I met them on 06/14/16 for the Miami, FL date at the Bayfront Park Amphitheater. 
Not too much happened but starting from the beginning,
I had been anxious all day for the past 3 days before the actual concert day and I was in near tears every 15 minutes, (I’m literally anxious as I type this as I recall it all.) but bitch I had to be brave and the day had finally come.
I had a bad start to the day but I got the venue with help from my friends and was in line on time.
It was so fucking hot man! I started yelling out “I swEAR TO GOD!!! IT’S SO FUCKING HOT OUT HERE IM GONNA LOOK LIKE SHIT! BRENDON BETTER LOOK LIKE SHIT OR SO HELP ME GOD!!!” or some shit like that; and I didn’t think anyone heard me.
But someone did hear me, Zack heard me. 
And he came up behind me and said “He doesn’t.”.
So of course I turn around in shock and then start crying and whining at my friend about how Zack is trying to fIGHT ME after he’s walked away. (We had two more interactions where he was tired of my shit but that isn’t too important.)

So I’m inching closer to my turn and obviously have nearly cried 5 times and nearly thrown up 2 times. At concerts and in big groups with people I don’t know, Im usually very wild and shout stupid things especially when Im nervous.
Right before the girl in front of me went up I yelled “fUCK MY ASS!!”because my anxiety usually takes its form in shouts and profanity…..and they apparently heard me yell this…(earth please swallow me)…

And now it gets to be my turn and I don’t know how time has passed so quickly that I’m about to meet someone that’s so important to me in less than a second.
I walk up, Brendon is in the middle and I nicely and loudly say “Hi guys!” and I’m all smiley and stand next to Brendon saying Hi one more time.
I made him this Pepe the frog pin so I handed it to him and our exchange was magical. (for me ofc)
“This is for you!”
“Oh my god! Thank you! I’m Pepe!!!” (he is such a fucking meme Im cry)

And I start saying what I’ve been repeating in my head all month for this moment,
“I want to thank you for being the source of- (cue me choking up and talking through my near sobs but am managing to basically keep it together)
so many happy moments in my life, and I want to thank you guys *gesturing to Dallon, Kenneth, and Dan* because I know the tour and everything wouldn’t be possible without you guys!”

And Brendon sees Im trying so hard not to lose my shit and this asshole rUBS MY BACK AS IM TALKING AND COMFORTS ME AND SAYS 
“Aw, you’re so sweet thank you!”
Then we are about to take my picture and I remember in a quick second that I wanted to ask for a twerk pose,
“Wait! Could we do a twerk pose??”
Then I started walking off with a new highlight to my life and I remembered I needed to say one more thing, I two stepped back a little and shouted
“YOU ARE ALL SO BEAUTIFUL AND YOU’RE ALL GIFTS FROM GOD THANK YOU!” and a lot of laughs and a few thank you’s followed.
And I made it.
I did it.
And I didn’t die.
The m&g lasts a moment but if you can shorten your words and smile a lot you’ll have an awesome time and do just fine. If I did it, you can do it. I’ve waited so long for this. It finally happened, and I promise it can happen to anyone.


i am not perfect.

my skin is marked by the sun, scars, and stress, uneven and flawed. i laugh at the worst of times. i overthink everything. my teeth are slanted, my nose is big. i don’t know when to stop sometimes.

but no matter what, this is me. this is who i am. this is me in my purest form. nothing to hide, up close and personal. i can’t change anything about me, because i wouldn’t be myself without all of these flaws.

and i love myself for them.

Honestly, I feel a lot better about myself when I look like a boy. I don’t really need to care about what I look like or if my makeup is perfect. It’s just very calming. I wish I could just take my boobs off of my body when I don’t want them and put them back on again when I do want them. I wish I could just switch reproductive organs and be a male when I want to be. Life would be a lot easier. #genderqueer #genderfluid #nonbinary #androgynous #agender #bigender #dyedhair #bluehair #purplehair #hairdye #shorthair #pale #greeneyes #alternative #altgirls #altboys #pagan #witchcraft #therian #wolftherian #wolfie #pansexual #selfie #me #facespam #sorryformyface

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