“Focus Ezra, you can do this.” Kanan reassured. He placed a comforting hand on the boy’s shoulder and smiled.
The effect was completely lost on Ezra. The visor that covered the scared pits where his eyes once sat didn’t have any optical capabilities and the teen’s optic nerves were damaged to a point where cybernetic eyes couldn’t be grafted in.
The grey visor wrapped around behind his ears and kept a constant layer of bacta over the damaged nerves. It was the only way to keep Ezra out of constant agony.
“Kanan, I can’t.” Ezra whispered in a voice that was just audible.
“You can Ezra, I know you can. You just have to focus.” Kanan reiterated.
There were three barrels, one had a meiloorun seated on top, the next a replica X-wing, and the next had a clump of coral from one of the Atollon mesas.
“Okay, now which one has the fighter on it?” Kanan asked, beginning the third test in the last ten minutes.
Ezra raised his right arm, his hand extended and his palm up, fingers spread.
Ezra stood there for a moment. He grimaced as he concentrated on the three barrels.
“The, um the… The first one.”
Kanan shook his head before replying. “No Ezra, that’s not the right one.”
“Son of a motherless sleemo!” Ezra shouted angrily. The boys face turned red with frustration and he turned away from the barrels.
“Ezra. Ezra this trying session isn’t over until I say it is. Ezra!” Kanan shouted after the kid.
Kanan started after him.
Ezra took frustrated, angry strides towards the direction he assumed the Ghost was in. Unfortunately there was a cluster of crates in the way.
“Ezra look-!” Kanan couldn’t complete the sentence before Ezra slammed his shins into one, flipping over it and landing on his face.
‘Oh damn.’ Kanan thought as he rushed over.
“Ezra!” Kanan said worriedly as he reached the boy.
“I’m fine!” Ezra growled angrily. His visor was knocked slightly askew but he quickly fixed it.
Kanan put a hand on Ezra’s shoulder. “Ezra.” He said in a comforting tone.
“I said I’m fine!”
Kanan took his hand away as Ezra shook him off.
He watched as the kid carefully made his way to the hexagon shape of the Ghost.
‘No you’re not.’ Kanan thought with a shake of his head.
Ezra hated black. He’d found the color oppressive before he was blind and his distaste of the color grew with the inquisitors’ uniforms.
Now it was all he could see and it was a constant reminder of everything he could no longer be.
No longer a padawan.
No longer a rebel.
He felt his way around the cargo hold with a hand. It was degrading to have to do that, he should’ve memorized the hold’s layout by now.
“Ey, ya need help there kid?” It was Zeb’s voice and it sounded more condescending than helpful.
“No.” Ezra said simply as his hand finally closed around the first ladder rung.
“Ya sure? You look kind of-”
“I said I don’t need help Zeb.” Ezra growled at the Lasat as he climbed up the ladder.
“Jeez okay, ’s just trying to help.” Zeb said defensively.
Ezra ignored the Lasat as he felt his way down the corridor. He was doing fine until about half way down.
He didn’t know if he misstep or what but Ezra suddenly found himself face first on the floor with his visor knocked off.
His eye sockets immediately felt like red hot coals were being poured into them.
“AAAAH!” Ezra screamed, holding one hand to his face and using the other to search for his visor.
He couldn’t find it and the burning became worse. It was like someone was jamming a supernova into his face.
He still couldn’t find the visor.
Hera was just in the corridor when she heard, what sounded like Ezra, screaming in pain.
That sent her into a immediate panic mode. Did he run into something? Is he hurt? She’d have her answers soon enough.
She rounded the corner and was greeted with a miserable sight.
Ezra was on the floor whimpering with one hand clamped over where his eyes used to be and the other searching fruitlessly for his visor, which was just out of reach.
Hera quickly picked up the visor and kneeled down beside him.
“Ezra, hold still.” She ordered calmly, gently pulling his hand away from his ruined eyes.
