Nick tells Finnick...

Nick: *sighs* ….I’m pregnant.

Finnick: *long gasp and in a loud whisper voice* You’re gonna get faaaaat.

Nick: *frowns* Why you gotta be all like that?

Finnick: Ahh, I’m just messin’ with you. Bet you’re afraid it’ll ruin your appearance and maybe finally deflate that ego of yours *laughs*  How much weight do you think you’re gonna gain? 15..20 25 30??

Nick: Look I’m being serious here! I’ll explain all the details later, but this is all…REALLY..happening…I’m not joking. Would I be acting THIS serious with a conversation with you?

Finnick: …………………………………….I need a drink…*walks away*

Later after explaining all the details with the illegal experimenting and the accident with Nick.

Finnick: My god *rubs his head* This is..this is too strange…I can’t believe….*sighs*……okay even though this is the weirdest thing to ever happen around me. I guess…you’ll still have my support. Just don’t bug me too much.

Judy: Aw Finnick that’s so nice of you.

Nick: Didn’t know you had this much of a soft side, Fin.

Finnick: But you’re gonna get really fat th-though pfft… *trying to hold in laugh*

Nick: …………

Well, that just happened.

So, may have just lost a friend of 14 years…kinda okay with it.

She came over to my house earlier all fucking excited about something.  I like to share in my friends’ joy, so I was kind of excited she had something to tell me. I was thinking she had gotten engaged, or was finally pregnant after trying for so many months.


Friend: So I ran into *So and so* today at the store.
Me: Oh yeah?! How is she doing? I haven’t seen her since high school. (She was someone who wasn’t necessarily a friend, but I was friendly towards)
Friend: She got fucking faaaaat.
Me: What? What does that have to do with anything?
Friend: It’s exciting because she always used to make jokes about my weight in school, and now she’s fat. It’s karma.

So let me get this straight? You’re excited because she “got fat” as you put it?  You’re seriously going to do the same shit to her that she did to you TWELVE years ago?!

Friend gets all huffy because I don’t share with her the excitement of said “karma”

Here’s the thing.

People gain weight…People lose weight. How the fuck is someone expected to look the same at 28 as they did at 16?

FURTHERMORE how is it okay to be a bullying little bitch at almost thirty years old? I’m sorry, but if I’m going to teach my 10 and 6 year old that shaming someone because of how they look is horrible and disrespectful, your damn straight I’m going to hold myself and others accountable too.

My friend can think whatever she wants, but it’s my choice if I allow those kind of people in my life, and honestly, where I’m at in life, I’d rather have no friends than toxic ones.

Today, I fucked up by calling my girlfriend fat.

My girlfriend has gone backpacking to Thailand for a few weeks and keeps telling me how she is getting fat because yummy Thai cuisine. Today, she traveled to a bit colder country and messaged me that’s she’s freezing there.

We’re still in this sweet, romantic phase so when my girlfriend is cold, I hug her and cuddle. So my intended reply was “I can’t hug you, you’re too faaaaar…”. Well, guess what. The letters “r” and “t” are close to each other and I was typing fast as I so I ended up sending her “I can’t hug you, you’re too faaaaat”.

Unfortunately, that sentence with the typo makes complete sense. It took me some time to explain.

Follow TIFU: Internet`s best fucked up stories are here. | cr

EXO (OT12) Reaction to their gf not wanting to go out bc she wants to watch a show

BTS Version by Admin Mocha

Request asked for not wanting to out bc she wants to watch the Champion League, but we generalized it to any show. :)

- Admin Audrey

Xiumin: He would stare at you with a blank face, not knowing how to react. He might be a little offended that you’d rather watch a show that you could easily search up on the internet in a given point of time than spend quality time with him. Minseok would let it slide the first couple times, but if it became something repetitive then he would bring it up in a conversation to explain how he felt.

Originally posted by secrethideoutme

Luhan (he’s so handsome wow): Luhan would be similar to Minseok, being a little uncomfortable with the realization that you’d rather watch television than hang out with him at the park or at a cafe. He would sit down next to you on the sofa and stare at the screen with some awkwardness, wondering how to say that the two of you should ditch the screens and go look at the real-world. 

