extensions advice

doggo-goddo  asked:

Do you think it's sad that some people don't know how to do simple things and look it up on wikiHow? Like your last post, for example, where it's telling you how to react.

nope! Everybody’s gotta learn how to do stuff at some point, and it’s good that there’s a (for all the times it’s the butt of jokes or whatever) pretty solid resource out there for people to consult. I have a physical homeowner’s advice book that’s been absolutely invaluable (i’m not a home-owner but I do end up DIY fixing things around the house pretty often) and wikihow is the logical extension of these advice manuals for the Internet age.


Shattered Glass-Yuta fluff

Request: “i’d like to request a yuta scenario where he confesses to you in cutest way possible, if you want to, please incluse kissing, thanksssss”

Song: Gorillaz-Andromeda

Note: I added a bit of comedy? I guess to this just because I really couldn’t think of a super cute way for someone to confess so i searched and I found one way that’s really cute but kind of funny. This is also kind of short

Yuta slowly woke up as he felt his head continuously bobbing against the window in the back seat of his dad’s car. He looked up and was met with a new neighborhood filled with houses he had never seen before, full of strangers that he was sure he would soon come to know in the coming years. He turned to face the front and saw his parents chatting away happily at the good first impression they were getting from their soon to be new home in Korea due to his mother’s job relocating her to Seoul.

I’m glad they like it. Hopefully I’ll like it soon, too, Yuta thought to himself.

He felt the car slowly come to a stop in front of a house, the for sale sign still plastered on the lawn. He unbuckled his seatbelt and exited the car, finally taking in the full view of the neighborhood while his parents began planning out what to take out of the moving truck and where to put it. As he stretched his body after the long ride from the airport, his eyes caught a figure sitting peacefully in a second story window. He covered his eyes from the bright summer sun and saw you sitting there, a book pushed close to your face in your hand. He could hear music playing faintly so he assumed you had a speaker somewhere in the room. He almost didn’t see you due to the branches of a large tree being right in front of your window but fortunately, he did. You looked ethereal to him, letting the sun cover your body as you read. He grew intrigued, wondering who you were, what you were listening to, what you were reading.

“Yuta! Come see your room!” Yuta turned his head to see his mother waving him over enthusiastically to enter his new house. He gave her a nod to let her know he was coming before turning back towards you. He was shocked to find your eyes already on him, giving him a soft smile. He smiled back and finally turned around to join his parents.

I think I’m gonna like it here.

You were sitting in your room, taking time to yourself during your busy summer. You were planning on catching up on some shows and reading a new book you had borrowed from your best friend. You decided to start with the shows. You pulled out your laptop and logged into your netflix account, ready to start the new season of your current favorite show. You were enjoying yourself until you started to realize how the early morning heat was slowly getting hotter and hotter as the time passed. You were getting so hot you couldn’t focus on the show anymore. You closed your laptop and hooked your phone up to your speaker. You began playing a simple song and went to open your window. You looked over your unorganized desk and saw the book you wanted to read sitting there. You grabbed it and made your way back over to your window. There was a small sitting area where you had a safe and large enough seat to be able to read your book while the sun warmed you up with the breeze still being able to cool you off. You were getting immersed into the book when you heard loud chatter coming from below. You looked down and saw a small family and a moving truck in the yard across the street. You looked closer and saw the mother waving at her son to come inside the house. You heard her yell what you guessed to be his name.

Yuta? Doesn’t sound Korean.

You looked at his figure just as he turned back around, eyes seeming to search for you. You were surprised at yourself as you felt a soft smile be given to the boy once his eyes met yours. He smiled back and turned on his heel to join his mother in the home.  

Later that evening, Yuta found himself tired out and sitting on the front porch of his new home, enjoying the cool summer breeze as the sun just began disappearing. He had just spent the last few hours unpacking and now he was resting up as he waited for the takeout his parents had ordered to be delivered. He was admiring the sky and his new neighborhood a bit more. He felt his eyes land on your house, beginning to think about your soft eyes and your cute features that he couldn’t seem to get out of his head ever since earlier that day. He looked away from your window as he saw the front door of your house opening. You appeared from the house holding your phone and a wallet in your hand. You turned around and yelled into the house that you would be right back before turning and skipping down your steps.

