faceofbo

The Tenth Doctor

Ten was deeply in love with Rose, yes. No point in denying that.
So much.
Because she was the first person after the war, who made him feel again, who made him be able to look into a mirror again, who made him better.
He didn’t hate himself as much as he did before, after the war.
Because SHE loved him and she changed him back to the good person he was. And then he lost her.
And not only her. Remember how his hearts broke when Reinette died in Girl in the Fireplace?
Remember how he, after he lost Rose, lost Donna because she chose not to stick around with him?
He watched the FaceOfBoe die, the creature that was supposed to be like him, the traveller that has one last secret for the last of his kind.
He made him the last of his kind again, while telling him he wasn’t
And then he turned human and oh God, he fell in love and people love to blame him for those episodes and what he did to Martha, but I think he blames himself the most for it.
Because, when he was a Time Lord again, she looked him in the eyes and despised him, because he let the village be attacked, and he hated himself again, he realized what a monster he is again, and he left without a word. Because he couldn’t stand it and he didn’t want her to have to look at him further.
And then the Master returns and he’s terrified and yet, so relieved, so happy, not to be the last of his kind anymore. Not alone anymore. His old friend, enemy, someone he can say names to and get understood.
And he spends a year suffering on the Vailant, seeing it all burn, humiliated and aged and weak and rejected by that man he’s so happy to have around, and so guilty, for exactly that sentiment, for what all of human race, Jack, Martha and her family have to bear and he still stays kind and forgives this man and holds him. And then loses him, too.
Loses him again, is the last of his kind, again, not because he had to, but because this man would rather die than stay with him.
A man, for whom survival had always been the first choice, the imperative.
And after all this hell, after he burns the body of this man, not remotely recovered from all that had happened, he even loses Jack and Martha, who both also don’t want to stick around anymore.
And he meets Donna again and for a while he’s so incredibly happy.
Just because he has her.
And she can tame the monster, she can stop him, she makes him save people.
And suddenly he also has a daughter. And he can’t let her in, can’t bring himself to accept her, because he had had family and he had lost it and wouldn’t she replace his true children? And wouldn’t he lose her again? Can he lose something as vital as her again?
And just as he does, just as he lets her in, he, of course, loses her as well, because she wanted to be like him, because she wanted to make him proud, she dies.
And again, he watches Martha leave, but beautiful Donna sticks around and they go on a holiday, but instead of what it should’ve been, he nearly ends up being thrown out into his final death, by the people he’s been trying to protect all his life.
By the human beings, the species he loves so much.
And then he meets River Song and he finds out she means something to him, hell, they even married and has to watch her die.
For him.
Again.
Lost, before he even knew her.
And he’s so desperate, so lost at this point, he traps her into a data world, he cheats death, because he simply can’t stand it anymore. He’s already starting to break.
And he knows, all their time together will now forever be accompanied by sadness.
And then?
Rose returns!
Finally. The one person that made it all okay, that lighted up his soul.
And she leaves him, with another man, a copy of him and it’s the best for everyone but him.
He remains alone.
All alone, because in spite of what Sarah Jane said about him having a family on Earth, they all left. Rose left again, so did Martha, so did Jack, so did Mickey, so did Sarah.
All gone. He’s alone and now he has to also lose Donna.
For her own good.
And he stays alone. He meets Astrid, this wonderful woman that wants nothing more but to travel the stars but before she even could, he lost her too, she died too.
And he remains alone, and all those cracks that had started showing are breaking him. That’s all Time Lord Victorious had been - Time Lord desperatious. Not able to cope with more death and pain and losing - He just didn’t want to lose anymore. He broke.
And he stayed alone afterwards, and he cried in front of Wilf, because he missed having Donna around, he missed not being alone, he was so utterly lost.
Until the Master returns and that poor man has to watch him leave him again. All alone again, even for his final hour.
And people mock him for shouting “I could’ve done so much more!” at the top of his lungs, but seriously, this man was barely ever happy, all he had was sorrow and loneliness, as soon as Rose left, it was hunting him.
So no, I don’t blame him for wanting more.
I don’t blame him for missing Rose and letting it overshadow all his up-coming relationships.
I love him with all my heart. He remained always kind and strong and said “I’m always alright” far too often, because, he always said it and it was never true. Not once.

Guys meet Jack HarkFish. 🐟
Soon he’ll have a brother named the Fish of Boe.
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And everyone who was commenting, concerned about his bowl, don’t worry. He was only in there long enough for me to clean his other tank.

Please don’t make assumptions. Thank you :) x