failing endlessly

as soon as i ran away from home not only all the relatives and family members but also other adults and even friends my own age started insisting that “i made a mistake” and “i have to come back” and that’s when i realized pretty much anyone in this society is ready to put my life on the line in a heartbeat in favour of pleasing my abusive parents and keeping their own comfortable perception “if children fail to be endlessly loving and grateful to parents they’re wrong because they should know better”. I would have died if i was forced back home. But apparently if it takes my life to keep parents happy, then everyone is ready to sacrifice that. Well it’s my life. And i’m not giving it. And i can’t believe they have the nerve to even imply a decision to save my life was a bad one. I wish i could transfer all my feelings directly on them and watch how long would they be able to live while enduring it. 

falling in love at a coffee shop

kyohei rikudoh x mc (misaki kasagi)

a/n: i did say more cafe!au was coming, so… (also i agonized over a clever title for days and this is all i got)

Most mornings start like this; she and Rina unlock the shop while the night is just beginning to end. Misaki wipes the tables while her best friend retrieves their pastries from the freezer, loading batch after batch of uncooked homemade food into the ovens. They play music. Misaki writes in a notebook the screenplay she dreams will one day be accepted by someone—for now, it’s only a hobby, a passion, but someday she’d like it to be a livelihood of sorts.

(She believes it will.)

They unlock the doors at six o'clock, sharp, every morning. Their regulars at that time are generally exhausted, the coffee and bakery item they get seeming to switch their power buttons. Most of them offer no more than a small tip and a tired smile, and she understands. 

And then, one day, a new morning regular appears. 

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The reason I’m staunchly antizionist, among many other reasons, is that Zionism is a mere political ideology. It doesn’t define Judaism, it can never supersede our culture. 

We existed as a distinct ethnic and religious culture for a millenia before Zionism and we’ll continue to exist for millenias after. My entire identity is not bound to a single political ideology and the sinister quality of its nature is that somehow we’ve bought into the idea that that’s precisely what we need to do in order to define our Jewishness. 

Zionism is about two centuries old. We have thousands of years of experiences, philosophy, struggle, and survival that a single ideology could never seek to sum up or contain. And the fact that so many seek to distill it down to a movement that’s barely into it’s third century of existence is poison to the vastness of our people. I refuse to participate in the bottlenecking of our culture. 

The fact that there are so many of my own people who discard me from my own community daily because I argue loudly and aggressively as to the nature of Zionism is testament to its flawed design. The fact that so many young Jews in particular find themselves excluded from their synagogues, their campus Hillel’s, their own families, simply for dissenting on political ideology, that somehow to not be Zionist is to not be Jewish is the most malicious form of internalized antisemitism we have ever faced as a people. 

When I argue with a fellow Jew about their beliefs in Zionism never do I deny their Judaism, and yet I find them denying mine. Worse, I have been asked to provide “proof” of my Jewishness in such arguments. How can we as a people expect to grow and change and find our self-determination if we reduce ourselves down to paranoid followers of political ideology? 

The history of Zionism is nuanced, complicated, and based heavily as a way to overcome antisemitism of that I cannot deny, nor would I. But does it work? Has it saved us? Will it forward our liberation? We’re Jews. We must question. The fact that many of us have been silenced is the very antithesis of our way. There’s so much to the history and its far reaching effects that I won’t even attempt to parse it out in one essay on the internet. 

 But I certainly will not let you all pretend as if antizionist Jews do not exist, are not loud and vocally and fiercely proud of their Judaism. I wouldn’t let goyim pretend they own the conversation on antizionsim when such arguments were first made by Jews at the time of Zionism’s formation. So why on earth would I let my fellow Jews cover their eyes and pretend they can’t see me either? 

anonymous asked:

My problem is both Dave and Karkat have been uncomfortable with the idea of a poly relationship and without that setup this comes off like a pair the spares moment and Jade DESERVES better.

on a personal level i most ship davekat<>jade, partially because i view jade as acearo. like, my personal interpretation of this is that they all live together because dave and karkat are dating and jade is extremely important to them, and cannot live alone. she lived alone her whole life, and then had to mourn in the place her loved ones died with no escape from it for three years. it is EXTREMELY difficult and traumatic and taxing to live on your own in a place that people you loved died, and it makes you never want to have to live alone again. given that she was very close to both of them in act 4 and 5, they would’ve been the most logical people to live with post-game.

