eyes to match a soul


Odd eye circle- Girl Front

Song Lyric Prompts

Some prompts may be altered slightly to sound better/fit the request (e.g. prompt may be turned into several different phrases, changed wording, etc.) Ye have been warned.

1. “If your gonna be the death of me that’s how I wanna go.” –Collar Full, Panic! At The Disco

2. “Drugs every corner this is Gotham City / Killer Croc came to kidnap you then cut out your kidney.” –Purple Lamborghini, Skrillex ft. Rick Ross

3. “All the boys and I / All the boys and I / Love her madly.” –All The Boys, Panic! At The Disco

4. “Can’t do this to me baby.” –Bohemian Rhapsody, Queen

5. “I’ll chew you up and I’ll spit you out / Cause that’s what young love is all about.” –Bubblegum Bitch, Marina and the Diamonds

6. “Sometimes quiet is violent.” –Car Radio, Twenty Øne Piløts

7. “What a wonderful caricature of intimacy.” –Build God, Then We’ll Talk, Panic! At The Disco

8. “Choke this love till the veins start to shiver.” –River, BISHOP

9. “I’m scared to get close / And I hate being alone.” –Can You Feel My Heart, Bring Me The Horizon

10. “Holy hands / Well they make me a sinner.” –River, BISHOP

11. “And all the kids cry out / Please stop you’re scaring me / I can’t help this awful energy / God damn right you should be scared of me / Who is in control?” –Control, Halsey

12. “Are you insane like me / Been in pain like me?” –Gasoline, Halsey

13. “If crazy equals genius / I’m a fucking arsonist / I’m a rocket scientist.” –Crazy = Genius, Panic! At The Disco

14. “Why don’t you show me a little bit of spine / You’ve been saving for his mattress, love.” –Dance, Dance, Fall Out Boy

15. “I lost a bet to a guy in a chiffon skirt / But I make these high heels work.” –Don’t Threaten Me With A Good Time, Panic! At The Disco

16. “The higher I get the lower I’ll sink / I can’t drown my demons they know how to swim.” –Can You Feel My Heart, Bring Me The Horizon

17. “This just ain’t livin’.” –Cancer, My Chemical Romance

18. “The normals / They make me afraid / The crazies / They make me feel sane.” –Mad Hatter, Melanie Martinez

19. “I’m fairly local / I’ve been around / I’ve seen the streets / You’re walking down.” –Fairly Local, Twenty Øne Piløts

20. “Our brains are sick but that’s okay.” –Fake You Out, Twenty Øne Piløts

21. “I need a gangsta / To love me better / Than all the others do.” –Gangsta, Kehlani

22. “I’m mean it, I’m okay (trust me) / I’m not okay.” –I’m Not Okay, My Chemical Romance

23. “I’m not as think as you drunk I am.” –Don’t Threaten Me With A Good Time, Panic! At The Disco

24. “Help our souls tonight / We’re losing / Losing this fight.” –Help Our Souls, Nihils

23. “To hang me up now / By my neck / Cause I’m a fate worse than death.” –Sarcasm, Get Scared

24. “I feel like I’m the worst so I always act like I’m the best.” -Oh No!, Marina and the Diamonds

25. “Could you imagine that / If we were gay?” –If We Were Gay, Ninja Sex Party

26. “Glory and gore goes hand in hand / That’s why we’re making headlines.” –Glory and Gore, Lorde

27. “You’re ripped at every edge but you’re a masterpiece.” –Colors, Halsey

28. “You never know the psychopath sitting next to you / You never know the murderer sitting next to you.” –Heathens, Twenty Øne Piløts

29. “Can you save my heavy, dirty, soul?” –HeavyDirtySoul, Twenty Øne Piløts

30. “Those thoughts of past lovers / They’ll always haunt me.” –House of Memories, Panic! At The Disco

31. “When the city goes silent / The ringing in my ears gets violent.” –Jet Pack Blues, Fall Out Boy

32. “You got two black eyes from loving too hard / And a black heart that matches your blackest soul.” –LA Devotee, Panic! At The Disco

33. “I wanna make you shiver / Make your backbone quiver.” –Mercenary, Panic! At The Disco

34. “I do not have writers block / My writer just hates the clock.” –Migraine, Twenty Øne Piløts

35. “Don’t do love / Don’t do friends / I’m only after success.” –Oh No!, Marina and the Diamonds

36. “Make me / Make me impressed / Make me / Make me obsessed.” Pretty Little Psycho, Porcelain Black