You were humming a song softly to yourself when you stopped due to the feeling of eyes on you. You looked up from untangling your earbuds to hold eye contact with your new neighbor for the second time that day. You didn’t know what to do since he was staring so hard. It didn’t seem as if he even realized he was staring so much until you began giggling softly at his cute trance like state. His head bowed and you could make out a faint redness growing on his cheeks at having been caught staring. You decided to ease his embarrassment by going over to introduce yourself. As Yuta realized your figure was headed straight towards him, he immediately grew self conscious as he tried to fix his appearance quickly. He stopped fidgeting as you finally came to stand in front of him.

“Hi! I’m Y/A, your neighbor!”

Yuta silently thanked himself for actually paying attention in his Korean/English classes back in Japan. (The setting is in Korea but I didn’t want to imply that the reader is Korean at all btw)

“Hello. I’m Yuta! It’s nice to meet you Y/A.”

You could hear an accent when he spoke, sparking your interest.

“Where are you from Yuta?”

“I’m from Japan. We just moved here because of my mom’s new job. Plus I just transferred to the university here.”

“Cool! I’ve never been to Japan but I heard it’s great. What university are you going to?”

“Uh [Insert your school name here]. I heard it’s one of the best in the area.”

Yuta watched as your smile lit up at the new info.

“Wow that’s great. That’s my school. What a coincidence. We’re gonna be neighbors and classmates now.”

Yuta flashed a smile just as equally as bright as yours, glad to be conversing so easily with you already.

“Yeah that is great! So, where are you headed right now when it’s already dark out?”

He watched as your bright face scrunched up cutely in alarm as you realized it was almost completely dark out.

“Oh no! I was on the way to get some oil so my mom can cook dinner. I need to hurry before it gets too dark. I hate walking alone at night…”

Yuta knew opportunity when he saw it and he wasn’t about to miss this chance to talk to you for longer.

“Well! I co-could walk with you. I wouldn’t mind going for a walk…if it’s alright with you.”

“Sure, that would be great actually. C’mon, let’s go! The store isn’t far at all.”

That was the start to you and Yuta’s beautiful relationship. You two had found out that you had a lot in common on the walk to and from the store. You had even exchanged numbers and began talking almost everyday throughout the nights that you weren’t glued to each other’s hips. You had also let Yuta meet a lot of your other friends, including this dance crew in the dance department of your school called NCT. He soon mingled into the crew of boys effortlessly and you all were now a close group which continued when school started again after the long summer.

It was now a full year since Yuta had come into your life and you were never unhappy with him. Until now actually. It was another summer and you and Yuta were still in the routine of making late night walks together after a long day. You were happy about that it was just whenever you hung out with Yuta lately it seemed like he was being extra flirty and touchy. You had found out the boy had an abundance of confidence soon after you became friends but you didn’t know if you could handle it anymore since you had developed romantic feelings for Yuta. You kept hearing from all the NCT boys that he had liked you too but it was hard to tell when neither of you seemed to be making a move to confess anytime soon. This was annoying you and Yuta could tell. Little did you know, it was all apart of his plan to surprise you with a great confession! After extensive research and getting advice from the NCT members, Yuta had found a way that he thought would be exciting for you both.

You were sitting in bed late one night, finishing up your skin care routine while listening to a song Yuta had recommended you earlier that night during your nightly walk. You had finally finished and climbed into bed, ready to go to sleep. You decided to keep your music playing softly as you slept. You were almost asleep when you heard your phone ring. You answered it without looking at the caller, hoping it would be a quick conversation.


“Hey uhhh. Are you asleep already?”


“Yeah…were you asleep?”

“Well, I was trying to sleep but I guess I’m not anymore. What’s up?”

“Could you do me a favor really quick?”

“…Sure, what?”

“Open your window please.”

You jumped up out of bed alarmed at his request. You wanted to ask him why but you were too tired to question him so you opened the window. You peered down and saw Yuta standing in your yard in front of your window. You put the phone back up to your ear.

“Why are you standing in my yard right now?”

“Don’t worry about that. Just, step back away from the window for a second please.”

