold weather and remember they don’t wear shoes.

Ghost Garrosh: Comparing him to his dad. Or comparing him to anyone, really.

Baine: Accusing him of being a drug addict. He can stop whenever he wants. He just doesn’t want (or need) to right now.

Sylvanas: Anything screwing up with her plans.

Lor'themar: Lazy people. Stupid people. Indecisive, disobedient or irresponsible people. People in general.

Gallywix: Counterfeits of any kind. He notices the difference. He just knows.

Ji: People’s need to chit-chat. What is a small talk even good for?

Taedal: When he calls Skippydoo by name for the fourth time and it still doesn’t respond. Like, what the hell is that supposed to be, a revolution?

How do they feel about heroes coming back from death

For a lovable anon. It is quite unfair that the heroes can return from death when other characters can’t, right?

Anduin: Does that mean my dad is just too lazy to get up or what?

Ghost Varian: I can’t say I would call it exactly fair. Why can’t I too return from death? I have a war going on in the world of living, you know?

The Council of Three Hammers:

Muradin: Hmph. So. Maybe Arthas did kill me but I returned back like the heroes do? Am I a hero?
Alright, but here is the real question - How does the rest of us learn that?
That’s cheating, it ain’t right, nor natural! If ya die, ya should stay dead.

Tyrande: It’s blessing of the gods. They are just lucky to be the chosen ones. Heroes. We didn’t have this kind of people around when I was young… Younger.

Mekkatorque: Look, whatever. As long as it means we have a never ending supply of heroes when we need them, I don’t really care.

Velen: I am a guy who’s been banned from lottery, I can’t really complain about someone getting an unfair advantage.

Genn: I just hope it’s all legal and not upsetting any kind of deity we have around here.

Aysa: I am sure they are cheating on reincarnation. Which is pretty clever, I must admit. Hm… Excuse me, I think I need to do some heavy research and thinking.

Thrall: (Heavy sigh) But I have to do everything right on the first time…

Spirit of Vol'jin: I’d say I’d like to find out how is dat possible, but… I be kinda busy now.

Ghost Garrosh: You know, you don’t have to babysit my ghost children. I can handle them quite well enough.
Spirit of Vol’jin:
Dey need a momma too!
Ghost Garrosh:
I don’t want you to raise my children! And you can’t be their mother, you’re a guy!
Spirit of Vol’jin:
(With confusion) Wut has dat to do wit’ anythin’?
Ghost Goruma (Ghost child no. 24):
Mom, dad? Could you argue quiter? We are trying to sleep.

Baine: I am sure there are stupid bets going within the heroes community. Thing as “I bet you die at least 6 times until the next time I see you.”

Sylvanas: I am not responsible for them coming back, so everyone can stop giving me the questioning looks now!

Kel’thuzad: No, me neither. Find someone else to blame, not everyone returning from death is to be blamed on the Scourge.

Lor'themar: I… I actually never really noticed that. And to be honest, I don’t really care.

Gallywix: Alright but… How? Are they undead? Are they immortal? Is it a curse? Is there a scientific explanation? Just… How?

Ji: I don’t want to be that guy but we should be super careful about not letting any hero to be caught by anyone who would get information out of them by torture. If they are this kind of immortal, it could turn against us.

Taedal: We… We actually do return from death, you know? The respawn time lasts like forever, but we do return.

Taedal: (Looks at all the ghosts and spirits) Well, unless there is some kind of a plot reason why we stay dead. But mostly we return, it takes a hour or two. Or twelve.

How did they react to Anduin becoming the king?

For @vixvizus. Legion spoiler: Varian also dies. But since  Stormwind is a monarchy, his son has to take the place as the King of Stormwind, whether he likes it or not. (Here is the following Warchief Sylvanas and here The Epilogue to both lists)

Ghost Varian: Anduin as king? Over my dead cold body!

Anduin: DAD!
Ghost Varian: What? I can make that joke, since it’s about, you know, me.
Be so kind and do it somewhere I can’t hear it…
Anduin: (Mumbles) I don’t want to be a king.

The Council of Three Hammers:

Muradin: Okay, maybe we can, I don’t kin… Lend him a manual?
Moira: What manual?
Falstad: Muradin means How to Rule Yer Kingdom, Handy Manual for Beginers. Ya know, that lil’ book…
Moira: Should I be bothered we have such a thingy?
Muradin: Ya should be more bothered that it’s ex libris Magni…

Tyrande: I give King Anduin my sincere condolences just as well as my congratulations. While it may seem harsh to say, I do believe he becoming the king is a change to better.

Mekkatorque: Well, not like anything is going to change much for us Gnomes. Maybe I just won’t have to start every diplomatic conversation with him “Hey, down here.”

