face to face with weird al yankovic

* . ‘゚。 ❖  ❛ dumb things my friends say ask meme. ❜

‘  I’ll know I made it when my name sits between Rosie O'Donell and Billy Crystals’ on the LI Walk of Fame situated at the LIE Exit 50-51 rest stop.  ’
‘  I hope my last words are, “Paul Hollywood’s a little bitch.”  ’
‘  How A TV Snob Came to Only Watch Reality Programming: An Autobiography Written by Me.  ’
‘  I’m emo first and human being second.  ’
‘  I want to obtain the level of confidence that people who aren’t celebrities and stream live on Instagram have.  ’
‘  How come dad culture is so wholesome but every dad I’ve met is a giant piece of trash.  ’
‘  I’m a dreamboat and a lover.  ’
‘  Have you ever eaten off a person?….I’ve always wanted to.  ’
‘  What’s the hairiest metal you listen to?  ’
‘  I don’t want your cider. What am I? A vagina?  ’
‘  I hate the south. I hope when terrorists bomb us they go to North Carolina.   ’
‘  You’re gunna play Eye of the Tiger right now while I’m trying to get drunk?  ’
‘  Stay away from kids…they’re like ‘oh I’m gunna fuck you up, I’m gunna cost you 30k a year’.  ’
‘  I’m really happy you guys are thinking about my cock.  ’
‘  When I first met you, I thought you were a total 90s kid.  ’
‘  I did not think I was going to buy a bong today. Every day is different. I can’t predict my day.  ’
‘  It’s always nice to just be sweating.  ’
‘  Can’t believe it’s already 24 hours since I was drunk and lost and accidentally sprinting away from my house.  ’
‘  Congratulations to Joey Chestnut for being the only American I am truly proud of.  ’
‘  Weird Al is the closest thing I have to a father.  ’
‘  The worst part about eggs is that they take roughly fifteen minutes to prepare but only 45 seconds to eat.  

