fallenangelrane

Advice for my date courtesy of fallenangelrane
  • fallenangelrane: I think you should, at some point on your date, just yell WHOPPER NO ONIONS. I triple dog dare you. It's legit now.
  • fallenangelrane: Let him buy the candy and then in a hoarse whisper be all like "...thanks for the candy..."
  • fallenangelrane: I don't see how any of this can end badly.
Team "Not Cancer"

For about a month and a half this past summer my doctors thought I had breast cancer.

(Spoiler: I don’t). However, it was a long ass wait going through various doctor’s appointments and tests (when I went to get an ultrasound there was a picture on the wall of a woman curled in a fetal ball facing the camera and I just thought there were probably better generic framed posters to hang in a hospital test room). 

Today, I went with fallenangelrane for what more or less amounts to precancer screening. She wanted a buddy. I don’t blame her.

And it is in this course of events that I’ve come to realize that the mythologized concept of ‘adulthood’ doesn’t so much as reveal itself in a glory worth of an Old Testament story on Mount Sinai, but is kind of like having your cat jump on your face at 3AM when you’re sound asleep. Adulthood is realizing that you have big problems and that you still don’t know how to fix them. As opposed to having big problems and assuming your parents know how to fix them. 

Because, at leaset for me, sitting in a hospital waiting room without a shirt and being examined for extra cell growth and being told that my body is killing itself puts things in a weird perspective. This isn’t the flu. It isn’t lice or chicken pox. It’s Fucking Cancer. And that’s a big deal kind of thing.

But I didn’t do anything to bring it upon myself. My friend didn’t do anything to bring her condition on either (life’s just a bitch like that), but she did bring me along. Because I’m her friend, and this is big deal adult stuff. Life is just like that. Things sometimes happen for no reason (I kind of want to put every 'everything happens for a reason’ cross-stitched pillow and script-written poster into a massive funeral pyre), and sometimes those things suck a lot and there isn’t much you can do about it except wait. Waiting is a big part of adulthood.

I sat in the exam room with fallenangelrane, and it was kind of surreal. I’ve never done that before. There have been times when I’ve sat in waiting rooms alone and waited for my turn to see an MD. There have been times when I’ve brought my mom. I’ve never been the one to be there on behalf of someone else. I’ve never been to the other side of responsibility for the small social contract.

Adulthood is a lot of about helping your friends out even when you’re both scared. Adulthood is mellowing out the crazy by bitching about bad drivers on the way to and from, and Tumblring in gridlock traffic. 

Today it was okay, because the general prognosis was Not Cancer. So adulthood isn’t always anxious waiting. Sometimes it’s really awesome news too. 

And it just kinda reaffirms for me that adulthood isn’t a state of being; it’s a process, and it’s pretty foreign to most people. Bbut every now and again it jumps on your face at 3AM while you’re asleep just to remind you that it’s still there.