37. “I’ve been thinking too much / Help me.” –Ride, Twenty Øne Piløts

38. “My shadow’s the only one who walks beside me.” –Boulevard of Broken Dreams, Green Day

39. “You don’t love me / Big fucking deal.” –Starring Role, Marina and the Diamonds

40. “Don’t you think that it’s boring how people talk?” –Tennis Court, Lorde

41. “Whether near or far / I am always yours.” –The End of All Things, Panic! At The Disco

42. “Am I more than you bargained for yet?” –Sugar We’re Going Down, Fall Out Boy

43. “And I could just die laughing on your spiral of shame.” –Twin Skeletons, Fall Out Boy

44. “If wanna start a fight you better throw the first punch.” –The Good, The Bad, And The Dirty, Panic! At The Disco

45. “You’ll have to watch me struggle from several rooms away / But tonight I need you to stay.” -The Run and Go, Twenty Øne Piløts

46. “Drinking white wine in the blushing light.” –LA Devotee, Panic! At The Disco

47. “That shit is my jam.” –Samurai Abstinence Patrol, Ninja Sex Party

48. “Build a palace out in Paris just to fill with bitches.” –Purple Lamborghini, Skrillex ft. Rick Ross

49. “Your lips / They got me goin’.” –Lips, Marian Hill

50. “You don’t know the half of the abuse.” –Heathens, Twenty Øne Piløts

51. “God, I wish I never spoke.” –Soap, Melanie Martinez

52. “So what are you waiting for / Cause someone could love you more.” –LOST BOY, Troye Sivan

53. “In the Vegas lights / Where feelings spend the weekend.” –Vegas Lights, Panic! At The Disco

54. “Wow, I probably should’ve stayed inside my house.” –The Judge, Twenty Øne Piløts

55. “The windowsill looks really nice, right? / You think twice about your life / It probably happens at night, right?” –Holding Onto You, Twenty Øne Piløts

Feel free to add more or request your own lyrics!

living the dream

Fandom: Skam
Ships: Chris x Eva and Noora x William
Summary: The double date is Chris’s idea.
(Canon compliant if you squint and pretend Chris x Emma never happened.)

Two New Messages from Christoffer Schistad:

Hey bro

You know how we’ve always said it would be cool to go on a double date

William Magnusson:

When has either of us ever said that

Keep reading

LA Devotee: A Dean Winchester Imagine

So this is based on LA Devotee by Panic! At the Disco. I’ll probably do a Cas one based on one of their songs as well, as I’ve done a Sam one. Hope you guys like it, and enjoy x 

You got two black eyes from loving too hard
And a black car that matches your blackest soul
I wouldn’t change ya, oh
Wouldn’t ever try to make you leave, no

When Dean Winchester showed up at your door, it wasn’t exactly a welcome surprise. 

You were taken aback, not quite believing that it was him. Him with his green eyes, those intoxicating pools of emerald that you found yourself getting lost in more often than not, ones that reminded you of nights you had spent together in the back of that ‘67 Chevy Impala, one you noticed that was parked behind him. 

”Hi Sweetheart.”

The pet name tickled at your senses, goosebumps rising along your skin, the way they would whenever he touched you with those calloused hands. 

”Why are you here?”

He’d been gone for a couple of years. Left with his younger brother. 

Family business, he’d said, right before he kissed you goodbye.

Oh, the neon coast was your sign
And the Midwest wind with Pisces rising
I wouldn’t change ya, oh
Wouldn’t ever try to make you leave, no

You used to drive everywhere with him, stopping at random motels for nights better spent behind closed doors. 

Dean tugged you along, his fingers laced with yours, heading towards the room you had booked.  

Laughter filled the corridors as you were pulled into the room by the man you loved, you then smiled as you kicked the door shut behind you. 

“So what do you wanna do now Y/N?” he asked, hands on either side of your head, trapping you against that dusty old door. 

“I have a few ideas.”

Your hands became tangled in his hair, gripping the peaks of it as he kissed you, fires burning in your stomach. 

Heat spread to every fiber of your being as Dean’s tongue danced with yours, his hands moving under your thighs and picking you up. 

Laughter graced the room again as you landed on the bed, Dean crawling over you with predatory lust in those iridescent eyes. You grabbed hold of his shirt pulling his face to yours. 

“I love you.”

“I know.”

Static palms melt your vibe
Midnight whisperings

Your relationship with Dean was so much more than sex. Of course, the sex was great. But there were also the little moments, ones that seemed so much more intimate than anything else. 

“What are you thinking about?

Dean’s hand stroked your hair, your head placed against his chest. 

“Your tattoo.”

