fake-jesus

anonymous asked:

This is complete unrealistic crack but I'm so amused by the idea of a vagabond who responds to murder the same way a dog responds to "walk". Like geoff is discussing plans with jack for their next hit and casually mentions having to "get rid" of the guard at the door and suddenly there's a clatter in the next room as ryan appears in the doorway, knife in hand and eyes wide like "Murder?? Do we kill him?? Is it me can I do it???"

tbh i’m not entirely sure that’s beyond the realm of possibility. now i’m imagining it too.

geoff at the kitchen table with jack, talking about some jackass lawyer who’s starting to get under his skin.

“it doesn’t look like we have much choice left at this point. that motherfucker’s got to go.”

“’got to go’ you say.”

“jesus fucking christ ryan how the fuck did you sneak up on me like that dude - “

“you know i can help him go.”

“yes ryan i know - “

“my schedule is completely clear i have all the time in the world.”

“okay ryan but we still have to figure out how we want to - “

“me. you want me. i am the how. me.”

ryan don’t you have plants to water jesus christ

anonymous asked:

Homosexuality is an abomination and those who give in to the temptations of Satan will spend eternity in Hell I hope you and your perverted friends enjoy masturbating to 12 year old kids you fucking sicko

Jesus loves gays and all his beautiful children, he is an asexual polyamorous panromantic with 12 boyfriends who likes to drink wine and hang out with prostitutes get the fuck out my face

Stop being fake woke.

I am sick. And. Tired. Of. You. Fake. Woke. Keyboard. Warriors. Jesus. Fucking. Christ. Culture appropriation is not when a person wears/ owns/ does anything from a different culture, there is more to it than that. Culture appropriation is when a person who has no association and or understanding of the culture that they have stolen from attempts to rebrand it as their own/ wear it as a costume/remove all context behind it etc.
For example, Martin wears a native American head piece for halloween, this is culture appropriation because he has taken all meaning& importance of the headdress away by not understand what it is for, ontop of wearing it as a costume.

And on top of that can we please get it out of our minds now that culture associates only to race, because it doesn’t, culture comes in sub genres and as progressive as our times have become things such as popular culture and styles of clothing are much more fluid and are by-products of cosmopolitan integration. You just have to keep in mind there are just some stuff groups of people do not want you to alter or use however you like.
It is really not that hard for you to wrap your head around, so stop and think before shouting bloody appropriation left, right and centre

anonymous asked:

Hi could you please do a Connor Murphy x reader smut. About how Connor and reader go to a bar and get hammered then do it in the bathroom? Thank you! ❤️😁

Fake ID (Connor M. X Reader)

a/n: holy shit balls this is my first smut ever. i need to go drown myself in holy water now. also, sorry i’m taking so long on all of my requests guys!

w/c: 768

“Are you sure these will work?” You worried once again, glancing at your fake ID.

“Jesus Christ, yes, now act like you’re 21.” Connor mumbled, stepping up in line and handing the guard his ID. The guard nodded and handed him his ID back, checking yours out next. He glanced at you suspiciously, sighing and letting you in.

“Holy shit, that worked?” Connor laughed, grabbing your hand.

“Wait, what?” You questioned. “You didn’t know if they were going to work?”

“Hell no! I only said that to make you relax.” Connor smirked and kissed your cheek, pulling you towards the bar. The club was dim, the only lights being the disco ball, glow sticks, and LED lights at the bar. The music was pounding, making the whole building vibrate to the bass.

“Let’s try not to get alcohol poisoning, yeah?” You laughed as Connor ordered two rounds of shots. Connor shrugged and smiled, clinking his shot glass to yours. You both counted down to three and quickly downed the shot. You scrunched up your face and coughed, which made Connor laugh.

“Next round!” Connor yelled, reaching for his next shot. He handed you yours, and you clinked glasses once again. You downed the shot, not reacting the same way you did before. Not too long after, you and Connor were slurring and giggling really hard.