She settled the visor back over his eyes and made sure it was sitting snugly behind his ears. She took an extra moment to move a stand of blue hair out from in front of it.
Ezra let out a choked breath and settled against the side wall of the corridor. He was breathing heavily from the agony he’d been forced to endure again.
Hera could only imagine what it had felt like.
She moved to sit next to the boy and put a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Ezra are you okay?” She asked in a tone that conveyed nothing but concern.
“I’m fine.” He replied weakly.
Hera lekku slumped at his tone, it was defeated, tired, depressed. It sounded broken.
“Ezra…” She pressed.
“I’m fine Hera.”
“No you’re not. You don’t sound anywhere close to fine, talk to me Ez. You know that you can.” Hera’s tone was just a tad bit harder to emphasize her point
Ezra shook his head ‘no’ and stayed quiet.
The hand on Ezra’s shoulder became an arm around his back that pulled him close. He made a small noise of annoyance but didn’t try to break the contact.
“Ezra, I just want to help you. Talk to me, tell me what’s wrong so I can help.” Hera pleaded quietly.
Ezra sighed. “I’m blind Hera. I can’t see, I-I can’t focus on my training, I can’t do anything by myself! I’m useless!” His voice rose as he continued.
“When I joined you guys I thought things would be better! I thought I could do something useful! But all that’s happened is us almost losing Kanan! Me finding out my parents are dead! And this!” Ezra motioned towards his visor.
“Maybe I should’ve just stayed on Lothal.” He added sullenly.
Hera was silent for a moment before speaking.
“That’s not true Ezra.” She said slowly, cupping the side of his face with her free hand.
“You’re not useless, and you are never going to be useless. You are a valuable member of this crew and the Rebellion and that won’t change because you can’t see. We can replace a lot of things Ezra, but you’re not one of them.”
“But how? How can I be useful?” Ezra asked.
Hera pulled him into her chest before answering. “We’ll figure it out sweetheart, we will.” She promised.
“I miss my parents.” He said miserably
“I know, I know.”
Emotionally exhausted and tired from the pain, Ezra fell asleep a few minutes later. A feat that had become increasingly difficult ever since his blinding.
Hera carried the surprisingly light child to the couch in the common room and left him there.
She had promised that he could be useful and she kept her promises, but she needed to find out if there was a position in the Rebellion that didn’t require sight first.
Throughout the time that Maul craved Ezra to be his apprentice, not once did he try to erase Ezra’s name or identity. Perhaps Maul knew that turning Ezra into an obedient and empty vessel, would prove to be a hollow victory. That’s if Ezra was turned too easily.
Maul wanted to make every second count. Every little Ezra fell into darkness, the more pain he would cause for Kanan Jarrus.
And so it proved to be a tormentous severing of the dynamic bond shared between one-time Master and Padawan.
A while back, someone made a genius point that B-26, aka Happiness by the Fray, corresponded with Ezria’s relationship. I think many of us thought the last verse described how Aria and Ezra reconciled after she found out about the book, but I think we were wrong.
It’s about how they found each other again after all those years.
Season 1, when Aria and Ezra first met and fell in love. Ezra thought he knew what he wanted to do with his life–until he met Aria.
Happiness was just outside my window I thought it’d crash blowing 80 miles an hour But happiness—a little more like knocking On your door, and you just let it in
Season 2, when Aria and Ezra confronted Aria’s parents and Ezra was forbidden from seeing her
Happiness feels a lot like sorrow Let it be, you can’t make it come or go But you are gone—not for good but for now And gone for now feels a lot like gone for good
Season 3, when they were finally able to be a normal happy couple, until Malcolm came along.
Happiness is a firecracker sitting on my headboard Happiness was never meant to hold Be careful child, light the fuse and get away ‘Cause happiness throws a shower of sparks
Season 4, when Aria discovered Ezra’s book.