Originally posted by dawnlus

Kris: Yifan would shrug and sit down beside you, not caring either way because this was also another form of spending time with you. He would drape his arm around your shoulders and glance at you during the show from time to time, commentating throughout to try and make you laugh and smile. He would enjoy his time with you and would later suggest that the pair of you should watch one of his favorite films or shows.

Originally posted by fyifan

Suho: Junmyeon would be like Minseok and Luhan, wanting to go outside and do activities together rather than simply staying inside watching TV. He would lie down beside you on the bed as you get comfortable underneath the blankets, gaze glued to the screen with intense interest. He would look over at you and say, “When this episode is over, can we go out?” He would hold you to your word firmly, wanting you to realize what real quality-time was like.

Originally posted by wintershower

Lay: Yixing would be sweet and understanding, assuming that you just wanted a cozy, comfortable day at home. He’d slip underneath the covers and give you an ‘okay!’ sign, confirming his acceptance and begin to watch your show with you. He’d ask questions about the characters and plotline and would watch to the very end (even if he didn’t find it to his liking) because it was something you enjoyed. 

Originally posted by parkchny

Baekhyun: Baekhyun would be insistent and encouraging, plopping down right in front of you and pointing towards the door. “Let’s go, let’s go!” he says. He would dance right in front of the TV to distract your attention from the show, go against your protests by saying you could watch it later, and make sure you get off your butt and join him for a date. “We’re off on an adventure!”

Originally posted by exoturnback

Chen: Jongdae would be really casual about it, not minding at all and accepting a comfortable day at home watching television. He would lean against you and smile up at you, happy to be able to spend time with you. Any time with you would be time well-spent. He would go and get some snacks for the pair of you to munch on while the show played.

Originally posted by everybodyloveschen

Chanyeol: The giant would be really excited to go outside with you when you insist on staying home to watch this show of yours. He would stare at you with a slight smile on his face, reluctant to give in but not wanting to upset you either. He would slowly return to your side on the sofa and sit through it, then making you promise that next time you would go out with him, no matter what show was on.

Originally posted by jungkooktouchbutts

D.O.: Kyungsoo would stand by the door, waiting for you to budge from your spot as you insisted there were only five, ten minutes left. He wouldn’t move because he wants to make sure that in the end, you do go outside with him. Sometimes, if the show was interesting, he might end up sitting down next to you and calling it a day of television - just for today.

Originally posted by xingblingmi

Tao: Zitao would sit down beside you, waiting for your show to wrap up and end. But you would keep saying, “One more episode, one more!” He would continue to wait patiently, his endurance wearing down and his attention wavering from the plans he had in mind to the show you were watching. He would give up in the end and let himself be absorbed in the content.

Originally posted by a-tao-b

Kai: Jongin would be much like Zitao when it comes to waiting, but he would have you pause somewhere in between episode to stand up and stretch, walk around the house a bit. He might be a little exasperated at the thought that you’d rather stay home and watch TV than go outside and have a date, but he would still be concerned over your health over anything.

Originally posted by kaibility

Sehun: He would tease you a bit, being a little whiny and childish. “Ahh, you want to sit around and become lazy and faaaaat!” he says. “Let’s go, let’s go!” He’d be very persistent in getting you to pause your show and stand up, get dressed, and let him lead you to a new destination. There would almost never be a time that he simply lets you continue your show.

Originally posted by luderella

The Emperor Has A Shitty "Art" Installation

Since I’ve made a point of saying over and over that there’s plenty to criticize about Hillary without stooping to sexism, and since the Naked Trump installations are gross, let me remind you that a) body shaming is disgusting no matter who the target is, b) “The Emperor Has No Balls” has transphobic elements because of COURSE a man is defined by his genitals amirite, and c) if you want to criticize Trump, do it. But fucking do it based on the material he keeps giving you. Not based on “omg a 70 year old man looks icky naked, look, he’s so faaaaat and has a tiny peener, ha ha.”

When they go low, we go high. Right? Right.