Oh grim the humble angst request that plagues the sweet Courferre shipper </3
The song was soft and sweet and romantic, and exactly the kind of music you’d expect to play at Marius and Cosette’s wedding.
This was where Courfeyrac usually lived, all these people, all of his friends, the happy energy, the dancing.
But the reasons that Courfeyrac would usually thrive were also the exact reasons the he was currently standing, frozen to the spot, the champagne glass in his hand held so tightly that it was a wonder it hadn’t cracked.
He was here, and of course he looked so beautiful. Of course he was graceful and wonderful. And of course- he was dancing with somebody else.
He should have known better than to plan things out in his head. They rarely played out the way he wanted them too.
He had imagined it a million times- the soft and romantic lighting, the fairy lights twinkling above them as the first song played. Extending a hand to him, jokingly at first, but once they came together, entwined in a slow dance, he would finally see Courfeyrac the way he always saw him.
He couldn’t bare it anymore. His fantasy scene was playing out perfectly, but it had left him behind as a spectator, not the star. Courfeyrac stumbled past a group of giggling guests, his feet carrying him away.
“Where are you going.” Somebody called out to him.
“I just need some air.” Is what Courfeyrac said. I can’t breathe is what he thought.
Combeferre had came to the wedding, dashing and lovely. He’d danced with somebody close and fallen in love to the sway of a romantic song- but he hadn’t done any of it with Courfeyrac.
It’s 3:04 am.
And I’m still thinking about you.
I honestly don’t know what this is.
Did I do something terrible to the universe?
Is that why I’m poisoned?
Is that why I can’t forget?
Is that why pain is constant?
Your freckles, your hair, your eyes.
I’ve memorized them.
I’ve loved you for years.
So much so that my heart almost doesn’t feel the pain anymore.
You loved her.
She didn’t love you.
Your heart was on fire.
Weeks passed, and you’ve started to smile more often.
You laugh at my stupid jokes as if they were funny.
You call my name far more than you used to?
Am I being used?
Did you see my throbbing heart and decide to grab it?
Is it just so she can see?
Why is your smile so handsome?
Why can’t it be ugly?
I wish you were ugly.
More specifically, I wish your soul was ugly.
Maybe then, I could move on.
But so far nothing’s worked.
I can’t get your laugh out of my head.
I remember every word you say.
I’ve tried to erase my memory with happiness.
But how can I do that if it’s with you?
You’re so bright
And not just with intelligence.
Why can’t people love each other?
The way I love you.
I wrote this at 3 this morning, and I’m in desperate need of advice.
This is real. Has anyone else gone through something like this?
Is this love? Or is it revenge?