“Hey, you wanna go dance?” Connor slurred, giggling and pulling you towards the dance floor. You nodded and giggled, moving your hips to the music in a slightly seductive way. Connor danced with you, eventually ending up grinding on you. Connor aggressively spun you around and smashed his lips onto yours, sliding his tongue into your mouth and groping you.

You pulled away from the kiss, a string of spit connecting you two. Connor grumbled and yanked you off the dance floor, stumbling towards the bathrooms. You laughed loudly and tripped a few times, letting him pull you. Connor slammed the door open and called out, checking if anybody was in there. When nobody replied he smirked and locked the door, shoving you against the sinks. You gasped as he eagerly yanked your pants down and dropped them to the floor.

“Eager?” You giggled, ripping Connor’s shirt off. You scanned his chest, noticing how he wasn’t ripped, and that he had a few freckles scattered around his chest. He had a bit of chub, which was normal for a boy his age. You still thought he was the most beautiful person ever.

“Shut up.” Connor growled, yanking your panties down to your knees. You kept giggling as you worked on undoing Connor’s pants.

“Fuckin’ hurry,” Connor groaned, getting impatient and tugging down his pants and boxers at the same time. Your eyes widened as the rest of your boyfriend sprung free. You were both sobering up just a bit, but still drunk on lust.

“Are you sure you want this, Connor?” You whispered, gently reaching forward and touching his length. Connor gasped and nodded, pulling a condom out of his pants that were on the floor. Connor reached forward and slid your shirt off, slowly undoing your bra afterwards. He handed you the condom and let you slowly slide it on. Connor awkwardly propped you up onto the sink, positioning himself. You noticed how he slowly became nervous and hesitant with his actions.

“Uh, are you ready?” Connor mumbled, turning red. You nodded and leaned forward, kissing Connor to reassure him. Connor gently slid into you, making you gasp loudly. He didn’t move for a few seconds, letting you adjust. You nodded and Connor started to slowly rock back and forth in a rhythm, slowly getting faster.

You felt a knot in your stomach and knew you wouldn’t last long. Connor moaned and you knew he wouldn’t last long either. You whimpered as you both finished at the same time, and Connor backed up, his knees shaky.

“Wow,” Connor whispered, tossing the condom into the trash.

“Yeah, that was, wow.” You laughed, hopping off the sink and kissing Connor gently. Your legs ached, and you had to pee.

“Hey!! Are you almost done?! Some people actually have to use the restroom!” A voice yelled through the door, making you and Connor giggle and get dressed.

ive struggled to get through A Lot of major plot points in the past several seasons of this shitshow but to be perfectly honest watching jon SECRET TARGARYEN snow’s entire character be assassinated at point-blank range by this clusterfuck with fake jesus/negligent mother of dragons/queen of the least compelling faux feminist narrative since cersei was hilariously slut shamed by the brother she WASN’T fucking,,,,like idk if i can do it anymore lmao

Peter x Reader Imagine (requests open)

‘heeeeey! can i request a imagine where the reader is peter’s sister and she notice he was acting weird and she discovers he’s spiderman and idk you can do something funny and cute?? thanks :)’

A/N: as a huge fangirl, I find this request challenging since I’ll be writing the sister’s point of view. Challenge accepted >:3

* * * * * * * * * * *

Promise To Stay Safe

You walked through the halls, chatting with your friends telling jokes and making fun of the teacher’s ridiculous tie. You were holding your phone in your hand when it started ringing. You picked up and heard your little brother’s voice.

“Hey, I wanted to ask you, where are you?” He said, sounding nervous.

“Chill Peter, I’m on my way to the car, Jesus, Stark won’t kill you for not arriving sharply at the Internship” You said, since every day after school, Peter ran straight to your car, and waited anxiously for you to arrive.

“No pressure, sis…” He said chuckling awkwardly. “Just wanted to let you know…” You laughed at him.

“Whatever, Peter” You said. “See ya in a couple of minutes”

“Sure, love you sis” He said,

“Love you too, nerd” You hung up and said goodbye to your friends and left to the parking lot.

Peter was leaning against your car, bouncing his leg, as he typed on his phone. You greeted him, poking his forehead before opening the car. Before you knew, Peter was already inside, with a huge smile on his face.