Happiness damn near destroys you Breaks your faith to pieces on the floor So you tell yourself, “That’s enough for now.” Happiness has a violent roar
Season 5, when Aria and Ezra let each other go to live their own lives, and Season 6, when Aria and Ezra reconcile after five years.
Happiness is like the old man told me Look for it, and you’ll never find it all But let it go, live your life and leave it Then one day, you’ll wake up and she’ll be home
“Ezra? Ezra?” Ezra’s back was to you. -A was trying to attack you and Ezra jumped in the way. You walked in front of Ezra and he looked down at is hand on his stomach. “Oh my god.” you noticed the blood. “Ezra!” he fell to the ground. “Ezra look at me. I love you. I love you.” you are bawling. He saved your life and now he was dying.
In which Hera and Kanan think they can finally enjoy some alone time… but get cut a bit short.
Rating: PG (Implied/referenced sex)
Word count: 574
“Hera? Are you in here?” Ezra thumped his fist on the door.
Kanan and Hera froze, and their eyes met in a moment of
terror. The kids weren’t supposed to be back for another hour! How had they not
noticed Ezra not even boarding the ship? And had he heard… ?
Color rose in Hera’s cheeks as they lay there quivering, still quite tangled
up in each other and hardly daring to take another breath.
“There’s someone who’s asking to talk to you!” called Ezra insistently. An instant later, Kanan and Hera rolled off the bed and scrambled for their clothes. “Are you in-”
“J-just a minute!” Hera stammered as she tugged a shirt back
over her head.
It was Kanan’s shirt. He made urgent silent gestures, shaking
his hands in front of her to demand it back. She was too busy shoving her feet
through her pant legs to notice, and Kanan frantically looked around for his
“Uh, like now?” Two light thuds against the door told Kanan
that Ezra had pressed his hands, and probably his ear, against the door. “Everything
okay in there?”
Kanan rolled his eyes. The kid was clueless. He aimed to
keep it that way about his and Hera’s relationship, but…
“It’s fine I’ll be right out one second!” Flustered, Hera
sputtered words together and swatted at the air near Kanan as he stumbled to
pull his pants back on. Her eyes were wide and desperately commanding as she
pointed to the closet, and Kanan tripped inside hurriedly. Hera kicked excess
clothes they’d missed under the bed as she yanked her lekku through the holes
in her flight cap.
She looked fleetingly at Kanan. He gave her a thumbs up as
he flattened himself against the back of the closet. Not bad work for ten
From between two jumpsuits Kanan watched Hera’s door hiss open. Ezra nearly fell
ungracefully inside. Kanan’s eyes slid shut as he fought the urge to connect
his palm with his forehead exasperatedly. They’d have to keep working on
“Who’s asking for me?” Hera asked.
“A… guy we met at the market,” replied Ezra suspiciously. “Isn’t
that Kanan’s shirt?”
Hera tutted like it was obvious. “No,” she said easily. There
was still a slight blush in her face, but her composure had returned. Thank the stars for Hera, Kanan thought.
“Well, come on! Let’s not keep him waiting,” Hera said purposefully, and
started to the left down the hall. The door slid shut behind her, but not
before Kanan caught a glimpse of Ezra bounding after her.
He waited until the clumping of their footsteps down the
hall disappeared before stepping out of Hera’s closet. Phew. That had been a
Gathering his remaining clothes in his arms, he listened for
a moment at the door. He was still shirtless and still breathless and shaky
from- ugh. They’d have to be more careful next time. Kanan summoned his nerve
and hoped for the best, then opened the door.
He tiptoed out of Hera’s bedroom and ducked to the right
down the hall… but not before striding headlong against a nonchalant Lasat casually
leaning against the wall and pretending to examine his fingernails.
With an eyebrow cocked, Zeb looked down at Kanan, who froze.
The Lasat bared his sharp teeth in a toothy grin.
