one time there was this facebook fight in my news feed and it was 2 middle school girls fighting over some guy they both had sex with and they were calling each other sluts and saying how bad they were gonna beat each other up and eventually they agreed on a place and time to fight and this one girl was like “ok but i need a ride bc my mom has tennis at 4 so unless you drive me there i’m not gonna beat your ass” and it was fucking hilarious


Alrighty folks, before we get to the actual Facebook fight, Fiona and Barbie are sisters. I went to high school with Fiona and she was a bully who was frequently racist. What a lovely package, right? I can go on but let’s not drag this further than it should be.

Screenshot #1: Barbie, a lot of people “played it right” and still lost their house. What do you have to say for them?

Screenshot #2: Just because Po possesses common sense and has paid attention to the world around him, doesn’t make him a “fucking liberal”. But thanks anyways, I love being associated with rational.

It’s funny, because Fiona was in a AP US history class with me and in it we watched a documentary called Inside Job. Anyone who has watched it knows what Po said in his paragraph is basically what the film explains in a more factual manner. Guess she wasn’t paying attention.

Screenshot #3: “Equality doesn’t exist and it never will” How very pessimistic. But most of the protesters aren’t asking for equality. They’re asking for Mr. Moneybucks to pay for his crimes. They trashed the economy and the rest of us pay? We’re asking for justice.

Um, I’m part of the 99% and last time I checked, I’m not pro-communism. Most of the us against the 1% aren’t hipsters and most of us have jobs THAT DON’T FUCKING PAY ENOUGH. Excuse my language. Let’s move on.

Screenshot #4: Why are you annoyed Barbie? All Po did was present to you a simple argument. He hasn’t called you any obscenities or threatened you at all. You’re the one calling him a “fucking fail liberal” and your sister called him an “imbecile”. That’s not very nice of you, is it?

Yes Po. It seems the USA is being attacked by commies. If we don’t follow the fold like the sheep consumerists the 1% expects us to be, we’re evil communists. It’s like the 50’s all over again!

Screenshot #5: I see a lot of regular people there:

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These are the commie hipsters Barbie keeps fretting about:

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Yeah. I’m not seeing a bunch of people in skinnies and scarves walking from the Williamsburg bridge to Wall street so something tells me they’re not all hipsters.

I am liberal and I do not expect everything to be handed to me. I expect the government to provide basic needs to the people since, ya’ know, if we can spend billions on a pointless war, I think we can afford to help our fellow Americans fight cancer without them having to worry about being in debt. I think we can afford to make a comfortable safety net so in case someone hit rock bottom, they don’t have to sleep in a subway car or underneath a bridge. I think we can afford to fund research to help find a cure for HIV. That’s what I expect from my government. Instead they bail out these big organizations and these fucks (excuse my language again) get bonuses from OUR money for crashing OUR economy.

Let’s pretend the 1% and the 99% had gotten into a horrible car accident because the 1% was drunk driving. The 1% was awarded money from their insurance company to help pay for the damage he caused the 99%. Instead he buys himself shit and when the 99% asks for some money to cover her damages, the 1% refuses. Mmmm, smells like greed.

Screenshot #6: Hey ya’ll, every system is corrupt!! SO LET’S JUST SIT BACK AND ACCEPT THAT! Barbie doesn’t think that we should change a thing cause…well, she doesn’t really offer an explanation. But, here’s a cute little fact Barbie:

You’re parents are getting taxed more and more to “support the unfortunate” (like roads and schools and cops and teachers) and because you’re not apart of the 1%, the party that YOU support is going to tax YOU more and more because they don’t want to tax the 1%. The protest that you detest so much and those fucking liberals/hipsters/commies are fighting so YOU WON’T BE TAXED AS MUCH AND THE 1% WILL! 


Screenshot #7: Who says the 1% worked hard for that money? Most of it was inherited. Most people don’t have a Steve Jobs story where they make something innovative and shoot to the top. Whoever sung you that lullaby was lying. Or using auto tune. Haha.

Oh dear, that was corny. Anyways, dear Fiona comes rushing back into the argument claiming that her family isn’t the 1%, at the same time claiming that the 1% work hard for their money and she knows “from personal experience”. Baby, you obviously don’t have a damn clue. Because if you think that your taxes going up is “un-fucking-fair” and that the 1% should not be taxed, and that the dying middle class who are already barely scraping by should be taxed more, then obviously you don’t have a DAMN. CLUE.

Screenshot #8: Well, dearest Fiona thinks she can propel to the 1%!! Here’s some more personal details: She’s a college freshman going to a very expensive private school that doesn’t have the best law program. (she wants to be a lawyer) Chances are, she won’t be singing the same tune in a few years.

Screenshot #9: “dont act like youre smart when you dont even know statistics” How about this from me to you, dearest Fiona, “Do not try and school someone when the basics of English calls for capitalization and periods. Thank you.”

I’m not quite sure why her random bit about what it means to be in the top 1% was there, but mmkay. I really don’t have anything else to say but: