fab fems

[fic, bagginshield] Popping the Question

Characters/Pairings: Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield
Genres: Humour, Fluff, Fem!Bilbo, Outsider POV (Balin’s)
Rating: General (I think? There’s innuendo but not too obvious)
Notes: Because y’all who dislike fem!Bilbo/Thorin can suck it. 
Also because come on, what’s funnier than a culture clash when it comes to figuring out who proposes first? Thanks Dwarrow Scholar, for that delicious tidbit about Dwarf-women making the first move.
This is going on AO3 in the morning. I’m going to bed.


“Well, this is awkward,” declares Fíli one night, when they’re camping by the eaves of Mirkwood.

In Balin’s estimation, ‘awkward’ is hardly covering it. Just when the Company had thought they had finally prodded their leader and their burglar past the whole shy avoidance stage of affection and into a much more honest dialogue with one another about their feelings (though, based on all existing evidence, there wasn’t a lot of dialogue whenever the two had a moment to spare), they had to run into this problem.

Balin has to admit, it’s not a bad problem to face, considering that the previous ones had been ‘stop viewing each other with obvious disdain’ and ‘talk to each other in a friendly, or at the very least civil, fashion’, ‘make the first move’, and ‘Mahal wept, stop doubting yourselves and start a relationship already’. Now that Thorin and Billie had stopped dragging their heels and were actually very enthusiastically bounding into their (honestly very sickeningly sweet) relationship, Balin had to admit that he’s surprised this hadn’t come up earlier.

And now he and the rest of the Company have to watch as Thorin completely dances around the topic of marriage, dropping hints like anvils to a clearly oblivious Miss Billie Baggins, resident burglar whose current items stolen numbered one gold ring, three pieces of waybread, and the King’s heart.

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