fake zangetsu

Stuff that Hichigo and Tensa fight about (in Ichigo’s soul world)

Hichigo/Tensa interactions requested by @lamy4242564 :)

So I guess we never did get a definitive answer on what Tensa is, huh? So I guess we’ll have to assume forever that he’s just Old Man Fake-Zangetsu in bankai form. Weird that the Quincy powers change in bankai. But whatever. In this list, we’re just going to think about the time that Hichigo and Tensa spent together in Ichigo’s soul world. And the many, many fights they had.

1. Who goes through the door first

Tensa: Age before beauty!

Hichigo: …

Hichigo: You know, that would be a lot less obnoxious if your hair didn’t sparkle and wave every time you said the word beauty!

Tensa: Beauty.


2. All of the riddles Hichigo tells

Hichigo: What’s the difference between an apple and an orange? I don’t mean that one’s red and one’s orange, or that one has a hard skin and the other one doesn’t! If they were the same color and shape and everything, what would be the difference?

Tensa: Enough with the made-up riddles, dude! I. Don’t. Care.

Hichigo: Fine. Be that way. But it’ll haunt you.

Tensa: As if!

Tensa: …

Hichigo: …

Tensa: …

Hichigo: …


Hichigo: He always breaks.

3. Who gets to use the computer

Hichigo: I was here first!

Tensa: You’ve been here for hours! It’s my turn!

Hichigo: Nah.

Tensa: Look. Look. Let’s just fuse and then we can BOTH use the computer!

Hichigo: Hell no! I know you want to work on that stupid Quincy fanfic of yours and I want nothing to do with that!

Tensa: Hey! It is a work of sophisticated psychology of the enemy’s mind!

Hichigo: Whatever. You just want to write about Haschwalth and Ishida banging.

Tensa: They both have such amazing hair.


4. Who Ichigo likes better

Hichigo: Does he let you take over his body? Nope!

Tensa: He doesn’t “let” you either! You just do it!

Tensa: Which is why he doesn’t like you!

Hichigo: Uh he chose to keep me.

Tensa: He chose to keep me too!

Hichigo: I look more like him and everybody likes themselves best!

Tensa: Not everybody has your self-esteem!

Hichigo: Really?

Tensa: Really.

Hichigo: Sucks to be them.

5. Who’s stronger

Hichigo: Get out your weapon and fight me!

Tensa: We use the same weapon.

Hichigo: Then let’s fuse and punch ourselves in the face!

Tensa: Bored?

Hichigo: Oh man I’m so bored.

6. Hair care





7. Hair cuts

Tensa: You have a dad cut now.

Hichigo: Shut up.

Tensa: Ever since Ichigo cut his hair.

Hichigo: I said, shut up!

Tensa: It makes you look way less intimidating

Hichigo: Dude, back off!

Tensa: Like, I would buy insurance from you now.


8. Ichigo

Tensa: What do you think is the best way to protect Ichigo?

Hichigo: Make ‘im stronger.

Tensa: Yeah.

Hichigo: By making sure he gets beaten up as much as possible!

Tensa: Yeah!

Tensa: …

Tensa: Hey we agree on something!

Hichigo: Ichigo getting beaten up - it brings people together.

Tensa: It sure does.

Bleach 611 - Soul King


If I hadn’t checked today, I wouldn’t have known it was out. (*≧m≦*)

anyway… the last chapter ended with Ichibei.. *ahem*.. dying.. 

And this is how the chapter starts.. 

Sure.. that was expected.. the freaky eyed - fake zangetsu spirit - son of a bitch.. was supposedly ‘God' 


just wait you…you’re death is coming..  。゜(`Д´)゜。

and then suddenly this happens.. 


*mouth opens, a frown settled on the face* two seconds pass and… 

But I move on, since it’s Kubo-sensei’s speciality to just shock the fuck outta us… 

It get’s better the next page since the “Ryoka” gang lands.. so *squeal* YAYAYAYAYAY! 

This panel is in pink.. cuz my Otp.. Ichi and Hime.. close proximity.. so let me take a moment to grin like an idiot.. 


aw, you two.. my feels.. (๑´⍢`๑)  Look at her… apologising so innocently and Ichigo is like “Luls. You deserve it. FALL!" 눈_눈

Is Ganju’s nose bleeding? :o 

Exposed chest and neck area.. 

*ichihime nsfw ideas floating in head*  ಥ⌣ಥ 

Just where did Chad disappear to? He was beside Ichigo, ne? :/

Doesn’t Ganju know Orihime can actually FIX it.. This wouldn’t be the first time after all.. I am so proud of her powers! She’s so different and unique. You go girl :* Kick ass in this arc, baby! ( ๑॔˃̶◡ ˂̶๑॓)

Oh let’s not forget all the posts from a certain ship *cough* Ichiruki *cough* to say it’s canon because Ichigo mentioned "He trained Rukia and I.” Seriously guys, DON’T!  

Then this weird ass thing happens… 

It’s intriguing really.. why does ONLY Ichigo hear Ichibei’s voice? It surely isn’t some soul reaper telepathy thing.. so.. hm. :/


I hope we get a clearer explanation.  


This panel! *_* 

The “let’s rock, guys” panel. ~(=^‥^)~

It seems like just yesterday when Byakuya had asked “Please protect the Soul Society, Ichigo”


So let me get this straight.. The Soul King is Yhwach’s DADDDDDDYYYY? 

The so called “Almighty” had DADDY ISSUES? 

For the third time in the chapter :

Anyway, If the Soul King DIES.. (I’m sure he’ll wake up from his sleep and gasp because he’d be all bloody and breathing would be tough since he’s been stabbed and all..) … everything would get destroyed.. even Yhwach would die..

I.. don’t get it.. ╰(«○»益«○»)╯

What the fuck is the point of this battle? 

Kubo Sensei be like : 

Just wait and watch minna… *Draws next chapter violently* 

//bitch cliff hangers!  >_<

Bleach characters’ curfews

As requested by anon. :)

This list will be silly.

1. Grimmjow

Grimmjow: Ha! My curfew is NEVER!

Tosen: Actually your curfew is 4pm.

Grimmjow: Wait….what?

Tosen: Every time you break a rule I make your curfew one hour earlier.

Tosen: Your original curfew was midnight.

Grimmjow: That’s not fair!

Tosen: You just hate justice.

2. Nanao

Kyoraku: Nanao’s curfew is 1am because I trust her and I want her to have fun!

Kyoraku: Yet she’s always home and in bed by 8pm…


3. Orihime

Orihime: Oh! Well, the distant aunt who pays for my housing ‘n’ stuff says my curfew is 8pm.

Orihime: But, um, she said that back when I was thirteen.

Orihime: And she doesn’t really talk to me ever.

Orihime: Or check to see if I’m staying out later than that, so…

Orihime: I don’t really think I have a curfew?

4. Kenpachi

Yachiru: Ken-chan’s curfew is 10pm because he has to get a full night’s sleep if he want to get up early and do his hair!

Kenpachi: Yeah. It’s important to be rested.

5. Yukio

Yukio: My parents never gave me a curfew because they didn’t love me.

Yukio: So I give myself an 11pm curfew. Just to spite them.

Riruka (sarcastically): Way to stick it to the man.

Yukio: Yeah and I never go out anyway.

6. Omaeda

Soi Fon: Omaeda’s curfew is 4pm because by that time every day I need him out of my hair lest I kill him dead.

Omaeda: Huh? Curfew? I thought 4pm was when I got off work!

Soi Fon: Whatever as long as you’re gone.

7. Bambietta

Giselle: Bambi’s curfew is never! Because I love her!

Bambietta: And you want to wield me as your zombie weapon slave at all hours.

Giselle: Isn’t that what I just said?

8. Telsa

Nnoitra: Tesla’s curfew is never because he’s always with me anyway.

Tesla: And because you trust me!

Nnoitra: No it’s definitely not that.

9. Kira

Gin: Oh, I don’t give Izuru a curfew!

Gin: Except once a week, when he has to be in bed by 7pm.

Gin: So that he has hours to lie awake and contemplate his life.

Kira: [twitching with existential angst]

Gin: Reflection is good for the soul!