so TLDR my personal interpretation is that its platonic.

however, i am still gonna say shit in defense of davejadekat because on some level i do ship it, and i do think that its the endgame hussie was aiming for.

so, with that said, i seriously disagree with you.

karkat has romanticized quadrants his whole life, but in all of his crushes (terezi, jade, and dave), he’s struggled to put a person in just ONE quadrant. for him its not an issue of dating multiple people, it’s that he cant literally compartmentalize his feelings for them into the romantic system he grew up on.

conversely, the line of thinking that says DAVE is uncomfortable about the idea of a poly relationship comes explicitly from the game over timeline. in that timeline, he knew nothing about quadrants and didn’t WANT to know anything about quadrants because the relationship between terezi and gamzee put a bad taste in his mouth.
you can say that’s just his preference, or you can also interpret that as dave being an ABUSE survivor, who saw that relationship and knew it was abuse on a subconscious level, was really adverse to it, and then associated that with poly relationships. this is later implied to be true in the post-retcon timeline, because not only does dave openly and blatantly acknowledge that he was abused, but he also defended the use of quadrants when karkat was discussing it with john. he said to john that it made sense if you make an attempt to understand it.

furthermore, davekat as a whole stands as commentary to open communication and romantic compromise, and the all around idea that love and sexuality are fluid and mutable. the idea of them being polyamorous is not far fetched at ALL, and even though i prefer them with jade platonically, it seriously wouldn’t surprise me if hussie was aiming for poly davejadekat.

finally, on the topic of “jade deserves better” i feel like thats what a lot of anti-djk are using in attempts to not sound shitty towards jade, and it’s not working. they are exactly what she deserves, actually. their relationship is all about healing and moving past trauma. they cared deeply about her in early acts, they’ve always been drawn to her. when she was put to sleep by vriska they were sitting right next to her while she slept, they didn’t get up to go socialize with other people and made people come to them when they wanted to talk, because they wouldn’t leave her side. what does this say? they care DEEPLY about her, regardless of its romatic or plantonic. they are EXACTLY what she deserves because she deserves to be cared about endlessly without fail, and thats exactly what they do in-comic.

Tuesday Night is Taco Night

Thank you all for the wonderful response to my Quantico AU… it was meant to be a one shot but… This chapter cover the prompt received by @so-how-do-i-die—you-dont. Thank you to @carrie11 for a speedy beta :)

The X-Files Fanfic | MSR | Pre-Series AU | Mature

Part One - Monday Night is Laundry Night


TUESDAY

Mulder wakes before his alarm on Tuesday morning with a raging hard on, and presses his nails into his palms until it subsides. Somehow he knows that if he finishes what the laundry room started and his fevered dreams continued, that he won’t be able to stand up in front of a roomful of trainees and speak coherently. Though if he’s completely honest, it’s not the whole room he’s worried about. Just her. Mulder knows that if he lets his mind wander back to the dreamy image of Dana Scully biting her lip as she slides down his body, there is no way in hell he’ll be able to face her.

He takes his shower cold and skips breakfast, preparing more rigorously for today’s lecture than he’s prepared for anything in recent years. Possibly ever. This is ridiculous. Two kisses and a fully grown man is worried about forming sentences in a work environment. Mulder had thought hormone surges this debilitating had gone out with puberty.

He tries not to think of her, of how she might look at him today, of questions he could ask the room that she might answer, whip smart and unexpected. Mulder tries not to imagine scenarios where the lecture theatre is magically empty and the two of them are locked in a heated debate about the details of one of his case studies. He tries not to imagine the two of them circling closer, eyes bright with conviction until inevitably they crash together and burn all the disagreements to nothing. He fails endlessly; tries to study the Rock-Man files, tries to go back to sleep, considers running back to that creepy museum in Salem or maybe even all the way to England.

In this strange place between indifference and obsession the minutes stretch out interminably and yet, somehow, 11am still arrives before Mulder is ready.