You rolled your eyes at his weird behavior and went to plop yourself down onto your bed, waiting to see what would happen next. You were stared at your phone and saw that Yuta had hung up. You played with your nails bored as you waited for him to do something. It wasn’t until you heard glass shattering that you grew alarmed. You looked up at your closed door and saw the full body mirror that you had hanging up on it shattered, the glass laying out across the floor with a large rock near the mess.

“Oh…my…GOSH!!! MY MIRROR!”

You ran over to the window to see Yuta smiling in an accomplished way. You began yelling down at him. Lucky for you, your parents weren’t home so they wouldn’t hear the profanities you were saying.

“Yuta! What is the matter with you?! Why would you throw a rock through my window!?!? You broke my mirror! Are you insane?”

You watched as his smile dropped from his face altogether. You could see the fear in his face at your anger.

“I-I what? Your mirror broke?”


“Ok, wait, Y/A. Before you get even more mad, pick up the rock.”


“Ok, ok! I’m coming up, unlock the door.”

You slipped on your slippers to be able to open your bedroom door without stepping on glass. You looked down and saw the rock Yuta was talking about. You picked it up and walked towards the stairs while you flipped the rock around.

Why would he tell me to read this rock? It’s a rock why would it-

You looked at the rock and saw that something was actually carved into it. You actually just noticed that the rock wasn’t just a regular rock but it looked designed and the words on it were professionally carved into it. You stopped at the top of the stairs and read the words carefully printed on the rock.

I Like You. Always have, always will. Be mine? - Yuta

Just as you finished reading it you heard the doorbell ring. You ran down the steps and hurriedly opened the front door. Yuta was standing there nervously ready to get yelled out some more. Instead he was met with you jumping into his arms. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pressed your lips to his. Yuta was startled but he composed himself quickly and began kissing you back. He gripped your waist gently yet firmly and let the kiss take over the both of you. It wasn’t until you felt yourself losing the ability to breath that you pulled away. You buried your face into Yuta’s neck as he continued to hold you.

“I like you, too.”

He chuckled as he realized now why you were being so cute and clingy all of a sudden.

“So, you read the rock?”

You pulled away and let him into the house fully. You closed the door and looked up into his eyes, a smile plastered to your face.

“Yes, I read it. And I’m glad you confessed.”

“I figured I needed to soon. Yuta told me you were getting kind of annoyed with me.”

“Well, I was. But I’m not anymore. And of course I’ll be yours.”

He leaned in and pressed his lips to yours once again. He pulled away with a smirk on his face.”

“Good. Now I can finally do that for as long as I want.”

“Haha. But…why couldn’t you confess in a regular way? Or at least do the cute thing in the movies where the guy tries to get the girls attention by throwing rocks at her window? Well, that would suck too but I don’t know! You could’ve just handed me the rock or something.”

“Well, I actually tried to get your attention with small pebbles first. Then, I was gonna climb the tree all romantic like and hand you the rock. But your music was too loud for you to hear the pebbles hitting the window. So I improvised.”

“Awww. You’re cute Yuta.”

“I know,” he said, beginning to lean in for another kiss. You pulled your head away before his lips could meet yours.


“You still need to clean up your mess babe.”

anonymous asked:

Do you know any gods or goddesses who are alright with few offerings? I'm a minor so I can't have an altar or do daily offerings, but I'm anxious to be called towards a god or goddess but find out that they require a lot of offerings... help?

Intro: Redefining What’s Possible

Hello, Anon! <3 First of all, I have some good news for you. If you aim to practice as a solitary pagan outside any rigid traditions, you will find that many a god(dess) is perfectly content to receive offerings with no frills. Your sincerity and intent is what really counts, so take a deep breath and prepare to redefine your understanding of what an offering “should be.”

Second, before we get into a list of examples and ideas, it is important to note that quality beats quantity when it comes to offerings and devotion in general. I know the ideal is to have both, but let’s face it, that’s just not possible sometimes. So, that begs the question, what can you do to hide in plain sight and keep within a budget that won’t raise any eyebrows?

The answer to that is there is a lot you can do. I promise, once you refuse to limit yourself to rigid, elitist standards of what counts as a worthy offering, you are going to have a whole world of possibility open up to you. Not only that, but you’ll find it isn’t half as difficult to find the time or energy for offerings when you’ve integrated devotion with your “everyday rituals.” Let me show you!