10. Hichigo

Fake-Zangetsu: The hollow’s curfew is 9pm.

Fake-Zangetsu: He gets very crabby when he is not well-rested.

Hichigo: I DO NOT!!

Fake-Zangestu: He whines. At 9:01pm.

Hichigo: SHUT UP!!!

How the embodied zanpakuto would react (if they were handcuffed to their shinigami for a day)

As requested by fifipichu. :)

Let’s say the embodied zanpakuto found themselves handcuffed to their shinigami for a day. For some reason. How would each of them react?

1. Haineko & Matsumoto

Haineko: W-what?! No way!

Haineko: I can’t be chained to HER for a whole day!

Haineko: She’s too old! She ruins my groove!

Matsumoto: I’m sorry. Am I going to spoil your busy day of napping and flirting?

Haineko: J-just because I’m a cat doesn’t mean I nap all day!

Haineko: And no man will look twice at me with an old hag like you standing beside me!

Matsumoto: Yeah. This day is gonna be so good.

2. Zabimaru & Renji

Chimpette: A man, a woman, and a child, all chained together.

Chimpette: We make a very bizarre family.


3. Hyorinmaru & Hitsugaya

Hyorinmaru: This is very good, master.

Hyornimaru: Now we will not be separated again.

Hitsugaya: It’s only for the day, Hyorinmaru.

Hyorinmaru: Unless we jointly decide to stay chained together forever.

Hitsugaya: …

Hyorinmaru: What?

4. Kazeshini & Hisagi


Hisagi: If you release your zanpakuto when we’re handcuffed together, you’ll end up cutting yourself, you know.

Kazehini: I’m pretty okay with that.


5. Wabisuke & Kira

Wabisuke: Are we handcuffed together because of our crimes?

Kira: I don’t think so.

Wabisuke: So it’s more of a sex thing?

Kira: W-why would you go there next??

6. Ashisogijizo & Kurotsuchi

Ashisogijizo: [curious fluttery noises]

Kurotsuchi: This is inconvenient.

Kurotsuchi: But then, all I need to do is blow you up, and the inconvenience will be over.

Ashisogijizo: [alarmed fluttery noises]

Kurotsuchi: Oh come on you knew this was coming.

7. Suzumebachi & Soi Fon

Suzumebachi: Great. Now I have to drag YOU around all day.

Suzemebachi: Let me guess! You’re gonna mope about Yoruichi the whole time!

Soi Fon: Actually I think I will stuff you into this bag and then go about my day.

Suzemebachi: Y-you can’t do that!

Soi Fon: You should try not being so tiny.

8. Gegetsuburi & Omaeda

Gegetsuburi: So….since we’re handcuffed together anyway….

Omaeda: Go out to eat?

Gegetsuburi: Go out to eat!

9. Tenken & Komamura

Tenken: …

Komamura: No, don’t be alarmed.

Komamura: I may be dangling from the end of your arm but it’s okay.

Komamura: It is not your fault that you are very tall!

10. Hozukimaru & Ikkaku

Hozukimaru: You know what this means, partner?

Ikkaku: We’re gonna see how well we can fight while handcuffed together?

Hozukimaru: Hell yes!

Ikkaku: BRING IT

11. Ruri’iro Kujaku & Yumichika

Ruri’iro Kujaku: Just what I need. Your ugliness in my face, all day.

Ruri’iro Kujaku: At least I’m close enough to give you a makeover.

Yumichika: Ha, ha. No.

Ruri’iro Kujaku: Oh? Would you rather I just introduce myself to everyone we meet?

Yumichika: …

Yumichika: This had better be a good makeover.

12. Tobiume & Hinamori

Tobiume: Um…

Hinamori: D-don’t worry! We’ll find lots of things to do together!

Hinamori: Do you want to bake cookies?

Tobiume: While handcuffed?

Hinamori: I’m not saying it’s ideal…

13. Sode no Shirayuki & Rukia

Sode no Shirayuki: I don’t want to tell you how to do your job, Rukia.

Sode no Shirayuki: But while the hug was effective at conveying your love for me, I feel like handcuffing me to you ventures into seriously creepy territory.

Rukia: I-I didn’t do this!!

14. Katen Kyokotsu & Kyoraku

(older) Katen Kyokotsu: Us being all chained together would  be so inconvenient if any of us were planning on moving today.

Kyoraku: Once again, laziness proves to be the best strategy!

15. Sogyo no Kotowari & Ukitake

Rukia: Um….was it my imagination, or did I just see Captain Ukitake being dragged past us by two small children?

Sentaro & Kiyone: CAPTAIN!!!!

16. Senbonzakura & Byakuya

Senbonzakura: Do not worry, master. You will barely notice that I am here.

Senbonzakura: In fact, while you are working, I will wait outside.


17. Gonryomaru & Sasakibe

Gonryomaru: W-well! I imagine we’re going to get some very strange looks today!

Gonryomaru: Wandering around chained together like this!

Gonryomaru: Strange looks indeed!

Sasakibe: If anybody notices at all.

18. Hichigo & fake-Zangetsu & Ichigo

Hichigo: Tch. Well, king, as long as we’re chained together, let’s go mess with people, yeah?

Hichigo: This way!

fake-Zangetsu: We should train. Or at least talk about training.

fake-Zangetsu: There is a training ground over this way.


What if Ichigo had used Hichigo as his zanpakuto from the beginning?

As requested by anon. :)

Recently we learned that old man Zangetsu isn’t Ichigo’s zanpakuto spirit after all, but rather the manifestation of his Quincy powers. Ichigo’s real zanpakuto is Hichigo, ‘Course, Hichigo is also Ichigo’s hollow powers; the hollow and shinigami powers are blended. So let’s say that Ichigo was never deceived about the true identify of his zanpakuto. How would Bleach be different then?

1. It would be Hichigo who appeared to Ichigo in Urahara’s basement.

In canon Bleach, Urahara drops Ichigo into a pit and then waits to see if he manages to avoid turning into a hollow. This almost goes badly, but luckily Zangetsu appears at the last minute and helps Ichigo pull out his zanpakuto powers. In this new reality, Ichigo’s last-minute-savior would be Hichigo.

Ichigo: Um why am I in a sideways world all of the sudden?

Ichigo: Why am I being greeted by what looks like a psychotic version of myself?

Hichigo: King…..you’re turning into a hollow.

Hichigo: And I want you to know that I support your life choices.


Hichigo: But if you wanna avoid it, you’d better find 'me’!

Ichigo: What?

Hichigo: Or, again, just go hollow. You might like it!

Hichigo: Hollows: super cool!


2. Ichigo’s power would start out black not blue.

In canon Bleach, Ichigo’s power started off as a warm Quincy blue, only turning black when Hichigo started seizing the reins. So presumably if Hichigo were always in control, Ichigo’s power would always be a creepy black 'n’ red.

Ichigo: Hat 'n’ Clogs, be honest: does this spiritual pressure make me look evil?

Urahara: No it’s more the hollow mask you’re wearing.

3. Ichigo might worry a bit (more) about the state of his soul.

Not that Ichigo is the self-reflective type, really. But if he were…

Ichigo: Um, so, does a zanpakuto typically look exactly like the shinigami?


Ichigo: Only, you know, kinda evil looking?


Ichigo: And does it normally give a thumbs up to turning into a hollow?


Ichigo: Like, I don’t know what I expected from my zanpakuto spirit, but I don’t think this was it.


Urahara: Don’t worry you are totally normal!

Ichigo: Oh that’s good!

4. Ichigo would still fight Hichigo during his Kenpachi fight.

In canon Bleach, Ichigo gets defeated by Kenpachi, then goes to his soul world to fight Hichigo, then develops renewed strength and kicks Kenpachi’s butt. It’s a whole thing. In this reality, I think that would still happen, more or less. Hichigo would appear to Ichigo, drag Ichigo into his soul world, and then demand to fight him. While fake-Zangetsu watched.

Ichigo: Um who’s the old guy holding bandaids and watching us?

Hichigo: Just some guy who’s gonna stop your bleeding!

Hichigo: Think of him as your personal nurse

Hichigo: Then stop thinking about him.

Hichigo: And don’t make eye contact.

Ichigo: Um

5. Ichigo would wonder who the old dude in his soul world was.

The old dude who never said much. Just balanced on his sword and looked kinda sad.

Ichigo: It just seems weird that I have nurse powers.


6. Ichigo would fight embodied Hichigo to achieve bankai.

Later, when Ichigo underwent bankai training with Yoruichi, it would be Hichigo and not fake-Zangetsu who became embodied.

Hichigo: These swords are all your weaknesses, king!

Hichigo: Just look at how much you suck!

Hichigo: It’s gonna be so cool when you fail here and I get your body!

Ichigo: I feel like you should be more supportive but I don’t know why.

7. Getting taken over by HIchigo would be much more confusing and hurtful.

Of course, just because Hichigo was Ichigo’s zanpakuto spirit, that doesn’t mean he wasn’t also Ichigo’s hollow powers with a penchant for seizing control of Ichigo’s body. So that “interruption” in Ichigo’s fight with Byakuya would still happen. It would just be that much more awkward.

Ichigo: D-dude, what are you doing?

Ichigo: Stop it!


Byakuya: So do you guys need some time alone or…?

8. His visored training would have a different focus.

In canon Bleach, Ichigo’s visored training was focused on beating up that nasty hollow so that the nice, safe, “Zangetsu” could be in control again. But if Ichigo knew that Hichigo was actually his zanpakuto, then the training would mostly be about teaching his zanpakuto that using hollow powers to take over Ichigo’s body was just not okay.

Ichigo: And if I win here, then you have to let me fight my own damn battles, okay?

Hichigo: Sure, king. If you beat me, then we’ll do that.

Hichigo: Unless you die, of course.

Hichigo: I get your body if you die.

Ichigo: Sure like that’ll happen.

9. When Ichigo finally met Yhwach….he still wouldn’t get it.

Long in the future, Ichigo would finally meet Yhwach, coming face-to-face with an older version of that weird guy in his soul. But Ichigo still wouldn’t get it. Because Ichigo is just really bad at faces.

fake-Zangetsu: I think it’s time for us to finally talk…son.

Ichigo: Whoa! That Yhwach guy called me 'son’ too!

Ichigo: What a weird and inexplicable coincidence!


fake-Zangetsu: Allow me to be less subtle.

10. Ichigo would be more powerful all along.

Fake-Zangetsu claimed that he was actively suppressing Ichigo’s real power in an attempt to keep him from becoming a true shinigami (yeah, bang-up job there, dude). So if Ichigo had Hichigo all along, then that means he’d just be that much more powerful. From the beginning.

Renji: You think you can take me? Well you are a hundred years too early, kid!!


Ichigo: [swings sword]



Ichigo: Rescuing Rukia is gonna be super easy.

Bleach characters in the "inappropriate audition meme"

Author’s choice list. :)

I know, I know. This meme is old news on tumblr already. But I just love it so much. So this is happening. If people were auditioning for Bleach character parts, in a musical, using weird songs, what would each of them sing?

1. Hichigo

Hello. I’m auditioning for the part of Hichigo, and I’ll be singing “I Just Can’t Wait To Be King.”

2. Fake-Zangetsu

Hello. I’m auditioning for the part of fake-Zangetsu, and I’ll be singing, “Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head” by B.J. Thomas.

3. Kaien

Hello. I’m auditioning for the part of Kaien, and I’ll be singing “My Heart Will Go On” by Celine Dion.

4. Kukaku

Hello. I’m auditioning for the part of Kukaku, and I’ll be singing, “Firework” by Katy Perry.

5. Aizen

“Hello. I’m auditioning for the part of Aizen, and I’ll be singing, "A Whole New World.”

6. Shinji

Hello. I’m auditioning for the part of Shinji, and I’ll be singing, “Upside Down” by Diana Ross.

7. Yhwach

Hello. I’m auditioning for the part of Yhwach, and I’ll be singing “The Alphabet Song.”

8. Hinamori

Hello. I’m auditioning for the part of Hinamori, and I’ll be singing, “Great Balls of Fire.”

9. Ichibei

Hello. I’m auditioning for the part of Ichibei, and I’ll be singing, “Say My Name” by Destiny’s Child.

10. Shutara

Hello. I’m auditioning for the part of Shutara, and I’ll be singing, “The Itsy Bitsy Spider." 

11. Byakuya

Hello. I’m auditioning for the part of Byakuya, and I’ll be singing, "Poker Face” by Lady Gaga.

12. Kurotsuchi

Hello. I’m auditioning for the part of Kurotsuchi, and I’ll be singing, “Poison” by Bell Biv Devoe.

14. Hitsugaya

Hello. I’m auditioning for the part of Hitsugaya, and I’ll be singing, “Ice, Ice Baby” by Vanilla Ice.

15. Starrk

Hello. I’m auditioning for the part of Starrk, and I’ll be singing, “Like a Cowboy” by Randy Houser.

16. Ggio

Hello. I’m auditioning for the part of Ggio, and I’ll be singing, “Eye of the Tiger.”

17. Giselle

Hello. I’m auditioning for the part of Giselle, and I’ll be singing, “Zombie” by The Cranberries.

18. Kira

Hello. I’m auditioning for the part of Kira, and I’ll be singing, “Stayin’ Alive” by the Bee Gees.

19. Grimmjow

Hello. I’m auditioning for the part of Grimmjow, and I’ll be singing, “Moves Like Jagger” by Maroon 5.

20. Ulquiorra

Hello. I’m auditioning for the part of Ulquiorra, and I’ll be singing, “I Want To Hold Your Hand” by the Beatles.

If Ichigo and fake-Zangetsu were locked in a room...

As requested by bleachfan-hitsuhina-rangin. :)

What if Ichigo got a chance to talk to the manifestation of his Quincy powers? How might that conversation go?

Fake-Zangetsu: Hello, Ichigo.

Ichigo: Old man!

Ichigo: A-are we in my soul world?

Ichigo: Has it turned into a tiny room??

Ichigo: Oh man I must be more depressed than I thought!

Fake-Zangetsu: We are not in your soul world.

Fake-Zangetsu: We are in…well, it does not matter.

Fake-Zangetsu: The important thing is that we get the opportunity to talk.

Ichigo: Again?  We just talked!

Fake-Zangetsu: …for like three panels. That is hardly a conversation.

Ichigo: Pretty long for me, actually.

Fake-Zangetsu: Look, I just need you to know how I sorry I am for suppressing your powers. And trying to prevent you from becoming a shinigami. And lying to you for so long.

Ichigo: Hey, man. I don’t hold it against you.

Fake-Zangetsu: …shouldn’t you though?

Ichigo: You thought that if I became a shinigami, you’d have to kill me. You didn’t want that, so you made some mistakes.

Ichigo: You also protected me a bunch of times! Like in that fight with Kenpachi, when you used Quincy power to stop my bleeding!


Ichigo: How did I not realize that that was weird, anyway?

Fake-Zangetsu: So far as you knew at that time, your zanpakuto was magic and could do anything.

Fake-Zangetsu: If I had told you that it played polka music, you probably would have believed me.

Ichigo: Yeah, sounds about right.

Ichigo: But anyway, the point is - you may have suppressed my power some, but you also guided me and taught me and helped me. I’m grateful.

Fake-Zangetsu: But if I had not suppressed your powers, you could have mowed down all of your enemies with ease.

Ichigo: Well sure.

Ichigo: But think about how bad that would have made everybody feel! 

Ichigo: So bad!

Fake-Zangetsu: They were your enemies, Ichigo.

Ichigo: Most of whom are now my friends!

Fake-Zangetsu: Well that is true.

Ichigo: What about your feelings, though? Do you have any - reservations about killing the man that your appearance is based on?

Fake-Zangetsu: Yhwach, you mean?

Fake-Zangetsu: The part of me that is Quincy does feel some reservations about killing the Quincy king, it is true. 

Fake-Zangetsu: But I care more about protecting you.

Fake-Zangetsu: I am ready to do what is necessary.

Ichigo: Hey, I want you to know I understand.

Ichigo: I’ve had to beat up a guy who looks exactly like me a bunch of times, and it’s a little stressful.

