extreme close up edition

I’m sorry for breaking your heart

Imagine reader getting a terminal illness and not telling cal until last minute when they leave because they didn’t want to hurt him 😈(` love sob stories sorry)

Quick note I haven’t written in years. I changed part of the request because I couldn’t find a good way to make it work, but I really hope I did this alright

  My childhood was spent in and out of hospitals my closest friends were nurses and doctors. I spent most of my whole childhood hooked up to IVs and machines. I was a normal kid until my heart had decided “hey I don’t want to do this anymore I’m done” and quit on me. From age seven to eighteen I Was hospital bound. I had been on a waiting list for a new heart for a long time. The thing is when a kid needs a heart another kid has to die. I understood that clearly even though my parents and doctors never directly told me. The problem with getting a heart when a child dies is if the parents want to give their child’s heart away. When I was ten I was supposed to get a heart, but the family of the child couldn’t do it. I understand how hard and I don’t hate them. I eventually got my heart when I was seventeen. I spent a long time recovering and getting used to being out on the real world. When I was nineteen I met a boy that swept me off my feet and made me forget about my life. From the moment I met him I knew I never wanted him to know about my past. As selfish as it sounds I never wanted him to know because I couldn’t stand it if he looked at me differently. He’s under the impression I had a normal happy childhood where I spent my summers at a lake with friends and dancing at music festivals. He never had any reason to question me. My family was against helping me with the lie, but they wanted me happy. They watched me lay in a hospital bed for years and Calvin is the first thing that had ever made me happy. Sure I was so happy and relieved when I got my heart, but that’s different than how I feel with him. He makes me forget I grew up in a hospital he makes me feel new and that excites me.

 It all started outside a gamestop. Of all places to meet a video game store was where we first met. I was checking out old games since I Could never play them as a kid and he started talking to me. He was talking about the games and all I could do was look at him in awe. I had never met someone that knew so much I wanted him to help me choose games. I had a lot of free time since I couldn’t find a job that was willing to look past my medical history and take a chance on me. I had my GED and I was taking classes at a community college, but my health worried people too much. That’s why I refused to tell Calvin about my past. If the nerdy boy in the video game store knew I was broken and repaired with new parts he probably wouldn’t have talked to me. It was nice to talk to someone that appreciated me for me and not who I was. I wasn’t that girl who had a new heart to him I was the girl who didn’t know anything about games. We had talked for a long time eventually we swapped numbers it didn’t take long for him to text me after we parted ways. Our first date was at a park nothing really interesting happened we just walked around. He’s not a very romantic guy he wanted to pull this big thing off, but he messed up and we ended up not being able to do what he had planned. He wanted to take me to a fancy restaurant wine and dine fancy, but his reservation got messed up and we ended up eating sandwiches from Subway in the park. On our second date we went and saw a movie it wasn’t anything spectacular just some random kids movie that we both could laugh at. When I went to his house for the first time I witnessed the insanity that was his office. I knew he made videos for youtube, but I was never interested in looking at his channel. I figured if he wanted me to see something he would show me. In all honesty I watched enough youtube to last me the rest of my life when I was hospitalized. He mentioned me a few times in videos from what I’ve heard. I’ll admit I checked his fandom a few times to see what he actually did. They were all really funny and most of them flipped out when Calvin mentioned having a girlfriend. After a year of dating, I moved in with him. It was a little weird to live with a boy, but we were extremely close. I would stay up with him while he edited videos. I would make decaf coffee and he would make fun of me for drinking coffee like a baby even though he drinks a cup of coffee mate with a splash of coffee. Our relationship was one of a kind. We spent most days hanging out in his office and going out in the middle of the night to get food from any place that was open. I would lay in bed while he ranted and filmed his videos. From time to time I would try to distract him while he worked. I made a few sneaky appearances in some of his face cam videos. He would get so annoyed with me because I would pop up without his noticing and he wouldn’t be able to edit it out. I just enjoyed seeing the comments that said things along the lines of “WHO IS SHE?” After a year living together it was pretty normal for me to appear in the background of his videos. I could just be a voice in the back or a figure lying on the bed behind him. It was our little joke with his fans. No one had seen my face so I was just that mystery girl that was always at “Leafy’s” house. In one of his videos I had walked behind him in a pair of his boxer and my bra. I had no clue he was filming a face cam special. Since he’s an ass he put censor bars over my check and used it as a thumbnail. He was pushed out of bed on “accident” that night.


“Ow why did you push me?” Calvin whined from the floor.

“I didn’t mean to push you. Maybe you shouldn’t hog the good blanket.”

  Sadly all good things end and I knew Calvin and I weren’t going to last much longer. He had no idea. I had told him I was spending the day at my moms and wouldn’t be home until late or in the morning. With a quick kiss, a hug goodbye I left. I didn’t actually go see my mom it was just an excuse to keep him from worrying if I don’t come home. I started having symptom of possible heart problems and I was going to the ER. I couldn’t tell Calvin since he had no idea I even had heart problems. I was scared, but I was also too selfish to let him know about my past. I kept superb track of my health. I had notebooks filled with my scheduled medications, monthly check ups and every other thing that I needed a list for to keep myself healthy. I had thought I had a small cold, but the symptoms were too familiar. When I first got my transplant I was told my medications would put me at risk for infections since they stopped my immune system from attacking my new heart. The whole drive I was a nervous wreck, I had been cooped up in bed all week with Calvin checking in on me and taking care of me. That morning my fever had skyrocketed, my body ached, my head was spinning and my heart felt like it was working overtime. That was when I knew something was wrong. I had put on my best “I’m feeling great” look before telling Calvin I was going out. I must have done well because he didn’t notice or ask if anything was wrong. I curse myself for not realizing it was more than a cold. If I had noticed sooner things would have been okay. It wouldn’t have come to this. After several tests and being hooked up to machines I thought I’d never see again I was sent in an ambulance to the closest hospital that had a cardiologist on staff. The whole ride was terrifying a nurse had contacted my mother. She wanted to get Calvin, but I cried and begged her not to tell him. I didn’t want him to see me weak and broken. I didn’t want him to see me like that. I’ll always regret not asking my mom to call him.

“Your tests have confirmed our worst fear. It seems that what you thought was just a cold turned into an infection. The infection has started to attack your heart.”

I was speechless. My mother started to cry. My father was in traffic trying to get the hospital and Calvin was at home probably editing a video and making coffee.

“We’re going to have to admit you to the hospital and monitor your condition.”

 That’s when it finally hit me. I spent nearly my whole life in a hospital bed and my life is probably going to end in a hospital bed. I was given a private room so family could stay with me. I had fallen asleep after I was connected to so many machines. I had IVs in my arms, an oxygen mask and a heart monitor beeping with every beat of my heart. At some point that day my mom had contacted Calvin. He had been at my bedside while I slept. My mom told him everything. My whole past and why I kept it secret from him. I wish I knew his reaction. I wish I knew if he was mad at me or not. The last thing I remember was waking up screaming from the worst check pain in my life. I remember the panicked looks on my loved ones faces as the beeping on my monitor went out of control. I can still see Calvin’s tear stained face as he ran out of the room to find a doctor. I remember several people rushing in and the sound of the defibrillator starting up. Then everything was black. I will never forget the final words I ever heard

“Please don’t leave me! Please stay… fuck please fight I can’t lose you…”

That’s when the line went flat.