facebook advice

Me on Facebook, giving advice to someone who protested a horrible Everyday Feminism-style article in a manner easily dismissed by the internal logic of said article by way of the OP who posted it: “The totalizing, essentialist and frankly reductive aspects of this kind of rhetoric are a feature, not a bug, and any attempt to problematize them will be framed as at best an intellectual, and at worst a moral, failure on your part. Considering a conceptual framework to be flawed will be taken as proof of grave flaws in your own praxis and even your character. The article is an ideological trap into which you fall if you critique or object to any one of its premises or conclusions in any way; you have fallen in, and so have I (by proxy) in writing this comment; that is the nature of the discourse.”

Also me, because I don’t want people to call me a reactionary and $horriblething apologist on the Internet: “I apologize in advance if you don’t want debate on your post OP, delete at will”

Such morally courageous, very integrity, &c.

Your reality is important and what you feel and who you are is valid, no matter what anybody wants to tell you, no matter what the world wants to think, you’re valid and your feelings are valid, and you’re important, and you’re loved and you belong anywhere, cause you’re a human being and you fucking belong and I love you.
—  Lauren Jauregui (@ssweet-dispositionn)
Keep your life private and you’ll enjoy it. Never put your business in public and then expect the public to stay out of your business. If you have a problem with someone don’t tell social media, tell the person involved.

human-of-earth  asked:

How do you know your audience when writing?

For me, I always knew CRBD was going to be primarily for teenagers/young adults, because that’s who YA modern fantasy primarily appeals to. However, if you’re not sure who your target audience is, you can determine it in few steps:

  1. How old is your protagonist? Age isn’t always a factor in who will be reading your book, but it can help. Typically books feature protagonists in the same age group as the reader, which can be broadly defined as adult/teen/child. 
  2. What demographics does your genre appeal to? If you’ve written a sci-fi romance, look at other sci-fi romances. Who reads them? Who buys them? Chances are you’ll find your target audience with a little research.
  3. What about your book’s content? If you were to put your book on the same scale as a film, G to NC-17, where would your book fall? General Audiences for children? NC-17 for adults? Somewhere in between? The content should match your audience’s maturity level. 
  4. What demographics is your content relevant to? What demographics would most relate to your story and find meaning in it? Figure out who would benefit the most from reading your story. It helps to look at your themes, as well as the challenges in the story.
  5. Or, before you even start writing, determine your audience. Tailor the story to them and know your limits if you’re sticking within an age group. Research what genres appeal to what demographics. 

Hope this helps! 

Chapter One / Website / YouTube / Facebook / Patreon

Before you turn 35

I saw this on Facebook and rather than start an argument with people who won’t get what I’m saying, I thought I’d share my thoughts here. 

Do this before you hit 35yrs, the alternative version. 

1. Educate yourself about finances. Understand that being financially responsible is much more than “Put money in the bank”. 

2. Understand that there is no “Mr/Ms right” and that all relationships take work. Don’t abandon meaningful relationships because you think that problems are a sign that you’re not with your soulmate. 

3. Figure out a living situation that works for you. Some people want to live with a partner, some want to live alone, some want to live with extended family, and some want to live collaboratively with friends and chosen family. None of these options are wrong. 

4. Again, educate yourself about finances. Learn to use credit wisely. Understand credit and debt so that you can use it, not fear it.

5. Learn that your value as a human being is separate from your appearance. Learn to love yourself. Take good care of your body, to the best of your ability. 

6. Surround yourself with people who make you happy and who value you. 

7. Accumulate experiences and accept that life has value beyond accumulating wealth. 

8. Learn to dress in a way that makes you comfortable and happy. Don’t let other people dictate what style is right for you.

9. Accept that being an adult means the freedom to define what adulthood means for you. Don’t let others shame you for enjoying things that they believe are immature. 

10. Learn from your past. Make sense and meaning out of your experiences, good and bad. Don’t fixate on the future. Don’t spend so much time worrying about what comes next that you miss out on what is happening now. Your past, your present, and your future are all important. 

anonymous asked:

Writer to writer, how do you go about creating characters who extend beyond your sphere of personal knowledge. I don't want to be one of those cishet white writers who only write cishet white characters, but equally as terrifying is misrepresenting whatever group I want to give representation to. Its a really big dilema for me because I have not been exposed to a whole lot in my life yet, so my go to point of reference for creating realistic human characters is myself. Please, any tips?