Ichigo: Why does my zanpakuto look exactly like me, anyway?

Fake-Zangetsu: It is a mystery.

Ichigo: Anyway, I’m excited to get to use my Quincy powers!

Ichigo: Finally honor my mom’s side of the family!

Ichigo: Plus more powers. Always rad.

Fake-Zangetsu: It will not be a walk in the park, though, Ichigo. It will not be fun.

Fake-Zangetsu: Yhwach is a dangerous opponent. More dangerous than Aizen, because that is how plot works.  

Fake-Zangetsu: You must be prepared for whatever happens.

Ichigo: I am.

Ichigo: I mean, I lost my powers in the Aizen fight.

Ichigo: So if Tite Kubo’s gonna raise the stakes, then I’m probably going to die, right?


Fake-Zangetsu: It is possible.

Ichigo: I mean…it’s not like I haven’t died before. And even if it’s permanent this time, well - I can’t let everyone down.

Ichigo: I need to protect them.

Fake-Zangetsu: You’ve grown so much, Ichigo.

Fake-Zangetsu: I remember the day when you ran in terror from Urahara Kisuke, who wasn’t even trying to kill you much.

Fake-Zangetsu: Just - ran. In terror.

Fake-Zangetsu: It was actually a little funny.


Ichigo: We were having a moment, dude.

Q & A with Fake-Zangetsu

As requested by fateh-black. :)

Recently we learned the true identity of the scruffy old guy with sunglasses who lives in Ichigo’s soul: he’s the embodiment of Ichigo’s Quincy powers, he annoyingly doesn’t have a name (come on, fandom!), and he’s been lying this whole time about being Ichigo’s zanpakuto. Now it’s time for him to answer for it! Or rather, to answer some of the questions that you all submitted!

1. ask-hichiichi said: Dude, why were you all like, “I’m so sad you can’t hear my name Ichigo” and acting like you were so wounded, when it wasn’t even your real name, it was Hichigo’s real name? Like seriously?

Fake-Zangetsu: It was very motivational, for Ichigo.

Fake-Zangetsu: Like having a disappointed, vaguely disapproving dad…….in his soul.

naaaaraaaaa said: Why didn’t you tell Ichigo you were not Zangetsu? Why did you lie to us this while time? / the–candy-cane–shinigami said: Why go through all the trouble of being fake-Zangetsu in the first place? / whiteroseflame said: Why did you take so long to come out to Ichigo?

Fake-Zangetsu: As I once told Ichigo, I originally lied to him because I did not want him to develop shinigami powers. 

Fake-Zangetsu: I was afraid that once he became a shinigami, I would have to kill him.

Fake-Zangetsu: But then……..well, I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t be his enemy. I couldn’t keep him from what he wanted.

Fake-Zangetsu: I mean, have you seen his face? You just can’t say no to that face. 

3. bigotaku2118 said:
Does it feel at all odd knowing Ichigo will be fighting the same people who you’re ‘from’ (especially one who looks exactly like you)?

Fake-Zangetsu: To be honest, it feels……….right.

Fake-Zangetsu: I once made Ichigo fight someone who looks just like him.

Fake-Zangetsu: Now Ichigo will beat up somebody who looks like me.

Fake-Zangetsu: It’s like cosmic payback.

4. berelyn said: So how is roommating with T and H?

Fake-Zangetsu: It is like constantly babysitting two hyperactive kids, one of whom wants to stab you with a fork, and the other who keeps criticizing you for not having glossy enough hair. 

5. gray189 said:
What shampoo do you use?  

Fake-Zangetsu: No idea. I think Tensa buys it.

6. lightblade97 said: How are you so good at balancing on your sword? do you practice? are is that one of the powers u stole from someone when you were juha bach?

Fake-Zangetsu: Yes. I practice often.

Fake-Zangetsu: There is almost literally nothing else to do in here.

7. thatoneivan said: Fake-Zangetsu: Ever get a leg cramp from standing on that pole everyday?

Fake-Zangetsu: No. My thighs are mighty.

8. fateh-black said: Will you give Ichigo some new powers when the time comes? Like some Quincy powers?

Fake-Zangetsu: Even after everything, Ichigo decided to allow me to fight beside him.

Fake-Zangetsu: So yes. I will lend him my power in any way he wishes.

9. reinkuro said: Got any advice on how to make somebody believe you’re their zanpakutou?

Fake-Zangetsu: It is not difficult, so long as you state that you are the zanpakuto, and so long as your only nay-sayer looks insane and keeps trying to stab the king. 

10. n1k3squ4d-2k14 said: If you are fake-Zangetsu, how can the real one do the thing where he dissolves into your cloak? You can’t do that unless you ARE the real Zangetsu and Hichi is just an extra you that you made cause you were lonely. You lied to us. Explain yourself…

Fake-Zangetsu: We are all Ichigo’s powers.

Fake-Zangetsu: Therefore, we can dissolve into each other’s clothing. And meld with each other’s bodies. And guess each other’s pictionary sketches right on the first try, every time.

Fake-Zangetsu: Do not call me a liar.

Fake-Zangetsu: …about that particular thing.

11. digitalyukio said: Were you Best friends with the Hollow living with Ichigo the whole time?

Fake-Zangetsu: Seeing as he is usually the only person around…….sure, I guess. By default.

Fake-Zangetsu: In the same way that this pole is my favorite pole.

Fake-Zangetsu: Except that I actually like this pole.

12. shershahk said: So, old man, why didn’t you teach Ichigo any Quincy tricks? You seemed rather intent on suppressing his shinigami powers, so I find it odd you didn’t teach any quincy moves at all!

Fake-Zangetsu: Teaching Ichigo Quincy moves would have rather quickly given away my identity, don’t you think?

Fake-Zangetsu: Although it is Ichigo…

Fake-Zangetsu: I may have been able to convince him that it was a special shinigami bow…

13. starsilvereld said: Do you regret lying to Ichigo about being his Zanpakuto?

Fake-Zangetsu: Yes. Especially now that I know he wants to use me.

Fake-Zangetsu: The three of us could have mowed down enemies like Kenpachi with a flamethrower.

Fake-Zangetsu: Although I *am* already tired of Hichigo referring to me as the “little sword.”

14. karyu-endan said: Since you’re the splitting image of Yhwach from 1000 years ago, does that mean he wore your awesome shades back then?

Fake-Zangetsu: Yes. Back when he was still cool.

15. emotionless-redhead said: What will you tell Yhwach if you had the chance to talk to him?

Fake-Zangetsu: Why did you stop wearing these awesome shades? Do you hate all that is good?


Fake-Zangetsu: And stop trying to destroy everything, I guess.

Fake-Zangetsu: But mostly the first thing.

If Hichigo captured Ichigo inside his soul world...

As requested by sharzzaa. :)

Ichigo: [waking up]

Ichigo:  W-what happened? Where am I?

Ichigo: My soul world?

Ichigo: Why am I in my soul world?

Ichigo: And why am I…tied…to…a…chair?


Ichigo: Hollow, did you do this?

Hichigo: Why, king! Are you assuming that I’m responsible for this just ‘cause I’m your inner hollow?

Ichigo: That and the fact that you’re standing over me in my soul world holding a mostly empty roll of duct tape.


Hichigo: I think you’re getting smarter, king.

Ichigo: So, what? You gonna try taking over my body again or something? 

Hichigo: What? No! That plot line’s totally played out, king. I just thought we could talk.

Ichigo: Since when does us talking require me to be duct taped to a chair?

Hichigo: You didn’t seem very inclined to visit by your own free will, king. I mean, it’s been months since you’ve been to your soul world. I’ve been downright hurt.

Ichigo: Yeah, I’m sure.

Ichigo: Well, get it over with, then. What do you want to 'talk’ to me about?

Hichigo: I want you to admit that I’m the best thing that ever happened to you, that you’d be lost without me, and that I’m not some evil annoyance living in the depths of your soul.

Ichigo: …

Ichigo: Are you hitting on me?

Hichigo: Just lookin’ for some recognition, king.

Hichigo: I mean, you JUST learned that I have never lied to you. Not once. It was so-called 'Zangetsu’ who was lying to you.

Hichigo: Doesn’t that make you ponder?

Ichigo: Yeah, he was lying to me. But I sorta get why.

Ichigo: And he never forcibly took over my body, so…

Hichigo: King, I only ever took over your body to help you.

Hichigo: Like a friendly passenger seizing the wheel of a car after the driver has fallen unconscious from sheer stupidity.

Ichigo: And then uses the car to RUN OVER a helpless bat and STAB MY FRIEND.

Hichigo: A 'helpless bat’ holding a machine gun, and a 'friend’ who was recently revealed to be a traitor, so….you’re welcome.

Ichigo: Um can we drop the metaphor? I now can’t stop picturing Ulquiorra as a bat with a machine gun.

Hichigo: You started it. 

Hichigo: Anyway, you kinda needed my help with that bat. You were actually dead then. I think taking over your body was well within my rights since you weren’t using it.

Ichigo: That’s not…

Ichigo: Look, I get it. You wanted to protect me.

Ichigo: In your own twisted way.

Ichigo: And yeah, you’re more honest than you look.

Ichigo: I admit it. So…are we done?

Hichigo: You don’t sound sincere.

Hichigo: I’m your zanpakuto, king. Your zapakuto! Shouldn’t you love me?

Ichigo: You’re also my inner hollow.

Ichigo: An inner hollow that infected me, because your Daddy Hollow attacked my mother.

Hichigo: Thus bringing your parents together!

Hichigo: So, yeah. You’re welcome for your birth, king.


Ichigo: I made you one of my dual zanpakuto. Isn’t that enough recognition?

Hichigo: You also made that lying fake-Zangetsu one of your zanpakuto.

Hichigo: So clearly you weren’t rewarding merit.

Ichigo: You’re the bigger one.


Ichigo: And since you’re me, you KNOW bigger is better.


Hichigo: I guess that counts for something.

Hichigo: So now can we talk about the real reason you’re here?

Ichigo: ….that’s not the real reason…?

Hichigo: Who the HELL is Tensa?

Ichigo: Um

Hichigo: If I’m the zanpakuto and the hollow powers, and fake-Zangetsu is the Quincy powers, then what exactly is Tensa?

Hichigo: Your glossy hair powers??

Hichigo: I mean - who the hell did I meld with??



Ichigo: And suddenly I envy those with uncrowded soul worlds.

Bleach characters play "marry, fuck, work for": The Sequel

As requested by anon. :) And also anon. ;)

I prefer this slight variation of the “marry/fuck/kill” game because it means that you can’t get rid of your least favorite choice. You have to deal with all of them. I did a post like this once before, and a sequel was demanded. So here we go! Once again I will be selecting all of these characters randomly!

1. Hinamori gets asked: Katagiri, Kyorkau and Rose?

Hinamori: Um…..I think I’d marry Katagiri. She seems really sweet!

Hinamori: I guess I’d work for Kyoraku. Nanao works for him, and she and I have a lot in common!

Hinamori: So I guess I’m sleeping with Rose. Kira’s captain.

Hinamori:  Awkward.

2. Aizen gets asked: Hiyori, fake-Zangetsu and Tessai?

Aizen: I will marry Tessai, in order to steal him from Urahara Kisuke.

Aizen: I will “work for” Hiyori, because I like to torture Shinji’s friends, and because I REFUSE to work for any Quincy, even the one living inside of Kurosaki Ichigo.

Aizen: I will fuck fake-Zangetsu. Because at least that relationship is fleeting.

3. Bazz-B gets asked: Nianzol, Kenpachi and Loly?

Bazz-B: I work for Kenpachi! I feel like I’d get some kick-ass fights with him. Plus, not so many fucking rules.

Bazz-B: I marry Nianzol! He’s one of His Majesty’s top guys, so I’d be in the inner circle by proxy.

Bazz-B: And I guess I’d fuck Loly. She’s angry. I dig it.

4. Iba gets asked: Ukitake, Mizuiro and Sentoki?

Iba: I would fuck Sentoki! He likes to sit around shirtless in hot springs. That’s my type!

Iba: Marry Ukitake. He supports my club activities. He would be a partner.

Iba: Work for Mizuiro, I guess. I feel like he’d let me do whatever, so I could continue secretly working for Captain Komamura!

5. Ishida gets asked: Byakuya,  Dondochakka and Kiyone?

Ishida: …are you fucking serious right now?

Ishida: Very well. I work for Dondochakka. Because the other two options are literally unthinkable.

Ishida: I marry Byakuya. It will be a marriage of convenience. 

Ishida: I sleep with Kiyone. That way, I will only have to deal with her calling me “Ukitake” the one time.

6. Hikifune gets asked: Tatsuki, Rukia and Luppi?

Hikifune: I would choose to work for Rukia! From what I’ve seen, she would make an excellent boss.

Hikifune: I would fuck Luppi. Might be interesting.

Hikifune: And I marry Tatsuki. She would be an excellent person to share a life with, I think!

7. As Nodt is asked: Kira, Matsumoto and Tensa?

As Nodt: I would work for Tensa. He tried to protect his charge, Kurosaki Ichigo, from dying.

As Nodt: Not wanting his people to die is something I appreciate in a boss.

As Nodt: I marry Kira, so that I have a companion who understands despair, and so that we can go on double dates with Hisagi and whoever Hisagi marries.

As Nodt: I sleep with Matsumoto. Perhaps being held by her, I will momentarily not be afraid.

8. Byakuya is asked: Nemu, Omaeda and Shinji?

Byakuya: I marry the noble, Omaeda, so that my clan stops harrassing me.

Byakuya: I work for Nemu, as I hear she is easy to influence.

Byakuya: I sleep with Shinji. Afterwards, I shower for many, many days.

9. Giselle is asked: Kensei, Kaien and Tsukishima?

Giselle: I work for Kensei. He was a zombie, so he will understand why my work is important.

Giselle: I marry Tsukishima. He is dead, and I like the dead.

Giselle: I fuck Kaien. Because he has been dead longer.

10. Gin is asked: Grimmjow, Urahara and Ggio?

Gin: I suppose I marry Urahara. We can center our marriage around taking down Aizen. Plus, he is a business owner.

Gin: I fuck Ggio. He is both sexy and angry, just like my Luppi!

Gin: I work for Grimmjow, naturally enough.

Gin: I use our working relationship to get close to him.

Gin: So that I may murder him.

Gin: Because that dick killed my Luppi.

Gin: And I don’t stand for that sort of thing.

Bleach characters! Hichigo wants to hug you! Your reactions?

As requested by corporalcloud. :)

Well here’s an appropriate April Fools’ Day post! It seems that Hichigo has decided to show his, ah, cuddly side, by going around and hugging everyone. Bleach characters, your reactions?

Byakuya: Gah!


 Oooooh, new power time? Bring it in!

Renji: Ichigo, dude! You need to tan more!

Rukia: So you let your hollow take you over, did you, Ichigo?


Ulquiorra: You want to hug me?

Ulquiorra: Perhaps you should have tried that before you ripped off my arm.

Grimmjow: You try to press your body against mine and I will stab you, hollow.


Grimmjow: That sounded less gay in my head. 

Dark Rukia: But why hug when we could be stabbing things right now?

Aw, the guy who stabbed me wants to make it up with a hug?


Orihime: I-I can do this! I can hug Kurosaki-kun’s inner hollow! And that will prove that I love every part of him!

 Oh goodie! A hug with someone poisonous!

Cang Du:
 I’d love to but I’m already scheduled to hug a vat of acid.

Yeah, go for the hug, hollow guy. I won’t cut you in half or anything.

Ichigo: ….the Quincy are way more sarcastic than I realized.

Oetsu: Yeah, yeah. Zanpakuto love me. I get it.

 Uh…..we melded into a single body.

Tensa: I think we’re past the hugging stage.

I’m not falling for that again, hollow.

I know you just want to put a “kick me” sign on my back.

fake-Zangetsu: Although I don’t know why you bother.

fake-Zangetsu: It’s kinda just us in this soul world, you know.

fake-Zangetsu: You suck at pranks.

Bleach characters! Ichigo has turned into a 5 year old child! Your reactions?

