So, based on all the recurring kerfluffles over these, my brother and I are trying to decide what homestuck character would *not* be flagged as problematic by people who worry excessively about body pillow morality
(we are presuming, for the sake of argument, that body pillows w/ people on aren’t *inherently* weird and kind of hilariously unsettling)
-No bad guys (romanticizing abuse)
-No one who was ever a child (aging up in or out of canon is evil)
-No female characters (objectifying women)
The Mayor is an obvious possibility, but we both agreed that probably someone, somewhere, would argue that based on height and personality he counts as some kind of child-by-proxy.
Going down the list we had to nix characters left and right, and were left with several questions: do alt-universe and/or dead versions of characters count as the same characters? Do lusii count as people? Is Andrew Hussie evil?
But we finally decided that the one, completely unobjectionable, pure as the driven snow, faceless void of a candidate is Dad Egbert.