Velen: While loss of King Varian is very tragic for everybody, I think that Anduin is the best leader his people could seek. It is important for the leader to be in touch with the Light… Or… Well, other spiritual entities.

Genn: Those fuckers killed Varian? What the hell? I swear the Gilnean forces are going to crush the Legion! I mean, we don’t stand much chance now, Anduin is too young to be a king. He should leave it all up to me and the Dwarves, and do something safe, like… Read a book or pray.

Tess: I give it a month before my father realizes that neither me nor Anduin are married… (Heavy sigh)

Aysa: Good gods, I don’t know… Are congratulations in place? Should I offer him mental support over his dad? Oh well, I just play some Jihui with him, that should do both.

Thrall: Pragmatical part of me says, that we are once again closer to the peace with the Alliance. However, I know how hard it is to become a leader in such a young age and how pressing the feeling of being responsible is… I think that Anduin will do well, but he should surround himself by friends, just not to be alone.

Vol'jin: I do not really thin’ dere be much change happenin’. But I actually couldn’t care less. Since I am, ye know, dead.

Spirit of Vol’jin: High-five?
Ghost Varian: (High-fives Spirit of Vol’jin)

Baine: In case Thrall is serious about that friend thing… Maybe I should visit Anduin in Stormwind… Just in case. And learn Jihui, because I will most likely run into Aysa there.

Sylvanas: (Furiously waves “Go Anduin!”  banner while wearing Stormwind tabard with “Anduin for King″ written on it)

Genn: You are either super supportive or super sarcastic. I can’t decide.
Sylvanas: (Blows party blower in Genn’s face) Doooooooot!

Lor'themar: Does Anduin drink? I could advise him how to manage drinking and ruling a kingdom of idiots at the same time. I am an expert in this field, if only I do say so myself.

Gallywix: Oh wait! I have a sign just for this occasion! (Pulls out a sign “I don’t give a fuck”)

Gallywix: I also have a sign that says “Sarcasm” in case you want it, Your Highness Greymane.
Genn: Why would I want such a stupid thing?
Sylvanas: Dooooooot!
Genn: Okay, how much?

Ji: I think I’ll just go to the Undercity and prevent Sylvanas from making “The King is dead, Long live the King” banners from happening. And then I’ll go to Stormwind and bring tea, so Aysa and Anduin and Baine can drink some good tea while playing.

Bolvar: Great, so I decide to sit on this freezing chair no longer and I have to calm down Anduin’s mental breakdown the first time I see him since Northrend. Great, really.

Kel’thuzad: You know, bringing his father back is always an option. I could easily arrange that. No problem at all.
Sylvanas: Doooooooot! Doooooooot!
Muradin: (Searching for the manual)
Bolvar: (Violence on Kel’thuzad)
Anduin: Lord Regent Theron… Is your offer still a thing?
Lor’themar: (Watches as Genn hits Sylvanas with the “Sarcasm” sign) Well, yes. Yes, I suppose.

If they had to take care of a group of small children for a day.

For a lovable anon. Let’s say they racial leaders decided to help out the local orphanage and are for one day taking care of children groupof mixed races, aproximate age: 5 years.

Varian: Panicked. Kids refused to obey or be silent and wanted to play with real sharp swords. He manageed to put them in garden to play with a ball and calledAnduin as a backup. It ended up as a story-telling session and Varian was glad the day was over.

The Council of Three Hammers: The children loved Falstad’s gryphons and they get way too many rides on them. Moira, already a mother, is great at taking care of them and shooshing them when they get hurt (happens here and there). Muradin hadn’t noticed there were any children.

Tyrande: This actually turned out to be more a school than a child-care. The children returned with weird questions, the most intriguing being “Where do I get a glaive and demon blood?”

Mekkatorque: He is actually great with children. However, he can’t give piggy-back rides, no matter how much he wants to. All kids are bigger than him. On the other hand, the toys were well welcomed.

Velen: He would call the day a complete sucess if only he hadn’t been called “Grandpa” all the time. He wouldn’t mind the kids calling him that, but the rest of the Draenei keeps calling him that even today.

Genn: He might and might not had forgotten the kids are young. It was a workout day and a military training in once. Okay, maybe it was more like a scout field trip, but still it was pretty hard on the children.

Aysa: She gave up teaching them calligraphy when she realized that painting will keep them quiet for a while. She keeps all the pictures the kids gave her on a wall. All 39 of them.

Thrall: He befriended the children with Durak and then did his best to teach them about nature. When Agrra came in, he was buried under pile of swarming pack of ferocious wolves. Or children, that depends. It was a good day for everybody.