He kissed the top of your head, a small token of his affection that earned you nuzzling your nose into his skin. 

“What about it?”

“What does it mean?”

He had never told you what the black ink meant. You had traced, kissed, worshiped it so many times, but you had never understood it. You found it to be beautiful and mysterious, just like the man you shared your bed with. 

Dean’s hand moved from stroking your hair to your arm, leaving those familiar goosebumps in his wake. 

“It’s a family thing.”

Everything was a family thing. 

The black magic of Mulholland Drive
Swimming pools under desert skies
Drinking white wine in the blushing light
Just another LA Devotee

There were times you wished for a classier life. Driving across the country in an old car wasn’t exactly what you had imagined when you left college. 

Then again, you hadn’t imagined spending nights in the arms of a man like Dean Winchester. 

You had told him this, and one night he had decided to surprise you.

Dress up nice, Sweetheart, he’d said.

It had been a night under the stars, one with wine and music. 

And then came the phone call. 

You sat there, watching the emotions across Dean’s face change continuously, a frown settling when he finally hung up. 

That’s when you knew. You knew that this was over.

Sunsets on the evil eye
Invisible to the Hollywood shrine
Always on the hunt for a little more time
Just another LA Devotee

And now here he was, at your door.

“Why are you here?”

“I needed to see you.”

He looked at you, his eyes raking up and down your body, before matching your own. His eyes, they always got to you. 

“I suppose you’d better come in then.”

He followed you, closing the door behind him, as you mentally prepared yourself for the conversation you were about to have. 

You didn’t see those pools of emerald turn to black.



So one day during finals week I was working in the animation lab because it was the last place on campus where there wasn’t anyone. I got a partner but they ended up working in a different room. So anyway I’m working in the animation room in the corner near the teacher’s desk with the room lights turned off, but my table light is on. Now, by this point I had been awake for a really long time, probably longer than a day, the point where I’m silent, got my makeup smudged or gone completely (today was a smudge day), circles under my eyes that match my soul, and of course, the dead eyes. Anyway this girl comes into what she thinks is an empty room, flicks on the lights, goes to a table and gets to work. I’m there like????? Lights??? What???? So I turn in my chair and stare at her for a second. She still hasn’t noticed me. So I get up and pad over to her with my little silent steps because I don’t make that much noise. I’m now standing behind her. Casually, with my dead-tired monotone voice, I simply say “Ya know, the lights were off for a reason.” and she just screamed and dropped. I still haven’t seen anyone get to the ground as quickly as that girl did.

Close Pt. 2

Requested by tw-teen-wolf-imagines-tw

Pt 2 of Close=necessary AF

Here y’all go!

Peter Hale X Reader

Prompt: Scott asks Peter to protect the reader, a fairy, from the Oni and Void Stiles

Originally posted by weskerhugrequired

Void Stiles opened the room to the apartment and looked around.

The heavy moaning from the room told him enough.

A light from the under the bedroom door illuminated the dark living room.

Stiles smiled and touched the door.

The power seeping through gave him a rush.

Imagine if he had all that power at his fingertips, how much people he could hurt.

Peter wasn’t listening.

Her moans were too loud.

He’d already gotten this far into the apartment.

Void Stiles sat down on the couch and put his head back.

Just before the sounds and light ceased, Void Stiles slipped into Peter’s bedroom and watched them unwind.

He picked up her underwear and sniffed it.

The smell of arousal and need made his head swirl.

It wasn’t like any other scent he’d ever smelled before.

It was magical.

Sugared honey and a spritz of lemon.

Absolutely magnificent.

He walked with two fingers on her leg then trailed one finger as he got closer to her arm.

He caressed her face, brushing away any incoming hairs.

Y/N was beautiful.

Too bad he couldn’t love.

Void Stiles picked Y/N up from the bed, careful not to wake Peter.

He carried her out of the apartment and placed her in his car.

He was going to have fun with his new toy.

“What do you mean lost you her?!”

Scott widened his brown eyes in disbelief.

Peter scratched his head and staring pacing back and forth.

Last night was finally the night Peter showed how he really felt about you, only to have to you abducted the next morning.

“Meaning I don’t know where she went”

“How could you let this happen? I trusted you, Peter! ”

“Who’s fault is that?”

Scott grabbed the collar of Peter’s shirt and pushed him up against the wall.

The two wolves showed their eyes.

Red and Ice Blue.

“Guys this is not the time; we have to find them”

Isaac pulled Scott off of Peter so they could talk.

“Peter you screwed up; bad. Scott, you trusted Peter; aka world’s biggest douche. Now let’s try and solve this. Peter, what were you two doing last night?”


