fake novel meme — arthurian legend + ANGELS
SOUTH OF HEAVEN
Evrard de Brecons, third son to Sir Ganelon of the Fierce Countenance, has always been his family’s great disappointment. No faerie-women ever came to him begging to rescue their daughters; when he gave aid to old women at the road-side, they invariably advised him to keep away from root vegetables, not how to find a sleeping princess. He never stayed in a vanishing castle, nor beheaded large green men, nor fought the Saracens in a glorious battle, nor glimpsed Avalon through the mist.
His life thus far has been so ordinary that his father has begun dropping hints about the priesthood. (It doesn’t take anything special to get religion, after all.) Ever the dutiful son, Evrard is practicing praying in the family chapel when there is a sound like a group of troubadours falling off a cart. He is suddenly blinded by a flood of light and a thunderous voice proclaiming, Be Not Afraid!
…this is how Evrard de Brecons ends up braining an angel with a candlestick.
The angel–Boslenus, the name is Boslenus–uses his long white robe to staunch his bloody nose and says (a little resentfully) that Evrard has been chosen to undertake a dangerous quest. Namely, to retake the Holy Grail from an evil sorcerer and bring it to its proper place in the halls of the castle Corbenic.
Evrard laughs, and tells the angel that he must have the wrong de Brecons brother.
(Boslenus does not have a sense of humor.)
Suddenly, Evrard finds himself being dragged across the countryside by an angel who seems to have his own motives for their questing. They pick up increasingly strange company in their travels–Morien, a Moorish squire who seeks his father, the great Sir Aglovale; Anselma, a princess cursed to turn into a bear after sunset; and Roderick, a bard with a voice that could rust plate armor.
There are certain things his father and brothers failed to mention about quests, Evrard realizes. Most of them have to do with how much time you spend cold and wet, listening to Morien and Ansemla fight about who gets the last cake.
The rest of his questions are about angels, and whether you’re allowed to kiss them.