fake microphone

Imagine...Dancing With Dean

Originally posted by frozen-delight

Request: Can you do a dean x reader one shot based on the song nothing’s gonna hurt you baby by cigarettes after sex?

Pairing: Dean x reader

Word Count: 900ish

Warnings: language, implied smut/barely there smut

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hc; jeonghan

head·ca·non /noun/

-to note a particular belief which has not been used in the universe of whatever program or story they follow, but seems to make sense to that particular individual

jeonghan headcanons-

- carries around a backpack with water, bandaids, pain meds, ice packs, so basically a mom

- smells like fresh linen and citrus

- gets the autographs of his friends on his phone case bc it’s ‘cool’

- squeals whenever he sees a small animal

- wears like 15 wristbands

- treats balance balls as more of a toy than a piece of workout equipment

- sings at inappropriate times

- loves the taste of strawberries

- in result, he tastes very sweet. like strawberries and vanilla yum

- has read the harry potter series 4 times

- collects something from every trip he takes and keeps a box of all of the things

- likes purple hair bands the best

- loves the feeling of fuzzy blankets; collects and names them

- feels guilty paying in coins and constantly apologizes

- has fake microphones that he sings into when he thinks he’s home alone. seungcheol now blackmails him

- likes sweetarts a lot and always has a bag

- drums his fingers on the steering wheel when he drives

- smiles at you bc you’re just so beautiful and he isn’t afraid to say it

- voted most likely to think he’s being cool when he’s really not

- will cuddle you all day even if you both need to get up to work

* @puppetpuppe reblogged for a starter!

[*Ah, waterfall. It’s a quiet place, where Tems dwell and ducks carry you across a disproportionately small gap.]

[*The silence was broken one night- Or day, it’s hard to tell Undergroud- as a skeleton goat creature moved through the area, singing a song that was probably written by MTT.]

[*They carried a fake microphone and green-tinted sunglasses. It seemed they were moving from Hotland to Snowdin.]

[*Why they would walk it is unknown, as the Riverperson is always free, but skelegoats have their own reasons.]

[*Besides, in all honesty, the singing was rather good.]



It was that beautiful, amazing time of the year. It only came around once, and you reveled in the days you got to spend in the convention center. You got to see your friends, you got to see people you admired, you got to see the people that made your career all possible. Giving panels was nerve-wrecking, but it was part of your brand to mess up anyways, so no one really cared if you said something wrong. 

It was Vidcon. 

You were walking through the convention hall, admiring all the sites and sounds. You pulled down on your shirt, trying to clean yourself up a bit, and you fell into step with Grace and Hannah. “Ready for the panel (Y/n)?” Hannah teased, and you rolled your eyes. “Don’t even remind me,” you mumbled, your gaze falling to your shoes. The whole thing about being a YouTuber was that you were in front of a camera, not an audience. You could edit out the embarrassing parts, but you couldn’t do that at a panel. Grace reached out for your hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. 

“You’ll be fine.” It was a bit reassuring, knowing that you’d have Grace at your side. You nodded slowly, giving her a forced smile. 

The panel went fine, for the most part. It was all kind of a blur, but people were laughing with you, and not at you. You had gotten a lot of questions about the short film that you were making, and those you answered with ease. 

“How did you come up with the idea for it? It’s a lot more fantasy oriented than a lot of your other comedy things, it’s kind of out of your genre, so how did the idea pop into your brain?” 

You brushed hair out of your eyes, raising your microphone up. “Well, first of all, I can assure you that it’ll still be a comedy. It doesn’t take itself seriously by any means, and the characters are hilarious. I’m really proud of them, because they’re really really funny without being stereotypes of themselves-” you cut yourself off, realizing you were getting side tracked from the question. 

“I really came up with the idea when my beautiful girlfriend Grace and I were out on a date. We had gone to a park, and she was teasing me and telling me to tell her a story, and that’s how the story was born.” The audience was rather silent, and you opened your eyes in fear. “Surprise!” Grace fake-whispered into her microphone, “We’re dating!” Your mouth was open, you were so in shock at what had just happened. You looked at Grace apologetically, and you couldn’t quite shake it off for the rest of the panel. 

As soon as it was over, you rushed towards Grace. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean too, I feel so bad-” she cut you off, laughing slightly. “(Y/n), take a deep breath.” You obliged, still scared of her reaction. “It’s completely fine, in fact I thought it was sweet.” You let out a sigh of relief. 