Kanan deflated as his deeply-held breath left him in one
So, I got this idea right after I watched “The Wynkathu Job” and I just HAD to write it….even though it meant staying up a little later. This is full of feels and fluff and Sabezra hugs! I had a lot of fun writing this (and I keep listening to “All I Want For Christmas Is You” someone help! Or don’t….Micheal Buble’s voice is just calming, don’t judge me! xD)
i heard someone ( @pep-no ) ask for angsty/guilty headcanons post-Malachor?
despite popular belief, Ezra is only holed up in his cabin for about a day and half after what happens; Kanan isn’t sure if that’s better or worse than Ezra holing up for days
it’s not better with Ezra being out and around the ship and the base because the kid radiates misery and when he asks Hera about it, she seems confused
“he’s smiling and he’s working, Kanan…I mean he seems a little shaky and on edge but he’s pulling through”
Kanan doesn’t have the heart to tell Hera otherwise
he also doesn’t have the heart to tell her about the shadows that he senses hanging over Ezra
but less than two days later Hera pulls Kanan aside and tells him that she’s noticed Ezra won’t go near the Phantom, hasn’t spoken to Rex since they got back, is usually awake before she is and looks like he hasn’t slept in days; she also noticed that he never really sits still anymore (not that he did much to begin with) but he’s always trying to find little jobs to do, and he seems to be punishing himself
Kanan had known that Ezra hadn’t been sleeping well because not a night had gone by without the kid having some sort of nightmare but recently they had stopped; he hadn’t realized it was because the kid had stopped sleeping all together
before Kanan notices, nearly a month has gone by, most of that time spent on honing his senses - Force like and otherwise, establishing the new base, and literally everyone recuperating and trying to find ways to pick up on the work Ahsoka left behind
it’s also around this time that he suddenly realizes he and Ezra haven’t really had a proper training session yet
when he suggests one to Ezra (approaching the kid is a task all on it’s own) the kid’s anxiety spikes for a moment in the Force before it’s brought under quick control
Kanan’s surprised when Ezra says he can’t because he doesn’t have his lightsaber
Kanan was unaware that Vader destroyed it
“You never told me.”
“It wasn’t important.”
Kanan - exasperated - tells Ezra that they should at least do some meditation later on in the day; the kid hesitates but agrees
that evening, Kanan tracks Ezra down and drags him outside where they sit on top of the Ghost as the sun sets; it’s not the best place because the bustle of the rebels can still be heard, but Kanan figures it will make Ezra feel less isolated
they sit in silence for a while before Kanan tries to gently get Ezra to talk because it’s been nearly half an hour and the kid’s signature is still heavy with guilt and shadows
Ezra’s tight-lipped and it’s starting to frustrate Kanan but he knows yelling won’t do anything good for the situation
he finally asks Ezra why he feels guilty, and what he can do to help alleviate those feelings
Ezra is suddenly crying and unloading all of his pent up emotions and guilt to Kanan after nearly a month and a half of silence
i lost my lightsaber
i trusted Maul instead of you and Ahsoka
you’re blind because of me
Ahsoka is dead because of me
i almost fell to the Dark side again
Rex probably hates me now
And Kanan just sits there in shock as the guilt unburdens itself little by little from Ezra’s signature but it still hangs around the kid even if the weight has been lifted a little
he has no idea how to respond to all of this but Ezra’s just sitting there crying and the shadows are hissing, swirling, moving in for the kill and Kanan won’t let that happen
so he just hugs Ezra and tells him that some mistakes can’t be fixed, but they can be forgiven - and Kanan never blamed Ezra
Hera finds them nearly an hour after the sun’s gone down, Kanan silently meditating as he combs his fingers through Ezra’s hair, even though Ezra fell asleep long ago against Kanan’s leg
“what are you still doing up here?”
“well he fell asleep and I had no idea how to get down without help…and I didn’t want to wake him”
Hera ends up bringing Sabine and Zeb and an armload of blankets up to the roof of the Ghost and they all just spend the night up there together underneath the stars; Ezra doesn’t have a nightmare this time