My main character is biracial, so I get ya. I am not Japanese, so I’ve done my best not to misrepresent Japanese people. As far as tips, this sphere of race/gender/sexuality/ability/etc, while scary on the outside, is much the same as any writing. And this is the part where I make a list. Because, well… lists.

1.     Find an understanding through research. This type of research is so important because you need to understand the culture of the group as well as what’s okay vs not okay. After all, your character would probably know all of this and it’s your job to represent your character as accurately as possible. For example, if your character is LGBTQ, you could start a polite dialogue with some out, open, and willing to talk LGBTQ folks. Ask them if they’d be okay with answering a few questions about your characters/concepts/etc. Many people (including my queer self) would be delighted that you would even care and be more than happy to help you. Just keep in mind that it’s best to get multiple perspectives on any topic because no one person is the Voice of Their People™. If you feel awkward about real life talk, internet talk works too. If you feel awkward about that, there’s plenty of resources just a Google search away—it’s just like any other part of the process.

2.     Make them human before anything else. Just because a character is, for example, a person of color, their entire identity doesn’t revolve around their skin color. Basing their personality off of one aspect of their life is a great way to make very stereotypical and offensive character. Obviously, people are more than just a single identity. Understand that there are many different people in the world and that just because some people are of the same race/gender/sexuality/ability does not mean they will all have the same experiences/personality/culture/etc. We’re all human first, so treat your character like a human. Also know that the problem isn’t only in who your character is, it’s in how you present them through their POV.

3.     Don’t preach what you don’t know. If you are not in the same demographic as your character, it’s best to avoid making the book’s main conflict about their experience with oppression within their demographic. Example: I am a cis woman, so writing a novel about a trans woman coming to term with her gender identity is a hugely inappropriate. It’s so deeply intimate and not only would I have no fucking idea what I was talking about, but I’d be silencing the voices of those who are already oppressed. It’s great being an ally and all, but taking their stories and their struggles without having more than a skin deep understanding is not okay. Instead, use your privilege to lift up those identifying writers/stories and support the ever-loving shit out of them.

4.     Enlist beta readers. If you’re worried that people could take something the wrong way or that your character isn’t coming across right, enlist beta readers within that demographic that might be able to shed more light on it. Ask things like: “So this character has depression, did I present it right?” This DOES NOT mean to recruit allies and hang on to their every word. Allies are great, but they can be like over excited dogs. They just want to help you do the thing, but in the process, they can fucking break EVERYTHING. Listen to them of course, but know that they have no better judgement than you—their voices are not the ones you should be following through on. Granted, it can be hard finding multiple identifying people who are willing to beta a whole book, so if you have non-identifying people saying a certain aspect of your book is ignorant/disrespectful/etc, listen to them and check in with someone who is open and willing to talk. (See #1.)

5.     Listen to the voices within the community. It’s that easy and it’s the most important one. Don’t magically cure disabilities. Say that your bisexual character is b i s e x u a l. Listen to what people within these groups have been saying forever.

All this being said, sometimes certain specific things can just plain not fit with your book’s plot/theme/characters/whatever. A lot of the time (especially in think pieces), being politically incorrect is used as a tool to shed light on the problems in the world around us, but know that some people might only see it as problematic. What you decide to do is ultimately your judgment call and you can only act with the best intentions. Hope this helped!

Chapter One / Website / YouTube / Facebook / Patreon


Hey guys!
So my boyfriend is taking a month long backpacking trip to Switzerland and I am wondering if any of you are around there! He is thinking of leaving late July. Are there any places he must visit? What is the weather like? What should he pack?? Are hostels a good idea?? I am so many questions and I just want him to be safe!! Even if you traveled there before I want to know! So please message me!!!

anonymous asked:

Hello! I am a writer that is fairly new to the game. I realized I wanted to write full time a few ago. Since then, I've been working on a book, that I consider to be my baby; the masterpiece that will create my overall brand. However, I struggle with the discipline of it all. I have such a hard time getting myself to just sit down and finish! I'm currently working on my 23rd chapter but I know I still have so much to go. Working 40 hours a week isn't necessarily helping either. Advice?

What you’re experiencing is what a lot of aspiring/newbie writers go through–you need to sit yourself down and come up with a plan of action. And because it’s my style, here’s a list to help with that plan of action:

1. Find your motivation. What inspires you? Why do you want to finish your book? Why do you want to write? Once you find your motivation, surround yourself with it. Realizing that you will never be a career writer unless you write your book is a good kick in the ass.

