falling out of love

I have never been happier than the moment your name was mentioned and I realised I had fallen out of love with you. Finally, it was like I was finally free of the chains I had tangled around my head and heart.
—  Getting over you was the best thing that happened to me.
This is how I’d fallen out of love of him:

I didn’t. It just that one day I woke up, and I just.. I just didn’t feel anything for him. Not love, not like, not hate, nor anger, not even sadness or disappointment, just.. nothing. Like my heart entered a sudden oblivion, and it just forgot. It forgot to remember to care for him or to think of him, and in a blink of an eye, everything about him, every feelings I associated with him is erased, and he didn’t matter anymore. Like he never really mattered at all.

And I’m okay with it. I mean, it’s a lot like looking at a blank grey canvas, what do you suppose to feel about it? Nothing, right? Nothing and just okay.
—  cynthia go // This is how I’d fallen out of love with him // excerpt from a book i’ll never write #33
People fear someone falling out of love with them, but no one usually questions what it’s like to be the one falling out. They can’t picture feeling that something must be horribly wrong with you because there’s no other plausible explanation for why your heart doesn’t flutter when you look at him like it used to. It was the position I never thought I would find myself in, yet here I was, looking at the man I supposedly loved and not feeling a thing. If there was anything there, it was negative. Annoyance, anger, sadness, the complete opposite of everything he used to make me feel. It wasn’t right to let him believe things were okay, so I told him. Watching his facial expression drift from a quiet seriousness into a brokenness I never thought I would cause, I wished I didn’t mean the words I said but I knew I did. I couldn’t keep running away, after all, where could I go when the person that used to feel like home no longer did?
—  Maxwell Diawuoh, Request: Telling the guy you love that you’re falling out of love for the same reason you fell in love with him.

Whenever you’re starting to get annoyed by her, remember how you felt when you first started talking to her and how beautiful her smile is

Whenever she’s driving you insane and you wanna yell at her, remember how at one point all you wanted to do was listen to her and know all her childhood secrets

Whenever you feel like you want her to stay away from you, remember those times when you couldn’t keep your hands off of her because you loved the touch of her skin

Whenever you feel like you don’t wanna spend time with her anymore, remember your first date and how the only thing you wanted to do was to spend as much time with her as possible

Whenever you feel like you don’t want to kiss her anymore, remember your first kiss; how nervous you were and how happy it made you afterwards

Whenever you don’t want to sleep next to her anymore, remember how at one point the only way for you to fall asleep was only if you were in her arms

Whenever you feel like leaving her, remember how it felt when you couldn’t see her for two or three days straight and how terrible it made you feel

And if none of those memories break your heart and make you remember why you love her, then carefully explain to her that she’s the one that has to leave you

—  Because, darling, you don’t deserve her anymore

WHEN YOU’RE FALLING OUT OF LOVE:

1. his smile used to drip honey but now it is all chipped iceberg teeth in a sea of red.

2. the butterflies try their best to escape but they just drop dead in the pit of your stomach every time he touches your hand.

3. you’ll find yourself forcing laughter through a closed mouth.

4. you’ll find a new home on the shoulder of the boy who sits next to you in class. you’ll spend the hours studying the softness of his hands instead, imagining how they might feel in your hair.

5. he is no longer what you search for in the spaces between the masses of people around. you just keep walking as tall as you possibly can.

6. you see his laid back nature as laziness and his jokes as misogynistic and you can’t believe you’ve been living with rose-tinted glasses this whole time.

7. catching his eye feels all types of guilty because you can’t love him the way he wants you to anymore.

8. your cheeks will flush with poppies when the boy that sits next to you in class whispers your name. you’ll feel hurricanes ripping through your insides, blowing away all the dust that settled on your heart.

9. all the sheets of paper you filled with poetry about him you’ll want to burn because it doesn’t make sense anymore; it doesn’t feel real anymore.

10. you always said forever but sometimes forever can seem so short that before you know it, you’ve already forgotten what his name feels like when you hold it on your tongue.

—  THIS IS THE LAST ONE ABOUT YOU
I don’t even get upset anymore because I’m at the point where I’ve just stopped caring. And that’s something that should scare you.
See, you can keep doing the same things over and over and eventually it will stop hurting me but only because I will have become numb to it.. only because I will have become numb to you.
The only thing you’re really doing is helping me to fall out of love with you.
—  things they’ll have to learn the hard way

I truly believe that you were the first person that ever fell in love with me.

Oh sure, there were people before you that I loved, and who liked me well enough for a time. But you-

You would spend hours carding your fingers through my hair as I read. You once told me all of the little habits I had that you found endearing. You wrote poetry about my eyes.

You used to keep me awake until four in the morning, talking about any subject that crossed your mind, but I never minded because you have always been so fascinating to me.

So when you stopped loving me, it was the first time that I really believed that the terrible parts of me were greater than the beautiful things.

I didn’t realize that I would lose myself along with you.