As requested by anon. :)

This isn’t exactly a series or anything, but we have seen Kenpachi, the other captains, and the lieutenants all turn into kids. (You know, if you want some more.) But now, it is time to imagine that Ichigo has just become a 5 year old child! Everyone, your reactions?

Nel: I-Itsygo is a kid like Nel?


Rukia: I-Ichigo, you…


Renji: I-Ichigo…

Renji: If you change into a soul reaper, your sword is gonna be friggin’ ENORMOUS!

Rukia: Renji!

Renji: What? Come on, it’s a funny image!

Byakuya: I said ‘protect Soul Society,’ Kurosaki Ichigo.

Byakuya: Not 'run through it crying for your mother.’


Kyoraku: Soul Society is doomed.

Isshin: Um…..I could have *sworn* these years were behind me….

Yuzu: Karin! We’ve become Ichi-nii’s BIG sisters!

Karin: You kinda were anyway, Yuzu.

Kenpachi: Yo! Tiny Ichigo! Need a lift?

Yachiru: Yay! Ken-chan is gonna carry Ichi!

Ikkaku: Squad 11 is becoming a daycare center?

Yumichika: It was inevitable, really.

Grimmjow: NOT the reunion I expected.

Grimmjow: Hey, woman, can you turn Ichigo back into an adult so that we can fight?

Orihime: You are NOT touching baby Ichigo, Grimmjow!


Grimmjow: That’s a fierce look.

Hichigo: But I don’t WANT to be a pony! I don’t WANT to! I don’t WANT to!

fake-Zangetsu: Shhhhhh, baby hollow. Why don’t you take a nap in my robe?

Hichigo: I don’t WANT to take a nap!

Tensa: He’s moody.

fake-Zangetsu: I’ve noticed!

Tatsuki: Still kinda a crybaby, huh, Ichigo?

Tatsuki: Poor little guy.



Chad: [picks Ichigo up]

Chad: It’ll be okay, Ichigo.

What if Isshin was honest with Ichigo from the beginning?

As requested by anon. :)

In canon Bleach, Isshin doesn’t actually tell Ichigo the truth about his Quincy/shinigami heritage until seventeen months after Ichigo has finished up with Aizen. For some reason. But what if Isshin cared more about honesty than he did about dramatic timing? What if, the moment that Ichigo acquired his shinigami powers, Isshin sat him down and told him everything? How would Bleach be different then?

1. Ichigo and Rukia might have that talk much earlier.

Bleach fans are waiting for Ichigo and Rukia to talk about the whole “Rukia killed Ichigo’s cousin” thing. Knowing Tite Kubo, we may in fact wait forever. But if Ichigo found out immediately about his past, then he and Rukia may have found themselves talking about it much sooner.

Rukia: Hey, you okay?

Ichigo: I just found that from my dad that he’s a former shinigami from sort of fallen noble clan.


Rukia: Fallen…noble…clan?

Ichigo: Yeah. I know.

Ichigo: Hey, you’re from Soul Society. Did you ever run into these ‘Shiba’ people?

Rukia: OH MY GOD

2. Ichigo’s meeting with Ishida would be…different.

A bit later, when Ishida made his debut, his challenge to Ichigo would be received differently.

Ishida: I’m a Quincy…and I hate shinigami.

Ichigo: Oh cool well that works out because I’m a Quincy too.

Ishida: What

Ichigo: I take it your dad never told you that he was once engaged to my Quincy mom?

Ishdia: WHAT

3. He’d also know a lot more basic shinigami facts.

A lot of Ichigo’s canon journey through Soul Society involves him being surprised every time he learns something. What? Shikai? What? Bankai? What? Thirteen captains? But if his dad had given him the Soul Society lowdown, then he wouldn’t be surprised by much of anything.

Renji: I bet you don’t even know your zanpakuto’s name!

Ichigo: Well no. This is from Rukia.

Ichigo: I assume when I meet my own zanpakuto, it’ll tell me its name.

Renji: Your own zanpakuto….?

Ichigo: …I maybe shouldn’t have said that.

4. In Soul Society, Ichigo would know the Shiba were family.

Later, when Ichigo went to Soul Society to rescue Rukia, he would know upon meeting them that Ganju and Kukaku were family.

Ichigo: My cousin has a boar gang.

Ichigo: My other cousin has the world’s most embarrassing house.

Ichigo: I want go home now.

Yoruichi: Focus, Ichigo!

5. Ichigo would know the truth about his soul world.

Oh yeah, and when Ichigo visited his soul world? He’d know why it was so crowded.

Ichigo: So you’re my zanpakuto?

fake-Zangetsu: I’m gonna go with “yes.”

Ichigo: And creepy dude is my hollow powers, I assume.

Hichigo: Maaan! I was was looking forward to blowing your mind with that reveal!

Ichigo: So, uh, where are my Quincy powers?

Ichigo: Quincy! Quincy! Heeeere, Quincy!


fake-Zangetsu: I might want to revise my earlier statement.

6. Ichigo would get dual zanpakuto earlier.

Of course, Ichigo would want to embrace his Quincy power immediately, because why the hell wouldn’t he? He likes more power, and he loves his mom. So as soon as Ichigo found out that fake-Zangetsu was his Quincy power and Hichigo was his hollow/zanpakuto, he’d be all for dual zanpakuto right away.

fake-Zangetsu: So anyway, I guess I’ll just be going, then.

Ichigo: DUDE! Are you kidding me?

Ichigo: Group hug with all three of us, right now!

fake-Zangetsu: I-I’m so happy!

Hichigo: I have never been more uncomfortable. 

7. Ichigo could reassure Byakuya.

Ichigo, with his cool dual zanpakuto and extensive knowledge of Soul Society, would definitely train with Yoruichi, get bankai, and then go after Byakuya. That would all be the same. Mostly.

Byakuya: But how

Byakuya: Bankai is reserved for the strongest, for the noble families of Soul Society.

Byakuya: You are just a human.

Byakuya: How can you have bankai?

Ichigo: No, dude, it’s okay. I’m actually secretly a shinigami noble!


Byakuya: WAIT, WHAT?!

8. Ichigo would be much more accepting of the visored.

Later still, when Shinji shows up, Ichigo won’t be quite so freaked out.

Shinji: Zanpakuto and mask, just like….you.

Ichigo: Oh cool! You must be one of the visored?


Ichigo: My dad told me all about you!


Ichigo: So you’re gonna help me control my hollow, right?

Shinji: …I hate it when a good dramatic entrance falls flat.

9. Ichigo would basically mow through his enemies.

I mean, the whole reason that Ichigo loses so many fights in Bleach is that a) fake-Zangetsu suppresses his real power and b) Ichigo doesn’t understand the true nature of his power so he doesn’t always use it right. But if Ichigo knew everything up front, and had his dual zanpakuto from the beginning, then 

Ulquiorra: I came here for Aizen-sama to see what sort of threat you really are.


Ichigo: [casually cuts Ulquiorra in half]

Ulquiorra: But why I’m so pretty

10. Maybe Hitsugaya and Matsumoto would meet Isshin.

I mean, in this new reality, Isshin is all about honesty and about not hiding his past for dumb reasons. So when Hitsugaya and Matsumoto show up in the human world, maybe he’d actually say something to them.

Isshin: Hey guys, what’s up?

Hitsugaya: !!!

Matsumoto: !!!

Ichigo: Oh man. Been there.

11. Yhwach would not be able to surprise Ichigo.

Much, much later, when the Quincy invaded, Ichigo wouldn’t be in the dark. Yhwach certainly wouldn’t be able to surprise him.

Yhwach: See ya later, son.

Ichigo: That seems like an exaggeration.

Yhwach: What

Ichigo: I mean you may be the distant ancestor of all Quincy, but calling me “son” seems a little melodramatic.

Yhwach: Don’t make me ground you.

12. Ichigo and Ishida might work together.

This is probably just a pipe dream, but who knows. If Ishida knew that Ichigo knew everything, then maybe Ishida would team up with Ichigo rather than being a little shit who goes off on his own. I mean, Yhwach ate both of their moms. That seems like a reason to work together. If nothing else, Ichigo wouldn’t have expected Ishida to just stay out of this one.

Ichigo: Dude, I know you have a plan. I want in.

