falls into ditch

Imagine Your OTP...
  • <p> <b>Person A:</b> This is a big ass teddy bear...<p/><b>Person B:</b> If you say yes next year's will be bigger...<p/><b>Person A:</b> You're serious?<p/><b>Person B:</b> You're the most beautiful little shit.<p/><b>Person C:</b> Jesus Christ...<p/><b>Person A:</b> What if I say no?<p/><b>Person B:</b> I'll fall into a ditch.<p/><b>Person A:</b> If we date I'll push you in a ditch.<p/><b>Person B:</b> As long as it's you I'll allow it.<p/><b>Person A:</b> Why do you want to date me?<p/><b>Person B:</b> I have a list of reasons I need you in my life, the main being both your inner and outer beauty always captives me.<p/><b>Person A:</b> I don't know if I should be flattered or intimated by the big words...<p/><b>Person B:</b> You also know all the words to High School Musical so we can go as Troy and Gabriella for Halloween.<p/><b>Person A:</b> Buy me Burger King and we binge watch Bob's Burgers tonight.<p/><b>Person B:</b> YES!<p/><b>Person C:</b> *coughs*<p/><b>Person B:</b> I mean yeah, cool, totally.<p/></p>

It hurts to hear that you hate welfare
But gleefully grant it to the very rich
And buy aircraft and warfare equipment
As our highways fall into a ditch.
It is far beyond shameful to see
The number of our American cynics
Who would vote for a liar,  and a thief
A draft dodger, a cheat and a bigot.

When one of your cousins likes MLP and the other likes Star Wars and you’re short for time on Christmas presents


Grünkohlessen (Eating Kale)

Eating kale is a social tradition in northern Germany during winter time. Friends or family gather for an extended walk outside, bringing a handcart with hot non-alcoholic and alcoholic drinks. During the walk, they are passing their time by playing games such as Boßeln, a kind of road bowling game in which the teams throw a ball ahead of the route with the aim to need as little as possible throws for the distance covered. Incidents like the ball falling into roadside ditches spice up the game. The destination of such an outing is usually a rural pub where hearty kale dishes as shown above are served to warm up again after the long walk in the cold. The kale is usually cooked in a strong boullion together with onions browned in pure pork fat and thickened with rolled oats. The potatoes are first cooked, then cut into chunky cubes and fried with onions until light brown. The types of meat shown here are bacon, kassler (cured, salted and lightly smoked pork cutlet), Pinkel (a smoked sausage containing wheat or oats groats in addition to the meat) and Mettwurst (a strongly cured and smoked type of sausage).

Always boasting my emotions
On how I’m so fucking broken
Think I’m joking
When I’m talking
About blowing my head open
Till the moment you walk in
And find my body motionless
Wrists slit
Thoughts of Slick keep falling in an open pit
Always burn my bridges
Cause I’d rather fall in ditches
If life’s a game of inches
Then my dick has been the biggest
And my goal’s to fuck the world
Until that motherfucker’s twitching
Lane switchin
Same mission
To die and blame my addiction

anonymous asked:

I just saw you walking by a cafe I think. Why do you have a third eye????

Why do you have two eyes?

Answer: To make sure you don’t run into walls or fall into ditches. Very much the same, my eyes give me…perspective.

The Ninja when taking their driver’s test

Lloyd: Acts calm and drives like a normal person, using turn signals and stopping at stop signs. Knocks no cones down and successfully parallel parks. Passes.

Kai: Fools around and starts flirting with the driving inspector. Drives past three stop signs and goes past the speeding limit. Fails.

Jay: Starts shaking and sweating over the wheel over nervousness but remembers to maintain correct speed. Almost gets involved in an accident. Barely passes.

Cole: Has difficulty controlling the wheel but is somehow able to not get in an accident. Starts drifting a lot but doesn’t fall in a ditch. Uses turn signals appropriately. Barely passes. 

Zane: Considered the best driver out of all the ninja. Has no emotion and uses turn signals everywhere and stops at stop signs. Like Lloyd, is able to ace the test with flying colors. Passes. (He totally didn’t cheat with Pixal in his head.)

Nya: Engages in light conversation with the inspector but is able to focus on driving. Makes very slight jerks while turning. Passes.