I looked down as he stroked my cheek, trying to use my only soft skin that remained on my body to calm his anger. “Promise me, Y/N… Please… I’m not always going to be here for you. I have a job. And as much as I love you, I need to support you, support us so we can afford this house. Food. Clothes. Even the special trips we take. All from my job. But I can’t go if I can’t trust you not to kill yourself.” He sighed as I looked down and pushed my shaking body against the wall, turning away from his deep brown eyes that would suck me in and never let me go.
Silence fell between the two of us as he clenched his fists, deciding if he should be angry or comforting or a mixture of both. Meanwhile I bit my lip, fitting the urge to cry, though my efforts failed quickly as a large sob escaped my mouth.
Almost instantly, Evan got down next to me, shhhhing me and pulling me into his warm embrace, pressing his lips gently onto my aching head. He put his lips then to my ear, gently humming some song in my ear gently as I closed my eyes focusing on the melody.
“I…I love you Evan….”
“I love you too beautiful.”
That was about six months ago, before Evan left to film season 5 of American Horror Story. We skyped every day since, doing the usual scar check and had our little “movie night” every Friday (sometimes with Sara and Finn sometimes joined him) and got the occasional visit from Tassia, but sadly it wasn’t enough. I really missed him, but I understood that he needed to do this. Not only had he signed a contract, but this was his passion and he loved not only loved the show but the people he had worked with their and I did too. Tassia and Sara were my best friends and I had gotten close to Finn when they had me as an extra last season but after the whole cutting thing
which the whole cast found out about talk about mortifying Evan pulled me out telling me I was straining myself on all these auditions I was doing and told me that I needed a break. That I was stressing myself but deep down I think we both know what it was.
I had been through this manic phase with Evan many times within the five year stretch of our relationship but never had I self harmed, Being on set with Evan… It just made me feel this insane amount of insecurity as I stared at the many women that Evan had to kiss and do sexual stuff to on camera. It didn’t help that I would get random hate from fans but a lot of it came from the press. So I headed down the eating disorder path. Reading that anorexia made you fatter it was bulimia that I followed. After every meal I would make myself throw it all up. Everyone else in the cast knew about me throwing up… but I think they thought that it I was pregnant
which in terms would make the press hate me more. Even Evan himself began to panic so eventually when I was fifty ponds thinner I tried with all my will power to stop but it wasn’t to be. That’s when Sara and Tassia put the pieces together and figured out what was going on. I made the promise not to tell and reluctantly they agreed after a night full of yelling, arguing, and tears. Then this turned into guilt and stress making the depression worse and needless to say that’s when it started.
Evan honestly is the best. He took the year off to help me, not saying a word against my actions until the week before he left. He was scared of what would happen when he left me. And he was right to be.
I was spiraling downwards again, only leaving the apartment once every other week and relying on Skype’s from Evan, calls from Sara, texts from Finn and/
or visits from Tassia to get by. They were what was keeping the black hole from swallowing me. Though I knew that a single day without the voices of my friends would let it in and destroy me. I had no chance to fight it.
That’s why this past month has been a living hell. Because I hadn’t been in contact with anyone and haven’t left my apartment.
I groaned, rolling over to look at the clock.
Who the heck would be at my door at two-o-clock in the morning?
Though my mind immediately to serial killers and kidnappers but regardless I continued my way down the stair until I reached the door.
Opening it up a mere tiny crack, arms quickly wrapped around me and a snickers coming from the people still standing outside.
“What the-Sara? Finn?” I stood still shocked as Sara dropped me, “What are you doing here?”
“Wow no hello for me?” Tassia said as she stepped into the house. I smiled at Sara, dropping my arms and running to Tassia, hugging her just as tightly as I did Sara. After a brief moment I let her go and shrugged giving Finn a quick hug before looking around rapidly, behind my friends.
“Where’s Evan? Isn’t he with you guys?” I questioned, looking back at my friends who smile down at the ground.
“I’m so sorry Y/N. He’s still filming but he told us that he is sorry and-” I cut Finn off and laughed slightly.
“It’s um… Fine… I’ve just been a bit lonely lately and er…..” I sighed grabbing my right arm, “You know.. I’ve just missed him…” A small tear fell from my eyes but I quickly wiped it away, not wanting my friends to see me like this, “It’s stupid.. But you guys are here now! What should we do?! Do you guys wanna watch a movie? Sleep? Unpack? How long do you guys get to stay??” I faked a bright smile, as only a small amount of happiness rushed over me. The three of them laughed,
“Umm Sara leave Saturday. Finn leaves Wednesday . And I stay for however long I want to.” Tassia said with a wink wrapping me in another hug.
“So I take it you two want to sleep?” I asked, looking to the two who likely flew in from who knows where, “You both have bags in your eyes! Get your asses upstairs! We have two guest rooms! And I’ll take the couch. Tas if your tired..”
She smiled and nodded, following the upstairs with a small yawn, looking outside to ensure my friend’s cars were locked before going to make a coffee and heading upstairs to “shower”.
‘She bought it. She’s sleeping on the couch.-Finn’
‘Don’t forget flowers!- Sara’
'Damn flowers too! Someone’s getting boyfriend of the year. ;) -Tassia’
I giggled before setting the phone back down as I pulled into Y/N’s cluttered driveway.
Me and Y/N’s driveway. Not just mine. Not just hers.
Just how everything should be. And now for the first time in what seemed like centuries, I got to use my house key.
Stepping out of the car with the items I got for Y/N and did a jig to the door, quietly turning the knob so that I wouldn’t be heard.
As the door creaked open, surprise filled me as I saw the lights were still on downstairs. Surprise mixed with a large amount of panic began to settle in my mind as I ran around the bottom floor but stopped when I heard the sound of water shutting off coming from upstairs.
I knew two out comes were ahead of me. Good or bad, I knew that I truly needed to go and find the answer. Maybe this was selfish but I had plans and it hurt to know that they would either be renewed or destroyed.
Knowing my luck it would be the second one.
Blood. Lots of blood leaked onto the bathroom floor and Y/N stood there, her nightgown sleeve rolled up making cuts and watching her blood drip on the floor but I bit my tongue, waiting for her to see me before taking any action. But every-time she dragged the razor across her wrist I cringed and it took everything I have not to speak, flinch, or cry.
Finally giving up, I walked towards her and put away the razor, locking it away. She was so fazed she barley noticed, her hands still shaking from her anxiety. Taking her hand, I grabbed the towel that was next to the sink and moved us both on the edge, dipping the wash cloth out to clean her marks, then after binding the wounds with gauze I picked her up bridal style and set her down gently on the bed. As I began to whisper sweet nothings in her ear, setting a arm around her waist gently stroking her hair.
“It’ll be okay. I’m here not. You are beautiful. I love you. You are special. You are kind. You are important to me… heck even more important to this world. You are gonna be okay. We can talk about it later. More importantly I am here. I’m home and I’m never leaving you again okay?”
((AN: OKAY Not exactly what was requested but let me know if you want a second part and thanks for all the requests. Sorry they are taking FOREVER but I hope you enjoy them. I love yall <3 stay youtiful!!!!))
This was requested by hugephanofdanandphil
Thank you for requesting and if you struggle with anything please feel free to come to me for help.