Ishida: Since when are you willing to go along with my plans?

Ichigo: Since I realized that in this case, not going along is the surest way for you to go off by yourself and do something stupid.


Ishida: I’m a little offended.

Bleach characters, you have just learned that Shinji and Hichigo are dating! How do you respond?

As requested by anon. :)

It seems that Shinji is dating Ichigo’s inner hollow. Bleach characters, your thoughts?


Lisa: It’s the smile, isn’t it?

Rose: Uh, Shinji, did you make all of us visored fight cage matches against your boyfriend?

Rose: Some might call that “weird” and “wrong”.

Mashiro: I think it’s good that he’s embracing his inner hollow!

Kensei: Not his inner hollow, stupid. Somebody else’s.

Mashiro: Can’t do that without embracing your own, dummy!


Tensa: I can’t believe you’re dating the guy who helped Ichigo “contain” you, hollow.

Tensa: Masochist, much?

fake-Zangetsu: Surely you can’t be surprised by that. He baits Ichigo into fights he knows he’ll lose, like, all the time.

Tensa: Oh yeah.

Oetsu: Plus! He’s a zanpakuto! And zanpakuto are very lovable!

Ishida: Speaking as the “guy who got stabbed,” is lovable really the right word?

Oetsu: Maybe he was going for the hug.


Grimmjow: Hey. I know both of those guys! They both interrupted my fights with Ichigo!

Grimmjow: Those cockblocking assholes deserve each other!

Hisagi: So Ichigo's inner hollow gets a date faster than me.


Hisagi: I need help. So much help.

Mashiro: And not just a date! A date with a CAPTAIN!

Hisagi: Thanks. That makes me feel so much better now.

If Bleach characters could ask each other one question...

As requested by shuuheihisagay. :)

If Bleach characters had the opportunity to ask each other one thing that they’d always wondered, what might they ask?

1. Unohana asks Isane: “Why exactly *are* you so afraid of fish paste?”

Isane: W-why wouldn’t I be?

Isane: It’s cold and wet and fishy!

Isane: I don’t understand why everyone else isn’t scared!

Unohana: I expected more.

2. Nnoitra asks Nelliel: “Do you think I’m strong?”

Nelliel: No I think you’re physically and emotionally weak.


3. Ishida asks Ryuken: “So what is your big reason for hating the Quincy so much?”

Ryuken: Son…

Ryuken: They are a literal army of evil. How do you not get this yet?


Ishida: I was hoping for a nice bonding flashback like Kurosaki got, but sarcasm is good too.

Ryuken: Sarcasm is what I have.

4. Hisagi asks Kensei: “If I achieve bankai, can I have my motorcycle back?”

Kensei: NO

Hisagi: What if I actually learn to drive?

Kensei: NO

Hisagi: What if I let Mashiro drive and just ride behind her?


Hisagi: Awwww….

5. Ulquiorra asks Orihime:
“Why didn’t you heal me, woman?”

Orihime: It happened so fast, Ulquiorra-kun. You were there, then you were dissolving, and then the dust was blowing away.

Orihime: I’m sorry!

Ulquiorra: Oh I thought maybe it was because I had murdered your friend.

Orihime: Do you even know me?

6. Matsumoto asks Gin: “Gin, when we were kids, and you kept sneaking off - where were you always going?”

Gin: I had an addiction, Rangiku. One I didn’t want you to know about.

Matsumoto: What were you addicted to??

Gin: Murdering small fuzzy forest creatures, mostly. Sometimes people.

Matsumoto: …

Matsumoto: Right. Evil.  

7. Aizen asks Shinji: “Do you ever regret not getting to know me, knowing as you do that things might have been different then?”

Shinji: Naw I’m pretty sure your evil ass still would have done evil things, no matter how many sleepovers we had.


8. Soi Fon asks Yoruichi: “Yoruichi-sama, where is your zanpakuto?”



Yoruichi: Crap! I knew I forgot something!

9. Halibel asks Aizen: “In what universe is stabbing your own employee preferable to stabbing the people that she is fighting?”

Aizen: The universe in which I was bored and the espada turned out to be lame.


Aizen: The truth hurts.

10. Renji asks Bazz-B: “Do you really think my eyebrows are cool, or was that some sort of villainous psychological warfare thing?”

Bazz-B: Dude, you’re weird, but your eyebrows are still cool.

Renji: I may get that framed.

11. Tsukishima asks Ganju: “So are we going to join the fight at any point, or…?”

Ganju: You know that’s my sister’s call. Do you gotta keep asking?

Tsukishima: Well excuse me for feeling neglected.

12. Hiyori asks Mashiro: “Fifteen hours of masking? HOW?”

Mashiro: My inner hollow and I just get along really well!



13. Tatsuki asks Kyoraku: “When you say Ichigo won’t be able to come home again, what exactly do you mean? Is that a metaphor?”

Kyoraku: No, it’s entirely literal in the “you’ll never see him again probably” sense.

Tatsuki: Damn.

14. Hitsugaya asks Isshin: “Captain, whatever happened to you anyway?”


Isshin: [runs away]

15. Ichigo asks Tensa: “So if Hichigo is my zanpakuto and my hollow powers and fake Zangetsu is my Quincy powers…who exactly are you?

Tensa: I…….am your hair powers.

Tensa: It is thanks to me that your hair always looks awesome.

Tensa: And it’s not even like you comb it.

Ichigo: Wow!

Ichigo: Thanks!

Hichigo: …told ya he’d buy it.

Tensa: I am a little sad now.

If Yhwach and Zangetsu were locked in a room...

As requested by anon. :)

This is fake-Zangetsu we’re talking about, of course, although I’m gonna call him ‘Zangetsu'  'cause I don’t have a better name for him yet. So, if Yhwach and Ichigo’s Quincy power (who happens to look like Yhwach’s younger self) ended up locked in a room to talk, how would that go?





Yhwach: Oh flipper flop. Is this one of those 'Christmas past’ type situations?

Yhwach: I have to talk to my younger self, and thus see the error of my ways?

Yhwach: Because just for the record, younger self, I am awesome and accomplished and kicking ass (unlike YOU), and I wouldn’t change a damn thing.


Zangetsu: ….

Zangetsu: Um I’m not a younger version of you.

Zangetsu: Well I mean I sort of am.

Zangetsu: But really I’m the embodiment Kurosaki Ichigo’s Quincy power, who happens to look like a younger version of you.

Zangetsu: So, uh…

Yhwach: Oh.

Yhwach: Well okay then.

Yhwach: So you’re the guy that Ichigo thought was his zanpakuto for like two years?

Zangetsu: That’s me. Lying was involved.

Yhwach: And also idiocy!

Yhwach: I mean, did Ichigo really look around his soul world, and see one old dude wearing creepy sunglasses, and another dude who looked exactly like him, and had to wonder which was the embodiment of his soul and which was the interloper?

Zangetsu: Well to be fair his zanpakuto was a little hollow and kept trying to kill him.

Zangetsu: I was the nice one.

Yhwach: You were suppressing his power.

Zangetsu: I acted like the nice one.

Yhwach: I mean, no judgment! I appreciate the help! I’d like Icihgo to be a Quincy too.

Yhwach: Speaking of which - you gave up on that whole 'Ichigo being a Quincy’ thing really REALLY fast. Are you sure you’re me?

Zangetsu: Only sort of. Hard to be inside Ichigo so long without him rubbing off on me.

Yhwach: Is that so?

Yhwach: Well I hope you remember that when Ichigo dies, you’re gonna come zipping back to be reabsorbed into me. And when that happens, it will be awkward as hell if you haven’t been doing what I want.

Zangetsu: Sure. If you win.

Zangetsu: But let’s be real here. You’re the antagonist. You won’t win.

Yhwach: Oh really?

Yhwach: There have been many, many hints that the shinigami culture is deeply flawed, that the Soul King is evil.

Yhwach: There are many 'good’ Quincy, like Ichigo’s own mother.

Yhwach: Are you so sure that we are the bad guys, and the shinigami are the good?

Zangetsu: I support Ichigo. He wants to defeat you guys, and so I do as well.

Yhwach: Don’t act like you are the good little soul resident.