Vol'jin: He was sarcastic thorough the day and to every question he gave an honest answer. the kids are now fluent in Zandali swearwords, have basic knowledge of voodoo, know how to wrestle a tiger and cook him in twenty different ways. The matron is slightly confused why the kids keep saying “I’m four, I should have a knife for two years already. I made this one, you can’t take it from me.” They want to see Vol’jin again, although the experience has to be, according to what they keep excitedly telling about it, terrifying.

Baine: He actually spent the whole day carrying the children around Mulgore on is horns. That’s it. That’s all.

Sylvanas: She wasn’t really happy about taking care of children and she wasn’t really good at it either. The kids were scared, they cried, Sylvanas yelled. She suggested playing Hiden’n’Seek and lost the kids all over the Undercity. Children at least had some fun hidding away from Sylvanas’ elite team of Dark Rangers looking for them. Sylvanas, however, still thinks she won the game, because she managed to all the children back and alive.

Lor'themar: Kids went literally everywhere. They were noisy, crying, yelling, laughing, playing with priceless tomes and artifacts. They nearly put the rest of Silvermoon in ruins when they found magic properties. Lor’themar’s summary of the day was: “Not different from what I usually do, except they were actual kids.”

Gallywix: He didn’t care about the children at all, because he was told he can’t use them for labour neither sell them to slavery. The kids were playing in his palace and with the mooks standing around. It included a lot of happy singing (and grunting) and swimming in a pool.

Ji: The kids decided to play a war. He joined. He was pretending to be Deathwing and kids were brave heroes saving the Azeroth. Then they went for a meal and a log afternoon nap.

What do they think of the heroes (players)

For a lovable anon

Varian: “…They are good…. Well, not exactly babysitters. Anduin likes them. That’s important.”

The Council of Three Hammers:

Muradin: “All I am saying is that around them more secrets are revealed within one hour than on regular base in thousand years.”
“They are either clever enough to not let us know how clever they are… Or very very dumb.”
Falstad: “They are particularly good finders.”

Tyrande: “I think they lack respect. Someone should teach them about it.”

Mekkatorque: “I think they are extremely lucky! Odds always in their favour.”

Velen: “They are nice and all but… Where do they stuff all of those things? And how? I have never seen them with a purse or anything else but they keep pulling out two-hand swords out of literal nowhere!

Genn: “How in the name of Light could those cretins survive all the things they’ve gone thorough and get so far?”

Aysa: “They can learn to ride any mount there is. I wish I could do that. A horse wouldn’t carry me, not even speaking about rams… I want a ram.”

Thrall: “Well, I think they are needed. And they are kind enough to help.”

Vol'jin: “Dey be a bunch o’ troubles with legs ‘nd blades. Or spells. I can relate to dat.”

Baine: “I find them too haste and rushed.”

Sylvanas: “I think they are… useful. They do not question me.”

Lor'themar: “I think they are annoying. But they are annoying somewhere else. So I don’t really mind.”

Gallywix: “I actually don’t know. I haven’t seen them…”

Ji: “They do all the fun stuff and adventures. Nothing is left for me, and even worse - I have to clean afterwards the mess they left behind.”

How did they react to Sylvanas becoming the Warchief?

For @vixvizus. Legion spoiler: Vol’jin (still) dies. And with his dying breath he names Sylvanas the Warchief of the Horde. (Here is for King Anduin. Here is the Epilogue)

Anduin: (Dressed in the Undercity tabard, waving a little flag that says “Go Sylvanas!) Erm… Hooray?

Ghost Varian: My son, care to explain?
Well, she was quite supportive of me to become the king…
Ghost Varian:
She was most likely sarcastic.
Maybe I am too??

The Council of Three Hammers:

Muradin: Congratulations and all, but… You know, it’s Sylvanas.
Moira: Why not have Thrall back? Thrall was cool…
Falstad: So, we have another war against the Undead? Wait fer me to fetch me ma’ hammer!

Tyrande: I will just sit here and pretend it’s not happening. Alright?

Mekkatorque: I don’t really care, it will not be our problem, whatever happens.

Genn: What if she decides to take Gnomeregan by force? What will you do then, huh!
Mekkatorque: (Wide insane smile) Well, she better have her corpses radiation proof.
Muradin: Wait, you are going to irradiate that place again? Don’t you remember what happened the last time?
Mekkatorque: What do you mean again? We just walk around in chemical protection suits. I’d bet the Undead don’t have that.

Velen: On the bright side, she is the… Civilizated part of the Horde. If something goes awry, we could negotiate with her.

Genn: Okay, that’s it. Worgens are going to live in a completely different world now.

Tyrande: Like where?
Genn: Past Draenor is still a thing, isn’t it?
Thrall: Don’t you dare!