Agent Mulder looks at her exactly once and only for slightly too long. Just long enough for heat to gather in her cheeks and make her drop her face to her lap, where a similar warmth is stirring. And that is it the end of it. One look is all she gets for two kisses and the promise of more. It happens right after he introduces the day’s focus, ‘Eliminating Prejudice to Spot Patterns,’ right before he starts to speak, and the brevity of it, the shock of it, is enough to ensure that his words wash meaningless across Scully’s burning ears.

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Neville Saves The Day!: Neville Longbottom One Shot (Requested by Anon)

Request: Could you write a fan-fiction where longbottom saves you, a fellow gryffindor from draco and his minions. Draco hits you while cornering you outside the yule ball and nagging you like he always does for being a mud-blood and friends with the golden trio. Longbottom unusually acts super defensive and saves you, comforts you, then take you inside and dances with you and then kisses you.

The music blared throughout the Great Hall while tiny little snowflakes began to fall from the ceiling. Students and staff continued to dance the night away, creating beautiful memories for the future.

I sat on one of the circular ringed seats alongside Hermione, sipping on some punch and talking with her about how her date almost spilled some food on her.

“I can’t imagine what you could have done if that happened!” I laughed, talking another sip of my drink.

“My own mother wouldn’t let me see another day!” She giggled. I smiled as we both just continued to talk and rejoice about our time here. It was truly such a glamourous life.

Besides all the fiasco with the Triwizard Tournament, everything in our lives have been moving along just fine. Studies have been going well, friends are all getting along, and we even bumped up a place into the Quidditch finals! Ironic, isn’t it?

Hermione took my hand to dance, just until Draco and his hounds walked up to us, Draco’s hands crossed along his chest. I rolled my eyes as we sat down again, ready for the completely pointless speech he was about to give. When was he going to give up on this act?

“Well, well, well. Look at we have here. A mudblood and a lunkhead. Truly beautiful sight, innit boys?” He growled. Crabbe and Goyle nodded their fat heads as I snickered at them in disgust.

“Look what we have here, a weasel and his poo. Seems to me your looks have everything covered about you.” I laughed, Hermione widening her eyes as a reaction to what just came out of my mouth. I put my arm with hers and held my head up high, meeting eye to eye with Draco.

“Oh, and don’t even bother trying to talk to me again. Your breath seems to be doing all of it.” I whispered in his ear, closing my nose and pretending to be disgusted. Hermione giggled as we walked away, my pride getting the best of me.

“HEY! COME HERE!” Draco yelled, yanking me by my wrist and pulling me close to him.

“Don’t you dare say those things to me. You don’t know who you’re dealing with.” He growled lowly to my face. I felt my legs quiver as a feeling of fright washed over me. I turned over to Hermione who was being blocked by Crabbe and Goyle. She couldn’t help being so small compared to the beasts that were parading around her.

“Draco, let me go.” I whined, trying to pry myself from his grip but it failed endlessly.

His grip only seemed to tightened when I tried to make my way out, and the pain soared as the seconds went by.

‘Hey! Knock it off!” I heard a voice squeak out. Draco and I both looked around to see Neville standing there, trying to look tough as he trudged towards the scene.

“Let her go Malfoy, o-or you won’t see the end of this!” He stuttered, trying his best to look at him in the eye, but I could tell that he was just as frightened as I was in that moment.

But then again, he was the one trying to save me from this? Just last week he nearly started crying because he forgot one of his textbooks back at his dorms. Why and how in the world could he have become so courageous in a short amount of time? People change, don’t they?

Draco scoffed and let go of me, making my balance a bit off since I didn’t expect him to let go of me so suddenly. I looked at Draco, who glanced at me and back to Neville. He cleared his throat before speaking.

“Longbottom saves the day, eh? Not for long.” He spat, marching away and out of the Great Hall. Crabbe and Goyle were still just as shocked as I was, and they kept standing there like the total cowards they are.

“Crabbe! Goyle! Come on!” Draco yelled from the entrance, continuing to walk away as the two hounds tried to run after him but failed to keep up not even seconds later.

I turned around to Neville, who was sitting with Hermione and whispering something in her ear. He began to lightly blush as she giggled and looked at me. She gave me a weird nod and got up and walked away, joining the huge crowd of students that continued to dance the night away.

“Thanks for doing that.” I said to Neville, sitting down next to him.

“Anything for a friend.” He said, looking up and smiling. I could tell that he was nervous.