How to Hide in Plain Sight: Everyday Offerings

For the creative and expressive spirits:

GENERAL. Ask your deity to function as your muse! Whatever your medium of creativity and/or self-expression, request inspiration in exchange for art, music, writing (etc) created in their honor. Read on for specific examples/ideas.

MUSIC. If you play an instrument, try composing songs for your deity or dedicating your practice time to them. Just like to sing in the shower? That’s fine! Sing for your deity or sing songs that remind you of them.

DANCE. Alright, so maybe you’re self-conscious. Maybe you’re not a graceful dancer. I get that. But next time you’re home alone, try shutting the blinds and blasting the music. Just be free. Move your body as best you can and offer up your energy, your ecstasy, your passion as an offering.

PHOTOGRAPHY. Start a photo project! Maybe you want to photograph things that are sacred to your deity. Maybe you want to get really creative and dress up your friends to have them reenact scenes from your deity’s myth. But wait a minute, have you considered dedicating selfies to your deity? Yes, I’m serious, and I’m looking right at those of you who could use a little boost in the “self-love” department. Don’t be afraid to dedicate a photo journey in self-appreciation to your deity. It’s alright if you never share a single photo with the world. Just keep at it.

MAKE-UP/FASHION. Speaking of self-love, have you considered your make-up and fashion habits as offerings to your deity? Play around with it while you’re home alone, if you’re shy. No need to rush out of your shell. On the other hand, if you’re already feeling pretty confident, you might want to start dedicating your make-up and fashion choices to your deity.

WRITING. Write about your deity! You don’t have to be obvious about it. Give them a “secret identity” and write a story about that character. Want to write poetry? Do it! Again, you don’t have to be obvious about it. I promise you, your deities appreciate more than formal hymns. Write about them like you would a crush from afar. That is, all the passion without a whisper of a name. And hey, who says you have to be a creative writer? If you like to journal or blog, dedicate that daily or weekly practice to your deity.

ARTS/CRAFTS. Draw your deity or craft things dedicated to/associated with them. They won’t be critiquing your skill level, so don’t let that stop you! Think about that look of pride in a parent’s eye when their two year old runs up to them with a crayon drawing of the whole family and the dog. Think about how that drawing ends up on the fridge like a masterpiece in a gallery. Just think about that. And what about that macaroni art project from school? The one that’s allegedly an ornament, so it gets hung on the tree with a huge smile because, hey, it’s the thought that counts. Don’t approach your work with an attitude of “this isn’t good enough,” just do your best by your deity.

THEATRE. Whether you’re on Broadway or performing at a school play, this is another potential part of your life you can easily dedicate to your deity! Offer up the energy and passion you put in your practice time and performance. Don’t be afraid to petition them for inspiration and motivation if you’re feeling anxious or uncertain, either. As always, do your best. That’s enough.

For the busy and low-energy folks:

GENERAL. There are plenty of responsibilities in your day to day life that you won’t be escaping any time soon. So, maybe you’re really busy and struggling to find the time for offerings? Or maybe you’re just so tired all the time that you struggle to fit spirituality into your life the way you fantasize about? It may be time to start thinking about how to make the mundane into an offering!

TEA/COFFEE. Do you have a hot drink to get you going in the morning? Chances are you set it down to cool before you take the first sip. Take a few moments to invite your deity to share in the energy of that drink with you. Adding milk or sugar? Offer a share of that to them, too, and then dwell on it as you stir the additions in. 

COOKING/MEALS. Invite your deity to share in your meals with you. If you are able, try cooking a meal in their honor using ingredients you associate with them (for example, you might want to acquire venison for Artemis or pomegranates for Persephone). Hosting a dinner party? Dedicate the preparations to your deity and ask for them to be present in spirit or even to bless the gathering (especially if your deity is associated with home and hearth). On a diet? Reach out to your deity to help you abstain from what you cannot/do not want to eat, and dedicate the energy of your resistance to them.

BLOGGING. Literally what I am doing right now is an offering. I am not doing this “just to be nice.” This is an offering. I am putting my time and energy into writing out extensive advice that, ideally, will benefit the gods I am devoted to. But it doesn’t stop there! Do you like to relax on Tumblr after work? Great! Your blog is full of potential for virtual offerings. Start using those tags! You don’t have to create a separate e-shrine. Next time you see a photo or text post and think, “Hey, that reminds me of my deity,” reblog it with that in mind and slap a tag “for X” on there.