Aysa: I don’t know why are you all so harsh and mean! Lady Windrunner is a fine woman. Kind of creepy, yes, and she can be kind of… Reckless and cruel, but maybe the position is going to change her!

Genn: Like it changed Garrosh you mean?
Aysa: Why are you so biassed?
Genn: She killed MY SON!

Thrall: Sylvanas is a good person at the right place. I believe she will lead the Horde with honor and glory.

Agqra: I think I get that problem with you. You are a bad judge of characters, because you only see their good sides. And you don’t admit it.
Thrall: What makes you think so?
Aggra: (Thinks about everything Thrall had done in past) Just a wild guess.

Spirit of Vol'jin: Da Loas told ma’ to do so. I be knowin’ dat da ways o’ da Loas are beyon’ mah understandin’, but dis time I ha’e to ask: “Wut da fuck?”

Gallywix: It was you who gave her that position…
Spirit of Vol’jin: Ya don’t question da Loas.
Gallywix: Still, you could say no to them. You don’t always stick to rules.
Spirit of Vol’jin: Ya don’t question da Loas.

Baine: Eh… Whatever. Congrats to that lass. She can’t screw it up worse than it was already.

Falstad: Well, you’d be surprised. She can.
Have you been to Northrend? Have you seen the Vengeance Hand? She can screw up sooooo hard.

Sylvanas: (Still in the Stormwind tabard. Blows the party blower) Doooooot!

Lor'themar: Well, congratulations! I am very happy to see you on the top, where you belong, Cap- Lady Windrunner. who knows, maybe with you in charge, the Blood Elves start to be relevant again!

Sylvanas: Dooooot!
Lor’themar: Up to celebration? Sounds good to me!
Thrall: I think this is the first time I see Lord Theron happy. It creeps the green out of me…

Gallywix: Warchief… Warchiefess… Erm, no, no. Dark Lady, yeah that’s better. So, Dark Lady, I have some hot engines I thought you’d be interested in seeing, so what do yo-

Sylvanas: Dooooot!
Gallywix: Alright, alright, simple ‘No’ would do. No need to blow me this thing in my face.

Ji: I actually thinks that Sylvanas needs right now a good hug…

Ji: Not that I like that idea. I am not hugging her. I just think she needs it…

Ghost Garrosh: I hate to be the one who says this, but it’s actually quite a strategic move from Vol’jin. Despite I hate that damned troll weirdo, he obviously has some brain he uses. No, really. Windrunner needs to be kept in line to not do something terrible, like spread the Plague. And now she is in command of the Horde which knows it can rebel against its leader.

Spirit of Vol’jin: … I’ve just realized a thin’
Ghost Garrosh: What? You didn’t do that all on purpose and now see it only as I pointed it out?
Spirit of Vol’jin: Nah. I’m dead now…
Ghost Garrosh: That’s something the Pandarens call ‘Karma’.
Spirit of Vol’jin: Yea, but I be stuck here wit’ ya.
Ghost Garrosh: Argh!

If they lived on the planet Earth

Author’s choice. Lately I had some ideas for my own lists but I was always able to fill in, like, only two names or such as that. So I decided to combine it this way.

Varian: Would be the popular teacher at your school who can motivate you thorough PE, Math and in fact thorough the whole school year so you actually are happy to go to school when you have a lesson with him that day.

The Council of Three Hammers: They would start a talk-show which would be very popular for being sarcastic, firing all the shots, being funny yet talking about important topics.

Tyrande: She’d be a famous model who’d be also a fanatic Christian. but that kind of fanatic Christian who says: “It’s about love and help and the book is out-dated!”

Mekkatorque: Would be the one who’d come with the whole oncology thing. He’d start it and he’d cure millions of people.

Velen: Would be crazy Star Wars fan but nobody would ever know. And he would run your local library and be that kind old man who gives you support after break up and offers you shelter when you can’t go home because parents are jerks to you.

Genn: Would be an actor and he’d play in Game of Thrones. He would be one of the characters that are still alive and he would hate his job because he doesn’t like fans.

Aysa: Would be the crazy cosplayer making chubby and amazing cosplays of everything.

Thrall: Would be the one playing World of Warcraft because Thrall is a special meta snowflake.

Vol'jin: Would run a tea shop and a book store in one building. Rumor goes he is local mafia godfather but it nothing confirmed so far.

Baine: Would write popular self-help books. Which actually help people to be better and happy with themselves.

Sylvanas: Would speak fluent Latin. Partly because it’s the language of science but mostly because it’s a dead language.

Lor'themar: Would be in the Nightiwish band. He has the hair and I’m sure he is a good singer.

Gallywix: Would be a stylist. Hair, clothes he does it all.

Ji: Would be the one cheerful guy working in local fast food who always gives you a little bit bigger portion than the standard is and then smirks.