eye studys

It seems like a lot has forgotten but Yuuri Katsuki has pride. A lot of it. This is why mistakes bother him so much no matter how little it was. This is why he hides his face and refuse to interact with the people at Hasetsu train station. He lost at the GPF and the Nationals. He’s ashamed of himself for failing that much. His pride was severely damaged since he didn’t fulfill the two goals he had set for himself at his JSF profile:

1.) To not cry during a competition

2.) To be victorious in the GPF. *Usually when an athlete says “victory”, they mean ‘get gold”

Add the fact that the GPF is just the 3rd most prestigious figure skating competition (Worlds is 2nd, Olympics is 1st), Yuuri’s self confidence would have been shaken to the core. He couldn’t get a bronze in the GPF. He couldn’t even get the top spot at the Nationals. What hope does he have for anything else? What is there for him to be proud of?

No wonder Yuuri hit rock bottom. He’s a sore loser because his pride couldn’t take it. His epic career slump is hardcore proof. His pride also magnified his lost spectacularly in his perspective that it took him ages to lick his wounds and get right back up.

To cultivate pride, reputation is a huge factor. So obviously, reputation would mean a lot to Yuuri. He’s very sensitive about it. In fact, the first thing he did after bombing his FS at Sochi was to check the news and the social media for comments about him. He was even upset with Phichit when he posted online the picture of drunk!Viktor clinging on him before the SP at the Cup of China.

Reputation is important to Yuuri. He values his dignity. His pride depends on it.

So wouldn’t the reveal of his drunk shenanigans in EP10 absolutely devastated him? For everybody else in the series, it was funny and memorable. Even us fans think the same. But for Yuuri? That probably felt like the end of his world. He made a fool of himself in front of the ISU, sponsors, coaches, and fellow athletes. He had dragged Japan and his family name through the mud. He’s now a laughingstock - a goddamn joke.

His pride took a heavy blow before the GPF SP. His reputation and dignity is gone. It’s miracle that he looked calm as he skated Eros… or not.

He probably kept lying to himself before his performance with an unknowing Viktor’s supporting him (Yeah, Viktor doesn’t know Yuuri’s pain because he will definitely hide it from him. What happened in Sochi was obviously a treasured memory of Viktor. Yuuri isn’t that heartless to taint it with his own issues. So kept his problems on his own.) He then must have convinced himself enough that he’s ok. He’s alright. Everything is fine. Everything will be just perfect. So he smiled with confidence built on lies and kissed his ring for further reassurance. (He’s still a total wreck inside barely holding himself together)

Then he skated and everything went shit.

Yuuri’s SP at Barcelona is devoid of seduction because he’s focusing too much on perfection. He desperately needed clean and perfect quad jumps. Quad jumps will help him win. He has to win because if he does, he’ll get his dignity back. He can mend his pride. He would be able to make up for the scandal he had caused in Sochi. Everybody loves a winner. Gaining victory will make everything alright. He must podium. He must get gold.

But then he flubbed his quad flip. He touched the ice. His SP was imperfect. His score would definitely be lower than what he wanted. He failed. He lost. Everything that he gives a damn about depended on that performance and he fucked it up. So Yuuri crumbles under the pressure and wept his heartbreak on the ice.

is he okay 

2

Right now I’m working on an essay about Eyes Wide Shut (dir. Stanley Kubrick, 1999) and its origin text, Arthur Schntizler’s Dream Story (1926). I’m discussing the texts through close readings focused on psychoanalysis, dreams and the unconscious, and how that informs sexuality in both the film and the novella.