CHORES/EXERCISE. The stuff many of us love to hate! Well, guess what? There’s offering potential here. Dedicate your routine cleaning and decluttering to your deity. Think of your home as their temple, if it helps. Make it a more pleasant place to be for both of you! As for exercise, try committing to a basic routine every morning and dedicate it to your deity. Instead of focusing on your muscles straining, use the time to meditate on your deity. Going to the gym regularly? Same deal. If you need a little extra kick, don’t be afraid to ask them to hold you to your word and be that aggressive life coach you secretly need.

MEDS/HEALTH. If you take medicine everyday, dedicate that act to your deity. Why, you ask? Well, you can’t very well devote yourself to the best of your ability if you aren’t taking care of yourself. Honestly, if you don’t think that your deity cares about your health, you may need to reconsider that relationship. Whatever it is you do to keep yourself healthy, it’s sacred. Don’t think of it as unworthy offering because it isn’t in the eyes of a deity who cares about you.

WORKPLACE. Whether you love or hate your job, there is potential for offerings there. Let’s assume you love it first. Think of how you might dedicate the time and energy you put into your work everyday to your deity. Need a reminder to do so? Think of something associated with them and get a representation of it for your desk (if you have one). Worship Athena? Great! Get yourself an owl statue and set it next to the computer, for example. Okay, but what if you hate your job? Similar deal. Offer up your strength of mind and spirit as you struggle through every day like a warrior. Give them your tears. Give them your frustration. Entrust them with your hope for a new opportunity.

For the energetic and adventurous folks:

GENERAL. Hyper? Bored? Love new experiences? Well, what’s something really wild you want to do? What’s something you’ve been seeking motivation to get out and try? There’s an opportunity for an offering to your deity right in front of your nose with these kinds of desires, so seize the moment!

VOLUNTEERING. Whether you’re volunteering at the animal shelter or serving in a soup kitchen, there is definitely something to be said about offering these acts of service to your deity. Bonus points if you can find an organization that aligns with your deity’s interests, but don’t limit yourself to that! There are many deities who would take great pleasure in a selfless offering like this one.

MARATHONS. For those who want to go above and beyond the average person’s exercise routine, marathon running is a great example of something “extra” you could do as an offering to a deity. Whether you’re running for a cause or just for pleasure, there is plenty opportunity to offer up the time and energy you put in to your deity.

TRAVEL. Want to go somewhere? Dedicate your travel savings to your deity. If you wish, have them hold you accountable for being responsible enough not to dip into the savings on a whim. Already got a trip planned and funded? Dedicate the experience to your deity, whether it be through visiting a landmark sacred to your deity (directly or indirectly), putting time into learning a new language, culture, and history, or simply planning out a photo journalism project.

A Final Tip: The “Invisible Altar”

Now then, I could expand the list above forever, but I think by now, you should have a pretty solid idea of how to create something sacred and worthy of offering out of mundane pieces of your everyday life. So, that leaves us with just one very common problem to discuss: “How can I have an altar hidden in plain sight?” Good news! It’s actually remarkably simple.

First, you’re going to want to research into your deity’s sacred animals and symbols. Keep in mind that it’s perfectly acceptable to associate them with things that aren’t mentioned in the books. For example, I personally associate Loki with hares and rabbits. It’s not common. That’s just my UPG. Guess what adorns my altar in his honor? That’s right. Little bunny rabbit statues. As far as anyone out of the loop knows, I just really love bunnies. To give you another example, I also worship Cernunnos. I trust it will come as no surprise if I tell you that there is a ton of deer-related imagery on my altars.

Second, thrift and dollar stores are your new best friend. There’s really no need to break the bank to have a pretty and discreet altar. Here’s a few ideas for things you could pick up that have low-key altar potential: candle holders, old books, nice little boxes, photo frames, colorful bottles, snow globes, clocks, figurines, wind chimes, bells, vases, etc.