“Peter, come on”

“We had an argument, got drunk, and then we got tired and went to sleep”

Isaac looked at Scott then back at Peter.

“If I found out you two had sex I’m going to–”

“How did they know? ”

Scott furrowed his eyebrows and gave him a confused look.

“What are you talking about?”

“I told you not to tell anyone. So how did they know Y/N was even here? Scott, you must’ve told someone”

Scott thought about it long and hard.

Who did he tell?

Only one person could’ve known.

His best friend; Stiles.

“Damn it! Stiles might have been following me”

“That doesn’t explain how he gave you the slip Peter”

Isaac and Scott both looked skeptically at Peter.

“No time”

Peter grabbed a coat and headed for the door.

The three went on a mission to find Y/N.

Peter was so scared for her.  




The calling of my name slowly pulled me into consciousness.

The familiar voice made me smile.



I opened my eyes a little more and my vision cleared.

That wasn’t Stiles.

I gasped and backed up on the bed.

I didn’t know where I was going but I started running.

I ran outside and saw nothing but tall trees and nature.

Completely in shock, I didn’t hear the cracking of a branch behind me.

“If you want to run you can, just know that if the Oni catch you, I won’t save you”

I didn’t know what to do.

Fear, anxiety, anger, sadness, all hit me at once.

“You’re scared. Good”

I turned around to face him.

His once brown eyes turned black and eerie.

He had dark circles under his eyes and chapped lips.

Stiles yanked my arm so hard I let out a small cry.

He dragged me back inside and threw me onto the floor.

I landed with a loud thud.

Stiles stomped his way towards me.

He brought his foot back and kicked me in the stomach.

I groaned and brought my knees up to my chest.

Stiles grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled me up off the floor.

I screamed and with his hand still in my hair, he slammed me against a wall.

I grunted and held the hand he had in my hair.

“That was for running. You don’t know how special you are. I’m going to cut your skin off and heal you every time you feel like passing out.  I will rip your throat out so you can’t scream, sew your eyes open, and kill all of your friends in front of you all while you’re still breathing. Then I’m going to eat your heart”

A tear streaked down my cheek and I started to breakdown.

This was not Stiles.

He looked like the boy I’ve come to love but he was gone.

Void Stiles wiped away my tears with his free hand.

“Aw, don’t cry. Just because I’m going to kill you, doesn’t mean we can’t have fun Y/N”

He kissed my cheek making me whimper.

His hand went from my hair to my throat and the other gripped my waist tightly.

He kissed, bit, and sucked all over my neck.

Was he marking his territory?

I sucked in my breath so I wouldn’t moan.

Sure I hated Void Stiles, sure it was very rough, but it felt so good.

The pain and pleasure mixed well.

Void Stiles stopped and looked up at me.

“So you’re not going to moan?”

I nodded my head no.

He smirked at me and grabbed my jaw.

“We’ll see”

Peter’s POV

“We went everywhere, there’s been no sign of Stiles or Y/N”

Scott ran his fingers through his hair and sat on the hood of my car.

We’ve been looking for hours.

We checked in with Sheriff Stilinski, Lydia, previous Void Stiles attack zones, and nothing.

I was losing it.

How could I have been so stupid?

He was in the apartment when her powers came back.

“If only she was a werewolf. You could howl and she’d hear you so she can tell you where she is”

I furrowed my brows and remembered something.

She lit up because of the overwhelming pleasure and sent me all of that energy.

What if it enhanced my senses?

I could probably heal faster, hear farther, and smell better.

Her powers should direct me to her.

I tried to focus all my thoughts on her by closing my eyes and imagining seeing her at this moment.

My eyes rolled into the back of my head and saw the fast images flooding my brain.

“Peter? ”

My eyes opened and a concerned Scott stood in front of me.

“Peter, are you okay? ”

“I know here she is”

“How? ”

“Just jump on your bike and follow me”

I started the car but stopped just as Isaac went in the passenger seat.


Isaac opened his mouth to protest but once he saw my glowing blue eyes, he mumbled and left the car.

I immediately drove off and headed towards the hills.

I’m coming, Y/N.


Stiles palmed me through my underwear and inhaled my scent.

“You know you want to moan”

I tried so hard not to.

He was doing everything right.

“Y/N I want you to moan right now”

I shook my head no and focused on Peter.

He’s coming for me; I can feel it.

“I don’t like defiance, Y/N”

Stiles unexpectedly stuck two fingers in me, stretching me out.

I screamed his name because of the ultimate pain it gave me.

I found myself panting for more.