—  K.S.
Love withers when one stops deciding to put an effort on making it grow.
—  Things I realized when I was talking to my friend, part III
I just wanted to hear you say you were sorry, sorry for hurting me, sorry for lying to me, sorry for not trying your best for me. I just wanted to know that you were sorry too that we didn’t last, that we both ended up heartbroken, that you’re always on my mind and I’m never on yours. I just wanted to know if you will ever be sorry for leaving me the way you did, for making me feel like I shouldn’t exist, for making me love you the way that I did.
—  t.i // Are you sorry yet?
everyone talks about how bad heartbreak hurts but no one talks about the pain of falling out of love. this person whose smile used to stop storms in your brain, now curves just a little too much to the right for your liking. this person whose voice used to melt your heart, now aggravates you and you wonder why they talk so much. this person who you used to want to spend every moment with, now seems too clingy and you want time to yourself. this person whose touch used to make the rest of the world go away, now makes your eyes water because it just doesn’t feel the same and you can’t figure out why. you start getting mad for no reason. you start fights because you want to feel something. you start taking longer to text back. you start falling asleep early so that you don’t accidentally let the truth spill out. you start giving up on the relationship and just watch it crumble. you start watching the person you love became the person you loved, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. the person you used to love, you just don’t anymore even though you desperately wish you did.
—  i loved you once //
100 Ways To Get Over A Breakup.
  1. Deny any and all emotion
  2. Sleep less
  3. Ride your bike at 3am
  4. Without a helmet
  5. In the middle of the street
  6. Fuck the people you thought about fucking when you were in a relationship
  7. Fuck the people you never thought about fucking
  8. Eat healthier
  9. But only after eating really unhealthy for a couple weeks
  10. Stretch more but don’t call it something with spiritual implications because you aren’t very spiritual
  11. Consider alcoholism
  12. Stop romanticizing addiction
  13. Find other self-destructive coping mechanisms
  14. Convince yourself no one really likes you
  15. Cry a lot
  16. Maybe in public
  17. Sleep more
  18. Spiral into crippling depression
  19. But say yes when people invite you to do things
  20. Pretend you’re not sad
  21. Talk like an asshole
  22. Go out of your way to be jaded and cynical
  23. Criticize everything
  24. Tell yourself you’re going to exercise more
  25. Tell yourself you deserve a break from physical activity because you’re depressed and your body needs to rest
  26. Take long showers
  27. Take cold showers
  28. Masturbate in the shower
  29. Masturbate a lot
  30. Get your nipples pierced
  31. Consider making an OkCupid
  32. Consider reactivating your Facebook
  33. Consider the fact that maybe you measure your self-worth in relation to other people
  34. Consider the fact that maybe you don’t know how to live for yourself
  35. Lie to impress people
  36. Lie to make people like you
  37. Be so honest it makes people uncomfortable
  38. Swallow your filter and word vomit a lot
  39. Sell your things
  40. Leave town for a while
  41. Tell everyone you’re leaving and not coming back
  42. No one will miss you
  43. Move to a new city
  44. Change your name
  45. Cut your hair
  46. Consider spending twice as much money on rent just to live alone
  47. Wonder if living alone will make you feel more or less lonely
  48. Stop texting people who don’t want to hang out
  49. Stop thinking about people who don’t think about you
  50. Stop texting
  51. Just “forget” your phone one day
  52. Pretend it’s broken
  53. Break your phone
  54. Get a new number
  55. Call your mom
  56. Just kidding don’t do that
  57. Read a lot of graphic novels
  58. Watch a lot of movies
  59. Pet a lot of dogs
  60. Make a smoothie
  61. Start using tinctures
  62. Pretend you’re high
  63. Take a dance class
  64. Don’t talk about it all the time
  65. Clean neurotically
  66. Spend a lot of money on Lush products
  67. Use them generously
  68. Wash your sheets
  69. Don’t look at their instagram
  70. Use your friend’s fire pit to burn everything that reminds you of them
  71. Don’t read all of their letters
  72. Just set them on fire and forget
  73. Don’t wonder how this was so easy for them
  74. Don’t wonder if maybe they never really loved you
  75. Don’t call them
  76. Don’t ask for closure
  77. Don’t expect them to wonder how you’re doing
  78. Don’t tell them how you’re doing
  79. Get tattoos on the most tender parts of you
  80. Breathe deeply because the pain is sort of cathartic
  81. Do not fuck your tattoo artist
  82. Learn a new language
  83. Start a cool hobby that will make you seem super interesting
  84. Buy a motorcycle
  85. Stop letting people manipulate you
  86. Be really sad
  87. But like be really tough about it
  88. Drink juice out of the carton
  89. Take a lot of bubble baths
  90. Take a nap inside the duvet
  91. Drink herbal tea
  92. Buy new boots
  93. Get a professional massage
  94. Read non-fiction
  95. Go on a hike by yourself
  96. Go swimming
  97. But not if you just pierced your nipples
  98. Call in sick and spend the day in bed
  99. Listen to the bands you listened to in high school
  100. Sing along loudly even if you’re crying a little bit

We were a ticking time bomb.

Preparing for the end before we even began
Trying to figure out how we’ll call it quits
But making sure to never fall asleep without a goodnight kiss

We were a ticking time bomb
We knew this wouldn’t last
Doing 10 mph wondering are we moving too fast ?
Yet we told each other everything
Patched the cuts and healed the bruises
As long as when it got too serious we could distance ourselves with useless excuses

We were a ticking time bomb
Just waiting to explode
Our words and actions never quite matched up
No matter how much we tried it just never felt enough

We were a ticking time bomb
Most of “us” was a mistake
Sleep walking through this
convincing ourselves we were awake

I know you’re out there reading this
and I know I came to mind
I’m sorry you can relate
To such a lingering and devastating heartache

— 

Rafelina Michelle

Ig : Rafelina_Michelle

Words of advice to everyone out there: no matter how detached you may feel emotionally, there is absolutely no way that you can spend nights with someone “casually” for months at a time and not develop some sort of feelings for them. And if you can, then you’re just cold.