falling out of love

All Out of Love

January.

You know the feeling of a cold winter day

and how sometimes that harsh, crisp air

is almost refreshing?

That’s how you felt.

 

February.

They told me to expect butterflies,

but I felt the soft buzz of bees 

as they gathered in their hive,

when you smiled at me

and said hello.

 

March.

My feelings for you made me brave,

so I made the first play

in our game of chess.

I think I might win this round. 

 

April.

Your army knocked down my walls,

although they were never stable to begin with.

My line of defines was tired,

and I would be lying if I told you 

I wanted them to fight you off.

 

May.

The way you held my hand

made me see purple.

And although I don’t know what that means,

I know you are everything.

 

June. 

I saw birds up their in the sky,

sometimes they would fly above the clouds.

My heart was up their with them.

 

July.

The weather was as hot

as my heart felt in my chest. 

 

August.

My mother should have warned me,

that with love

came pain

and you were very talented 

at giving both.

 

September.

Getting what you want

if not always a good thing,

because it comes with so much more than you bargained for. 

 

October.

I’m afraid that I’m falling,

not in

but out.

 

November.

The cold winter air

was no longer refreshing,

and the bees

started stinging. 

 

December.

I tried.

I tried to get it all back,

shove it back in my heart where it came from.

But once it’s gone,

oh my it’s gone.

it doesn’t happen all at once
it happens slowly
like a flood
water rising cautiously
a quiet rebellion
spilling over enemy lines with a vengeance
minute by minute, you feel it
the gravitational pull on your body
moving you further and further apart
your mother says that you will
find your way back to him,
but you are not so sure
it does not happen all at once
it happens like the
continents drifting apart
a few centimeters per year
it happens so slowly
you can’t even see it
until it is too late
until the love waltzing in the ball
room of your chest goes quiet
and everyone stops dancing
he grabs your hand and asks you
to go someplace quiet
you don’t go with him
you stay silent
your heart is a still drum
he takes your pulse with his teeth
tells you he doesn’t
understand
how you could change your mind
so suddenly
it doesn’t happen all at once
remember that, even when he
tries to convince you that things
were fine the day before
tell him that the earth is moving
microscopic distances as you speak
that neither of you are in the same
place that you were
yesterday
—  falling out of love | Caitlyn Siehl

1. The pain of falling embarrassingly out of your first love will be soothed by the amnesia created by the slow ease of drifting into your second love.

2. Do not dwell on the memories of the one you lost, but focus on making even better memories with the one you have found.

3. Go on dates. Lots of them. Go to new diners where you’ll steal the ketchup off his plate with your fries. Sneak into undiscovered parks in the night to steal secret kisses.

4. Gaze into his eyes and realize he looks at you like you threw all the shooting stars into the sky just for him to find, only to wish for you to be in his arms. Realize when you look into his eyes you feel a familiar warmth, you feel at home.

5. Never compare your second love to your first. Your second love is supposed to teach you all loves are different, and each one better than the last.

6. Allow yourself to fall into his arms with trust. He will catch you. He is honest and worthy of your trust. Remember each secret and story he shares. This is him beginning to trust you as well.

7. Do not hurt him, be kind and considerate, because just like you, he has suffered the pain of losing the first love. He is also scared of being hurt again. Care for each other.

8. Remember you will both make mistakes. You will both mess up and say the wrong thing once and awhile. Don’t give up, you know you’re both too crazy about each other. Always listen and always forgive.

9. When he sleeps beside you, hold him close and listen to his heart beating only for your ears to hear. In that moment you are the only two people on Earth.

10. Open yourself up and he will do the same. Make him not only your lover, but your best friend as well. Let yourself love and be loved again as though you had never been hurt at all, while still holding on to the wisdom you gained from that past pain.

—  Steps to falling in love, after you’ve fallen out. (12/02/2013)