Yhwach: You half-screwed Ichigo over for years because you didn’t want him to become a real shinigami, but you were too much of a pansy to actually put your foot down.

Yhwach: You know Ichigo is very - accepting, right? If you had said, “You are a special shinigami who fights with a bow by absorbing reishi from the environment,” he would have rolled with it.

Yhwach: He could be using Quincy powers right now!

Zangetsu: His friends might have said something.

Yhwach: His friends didn’t say anything when he started turning into a HOLLOW.

Zangetsu: Good point.

Zangetsu: But on the other end, all evidence points to shinigami/hollow powers being stronger than Quincy.

Zangetsu: So I think I made the right decision.

Yhwach: I hate you.

Zangetsu: Because I care more about Ichigo being strong than I do about your plans for world domination?

Yhwach: Yes.

Yhwach: And also because, you serve as a terrible reminder…

Yhwach: …of a terrible time..

Yhwach: …when I thought that sunglasses were, just, really cool.



Zangetsu: Sunglasses aren’t cool anymore?

Bleach characters make puns: The Sequel

As requested by alienbeing. :)

Previously I came up with some cheesy puns for Bleach characters to make. Now it is time for more of the same!

1. Yoruichi: “Who is Grimmjow’s favorite Quincy? Candice Catnipp!”

Grimmjow: ……….that catnip bender only happened ONE TIME

2. Hinamori: “What do you get when you stuff cookie batter into a lock? Key-dough!”


Hinamori: T-thanks!

3. Gin: “Somebody stole all of the clothes that belonged to the number one espada. Now he’s…..Starrk naked.”

Starrk: Nobody wants to see that.

Gin: Have you met the fans?

4. Tensa: “Ichigo’s inner hollow performs wedding ceremonies now. He's Hitch-igo.”

Hichigo: I did actually get a ordination off of the internet, so if you and fake-Zangetsu want to get married….

Tensa: ….we’re the same person.

5. Renji: “Izuru’s face finally stopped being pimply. Now he's Clear-a.”

Kira: Couldn’t you just make a Death Note joke and be done with it?

6. BG9: “The Squad 8 lieutenant just became a robot! She’s a Nanao-bot!”

Nanao: My name has three syllables, moron.

BG9: Eh, close enough.

7. Mashiro: “Kensei finally got his anger issues under control! Now he's Zen-sei!”


8. Gin: “What did Hiyori say when she suddenly got cut in half for a second time? ‘Not a-Gin!’”


Gin: I just can’t hold myself back!

9. Tesla: “I went hiking once. Got struck by lightning. It hurt so bad that I curled up into a little ball. I was a Tesla coil.”


Nnoitra: Go sit in a corner and think about what you’ve done.

10. Sasakibe: “One day, Yamamoto saw one of his subordinates filling his shoes with straw. 'Why are you filling your shoes with straw?’ he asked. 'It’s magic straw,’ the subordinate replied. 'It helps me not be afraid in battle. But it’s a little problematic.’ 'Why?’ asked Yamamoto. 'Because,’ the subordinate replied, 'I keep stepping in puddles, and then the straw gets wet, and I have to throw it away and get new straw.’ And he pointed to the wet pile of straw next to him. The subordinate left, and Yamamoto scooped up the wet straw he had left behind. It was magic, after all. The next day, Yamamoto followed the subordinate around. He watched him step in a puddle, and then take out the wet straw and replace it with fresh straw. Once again, Yamamoto scooped up the wet straw he left behind. This went on for a while. Finally, Yamamoto came to me. 'Sasakibe, I have a problem,’ he said. 'What is it?’ I asked. He replied, 'I…..I just can’t stop saving his soggy shoe hay.’”

Yamamoto: I don’t get it.

Sasakibe: His soggy shoe hay?

Sasakibe: Hisagi Shuhei?

Sasakibe: Eh? Eh?


Yamamoto: [leaves]

Hey Bleach characters, if you were a superhero or supervillain, what would your costume look like?

As requested by anon. :)

Who doesn’t like to imagine what sort of costume they would have if they were fighting or causing crime as a superhero/villain. Now it’s time for Bleach characters to come up with costumes for themselves!

I would wear spandex, underwear on the outside, and a white cape.

Byakuya: Because I believe in tradition.

Tosen: I’m not sure why, but I feel like I should wear a tight red suit, maybe with little horns. And have some sort of alliterative name.

Helloooo! I *have* a superhero costume! I wore it in fake Karakura Town!

Yoruichi: Skintight black leather.

Yoruichi: Because I am Catwoman.

Ulquiorra: Just tell me my costume doesn’t have to have nipples.

Aizen: My costume would be big. It would be eye-catching. It would glitter. It would fill those who saw me with a kind of fearful awe.

Gin: …a sparkly sumo suit?


Riruka: My superhero costume would be pink and frilly and have cute bunny ears, and anybody who fails to take me seriously will be sent home in  a BOX.

Fake-Zangetsu: I like dark glasses and I like standing on poles.

Fake-Zangetsu: The only solution is to be the beshaded pogo stick avenger.

Fake-Zangetsu: I’ll have a cape. 

Ginjo: I’ll just wear whatever Ichigo is wearing.

Rukia: I’ll dress all in white, and use a bunny mask to hide my identity!

Ichigo: Yes, everyone will be all, “What the hell is that creature supposed to be?”


[Rukia on Ichigo violence!]

Hikifune: Something stretchy, that’s for sure.

Kurotsuchi: I don’t see the point of a costume. I will just use body paint and make-up.

Orihime: Mmmmm….I’m thinking something in the genre of “killer robot.”

Komamura: Just get me a bucket, and I’m good to go.

Urahara: I’ve put a lot of thought into this!

Urahara: I’ll have green and white striped tights, and a green and white leotard!

Urahara: My hat will have a veil hanging from it, so that nobody will see my face!

Urahara: I and my clogs will be a feared warrior of the night!

Ichigo: People might know it’s you.

Urahara: But how?

Hey Bleach characters, what if Tite Kubo didn't use mostly blank backgrounds? What would you want instead?

As requested by anon. :)

Tite Kubo prefers to use sparse backgrounds, or sometimes no backgrounds. Let say that Bleach characters wanted to change this - what might they suggest as something to replace Kubo’s blank backgrounds?

Ulquiorra: Replace them? Why would we wish to replace them?

Ulquiorra: Empty backgrounds are ideal. 

Ulquiorra: They represent the yawning emptiness of Tite Kubo’s heart.

Ulquiorra: I assume.

Kaien: Ooooh, what if there were actual hearts in the background, to go with Kubos’ favorite heart theme?

Ulquiorra: No that would be grotesque.

 …but yawning emptiness isn’t?

Riruka: He should make the backgrounds adorable!

Riruka: Help make up for the often not-adorable subject matter.

Jackie: No, that would be cluttered. Clean, stark backgrounds are better.


Love: How about just some nice, detailed, realistic backgrounds?

Rose: Or exaggerated, stylized ones!

Gremmy: Or surreal ones. Really use his imagination. 

Kenpachi: Or just none because it’s not like anybody cares what’s going on *behind* the fights.

Kenpachi: Do they?

Richiki: Personally I think the backgrounds should be filled with all of the characters he’s forgotten or ignored.

Renji: It seems like that might be cluttered.

Richiki: That’s kinda the point!

Rukia: How about adorable cartoon animals that explain the confusing bits?

Rukia: Like a bunny that says, “Ichigo is frowning because he thinks it makes him look cool!”

Ichigo: Hey!

Charlotte: Why draw any backgrounds at all? Why not just make the backgrounds different colors? Vibrant, colorful, sometimes sparkly colors!

Yumichika: The manga is black and white, you brainless kumquat.

Charlotte: And I’m saying that should be changed!

Bazz-B: “Fire” is literally the only thing coming to mind.

Hichigo: How about some nice plants? Everybody loves plants!

Fake-Zangetsu: Or some nice buildings for the city scenes.

Hichigo: NO

Tensa: What if instead of backgrounds, everyone’s hair was drawn so luxuriously that there was no need nor room for backgrounds?

Tensa: Just frames filled with long, glistening hair, blowing in the wind.



Tensa: What?