A moment of silence fell between us as the music echoed throughout the hall, and I was awkwardly playing with my hands. I was about to get up and leave, thinking that tonight’s events were already a party within itself, until Neville got up at the same time.

“Would you like to .. um .. dance with me maybe?” Neville asked me, the blush from before returning to his cheeks.

“I thought you’d never ask.” I smiled, making his teeth show as he smiled fully for the first time tonight.

“You look beautiful tonight, (Y/N).” He whispered. “I just thought no one has said that yet, and I am telling the truth.”

My smile only grew wider, my heart filled up with love from the endless amount of kindness he had given me that night. Neville was so sweet, and so kind. Everything that I had hoped to stumble upon tonight.

Neville quickly leaned down and kissed my cheek, and took my hand and ran into the crowd before I could say anything. The night was filled with loads of fun and awkward dance moves, but it was one to remember.

revenge is sweet (but you're sweeter)

imagine a pocket-sized you with your face shoved into the peephole of the hotel room’s front door. you can clearly see jimin getting frustrated as he jabs incessantly at the doorbell. behind you, jungkook shakes with quiet giggles, and you stomp on his hand in warning. jimin hears him, however, and stops ringing the doorbell to tell him so before demanding that younger boy let him in. jungkook just bursts into laughter and tells jimin he has to dance first before he can come inside.

whining loudly, jimin presses an eye to the door and pleads with you to convince jungkook to let him in. you tap on your chin in thought and then muse that you would, but you’d much rather see how the infamous 3:33 looks through the tiny peephole. jungkook hoots in approval and lifts his index finger for a “high-five”. scooting over a bit so that jungkook can also peer through the opening, you then tell jimin to get ready.

and jimin actually dances (with a hilariously deadpan expression, no less). jungkook is beside himself with joy, but before jimin can even finish the dance, hoseok comes up and tackles him with a hug. in an instant, jungkook stops laughing and unlatches the door. he grabs onto jimin’s fingers and yanks him out of hoseok’s embrace. waving a quick goodnight to a bewildered hoseok, jungkook tugs jimin into his room and bolts the door. and you tease jungkook endlessly for failing to get back at jimin for embarrassing him on v app, all because of a little jealousy.

But my sexuality is Dean as this really blasé anti-hero to Cas’s goody-two-shoes superhero. 

Dean has had a rough life: an arsonist torched his house when he was four and his mom burned inside. His dad went off the deep end after that and he was pretty much left to raise his infant brother. And Sam is all that is good in the world–Dean has made sure of it–but Dean himself, well… he’s kind of a mess. He loves his brother to hell and back, and he’s got this real squishy center, but it’s surrounded by a metric fuckton of prickly exterior. He’s a mutant. He fights like he fucks and fucks like he fights, and sure, he’s ganked the odd rapist in his time, but that’s not ‘cause he’s a hero. Weak, spineless fucks are heros. Nah, Dean just kinda… freelances sometimes. And runs credit card scams. 

Enter Castiel. Castiel is a mutant and an x-man, and he stands for justice and mercy… two things that have failed Dean endlessly. Of course, Cas doesn’t know this, so he contents himself with being disgusted by the other man from afar. Until, of course, he is charged with the duty of either bringing Dean into their ranks, or dragging him to headquarters to be judged for his crimes.

– – –
Not wearing a shirt again, huh Cas? What, professor cueball too fuckin’ cheap for a t-shirt or something? I mean, jesus fuck, you’re gonna poke someone’s eye ou–argh!

Cas beats his wings twice, his momentum so great that when Dean slams into the building, brick cracks under his back. Dean, grunting, pulls his lips into a cocksure smirk. “We invading personal space already? I didn’t even give you my safeword.”

“Stop talking.”

“God, I love when you get bossy. Anyone ever tell you you’re a natural dom, Cas?“

Despite his icy glare, Castiel’s cheeks glow a soft pink. He pushes Dean further into the brick. “The next time I ask you to stop talking, you go through this wall, Dean.”

“Oh boy, you sure do know how to tickle a man’s–”

Dean, hurled through a brick wall, coughs and groans as he tries to move his limbs, assuring nothing’s broken. “Ugh, fuck.”

Castiel is gone.