Third, forgo any explicitly religious imagery/symbolism. Yes, I know it can be tempting to have that altar. The one with the $200 deity statues, maybe a giant pentacle, or whatever else it might be that has you thinking nervously “maybe they won’t notice.” Word of advice? Don’t do it. Don’t take that chance if you’re honestly worried about someone calling you out on having an altar. I promise, you will learn to love what you’re able to work with.

Fourth, scatter your altar pieces to draw less attention. Maybe you’re a known history buff so you can get away with having that Anubis statue, but think twice before you put that figure on a shelf surrounded by candles and incense. Your best bet is to space things out. So, put that skull for Hades and that goat for Thor on two different levels of your bookshelf. Hang up that “Birth of Venus” print, but don’t put seashells and candles in front of it. Get the idea?

That’s about all I have the energy to write for the moment, but I hope that helps! Good luck on your path, Anon, and everyone else who find themselves practicing in the shadows. Don’t think for a moment you can’t have a rich spiritual experience and an excellent relationship with your deities just because you have to keep it all quiet. <3

Luis’ (aka muji-milk) Art Tips!

i often get asked for tips on watercolour painting and portraiture drawing and things so i decided to make one pretty extensive advice post :^) hope this helps, and it will be tagged ‘art tips’ if you need to find it again. you can ask me if there’s something else you don’t find on here/to elaborate on something if you need!

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Everyone says to just "work through an art block" but I don't know what that means or how I can work through it when I hate everything I draw when I am art blocked, and its very frustrating. Do you have any tips to continue my art despite being art blocked?

i can Relate. they’re not wrong in saying you need to just keep drawing through a creative block but. i don’t think you need to like what you draw, just keep drawing. not sure how to word that properly but, if you need to take a break from art bc you’re not having fun drawing–do it. but if you want to continue drawing, that’s just as important–even if you rly don’t like what you’re producing. keep going and eventually you’ll draw something you like, or at the very least, have created lots of things, even if you choose to scrap them.

if it helps at all, i lump all my stress doodles (aka the shit i draw when i have artblock myself) into one big page. mostly it’s sketches or random outlines that i like one aspect of. like this

most of of these are unfinished and messy, but i did draw them during an artblock and i kept them bc there was some small detail i liked, or bc i thought they’d have potential later, when my mood was better and i had more motivation (the top left hand doodle eventually turned into a finished piece). 

also. lumping all my scribbles together means i can:

  • go back and finish one if i want, at a later date, when i’m in an art funk and want something to do
  • look at all the stuff i’ve drawn to motivate myself. bc rly, look at that. you think you can’t draw when you’ve got a block but really you can draw tons
  • be able to pin point mistakes that i didn’t like/don’t want to make again when i try and draw again

so. ye p. this is what helps me when i have an artblock. this, listening to nice music, watching some animated things for inspiration and just doodling furiously, is what keeps me drawing despite an artblock 90% of the time. 

give it a go if you think it might help!! also ask some other folks bc someone else is probably going to have more extensive advice!! good luck w/ the artblock :D

MMFD fic: “Awake?” part 5 (final part!)

Well, boys and girls, this strange little Fanfic That Could has come to an end. It started as a fun prompt (everyone say “Thank you, borntosik!”) and was supposed to be short one-off, but it took on a life of its own, while you all stood in the sidelines encouraging it!

So, everyone say “Thank you, me!” and congratulate yourselves, because your amazing feedback, your demands to know what happened next, your crazy insistence that it is funny (weirdos) - and how-ardently who wanted all the words, even if it was just the dialogue with nothing in between - is what got us here today.

And of course, a huge “Thank you, madfatty“, cheerleader and beta-reader and wonderful friend to this story. She kept demanding more!
I love you all.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

“Awake?” Part 5

Rae lets the pub door slam after her, takes a few steps and stops. She literally has no idea where she’s going or what to do next. She can’t go home; all her stuff is still inside. And she defo can’t go back in there after all that.

“AAAaarrgggh why are boys so confusing!?” she yells, since there’s no one around to hear her. She leans against the beer garden fence, hugging herself. Seriously, what is he playing at? Why would he do that to her? She’s been on the receiving end of some pretty humiliating practical jokes in her short life , but she has to admit, Finn is really going the extra mile. When she thinks how cute she’s found it, him sending her seemingly-drunk messages in the middle of the night…

She sighs. She just doesn’t get it and she wishes she wasn’t so fucking disappointed in him for turning out to be that guy.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Okay sweetie :) sugar babies are not the same as escorts. we are giving the men a fantasy, not selling our pussies per the hour.