‘  When will Pauly Shore finally stage a comeback into the world of dramatic acting like we’re all waiting for?  ’
‘  I can’t tell you why, but I shouldn’t have to pay for Legos.  ’
‘  Is everyone done saying spirit animal? Have you all had enough yet?  ’
‘  Make sure you remind all of the terrible people you know how terrible they are so they can at least be aware that they are terrible people.  ’
‘  Please stop putting foods on other foods.  ’
‘  No one should listen to anyone because clearly we are all right.  ’
‘  Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, who let you back in this Quiznos?  ’
‘  I do a great Slavoj Zizek impression but I’m having trouble finding someone that cares.  ’
‘  I’ve spent at least one third of my life in traffic in New Jersey.  ’
‘  I’m terrible, thanks for asking!  ’
‘  Imagine how much better the world would be if everyone had to take improv classes.  ’
‘  Being in witness protection is an actual dream of mine.  ’
‘  How do I find a cheap and effective way of not feeling terrible all the time?  ’
‘  My new thing is finding ways to give myself fun and exciting headaches.  ’
‘  I didn’t ask for this nap.  ’
‘  How do I know if I’m doing the right thing? Will Danny Aiello tell me?  ’
‘  Very confused about how to handle the minute amount of attention I’ve been receiving lately.  ’
‘  Twitter should only be for aging celebrities in between jobs.  ’
‘  Richard Lewis is always eating lunch.  ’
‘  I’m so excited to add War Criminal to Trump’s wikiepdia page.  ’
‘  If I seem uncomfortable it’s because I am.  ’
‘  It took several tries, but I finally woke up today.  ’
‘  I haven’t been to the movies in weeks because an employee shamed me for seeing Rock Dog by myself.  ’
‘  I remember when I had a blackberry.  ’
‘  I spend too much time thinking about what motivates birds and not enough time sleeping for a reasonable amount of time.  ’
‘  If you are an adult please be an adult.  ’
‘  Why do I get the feeling I’m going to wake up tomorrow with several new headaches.  ’
‘  I hope everyone takes a moment today to remember Don Rickles and that there will never be anyone as quick as that again. ’
‘  If god was real, memes would be funny.  ’
‘  I’m calling it now, I’ll start complaining about the heat in less than a month.  ’
‘  Flat tires are a huge bummer but you know what else is? The looming threat of global fascism.  ’
‘  I hope that some day I can be as brave as the corporations that take a neutral stand against a benign oppressor.  ’
‘  Can a child be an artist? The answer is no.  ’
‘  You know why I like snakes? Because they don’t pretend to not be snakes.  ’
‘  Every day, Sugar Ray looks more and more like Sean Hannity.  ’
‘  The next big thing will be pretzels that are even smaller.  ’
‘  Graham Crackers are poised for a huge comeback.  ’
‘  Why does the Great British Baking Show make me feel a happiness I do not deserve?  ’
‘  Here I am, bright and early, already giving up.  ’
‘  There is no wrong way to consume peanut butter.  ’
‘  I watched a season 24 episode of the Simpsons by accident and now I’m different in a BAD way.  ’
‘  I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to everyone for being myself.  ’
‘  Is it possible to shotgun a stack of pancakes?  ’
‘  If the reason I’m so tired all the time is because I stopped drinking coffee I’m going to be so pissed.  ’
‘  Honestly I’m just glad no one says “squad” anymore.  ’
‘  Acoustic guitars should be illegal  ’
‘  People are a real bummer.  ’
‘  I had to throw out a reclining chair this morning so no, I’m not doing too well.  ’
‘  Super into people calling me early in the morning so I can’t go back to sleep at all and can remain tired all day.  ’
‘  Emotions, so relatable.  ’
‘  I went to the crafts store twice today on purpose.  ’
‘  Rejected Schumer campaign slogan: “I Fuck With Chuck”.  ’
‘  Why puke when you can vomit.  ’
‘  If you’re still a coal miner, what are you, an idiot? ’
‘  For our country’s sake, I hope Rosie O'Donnell can play Steve Bannon on SNL.  ’
‘  Never in a thousand years would I have thought Melissa McCarthy would dismantle the White House Press Secretary on SNL but here we are.  ’
‘  I think the tactic is set as many fires as possible since the people can’t put them all out at once.  ’
‘  By far the worst thing about me is how much I love the Patriots.  ’
‘  Hyperbole is useless because there are genuinely terrifying things happening every 45 minutes now.  ’
‘  So airports are interment camps now?  ’
‘  I’m 99% sure Vanilla Ice could run this country every bit as well as Donald has so far.  ’
‘  Why did fascism have to make a come back and not frosted tips?  ’
‘  Julia Louis-Dreyfus is my favorite rich lady.  ’
‘  I can’t believe we have a president that isn’t a president.  ’
‘  I wish Harris Wittels was still alive to hear Bill Maher’s new theme song.  ’
‘  I change my mind about Shia LaBeouf eleven times a day.  ’
‘  Punching Nazis in the face is the only meme I endorse.  ’
‘  Real talk Weird Al Yankovic is the most talented musician in history.  ’
‘  I watched that video of that Nazi getting punched in the face about a thousand times and I tear up a little bit every time.  ’
‘  It is perfectly okay to punch Nazis in the face.  ’
‘  2017 to smell worse than any year on record.  ’
‘  Where are all the people that I don’t hate.  ’
‘  I wish I was married to Susie Essman so she could yell at me all day.  ’
‘  I’m only interested in Janeane Garofalo.  ’
‘  What’s your second favorite Law and Order?  ’
‘  Shout out to Aimee Mann.  ’
‘  I miss Prince a lot more than I expected I would.  ’
‘  I hope season two of the young pope has an even younger pope.  ’

Gravity Falls recap:

“Tourist Trapped” - punch a garden gnome in the face

“Boyz Crazy” - 

“Gideon Rises” - punch a small child in the face

“Scary-oke” - punch zombies in the face

“The Golf War” - punch another child in the face

“Northwest Mansion Mystery” - ship the child you previously wanted to punch in the face

“A Tale of Two Stans” - punch your estranged brother of thirty years in the face

“Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons” - punch “Weird Al” Yankovic in the face

“The Last Mabelcorn” - punch a unicorn in the face

“Dipper and Mabel vs. the Future” -

Punch the audience right in the feels