The friction made me more wet than before.

He used his thumb to up the intensity.

Defeated, I let out a moan while bucking my hips against his fingers.

“That’s a good girl”

Something violent twisted inside my stomach.

This was wrong.

It wasn’t an orgasm because my insides felt bad.

I’m not his.

Peter’s POV

Halfway up the hill I heard a scream.

I pressed hard on the gas and tried to get there as fast as I could.

Please be okay,  Y/N.

Once I got there, I wasted no time breaking down the door.

Oni from left and right appeared in front of me.

Scott and Isaac tumbled in from behind.

I growled and let my claws come out.

I tried to kill as much of them as I could.

Where was she?

“It’s a trap! ”

Scott helped Isaac fight one of them.

He looked at me with big eyes.


My skin boiled as I got madder.

I ripped off every mask of every Oni in the room.

When I was done,  my skin got even hotter than before.

I fell to my knees and grunted.

It was like an internal fire burning inside of me.

I need her.

I need Y/N.

A yelp from outside shifted my attention.

I took off without saying anything to Scott.

I ran as fast as I could.

The fire was getting worse.

She must be here.

I saw Y/N on the floor with a sword piercing her stomach.

“No! ”

Before I could kill it,  the Oni disappeared in a flash of smoke.

I ran to her side and held her close to me.

“Nonononono, this can’t be happening”

Y/N opened her eyes and touched my face.

“Peter”. she said weakly.

“I was supposed to protect you ”

“Take my hand”

I furrowed my brows but did as she asked.

We interlocked fingers and she motioned for me to kiss her.

A bright light shot through my fingertips and flowed into hers.

The fire became warm and tingly.

Our lips began to move in sync and the same butterflies I felt when I first kissed her, marched around in my stomach.

We became weightless as every cut, bruise, and internal pain subsided.

Her hands ran through my hair and she pushed her chest against mine.

It was like our souls merged.

My ice blue eyes glowed and she matched the same color.

When the light faded, she was completely healed.

I felt back to normal – completed.


Peter hugged me tightly and I returned the favor.

The violent feeling inside was gone.

Whenever Peter’s close to me, everything feels right; balanced.  

He fills the emptiness that I didn’t even know I had.

Peter crawled his fingers on my stomach to feel for the wound.


“When we had sex last night,  we merged. We are now one. If separated from each other too long, it becomes unbearable. You’re my mate.”

“You do know that wolves mate for life, right?”

“Well so do fairies”

“You slept with Y/N?!”

Scott was pissed.

His eyes glowed red and his fangs were exposed.

We both looked at each other and back at Scott.

“We should run”

“Probably a good idea”

Scott chased after you and Peter into the woods.

Isaac POV

“Hello? Scott? You’re supposed to take me home”

I looked around the cabin.

I sighed and went outside.

His motorcycle and Peter’s car was gone.

They left me.


I started the three-hour walk back home.

to those that live in the dark


yeah, you.
in the corner,
dark eyes, 

dark soul

–  you.

my sanity matches yours.

I mean, hello. 

I’m sane, I promise.
(a different kind of sane – the kind
that terrifies people

who can’t navigate storms)

let me
– would you let me? –
take you away
from this sunscorched place
and wrench open the
trapdoor to the
jagged gale of my heart 

let’s run away, 
laughing and whispering
into bleeding nights 
with nothing but stars 
for a blanket.

let’s hold our broken skin together
and tattoo over our
thirsty demons,
till no one can tell
we were shattered in the first place.

let me kiss
the scars they’ve left on your soul
while we weep ritual salts
on our rusted
wrought-iron wounds.

“Can you please do a Troy Otto imagine where you are about to be tested on as part of the zombie research but Troy stops them and saves you?” Yessss!

Read before continuing: This mentions torture and blood but the ending is rather fluffy! Somewhat short btw, sorry! Enjoy!

Your vision is blurred and you can only hear muffled conversations of your kidnappers. You’re in what looks like a lab and when you try to scream there’s something preventing you from making a sound. You don’t know how much time has gone by or how long you’ve gone without food or water. You’re scared to death but you keep telling yourself that everything was going to be okay. It’s going to be okay, it’s going to be okay.

Keep reading


There’s an au where the character has one eye matching the eye colour of their soul mate right?

Rukia likes to make fun of her soul mate for having such an ordinary eye colour then realizes its the only normal thing about him when they meet.

Ichigo wonders where the hell he’s going to find someone with purple eyes.

Orihime secretly likes her soul mate’s eyes but she won’t tell anyone because of how strange it is. 