Oh yeah, the fantasy of all your financial problems and how you need to go on 5 dates to establish a “connection.” That’s what guys love. To hear how stressed you are and how you need money without sex. If they wanted that, they’d spend time with their wives.

Mhmm. That explains why you’re struggling to get a decent monthly allowance and the same guy is spending a grand for two hours with me.

I’m the fantasy, because I will listen to his problems, never tell him my problems, and give him the best time of his life without an extensive prolouge.

I’m not knocking all sugar babies, just you, because I can track IP addresses and I’ve given you extensive advice before.

Dumb ass.

My First Kiss Went a Little Like This

For those of you who don’t know, this article’s title is alluding to a catchy song by 3OH!3 which perfectly aligns with the topic I am writing about and most importantly, what happened to me yesterday. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I did experience my first kiss last night as a fifteen year old girl. It was fun, romantic, and with my best guy friend in the whole entire world. After thinking all night and day about it though, I have discovered for myself-and now am sharing with all of you-a few things I have learned about society’s preconceived notions about your first kiss. 

Number one: 99% of the times it will not be like the movies or the often times more improbable scenes fabricated by your mind. It won’t be picture perfect, there will not be someone there to take a cute polaroid of you two (that would be creepy). The kiss will not necessarily be spectacular. Mine, I will admit, was a clash of lips, teeth, and tongue. It may be sloppy or without rhythm. But just remember, you will have many more chances (and maybe with the same boy!) to try again, again, and again. 

Number two: you will not become another person, and oftentimes will not feel different. I didn’t feel more accomplished, which means there is no need, whatsoever, to restrict yourself to a timeline. Sure your friends may have had their first kiss in middle school, but that doesn’t matter. In the October chapter of Rookie Yearbook One, there is an article by and about a 23-year-old talking about her kissing virginity; look where being without a first kiss got her! The fact that I did not feel different also made me happy, confident, and more independent. It showed me that I really didn’t need a boy to “complete” myself or “fill my other half”. I feel completely in control of my own happiness.

Number three: when it happens just be natural. Let’s be honest, how many of you have practiced making out with the back of your hand or watched youtube videos on “How to Kiss”? It’s something everyone wants to do and plan out perfectly. The truth is, no one can tell you how to kiss because they don’t know what conditions you will be in. They don’t know that your boy/girl is 6 feet tall and you’re only 5 feet tall or that he/she has ADHD or breathes with the help of an oxygen tank (you all know who I’m talking about ;). They don’t know if you’re lying down, sitting up, standing, or riding a roller coaster. Only you will be able to control yourself, but trust me you will be so caught up in the moment all those kissing-tips you read in your magazines will not even run across your mind as he leans in…

Number four: “But Carmel, what about the awkward moment before you kiss what do I do or what do I say?!?!” Well, my best advice is my conclusion Number three: act natural. If you are a naturally awkward person, it will be awkward. If you are a naturally smooth person, it will still be awkward! But those are the moments you will remember the most. The moment you both knew you were about to kiss each other, the awkward silence masking your shared anticipation. Take that awkwardness and embrace it.

That’s about all I can think of. I am, by no means, a master of kissing or anything, I just felt that my first-kiss experience helped me to come to good conclusions I couldn’t resist sharing. If you need any advice you can always contact our advice extension of eddiemag at askeddie.tumblr.com. My advice set aside, I hope you all get/had an amazing, headspinning first kiss (that is, if that’s what you’re searching for). 

- carmel

In this week’s Shouts & Murmurs, Cora Frazier imagines Sting’s theatrical turn in the title role of “Cora’s Life”:

Theatregoers will witness a flashback scene in which Sting, who was also cast as the younger Cora, tells her four-year-old cousin at a sleepover that her doll got bit by a rat and had to wear a full body cast.

As in previous performances, Sting’s Cora will think extensively, and seek advice from friends, therapists, acquaintances, and gym employees, about the meaning of an e-mail from LinkedIn informing her that her ex-boyfriend wants to “connect.”

Illustration by Victor Kerlow