“Plus now,” she grabbed your hand, making a show of interlocking your fingers. A few girls squealed in the distance, and you both smiled at them. “We can do that in public.”

Forbidden Documentary Footage Uncovered
  • Recording is blank for approximately 30 seconds before title screen appears. Title is written in plain white Helvetica font on plain black background. Documentary is titled "Evidence of Flat Earth". Song "Fly" by band Sugar Ray plays for approximately 12 seconds. Song is edited to be slower. Title fades. Host appears standing in field of snow. Host is holding a microphone that appears to be fake. Several times throughout the recording host makes no attempt to actually speak into microphone. Host is either reluctant to make the microphone appear as real or simply does not care.
  • Host: Hello, this is Maria Rosaline and this is my documentary. It is about fla- flat.
  • Host appears to look at something off-screen. Recording quickly cuts to another take.
  • Host: Many people believe in things that don't make sense like ghosts and aliens even though those things are fake. Some people say you can't prove those things are fake, so there is so- some justification in their beliefs. However, everyone knows that the earth is round, so how can you believe it is flat? Some people believe it is flat anyway and they're stupid. This is my thesis.
  • Host looks at something off-screen. Footage cuts to another take.
  • Host: Today we will be talking to someone who thinks the earth is flat, and maybe we will find out why she thinks the earth is flat. Many people believe in different things even though they're fake. Th- this is my thesis.
  • Recording cuts to a seemingly unrelated shot of a graveyard. Possibly recorded in the summer or early autumn. Recording cuts to an elderly woman in a kitchen. Host is off camera but their arm is visible holding the microphone in front of the elderly woman's face. Microphone is noticeably touching the elderly woman's mouth. Elderly woman is unresponsive. Song "How To Save A Life" by band The Fray is plays loudly. Elderly woman seems to speak, but is inaudible over "How To Save A Life" by band The Fray.
  • Host: Turn that shit off.
  • Another voice is heard, presumably whoever is manning the camera.
  • Cameraman: I'm not playing it.
  • Host: St- stop messing around and turn it off.
  • Cameraman: You see me standing right here. How the fuck am I playing it?
  • Recording cuts to footage outside. Elderly woman is only person present in footage. There is heavy snowfall. Deciduous forest is visible in distance. "How To Save A Life" by band The Fray is able to be heard faintly.
  • Elderly Woman: It is very cold.
  • Host: I know, I'm sorry. It's too loud in the house. Let's make this quick and we can all go home. So, why do you be- believe the earth is flat?
  • Elderly Woman: I do not believe in things. It is very cold. We should stay in the house. I do not like it outside.
  • Host: Can you just answer one question, please?
  • Cameraman: Bitch is crazy.
  • Host: Shut the fuck up.
  • Elderly Woman: I do not like it when it is cold outside and dark at night. We should go back inside.
  • Several figures can be seen walking out of the forest in the distance.
  • Cameraman: Okay, I think we should go the fuck back in.
  • Elderly Woman: Yes. Let us. I can make you children brackenberry porridge.
  • Host: Please, please just answer one question and this can all be over with.
  • Figures from the forest begin to walk towards the subjects. Cameraman moves the camera. Camera films the ground.
  • Cameraman: I'm going the fuck in. I'll fail the fucking class. I don't care. I didn't pay tuition for this shit.
  • Host: Come on, this is du- due tomorrow.
  • Elderly Woman: Brackenberry porridge is savory and rich in fiber.
  • Recording cuts to dark footage of a window. "How To Save A Life" by band The Fray plays at excessive volume. Large figures can be seen moving past the window several times. Figures are humanoid in shape. No other significant features can be made out. Recording cuts to silent footage of a mirror. Camera is recording in night vision. Camera can be seen in mirror, but there is no cameraman. Camera is seemingly floating. Recording cuts to footage of snow covered ground. Camera is recording in night vision. Host and Cameraman seem to be walking through forest.
  • Host: It's fucking cold. We're lost. We're gonna die.
  • Cameraman: I found that old hag in her basement, right.
  • Host: We're not gonna find the car. We're gonna fu- fucking freeze out here.
  • Cameraman: She's got this impressive set-up. She was editing our documentary for us.
  • Host: We're gonna die.
  • Cameraman: She said something to me. I couldn't hear her because that shitty song was so loud.
  • Host: We're gonna die.
  • Cameraman: But there was a hammer there, and I thought, "No one would miss this old hag." So I just whacked her over the head. Bam, bam, bam! Three times!
  • Host: We're gonna die.
  • Cameraman: Bam, bam, bam! Another three times.
  • Host: We're go- gonna die.
  • Cameraman: I'm a murderer now.
  • Host: We're gonna die.
  • Cameraman: I'm just kidding I made that up.
  • Host: We're...
  • Recording cuts to silent footage of fake microphone lying in snow. Footage is in night vision. Camera centers on microphone for approximately 5 minutes. Camera goes out of focus several times. Footage ends here.
  • There is evidence to show that "Marina Rosaline" is not the real name of the host that appears in this recording. Video was uploaded by KrauserGamer98 on Roblox Forums. KrauserGamer98 claims to have cut out 48 minutes of "unnecessary" footage. KrauserGamer98 claims most cut footage was blank or focused on a poster featuring the character Crazy Frog.
  • Thank you for reading.
Comparing Notes