Ulquiorra doesn’t realize he has a soul mate, he just thinks its just some weird mutation. 

Show, Don't Tell [Alucard/Reader]

Title: Show, Don’t Tell
Pairing: Alucard/Reader [gender-neutral]
Summary: You are a new toy for Hellsing, one that Alucard too quickly underestimated.

A/n: this could be a semi-pilot to an actual fic. If you’re interested, please do leave feedback!

If you do like it, please do consider sharing it around and supporting! ____________________________________________

When introduced for the first time, Alucard couldn’t say that he bothered to commit your face or name to memory, especially considering you were just another human passing through the gates of the Hellsing manor.

Just as many times before, he predicted to see you among countless others of weak resolution to snivel and scuttle away with your tail between your legs.

And, for the most part, he had been right. Perhaps it had been his greatest blessing to muse those thoughts aloud to your dejected backs, he sometimes considered. All of the men and women continued onward, heavy footfalls scuffing the marble floor, heaving their failures and luggage on their backs.

You met his remarks with fiery retort, something along the lines of: “Only those who are truly weak and cowards will tear people down with a smile.”

Keep reading

  • Evan: If you had to have a new year’s resolution, what would it be?
  • Connor: Probably to find darker eye shadow to better match my soul.
  • Jared: YOU are an emo nightmare.
Stone Cold (Sirius Black imagine)

Okay, so I just combined 2 requests for this this one:

  • Hello, I don’t know if you do oneshots based on songs, but if you do, could you give it a go on ”Stone Cold” by Demi with Sirius from the reader’s pov? Or the way you find it best to write? Thanks!
  •  Hey!!! Can you do a Sirius Black x reader, but I want it very, extremely sad!! A story that will make the reader cry. I hope it’s not too hard for you!! A big hug from me.

Warnings: angst, deep feels, broken Sirius and reader

                   H/G/N - his girlfriend’s name

People often said that in times of turbulence, you learned how to appreciate the little things. Poetic and whimsical notions like sunsets, the sounds of birds and the varying colours of dainty flowers.

Well, I could safely tell those people that it was all bollocks.

Bollocks. Bollocks. Bollocks.

Sunsets were pretty much the same every day, chirping birds were actually very annoying and I could care less about the shades of flowers. They all died anyway; all wilted into ugly, shrivelled shapes. Especially when winter was starting to strangle the life out of the world.

No, when times were bad, it pretty much distracted you from everything else.

And in my case, the broken heart I was forced to hold into my chest was the cause of my great turbulence.

Everything was irrelevant and distorted, clouded by the emptiness I felt in my chest all the time.

My tears dried long time ago, but the cracks in my heart were yet to be healed. I never thought a single person could feel such destroying, vicious emotions. Or that a person could induce them. And still… here I was. Feeling as if my chest was going to explode at any moment.

I was certain that, somehow, the ocean of sadness I constantly felt was going to swallow me up, drag me into its depths, suffocate me, drown me and strangle the dear life out of me. I didn’t need water to drown. My feelings were enough.

No - a voice from within me would say - it’s not just sadness, but disappointment and hurt too.

And I’d agree.

He knew. I know he knew. I know he knows. How deeply I was in love with him. How I felt happy for every glance he’d spare me and every word he’d shoot in my direction.

Remus told me one night. The apologetic look he gave me made me feel pathetic really. I bowed my head in shame and he engulfed me in a reassuring hug.

But he still did it. He would bring girls every three or four days to his dormitory. And the cruel fate made that every single time… I was there to witness it.

Maybe it was a warning. But I was too blind to acknowledge it.

God knows I tried to be happy for him. But seeing him with a girl sitting on his lap, kissing him fiercely made my blood boil and my eyes water. Even though my heart would ache, even though my hands would tremble and figure melt… I tried to be happy for him. I wanted to see him happy. Even if the happiness of his heart… meant the death of mine.

But it all came to a stop eventually.

He didn’t just hurt me that day, but disappointed me in a way I couldn’t describe.

I was laying on my bed, reading a one of my favourite books. It was his favourite too. I found myself sighing deeply, before I was cut off by the sound of my door opening.

He perked his head inside, as he did so many times before and smiled at me. The warmth of his smile and the gleam in his eyes made me melt. He made his way over my bed and collapsed next to me, his hair sprawled all over the pillow. He put his arm around my shoulders and gathered me close.

This seemed so normal, ordinary almost. His refreshing smell made me feel nostalgic and I hoped my eyes wouldn’t water at the twisting pain in my chest.

“Y/N” he whispered in my ear.


“What do you think about H/G/N?”