Hallways - Kirk x Reader

Pairing: Jim Kirk X Reader

Written for: Anon { i’m so sorry but this is really short and kind of shitty because i’m really only capable of thinking about sherlock right now but i wanted to get this done for you }

Rating: T

please do not repost or steal or i’ll fucking kill you mate

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On Questions, Answers, and the Wabi-Sabi Universe

When I started applying for colleges, I knew I was going to have to deal with a lot of uncomfortable questions, what to major in, how I’m going to pay for this, what friends do I make, ect. But these questions, I think, are not nearly as important as questions like “What do I think about God?”, “What do I think about morality/the afterlife/religious experience?” “Why do I believe those things?”, questions that do not concern the people I interact with as much as they should.

It’s easy to take the college questions and give them a positive spin, thinking of them as an adventure rather than an crisis. I suppose one could think the same way about their spiritual journey, but for me these questions never fail to be endlessly confusing, frustratingly vague, profoundly unsatisfying to examine. What’s even more uncomfortable is realizing that you don’t identify with beliefs about the world that you used to hold dear. To look at beliefs that you’ve had for years and to say “that’s not me anymore” is in itself an accomplishment, to look for new beliefs, is a hurdle ten times as high.

This is where I was when I was applying for colleges, and to be honest I’ve never really left, even though I’ve chosen a spiritual path to follow. But given that that path is Shinto, I’ve just opened up a door with a thousand more questions. Shinto is a religion that is practiced almost exclusively in Japan, has only a small presence in the United States (a presence which, helpfully, is mostly located in Washington and Hawaii both hundreds of miles from where I live), and only has a limited amount of resources in print, along with helpful but somewhat dubious online ones. It has no scripture, no clear doctrine, and is closely tied to local Shrines and the landscape of a country which I am descended from, but have virtually no other connection to. It doesn’t mean that I can’t learn about my religion, it means that the answers to my daunting questions are very hard to find, which can be really hard sometimes.

But my experience with Shinto hasn’t been all frustration, otherwise, why would I be attempting to follow it? In my research I have uncovered a philosophy that acknowledges and even celebrates the ambiguities that have so baffled me in the past. It is a path that emphasizes awareness of one’s actions and awareness of the divine in nature, in the Gods, and in ourselves and the people we interact with every day. We call this divine energy “Dai Shizen”, or “Great Nature”, and the way we interact with it is by nature shifting, vague, and impermanent.

In Zen, there is a concept which has carried over to all aspects of Japanese life including Shinto, called wabi-sabi. It, like most Japanese philosophical concepts, is extremely hard to translate into English, but I like to think of it as a kind of “eternal impermanence”. We must acknowledge and appreciate that the world we live in is ever changing, ever shifting, and always impermanent, and although we can have religions doctrine and codes of morality, we cannot possibly think to understand everything. It is most commonly understood in Japanese art and aesthetics,particularly the tea ceremony invented by Sen no Rikyū and the simple but devastatingly beautiful haiku of  Matsuo Bashō. The roughness and irregularity of nature are celebrated in these, not honed out or proportioned away as they are in western art. They ask you to look at the cracks in a cup, the bending of a sakura branch, or the irregularity of a group of leaves strewn across a path, and see that it is beautiful. The imperfection is where the art derives it’s beauty, and likewise the universe derives its beauty from it’s imperfection and refusal to be easily understood.

Wabi-sabi asks you to look calmly and sympathetically on the intricacies and iperfections of the universe around us, and approach it with awe, reverence, and non-judgement. Spirituality in Shinto and for the Japanese in general is more of a purifying appreciation of the divine rather than a prostrating submission. Every religions path involves some sort of “surrender” or “leap of faith”, but in Shinto it’s a different kind of leap than in western paradigms of religion. It’s quiet, mysterious, and impossible to describe, and that not only doesn’t make it less hard to make, but 100 times more hard. But that, I suppose, is wabi-sabi.

bokkuroo  asked:

heey, since it's akaashi's birthday, how about some birthday headcanons? c: like.. college bokuaka au where bukuto tries to make a cake but fails endlessly, and the kitchen is in chaos when akaashi comes home. bokuto thinks akaashi would be mad at him (because he's a neat freak), but the other one just laughes at bokuto's hair and face ond whole body actually being full of choclate and dough. akaashi walks over and kisses him, and they end up making out on the kitchen floor ♥