eyes the gate way to our souls

I used to get asked if I’d ever been in love. Ever gotten that rush of adrenalin - just from being in the same room as someone. And I told them that I had been, because I thought that I was.

In reality, I was addicted. Locked in on this idea that since you were beautiful, that since I coudln’t take my eyes off you - you were good for me. I would fantasize over you so much so; that I was ignorant to the fact that we were the modern day Joker and Harley Quinn.

How you were controlling and abusive and only loving when it worked towards your benefits. And I, driven mad, only focused on you. We syncronized together so well as if our entire lives were some sort of dance; If you moved, I moved. And vice-versa.

Because, even if you didn’t love me - you fed off of my spirit. My lion-hearted ways and careless actions made you feel alive. Adrenaline rushed through your body, from the tip of your toes to the crown of your head…everytime I whispered your name.

And I mistook salt for sugar. Seeing your druken kisses and greedy hands as actions of love. Your cold eyes for the gates to your soul. I was blind to the fact that you were destroying me from the inside out. Planting yourself deep within my chest, then slowing pulsing through my viens - until you had poisoned my entire bloodstream.

I became dependent on your every breath. Trading oxygen for the taste of your lips.

But, two people can only fuel themselves on one soul for so long.

And I began to deteriorate.

Half on the brink of insanity, I spent sleepless nights with empty bottles and smoked filled lungs waiting to breath into you. Letting myself lay to ruin, while you took in twice your air.

And then, when I was too worn out, you threw me to the waters. Leaving a half-sane girl with a fucked up idea of what being in love feels like.

—  Drawn on smiles - excerpt from the book I’ll never write

Maybe because I’m not a gentleman or maybe because I am, I can never resist tasting her. I would name it lust if I wasn’t in love but besides from our lips pressed together and seeing her still lost in a kiss when I open my eyes I can ‘t wait to work my way down past her hip bones by way of her soft perfect skin. Nothing in this world has ever tasted so good to me. To be denied what I want would be to steal food from a starving man after offering him only one bite. To step through the gates of heaven only to be informed there has been some mistake and I must leave immediately. If our souls have collided because it is my purpose solely to love her better than anyone can then giving her pleasure is the blood that runs raging through my veins. I don’t know why it keeps getting better but I’m sure this is akin to other beautiful things in this world that there are explanations for that I don’t need to hear simply because learning why would take away from the magic that sets my soul on fire. Once again I’ve lost the words that I though to say, yet it doesn’t seem to matter. Just close your eyes and I will always show you exactly what I meant to say.