how fans sound when listening to their favorite shows

Be More Chill: “These are my two OTPs, Fancy Earbuds and Panera.”

Falsettos: “no no no Marvin don’t do it dON’T DO IT OMG MARVIN NO WHAT DID I TELL YOU MARVIN WHY”

Newsies: “Do you see the fifth one from the right? That’s Mittens and the one next to him is Toto. They are my boyfriends and also each other’s. The camera will cut to them again in eight minutes and thirty two seconds! Go and look it up the poor GUY’S head is spinning~”

Hamilton: “Did you know that line has a triple meaning??? It’s referring to this Very Specific Historical Thing™, and it’s also a pun, and it’s also…wait THIS IS MY FAVORITE PART *unintelligibly fast yelling that somehow rhymes*

The Band’s Visit: enraptured silence

Next to Normal: shocked silence, even though they’ve seen this a thousand times already

Rent: awkward silence, because they’re listening with their family

Sweeney Todd: *recites entire page of Finishing the Hat*

The Phantom of the Opera: screaming_goat.wav

Natasha, Pierre, and The Great Comet of 1812: “no, Hélène is Anatole’s sister, Mary is Andrey’s sister” “no no no Marya is a totally different character, she’s the godmother” “yes, Natalie and Natasha are the same person” “no, that’s not Josh Groban”

The Book of Mormon: *uninterrupted obnoxious laughter*

Dear Evan Hansen: *uninterrupted sobbing*

Les Misérables: *listens to a single note of an audio boot* “Ah yes, this must be the 2007 West End production with Famous British Actor as John McJohn and Other Famous British Actor as Javier. I believe this was the Saturday matinee when Enjoltaire almost kissed and Ramin Karimloo was on as a loaf of bread.”

Waitress: *through tears* “She’s so beautiful…look at her…my angel who deserves the world…she…” (“Which one?”) “All…”

five types of musical love duets

1. “hey, I just met you and I’m ready to die for you”

Examples: “A Heart Full of Love” (Les Misérables), “Helpless” (Hamilton), “Ten Minutes Ago” (Cinderella)

2. “…we’re not actually talking about (thing mentioned in title)”

Examples: “Baptize Me” (The Book of Mormon), “Light My Candle” (Rent), “Small Umbrella in the Rain” (Little Women)

3. “if we talk in hypotheticals, we don’t have to face the magnitude of our true feelings”

Examples: “If I Loved You” (Carousel), “This is Life” (Bandstand), “What Would I Do” (Falsettos)

4. “the world is so messed up, but we have each other”

Examples: “Hey #3/Perfect For You” (Next to Normal), “I Should Tell You” (Rent), “The Last Night of the World” (Miss Saigon), “Only Us” (Dear Evan Hansen),

overlaps significantly with:

5. “it’ll all be over tomorrow, but at least we have today”

Examples: “As Long as You’re Mine” (Wicked), “The Last Night of the World” (Miss Saigon), “Something to Believe in” (Newsies)

BONUS: “this song is totally coming back, but next time, only one person will be singing it” 

Examples: “If I Loved You” (Carousel), “I’ll Cover You” (Rent)

Me: *makes a giant list of musicals I want to watch/listen to*

Me: *constantly wanting to broaden my musical horizon with different casts and versions of soundtracks*

Also me: *listens/watches the same four musicals on repeat*

optimal places to listen to these musicals

otherwise known as: “but theater is meant to be experienced live!!!” is a myth invented by capitalism

Anastasia: a sleepover at your best friend’s home 

The Band’s Visit: in a silent house with the lights off and the curtains drawn

Be More Chill: in the safety of your room after an exhausting school day 

The Book of Mormon: not in public

Dear Evan Hansen: a long drive home

Falsettos: walking around a city you don’t know well; it feels mundane and surreal at the same time

Hamilton: with friends on a road trip, yelling along and tripping over the words and laughing

The Last Five Years: stuck in an elevator with a stranger

Les Misérables: anywhere with a lot of durable furniture

Little Shop of Horrors: downtown, where the folks are broke

Natasha, Pierre, and the Great Comet of 1812: in an abandoned parking lot at 2 AM with Monster Energy in the cupholder and giant floodlights in the distance. And a hamster running on a wheel in shotgun just for fun.

Newsies: on the treadmill

Next to Normal: riding the subway, absorbing each word like you’re listening to a gripping audiobook, watching the world flicker by

The Phantom of the Opera: the shower, of course, so that you can sing along

Spring Awakening: sitting in an empty playground

Tuck Everlasting: laying in the sun, the scent of grass in the air

Waitress: returning to visit a favorite place from childhood, bracing your heart for the ways it has changed

My first impression of musicals

Hamilton: wowza I’m crushing on dead assholes

Be More Chill: I, too, struggle with my porno loading, damn

Heathers: I’m sorry, but JD is still better than non-psycho dudes

Dear Evan Hansen: it’s about an anxiety ridden suicidal kid who loves trees? There’s a musical about me??

Bare A Pop Opera: shit, a gay kid in denial trying to be straight? Hecka relatable!

Fun House: this family is even more of a wreck than my own

Great Comet of 1812: suddenly I want to read War and Peace


Amelie: Phillipa is a queen and I now want to live in Paris

The Wild Party: I’ve never been to a party buT WHAT

Falsettos: Jason is relatable for a 12 year old and Trina is more sane than I am

Next to Normal: GABE, ARE YOU DEAD OR NOT? Also Henry is goals

In The Heights: fuck, my mom was right, I should learn Spanish…

Rent: I’d refuse to pay rent when I move out, but I’d rather not be evicted, so

Spring Awakening: wait, there’s gays?? MY NEW SONS

21 Chump Street: JUSTIN, SWEETIE, NOOO

Phantom of the Opera: is there an adequate way to explain to Christine what ‘STRANGER DANGER’ is?

The Lightning Thief: more accurate than the goddamn movie, love it

Bloody, Bloody, Andrew Jackson: I’m sorry, what about using blood as a metaphor?

Waitress: adultery? How lovely…

American Psycho: I honest to God am unsure if I’m turned on or frightened.

A New Brain: gay with mental illness? They know what I want