“If it wasn’t because I know you’re way too socially awkward, I’d think you have a date with the hottest girl in school” You joked, as he glared at you.

“I’m actually pretty excited about the Stark Internship…It’s really cool, you know?” He sighed, sounding like a 6 year old with a crush.

“Peter, are you gay? Like, do you like Mr Stark or something? I mean, I know there’s some sort of appeal to his smartass self but…”

“I’m not gay, okay?” Peter said, rolling his eyes at you, as you started the car and laughed at him.

“It’s a joke, Peter. I know you’re not gay, I’ve seen the way you stare at Lisa” You winked at your little brother.

“Liz” He corrected you.

“Whatever” You laughed.

You arrived home and warmed up the leftovers from yesterday. Peter practically vacuumed his food and ran to his room. In less than a blink, he left the house, telling you he was going to be back for supper. You stared at him, wondering what the hell did he do in the stark internship that he loved going as much as a regular teenager liked making out at parties.

You reluctantly had some homework done, but didn’t feel like spending the rest of the afternoon home alone, so you texted your friends, hoping to improvise some plans. Hopefully, your best friend was down to go to the movies, and agreed to go with her. Since the movie theater was a few blocks away, you didn’t take you car.

You checked the time and since it was almost 7:30, you thought Peter would be free by 8, so you decided to call him and ask him if he wanted to join you and your friend to the movies. As you dialed his phone, you looked up, and noticed the legendary Spider-Man sitting on the edge of a building, staring down at the city.

You heard Peter’s yodeling ringtone up in the sky, and frowned confused. You saw Spider-Man look for something and grabbed a phone from nowhere, since he didn’t seem to have pockets in his suit, and put the phone on his ear. At the same time, you heard Peter pick up.

“Hey sis! How is it going?”

It wasn’t hard at all to put t two and two together. Although, you couldn’t believe your brother was Spider-Man. You gawked, staring at him from the ground, as Peter called your name.

“I supposed you butt dialed me again” he muttered before he hung up.

You ran to the closest ally, hiding from his view, as you felt your heart beat fast, as if you’d run a marathon.

“What the actual fuck, man” You whispered. “My little brother can’t…” You said, looking back to the top of the building where you saw Spider-Man sitting. “No” You whispered.

You texted your friend, telling her you could no longer go to the movies, since you started having some pretty bad cramps, and needed to lay down and drug yourself in pain killers. After sending her the text, you ran home, hoping that you’d be there before Peter. You had to see it closer. And you knew if Peter arrived earlier, he’d probably change and hide the suit. If you were there before him, you could still have a small chance to see the suit.

When you arrived home, you went inside Peter’s room, and luckily, he wasn’t there yet. You lied on his bed, and waited for him to arrive. Less than a minute after you arrived, you heard the window move. You looked from his bed, and saw him silently crawl on the ceiling, towards the door. Peter was wearing Spider-Man’s red and blue suit, but without the mask. He managed to close the door, and climbed down.

“So, Spider-Man, huh?” You asked, as soon as he touched the ground.

He screamed and jumped, unaware that you were in his room. He tried to say something but began mumbling unintelligible sounds.  

“What are you doing in my room?!” He asked freaking out, trying to change the subject.

“What’s with the suit?” You asked, completely ignoring him.

“I-I-I…”

“Is this what you do in the Stark Internship?” You asked, as he froze, incapable of making any noise. “Peter, this is dangerous”

“Please don’t tell May, she’ll freak out and won’t let me do this” He said, walking closer to you.

“Well, she has plenty of reasons to do so!” You said.

He began taking off his suit, and put on a shirt but no pants, stating in his boxers.

“I’m fine, nothing has ever happened to me…”

“Yet!” You interrupted him. “How long have you been doing this? Less than a month since you went to Germany?”

“Yes but…”

“Peter! Zip your mouth!” You yelled louder than before, and tears forming in your eyes. “We’ve already lost mom, dad and uncle Ben. The last thing I want to hear is that something happened to you, okay? You’re my little brother, and I love you, Pete. This is precisely why May would freak out if she knew you’re Spider-Man…”

Peter looked down, tensing his jaw. He didn’t think of it this way. You were right. The two of you had lost your parents, and not so long ago uncle Ben. You were the only thing he had left, and he was the only thing you had left.

