faith panic

B.A.P are brothers.
They stick together.
They always make it through.
They are strong warriors from day one.
All they need to know is that they’re not alone.

They have us. Babyz who will walk with them through all the good as much as all the bad. They held us up when we went through hard times and now we hold them as they go through hard times. Our love is pure. Just don’t lose faith, and let’s stick together forever aye? Because we’re better together. 

So @yo-gaymormon (Mika) has been posting all these updates about his faith journey lately, as well as bearing the brunt of my faith-based panics (#besties) so here’s my shouted-into-the-void update.

I am super confused. I was really happy in my Anglican Church in Ottawa but it was feeling less and less because of the faith, and more because of the community. I wasn’t connecting particularly to Jesus or God in my services. I felt like I was there more for the music than for God. Then I get to my hometown for the summer and I find myself thinking about my LDS days a lot. And just… this sense of longing every time I drove past the Temple – which was/is frequently.

This puts me in a weird position because the doctrinal issues that drove me away from the LDS Church are still there. LGBTQIA people are still not fully accepted. Gender identity is a huge concern. The idea that the only Holy family is one with heterosexual parents just does not work with what I know to be true. Complementarianism still bothers me a lot.(The cultural stuff also sometimes grinds my gears (nothing like hearing a man give a talk on womanhood) but I am less worried about that because Doctrine > Culture.)

But with significant encouragement from Mika, I have been back to my YSA ward the last two Sundays. And… I was surprised, but I’ve really enjoyed it. I’ve made friends. I’ve been invited to hang out a lot. I’m feeling the Spirit. I.. I feel like I want the things I left behind. I want to do more genealogy. I want to be married in the Temple. I want an eternal family. I want to push the Church from the inside to do more, to be more, to encompass Christ’s love for all of us.

But that brings its own set of complications.

I don’t know guys. I really don’t know.


some of my gotham rouge gallery inspired au, with lil cal as a scarface equivalent, and dirk as his ventriloquist, roxy as cyber hacking & tracking catwoman, rose as a sort of harlequin and scarecrow hybrid, and porrim and kanaya as poison ivy vampires. 

more about the au under the read more;

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Wedding Dresses and Busted Lips

I’ve just had a fantastic writing week and had to share. I’m being so impatient and can’t wait for my queue to go through….Here’s a new little installment for Mo Chridhe! I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did writing it! 

Master Fanfiction List

Mo Chridhe 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,  7,  8 , &

“Do ye take Frank to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

Giggles ensued from the bride-to-be, and a huff of irritation from the would-be-officiary.

“Yer supposed to say ‘I Do,’ Bree!” Faith said, placing her hands on her hips.

Bree clamped her lips together, trying to stifle her giggles and nodded.

“I do!” She squealed, laughing even harder as her sister nodded with the most serious face.

“Good, then Frank you can kiss the bride!”

Bree’s laughter knocked her to the ground. The white “wedding dress” made of sheets fell from her shoulders as she rolled on the ground. Frank, seeing one of his humans rolling on the ground took that moment to lay down and roll on his back, tongue lolling out the side.

“Ugh! That’s not what yer supposed to do!” Faith complained, throwing her journal to the ground.

“But Faith, Fwank’s a dog, how am I supposed to mawy a dog?”

“It’s PRETEND!” Faith emphasized, getting angry at her sister’s lack of imagination.

“Then why don’t yous mawy him and I’ll be the pwiest?”

Faith considered her sister’s proposal, and after a few minutes nodded in agreement.

“Fine, but I want a different dress. No two brides should wear the same dress!”

Bree shrugged her shoulder in a way that looked just like her Da. “Okay. Let’s go find one then!”

Scrambling to her feet, Bree took off towards the house Frank and Faith tight on her heels.

“Wait Bree! I know where one is!” Faith called after her sister.

The two girls streaked through the house causing Charlie to bark.

“Where are you two off to in such a hurry?” They heard their mother call from somewhere in the house.

Both giggled, “We aw getting a dwess fow Faith’s mawage to Fwank!”

Claire stifled her own giggles. “Be careful then and stop running in the house!”

“Okay Mama!” Both girls called and continued to run up the stairs.

“In here,” Faith pointed to their parent’s bedroom.

“Whys we going in Mama and Da’s woom?” Bree whisper yelled to her sister.

“Shhh! We dinna want Mama to know we are in here because I want to use her dress!” Faith whispered back.

The two girls snuck into the closet and saw the rows of shoes and clothes of both their parents, all neat and where they were meant to be. They began to rummage around, looking for the beautiful white and silver lace dress that their Mama wore to be married in.

“Faith! Ovew heea!” Bree called out, pointing to a deep purple garment bag. The white and silver lace visible through a clear section that went the length of the bag.

Faith’s eyes went wide, and a grin to match sprang to her face as she drew closer.

“It’s perfect!” She whispered even softer. “Bree stand over here I need to use you to reach the hanger.”

Bree nodded, not fully understanding what she was needed for. Faith stood behind her little sister, placed her hands on her shoulders and said, “Get ready.” Then jumped up, attempting to wrap her legs around Bree’s shoulders and neck. Bree gave out a cry of shock and stumbled, Faith screamed in panic, grabbed the first thing she could to try and stabilize themselves which happened to be the purple garment bag as they crashed to the floor–the entire shelf going down with them.

Both Faith and Brianna began to cry in shock, and pain. Claire heard the crash coming from upstairs, followed by their cries and went sprinting to the source. What she found were her two girls with bloody lips and scrapes, surrounded by her clothes, and gaping holes in the wall where the shelving unit crashed down.