He asked that in such a relaxed tone, that my brain refused to work for a few seconds.

“What?” I murmured, abruptly sitting up and turning to face him.

“What do you think about her?” he repeated with a smile.

I blinked repeatedly, trying to chase away the tears that threatened to spill from my wide eyes.

“Uh- I-”

“She really is amazing, isn’t she? I mean, I feel like we… connect so easily. She understands me so well. She’s always there when I need her and… my family likes her, surprisingly. I just feel like she is the missing part of my heart” he said with a dreamy smile playing on his lips.

I honestly thought my heart stopped beating, his words stabbing it roughly. What was happening? Why was he doing this to me? I was hurt and confused as I stared at him with tear filled eyes.

“I think she is my perfect match” he continued, locking eyes with me.

“Stop…” I murmured.

“My… soul mate” he went on, ignoring me completely.

“Stop” I repeated, louder this time, my voice quavering, but pressing on the words.

“What do you think, Y/N? Isn’t she my ideal partner?”


The sound echoed across the silent room. A red mark was now perfectly imprinted on his white cheek. It was my palm that left the mark.

The last thing I saw were his eyes widening before I turned around and ran out of the room, out of the Gryffindor Tower… out of the school, my heated body being welcomed by the crisp air of winter and my tears blending with the rain.

I honestly thought that when I ran off that night, a piece of my heart was ripped off my chest.

In those few weeks I avoided him and his apologies, I understood that the worst type of crying is the silent one. The one when everyone is asleep. The one when you feel it in your throat, and your eyes become blurry from tears. The one when you just want to scream. The one when you have to hold your breath and hold your stomach to keep quiet. The one where you can’t breathe anymore. The one when you realise the person that meant the most to you, is gone.

I am now sitting at one of the windows of the Astronomy Tower. The waves of heavy feelings I just remembered hit me cruelly, my eyes closing to prevent tears from falling.

I lay my head against the cold and foggy glass and stare blankly at the white mess from outside. As I watch the slow fall of the snowflakes, a crooked smile appears in the corners of my mouth. The icy air, the snow covered earth and death of nature is mirrored in my heart. A never ending winter has taken over my heart.


I quickly whip my head around after hearing my name and freeze. There, in the middle of the tower, was standing the last person I wanted to see. 

Sirius Black.

My figure hardens and my chest constricts. Even now, it still hurts to see him in front of my eyes. I stare at him with cold, penetrating eyes. Even though I don’t want to, my body stiffens and I find myself holding my breath.

He looks right back at me. His eyes are red, with dark bags under, his hair messy and his face livid, almost white. He looks like he had been crying a lot.


I feel a satisfying sensation when I see him like this. Suffering. I want him to be sad. I want him to cry. I want him to be ashamed of himself. I want him to taste a little bit of my messed up feelings, even though I don’t wish for him to end up like me. I don’t want him to be broken. I’m afraid the shattered pieces won’t fit back together.

“Y/N” he repeats, closing the distance between us.

I quickly scatter away from him, pressing my back against the glass and gathering my feet close.

“Y/N, please…”

I close my eyes as he trails off, trying to calm my wild heart. I take in a deep breath, before shakily opening my mouth to speak.

“Please what, Sirius?”

“Please… let me explain this to you-”

I sink my teeth into my bottom lip in an attempt to stop myself from screaming at the top of my lungs at the little bastard in front of me.

“I don’t need any explanation-”

“Yes, you do-”

“No!” I defiantly say “Nothing you could say can make it easier to bear”

“It?” he frowns.

I close my eyes once again, refusing to look him in the eyes.

“The pain, Sirius”

My words are barely above a whisper and for a second, I doubt he heard. But he did.

His figure softens immediately. He brushes a hand through his hair and sighs. As I watch him, my heart sinks with a heavy feeling. Although I saw him doing this so many times before, this time is different. I guess I’m just realising that things are never going to be the same. And that destroys me.

“I know it hurts” he whispers softly, moving closer to me.

This time, I have no room to escape. He’s cornering me like a wolf would do with his prey. I can only watch him with wary eyes and knitted eyebrows.

Do you, Sirius? Do you?

“Then why did you do it?” I whisper.

“Because… I- I thought I was never going to receive you love… All those girls… they were just distractions. I thought I could forget about you. But I couldn’t. When you ran off that day, you took half of my heart with you. And I’m afraid I’m not going to get it back unless you… come back to me”

Hearing this, I can’t help but burst out laughing. A dark, sinister, humourless laugh that gives me chills.