“I’m sorry for worrying you Y/N” He whispered.

“I’m not going to tell May, but promise me that you’ll try your best to stay safe” You said hugging him. “Promise me that you’ll text me where you are and if you’re fine. I don’t want to turn on the TV and find out that something terrible happened to you, okay?”

Peter’s eyes got watery, and hugged you tightly. He never saw you so worried since uncle Ben died. Being the sassy sister all the time, made this intimate moments more heartwarming.

Peter nodded, with his face burried on your neck, as you two hugged. You broke the hug, and held Peter’s face in your hands as you whipped away a tear falling down his cheek.

“I promise you to keep you updated” Peter whispered. “I love you Y/N” You kissed his forehead.

“I love you too, Pete” You said, ruffling his hair. “Now, go wash your face before May arrives and thinks I made you cry” Peter chuckled.

“Technically, you did” He said, running his hands through his cheeks, cleaning his tears.

“Shut up, I was being a good sister” You giggled.

“For once in your life” Peter joked as he walked to the bathroom.

When Peter left his room, May was casually walking inside, and saw his eyes all puffy.

“Peter, what happened?” She asked.

Peter couldn’t make up a quick white lie, so instead, he threw the ball at you.

“Y/N” he muttered, and closed the bathroom door behind him.

“Y/N!” May called, sounding anything but amused.

“Yeah?” You said, walking out of Peter’s room.

“Why did you make Peter cry this time?” She said, crossing her arms.

“What?” You asked, as Peter left the bathroom and smiled at you. “You little bastard” You whispered, containing your laugh.

“Is it funny to you? To bully your little brother?”

“No, May…” You sighed. “He took my phone charger without asking me”

“Whoa, so, you lost all control over a phone charger? Y/N apologise to Peter. It’s not fair that you make dramas over little things…”

“But…”

“Apologise to him!” May interrupted you.

You stared at Peter, who was standing behind May, trying his best not to laugh. You rolled your eyes at him before talking.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you, Pete…” You said stoically.

“Apology taken, sis” Peter said, faking a sad voice.

“Jesus, you sometimes act as if you were 7” May muttered and walked to the kitchen.

Peter walked towards you, laughing.

“What are you laughing at? you little shit” You whispered, laughing as well.

Peter didn’t answer, and walked back to his room. He turned around, and looked at you. “Thank you” He mouthed as you nodded. He smiled at you and walked inside, closing the door behind him. You lied on the couch in the living room, sighing deeply. You grabbed your phone, and unlocked it, to see the new message you had from your best friend. Before reading your message, you stared at your lock screen, which was a picture of you and Peter playing at the park back when you were 13 and 11 years old.

nneka8  asked:

Have any of you guys been to a strip club?

Ayato: Hell yea, I remember my squad and I got a bunch of fake ID’s and went. Jesus fuck the girls were so hot~!

Shu: Too bad that’s the only action you’re getting soon.

Ayato: Hah!?!? I’ll let you know, you blonde asshole, that the strippers were basically fighting to the death just to give me a lap dance!

Shu: Whatever. I tricked Subaru into going to one with me.  He’ll probably deny it now but he realllyyyy enjoyed it.

Subaru: Shut the fuck up I mean any guy would, it’s normal!!!

Shu: Yea but Jesus dude, you were reallyyyy enjoying it. 

Reiji: You both are disgusting…as for me I don’t enjoy partaking in such acts. Those girls are anything but attractive to me.

Laito: Of course I have~! Not much of a surprise is it~?

Kanato:  What a dumb question. Of course I haven’t. Strippers are disgusting to me.  

-Meanwhile with Mukami’s-

Azusa: I don’t…wanna talk about it…

Yuma: God I can’t believe you actually thought we were going to the animal shelter to adopt a cat.

Azusa: That girl…wanted me to pet…a different type of cat…