2. Make writing a habit. The way to form habits is to do them daily. Put aside an hour every day to focus on your manuscript—you can even set an alert in your phone. Be very clear to everyone that if they interrupt you during this time that their deaths are on their hands. You’ll be surprised at how quickly it becomes natural (the writing, not the interruption murders).

3. Set goals. Find what works for you. A page a day? 700 words? Set you goals as your phone’s lock screen. Put sticky notes on your mirror. Do a goal thermometer and scribble out a notch for each chapter/page you complete. Hang it somewhere where you’ll see it every day.

4. Create a ritual. What I’ve always done is play some music, open my document, and read what I last wrote. By now, when the music comes on, I know it’s time to get to business. Combined with my habit of listening to the same song on repeat for days, I once accidently conditioned myself to open my doc when I heard a certain song. Find whatever works for you.

5. Consider your future. How serious are you about being a writer? For any sort of dream, there are risks/stresses/extra work required for them to come into fruition. If you can’t find time to write, you need to think about what that means for the future. In five years where will you be if you continue down this path? Where do you want to be? What are sacrifices (time/energy/money) you might need to get there?  

Hope this helps!

Chapter One / Website / YouTube / Facebook / Patreon

Coming out

Last night I finally came out to my dad. He was the last person in my family I had to tell. I left him a letter to read while I went to stay somewhere else for a few days. I wanted him to have a few days to himself to just process this huge change. He texted me last night, assuming after he read the letter, and told me he loves me. I couldn’t be more proud of myself. I feel so relieved, like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. My friend told me I should share my letter. He said it covers all the bases. I am going to share my letter on every social media platform I can and on Reddit in the hopes that it will help someone some day, even if it’s just one person.
Here it is:

This letter is not very easy to write as I’m sure it won’t be that easy for you to read either. I’ve been hiding a huge part of myself from you for a while and I’ve gotten to a point where I’m ready to tell you so I’m just going to say it. I am transgender. *Transgender: denoting or relating to a person whose self identity does not conform unambiguously to conventional notions of male or female gender.*
For the longest time, I identified as lesbian and I ignored and denied any other possible identity until about a year ago. I started realizing how much more comfortable I was when appearing masculine. People would call me “sir” or use male pronouns when referring to me and I wouldn’t correct them. I have always been male at heart and in my mind although it wasn’t that long ago I started admitting it to myself. The first time I said it aloud to myself, a huge weight was lifted of my shoulders. Within, 48 hours of admitting it to myself, I was coming out to my mom and her family, my siblings and all my friends. I had mixed reactions which was expected as this is a huge change. Also, I came out a couple weeks ago at work and every one of my coworkers were accepting and supportive; the human resources office called me personally and asked me what name I preferred to be called and how they could help in making my transition at work easier.
For me, being my true self will mean doctors appointments, hormone replacement medicine and surgery. I have been waiting to start making appointments until I told you. The medicine I will go on is Testosterone. It will change my physical appearance to be more masculine and it will make my voice deeper. I am telling you this because I want you to know that even though my physical appearance will change, my personality will not. I will still be the same person you’ve known for 21 years and I hope that one day, you can accept and love me as your son and not your daughter.
For the past year, my friends, now my coworkers and some family have used male pronouns when referring to me and calling me by my preferred name which is Charlie. I am more comfortable with myself now than I ever have been before but, not completely; hormones will get me to that point.

I love you, Dad.

P.S. I did not want to be there when you read this so you would have time to process it alone. I will be home later this week.

anonymous asked:

do you have any advice to help a reactive two year old dog ?

Read up on the CARE protocol: here. Start with the ‘start here’ page, and then read through pages 1-3.

The book “Fight!” by Jean Donaldson is a must-read.

Join the Reactive Dogs Facebook group for more advice and for support from other owners going through the same thing.

Reactivity is really tough to manage and live with, and it’s normal to feel frustrated, isolated and embarrassed. Hopefully these resources will help you understand how to deal with reactivity in an effective way. Follow every step of the CARE plan for maximum effectiveness.

I also find that a nose-to-hand touch is a wonderful DRI for reactive dogs. And remember that when your dog is over-threshold, no meaningful learning can happen, so just manage the situation & create distance and try again when your dog is below threshold enough to take food. Don’t tug the lead and say “no” or attempt to reprimand your dog. Just think “they can’t cope with this situation yet” and take them away from it (I like a front attaching harness for reactive dogs to guide them away, but really you should try not to end up in this situation by planning thoroughly).