“remember the lesson, forget the mistake”
fuckstudy’s 11/100 days of productivity

It’s been a rough day. Reminding myself that the value of making a mistake is the lesson and knowledge I gain from rectifying it. Forget the embarrassment, shame, disappointment and feelings of inadequacy which come with making the mistake. Put that all aside. All I gotta do is remember what I’ve learnt from it. 

Playing: “Drag”, by Day Wave  

Serious post

Guys, I’m pretty sure I’m the worst betta mom.

Okay, so. I had Artemus in a gallon tank for about 3 months. It was filtered and that’s about it. I didn’t do anything else for him. I didn’t know I had to, I had no idea. Once I got into the tumblr betta fish community, I realized how horrible I’d been and so after about a week I acquired him a 5.5 gallon, filtered, heated, cycled etc. My params the last I checked (a couple of days ago because my EVIL CAT broke every single test tube I had drying on the counter) were 0/0/5. I want to test again desperately but replacement tubes only come in 24 packs for 25 dollars (Wtf?) And I don’t have that laying around right now.

Well anyway, before I was betta-educated by tumblr, I had noticed that my boys beautiful fins were looking tattered? I googled it and immediately took out all plastic decor and covered his filter intake with panty hose. This was about 1 month into owning him, which means I still had him in a 1 gallon for about 2 months afterwards. Again, I didn’t know the error of my ways until a few weeks ago, which sent me in a frenzy of buying appropriate fish keeping supplies.

His fins still not improving, I read up on stress coat and started to use that. Then I learned he had Popeye and that I needed to treat him with ampicillin before things got worse. He’s been on ampicillin a week now, with zero improvement. His fins look more tattered than ever even though his new tank is a fluval spec v which I bought specifically for the lack of intrusive filter intake, it has a bio filter in separate housing.

I noticed tonight fuzzy white patches on his head, which sent me to Google and find its ich?? How is this possible? Did I screw up so bad those first 3 months I had him? He’s not recovering at all but his fins are getting worse and he now has ich.

I feel so heart broken because I love him so much and I feel like I bonded with him quickly.

His behavior doesn’t really indicate illness but his appearance disagrees.

I don’t know what to do at this point as I can only empty my pockets so much. That sounds bad but I live on my own and make just over minimum wage.

I love him but for his sake I wish I never brought him into this mess.

I feel so upset and didn’t anticipate this betta would have me in tears night after night frustrating and unable to find a way to help him. New symptom after new symptom develops and I just don’t know why.

Recap: params:0/0/5
Heated (temp at 80)
He gets a diet of sometimes bloodworms and sometimes pellets
Stress coat treatment and ampicillin treatment.
Tank mates: two small mystery snails and two small corys (they all get along. I have obsessively observed their interactions at this point)
I’ve also provided him with resting places and tunnels and tall silk plants which he loves. I exercise him with a mirror and he flares for maybe a couple minutes a day.

I don’t know you guys. I’m enamored with this new hobby but I don’t know if I’m even capable. I have no idea.