¿Son novios? — No. — ¿Qué son? — No vas a entender. — ¿Por qué? — Es algo difícil de explicar, pero escucha. No somos novios, nos queremos muchísimo, nos celamos, nos extrañamos, es la razón de mi felicidad, es todo para mi, es parte de mi vida… pero no somos novios. — ¿Y por qué? — Cosas de la vida, sólo el y yo nos entendemos.
An open letter to everyone I know, from someone with ADHD.
So the start of it is, I was born with this mental disorder called ADHD.
Diagnosed at 6, sent to specialists every six months that cost my parents more than they can afford.
And now I am off my medication I can tell you all of these things.
ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder. Basically, that means that I can’t focus, and have a hyperactive personality. But it’s so much more than that.
Being one of two people I know with this disorder (my youngest brother and myself), I find it hard to fit in. No matter how much you try, how much you tell me I’m “accepted” or “welcomed” in your social group, I’ll always feel left out and alone. ADHD makes my brain work in different ways to yours, and because of that, I’ll always feel different.
When I see things, I don’t just see them. I experience them in new and fascinating ways. Things that would seem normal to you, are fascinating to me. “How do aeroplanes fly?” “What makes gas turn into fuel to make an engine run?” “Why are both the sky and the ocean blue, why do our eyes see only those colours?”
Questions that I ask in my head every day.
I’m not sure exactly how much you understand about ADHD, but it is classified as mental illness. That’s what it is. It’s a defect. An abnormality. It’s scary.
My brain works faster than yours. That doesn’t mean I’m telling you I’m smarter, it just means that it’s in overdrive, 24/7. And because of that, I forget things.
I’ve gotten into trouble more than you understand because of this.
Any normal person would remember the day, remember their favourite colour, a sequence in which to do things, a way of working.
A lot of this stuff slips my mind, all the time, because of what’s going on in my head.
Imagine a bouncy ball, shooting through a room made of extra bouncy stuff, never stopping, just bouncing everywhere forever, as fast as it can go.
That’s my brain.
Another trait of my ADHD case is being incredibly forgetful. This one leads to my bedroom and workspace getting cluttered and awful and even my car. Because of this I hate having people stay and especially when they complain about how messy it is then say “no offense.”
ADHD includes a shitty emotional rollercoaster. No, I don’t have bipolar. I just can’t control anything, from anger, to sadness. Yes. It really sucks. Don’t just tell me to get over it.
But I’m getting off track.
This letter was to tell you that it’s not because I don’t want to work that I forget how to.
To tell you that it’s not that I don’t love you that i forget your birthday.
That it’s not that I don’t want to be friends that I don’t hang out very often anymore.
Trust me, I wish I had a mind like yours, and it’s hard to come across anyone that understands.
That’s why I appreciate it when you include me, when you tell me things, when you give me that extra shift, when you try to coach me back on track.
I could be better, but right now, I can’t afford to be.
So this is my apology.