“Faith! Brianna!” She said scooping them up into her arms. “Darlings, what happened in here? What were you trying to do? Let me see your cuts!”

Bree buried her face in her mother’s neck and cried hard. Faith on the other hand stuck out her chin and elbow to show where she was hurt. One handed Claire looked at her daughter. She pulled her lip back and saw where one of her bottom teeth had been knocked loose–a baby tooth, thank goodness– and the mild scrape on her arm from a metal clothes hanger.

“Come downstairs and we’ll get you both cleaned up. Bree, sweetheart, can you show me where you’re hurting the most?”

Bree shook her head, pushing her face deeper into Claire’s neck.

Claire patted her back, “Alright sweetheart, but I’m going to have to look at you when we get downstairs.”

Bree shook her head again, but her crying had started to calm down to small hiccuping sobs.

Downstairs, Claire grabbed her medical kit and had Faith sit on the bench by the table to be looked at, while she had Brianna still clinging to her side.

“Looks like you’re going to lose that tooth, Faith. Do you want me to pull it or do you want to?” Faith’s eyes went wide with tears as she violently jerked her head from side to side.

“No! Don’t pull it, I don’t want to lose it! I need my teeth Mama!”

Claire smiled softly, “It has to come out or it’s going to hurt worse when you go to chew. You remember how you lost your front two teeth on the top?”

Faith nodded.

“What happened after that?”

“My tooth came back,” She said a little bit happier.

“Yes it did, and so will this one!” Claire comforted.

“Okay Mama, then go ahead and pull it.”

Claire watched as Faith’s knuckles went white against the bench from gripping so hard. She quickly and easily pulled the tooth and watched as Faith relaxed.

“That didn’t hurt much!” Faith said happily.

“Good, now can you explain to me why you and your sister were in my closet?”

Just as Faith went to explain Jamie walked into the room. His eyes went wide with fear when he saw Bree still cuddled to her mother, blood dripping down Claire’s shoulder, Faith likewise with smears of blood on her.

“What happened?” He said in a panic.

“I was just about to find that out for myself.” Claire said, turning to Jamie. “Can you grab Bree for me so I can help Faith easier?”

Jamie nodded and pulled a reluctant Bree from Claire. When Bree saw it was her Da, she clung to him just as tight as she had her Mama.

Faith sighed. “Bree and I were playing wedding. Bree kept laughing and wouldn’t say the words right to marry Frank, so she said I could be the bride.”

Claire nodded and motioned for her to go on, while gently dabbing at the cut on Faith’s elbow.

“I wanted a different dress, because no two brides can have the same dress!” She said matter of factly. “So we went to your room, because I wanted your dress.”

The last part was said as a mumble. “Go on,” Jamie prodded.

“Bree found it and I tried to use her shoulders to climb high enough to reach the hanger. She started to fall, and I grabbed onto something and fell with her. Then everything fell to the ground and that’s when Mama found us. I’m sorry.” Faith said with tears in her eyes. “I just wanted to look pretty like Mama for my wedding.”

Claire and Jamie exchanged a look and sighed. “A leannan ye know yer not supposed to be in your Mam and I’s bedroom.”

Faith looked down and nodded, ashamed.

“You’re lucky you weren’t hurt worse! Why would you use your sister as step stool?”

Faith shrugged one shoulder, not looking at either of her parents.

“No sweets, TV, or books for a week.”

“But Mama!”

“No buts! Now I want you to go up to your room and change out of these dirty clothes.”

Faith huffed and stomped to the stairs.

Jamie sighed, “What about this one?” He said bouncing Bree on his hip.

“First I’m going to clean her up, then she too will have a similar punishment.”

Claire reached out and took Bree from Jamie, “Please go look at the closet and see if we’re able to easily fix the walls without a contractor. We really don’t need to be spending the money on a professional if you and Murtagh can fix it.”

Jamie leaned over and and kissed Claire’s temple. “Aye, I’ll go look now.”

“Thank you.” She sighed, then focused on her youngest daughter’s injuries.

Summertime Sadness;


Born To Die-Lana Del Rey

Primadonna-Marina And The Diamonds

Picking Up The Pieces-Paloma Faith

It’s My Life-No Doubt

Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off-Panic!At The Disco

Summertime Sadness-Lana Del Rey

White Teeth Teens-Lorde

30 Minute Love Affair-Paloma Faith

Starring Role-Marina And The Diamonds

You guys. A week ago Andy Lincoln said that the questions about Beth may not be fully answered within the first 8 episodes of the season. For real. He actually said that.

Beth might die. But right now, from all we have to go on, we’ve got the lead actor who is notorious for not knowing what the fans know about spoilers and stuff, spilling a potential spoiler. Plus Emily Kinney’s schedule which seems to leave next week and the rest of November open for filming.

And then on the other side, we have mods at TSDFs saying that their source said someone would die in the MSF and it would be bloody. 

I’m laying decent odds that someone who dies a bloody death is the bitch cop who pistol whips Beth and I’m putting my faith in Andy’s slip of the tongue and Emily’s schedule, which would be chock full for November if I were her management or booking agent. 

If Emily doesn’t return to Georgia or stays only for her show at Eddie’s Attic and never goes back or suddenly books a million shows in November, I’ll take it back. I’ll admit she’s probably dead and move on, but until then, everything from everywhere is just speculation and we’re all going insane for no reason.