“That must be the most selfish reason I have ever heard”

“I know” he mumbles, bowing his head in shame. “But it’s the truth. A truth that I hate, a truth that I despise, but… it’s still the truth”

His big hand reaches for my cheek.

I am unable to move. My body seems paralyzed as his cold fingers stroke my warm face. His decomposed face draws dangerously close. Even like this, with his messy feelings coming up to the surface… his face is still surprisingly handsome.  

“I haven’t only hurt you, but… myself too. Over these past few weeks I figured that… I can’t live without you. I’m left in darkness without you, Y/N… I- I-”

Tears glowed against his nutmeg eyes and my lips begin quavering at the sight of him breaking down.

“I love you” he finally whispers, his voice broken, filled with sorrow.

My own eyes threaten to spill all the tears I managed to accumulate over the past few days. It takes all my might to restrain myself and speak clearly.

“It’s such a shame you’ve got to hurt us both to finally realise it”

Sirius’ long fingers lock around my chin, forcing me to look into his eyes and for a moment, I think I see that part of my heart I lost not so many weeks ago.

And the next thing I know, is a warm sensation on my lips.

Sirius is kissing me softly, his wet lips moving against mine skilfully.

Even though that side of my heart which never forgot him melts, the broken shards inside of my body begin stabbing me, bringing back memories I wish I could forget. And as every moment spent with him replays in my mind, my heart twists and twirls painfully.

With a sharp breath, I roughly pull away from him and the loud sound of my palm against him face echoes across the room once again.

Now, as I look into his eyes, as my ragged breath escapes my lips, I can’t help but let all the tears fall freely, like a replica of the Niagara Falls.

“Y/N-” Sirius mutters, reaching for my arm, but I back away quickly.

“You knew!” I scream so loud, I’m afraid for a second the professors patrolling the corridors might hear us.

He freezes, his face contorted with a feeling I can’t quite make out.

“You knew!” I repeat, unable to stop myself from the truths I am about to say. “You knew but didn’t care anyway! You fucked those girls with such ease and then tell me it was because you thought I did not love you? Well, guess what. I won’t buy this shit! You may be sorry, Sirius, but… it doesn’t matter anymore. Do you know how hard it was for me? To see you in the company of a different girl every single day? To see you kiss her, stroke her face, tell her you love her… give her your affection and care? It killed me inside. Little by little, I was dying. I was dying watching you, my very love, with another girl. And it destroyed me to find out that… you knew. You were well aware of my feelings for you and still… didn’t talk to me about it. But, aside from that… I was trying to feel happy. I was trying to be happy for you! Even if I couldn’t understand why you were doing this to me! If it was for me to die… I would have died happy. Happy because you were happy and I didn’t stay in the way of your happiness. Even if your happiness meant the death of me. And that night… when you talked about her like that in front of me… you ripped my heart off. You left a bloody hole right where my heart was supposed to be.”

By this point, my face is filled with dry and fresh tears and my voice is shaking, filled with too much emotion. But Sirius isn’t too far off either. His cheeks are strained with salty water. Seeing him cry made me even more vulnerable.

“Sirius you- you broke me”

He sinks down to his knees and mines give away immediately after, landing hard on the stone floor.

Between his strangled sobs, all I could hear was no, no, no.

“No, Y/N… Please, please… give me another chance. I love you…” he tilts his head towards me and looks at me through his messy black hair.

“Sirius…” I mutter back, but trail off, unable to continue.

I feel like I’m breaking down once again at the sight of his sincere pain.

After whipping my tears away, I manage to get up on unsteady feet.

“…I love you too. But… I can’t bring myself to this anymore. Not after all this pain”

Even though my voice is weak, with a last glance at Sirius’ crumpled form, I march out of the Astronomy Tower, closing the door behind me.

Once my fingers unclasp from the doorknob, I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. My hand goes over my wild heart, the beats pulsing throughout my whole body, making me tremble.

With a long, shaky sigh, I let my body slide down to the floor and rest my head against the door, knowing Sirius has done the same.

Now, our bodies are close to each other, but still… so far apart.

I guess that’s just the way things have always been. There has always been a wall between the two of us. A wall made out of glass, which we didn’t see until we painfully smashed into it, trying to get to one another.

As I lay there, with my head basically against Sirius’ and my eyes closed, I feel hopeless. And I know he feels the same. Maybe our somehow connected emotions are the cause of the deep sinking feeling I have.  

The sound of my powerful heartbeat rings inside my ears.

I may have lost him forever.

And as that thought crosses my mind, I let one last tear stream down my cheek.

I know… I left my heart with him, trapped between those stone cold walls.