I’m starting a new series because @chronicopheliac is a jerk and keeps bringing out amazing crack ideas when we chat. So the basic gist is this: What if characters on Hannibal got together and actually talked about things that mattered - like How is Hannibal Lecter in bed?

So…for the first installment, I’m tagging @damnslippyplanet because I wrote Marlana, which I’ve never done before…be nice, people! 

Alana & Margot

Alana was tired. It was her night to put Morgan down and of course all he wanted was another story. Margot was better with him, she somehow found the perfect balance between loving and firm. Alana just couldn’t manage it. Tonight she was Mean Mommy, a moniker she seemed to earn more and more frequently of late.

She had almost convinced herself to turn around and read Morgan another chapter of Treasure Island when she heard giggles coming from her bedroom. Slowing her steps to dull their noise, Alana peered around the doorway. Margot was bundled up in her favorite silk pajamas, the ones that made her look like Myrna Loy in some decadent 30s film, one hand pressed to her mouth, shoulders shaking as she looked at something on her tablet.

“And what, pray tell, has my wife making such a racket?”

Margot flushed, turning a gorgeous shade of pink that made Alana smile fondly.

“Nothing.” Margot’s eyes were huge.

“You know I don’t buy that look when Morgan has it either.” Alana was having trouble keeping her face stern, her lips ticking up in the corners.

“Jimmy updated his fic on AO3.” 

Alana sighed. Ever since they had fled Baltimore, Margot had developed a perverse fascination with the Murder Husbands culture Freddie Lounds had developed. Margot commented on message boards anonymously, devoured fan fiction like it was actual literature, and had a bizarre email relationship with Jimmy Price that Alana had decided to find charming instead of disturbing.  

Alana rolls her eyes, she slipped out of her robe, leaving her in a chemise. At least she could still get Margot’s attention the old fashioned way. Sliding beneath the covers, Alana held out her hand.  

“Let me see.” Margot bit her lip and held out the tablet, the flush still pinking her cheeks and ears. This ought to be good…

Hannibal stretched before Will on the bed, ass high and hole fluttering. Will stroked his pulsating member, pre-come flowing freely from the tip. He grabbed Hannibal’s hips jerking them high, until the cannibal was performing a handstand, legs split at a perfect 180 degree angle.

“Tonight, Hannibal, you’re my sloppy bi-

“OH MY GOD!” Alana chucked the tablet away from her, cringing. Margot laughed. “I don’t even think that’s physically possible.”

Margot smiled, retrieving the tablet from the foot of the bed and placing it on the nightstand. She raised an eyebrow at her wife.

“Maybe you’re just not that flexible?”

Alana snorted.

“Trust me, neither is Hannibal.”

Keep reading

the signs at a family dinner

aries: uncle that shows their nephew what porn is
taurus: grandmother that smells like cream and yells at their kid for being a shitty parent
gemini: the forever crying baby
cancer: mom who smiles too much even when theyre being yelled at
leo: the kid who gets out a fake guitar and microphone and performs in front of the whole family
virgo: nephew who was taught what porn was by their uncle
libra: the eldest teen girl who is constantly whining about how annoying her siblings are
scorpio: emo child that laughs when their dad accidently sets the kitchen on fire
sagittarius: the dad who sets the kitchen on fire
capricorn: one of the kids walking around asking a million questions about everything and also complains when theyre told to sit at the kids table
aquarius: the one who gets in a political debate and flips the table over in anger
pisces: grandfather that constantly cracks jokes and tells stories about what it was like when “there was no technology and I actually had to go OUTSIDE for entertainment”