People from India have such a different sense of humor. I’m just sitting here expressionless while everyone else is dying of laughter

The signs at the VMAS
  • Kanye West (calling out MTV on MTV):Aries, Aquarius, Capricorn
  • Nicki Minaj (Sending Musty Cinders back to hell):Sagittarius, Gemini, Aries, Leo
  • Fifth Harmony (turned up wearing weird mismatching outfits as usual):Aquarius, Cancer, Gemini, Sagittarius
  • Jaden Smith (drinking milk to stay hydrated and healthy in this toxic environment):Virgo, Capricorn, Sagittarius, Pisces
  • Taylor Swift (nobody knows what the hell she was wearing or doing or saying but she doesn't really care and she was having a good time):Sagittarius, Leo, Aquarius, Libra
  • A$AP Rocky (why the fk she saying my name):Capricorn, Sagittarius, Taurus, Gemini, Scorpio
  • Justin Bieber (a beautiful comeback and crying because of his warm welcome and how loved he is again):Leo, Scorpio, Pisces, Libra, Cancer
  • Tyler Joseph (completely expressionless the whole time he was sitting in the audience):Capricorn, Aquarius, Scorpio
  • The Weeknd (unimpressed when Musty Cinders called his name):Virgo, Taurus, Sagittarius
  • Britney Spears (an actual radiant princess):Pisces, Taurus, Leo, Libra
  • Musty Cinders (an actual mess):Ophiuchus

The Expressionless

Story Source

In June of 1972, a woman appeared in Cedar Senai hospital in nothing but a white, blood-covered gown. Now this, in itself, should not be too surprising as people often have accidents nearby and come to the nearest hospital for medical attention, but there were two things that caused people who saw her to vomit and flee in terror.

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“Him,” he repeats distastefully, his lip curling. “You like him.”

“Yeah, I do,” She shot back, her eyes flashing.

He sneered. “Why?”

She stared for a long moment at the boy standing in front of her, the boy who had shattered her heart.

“Why?” She asked coldly. “Why? Maybe because he’s nice enough to pick up the mess you left behind. Maybe because he doesn’t ignore me when he’s had a shitty day. Maybe he actually cares and-”

For just a second, his expressionless face revealed more than he had intended to show. “Don’t you dare think for a goddamn second that I didn’t care.”

And without warning, he grabbed her and kissed her. He kissed her until she couldn’t breathe and she was intoxicated on his scent. And just like that, she knew she didn’t like that other boy. He never left her breathless from a single kiss. Her heart never felt like it was going to pop out of her chest from a single glance.

What a twisted life it is, she thought, whilst her forehead was pressed against his. The boy who broke my heart is the only one who can make me feel whole again.

—  n.g. // excerpt from a book i’ll never write #8

a thought:

genji finds some old tamagotchis at like a flea market or something and buys them for nostalgia’s sake, has a little fun with them. but then zenyatta finds them and just absolutely falls in love with them, like he hears them beep and he’s like “what is it my child? do you require feeding? are you bored? do not worry i shall play with you.” and genji’s like “master, are you really interrupting your meditation for those silly toys?” and zenyatta just gives him the most offended look he can muster with his expressionless face and is like “do no speak of them like that genji they can hear you you are being RUDE”

  • Aries:wants everyone to love them but can't love anybody back
  • Taurus:wants people to appreciate what they do for them but forgets to appreciate people
  • Gemini:is the flakiest person alive but hates when people flake on them
  • Cancer:is highly emotional but hates when people are too emotional around them
  • Leo:is super flirty with everyone and it means nothing but hates when people flirt with them when it means nothing
  • Virgo:wants people to be direct with what they want from them but is constantly passive aggressive while hoping you catch on
  • Libra:wants everyone to support them but forgets to support others
  • Scorpio:wants to read your every thought but hates when people are intrusive
  • Sagittarius:wants respect and to be heard but is oblivious to the wants of others
  • Capricorn:is impassive but hates when people are expressionless
  • Aquarius:wants you to be there for them always but can't be there for you ever
  • Pisces:is preoccupied mentally all the time but hates when people can't give them their full attention

ソルロック, the “meteorite” Pokemon, is 3′11″ and weighs 339.5 lbs. “Solrock” derives from the sol (Latin for “sun”) and rock. Solrock relies on solar energy. While it always seems expressionless, Solrock can sense emotions of others. ルナトーン is 3′3″ and weighs 370.4 lbs. “Lunatone” is a combination of luna (Latin for “moon”) and stone. Its health is tied to the lunar phases.

Solrock and Lunatone, by Alexandre Ka.

Tay and I were on FaceTime so naturally headcanons were born.

So you know how Harry literally wears the same shirt all the time? Being Draco Malfoy, Draco Malfoy notices. And it annoys the shit out of him. So of course he has to tell everyone about how it annoys him.

Every day in the Slytherin common room for an hour after classes, Draco tells his fellow Slytherins how problematic it is that Potter won’t shower and they’re like ???? how do you know he isn’t showering? and Draco’s like !!! R U FUCKING NOSE BLIND AND BLIND BLIND HE N E V E R CHANGES HIS SHIRT and mostly they just tune him out but one day, it just kind of happens, they all collectively think about it, and “he can’t actually wear the same shirt every day” SO the next day the entire Slytherin class in Harry’s year are crowded around their side of the potions lab, staring at the door, while Draco just stares ahead at the board, expressionless.

Without fail, the Golden Trio enters the classroom.

Harry’s wearing the same shirt.

All of the Slytherins R I O T while Draco just rests his chin on top of his hands and keeps on staring ahead bc he t o l d them.

Harry is SCARED bc wtf is happening.

SO THEN for Christmas Harry gets an owl delivery of fucking a billion shirts. All nice, clean, crisp, expensive shirts and Ron’s just sitting there across from him slack-jawed like who in the FUCK sent you so many shirts?? and then Harry spots the note and

“Wear a new one each day.

Sincerely, the entire Slytherin common room who cannot take listening to Malfoy bitch about your one shirt for another month.”

So Harry picks one new shirt and wears it for a month, then picks a new one for the next month, etc. He also picks one pair of really gross, holey track pants with mysterious grease stains with unknown origins, and wears them the rest of the school year.

And that is how Draco Malfoy and the entire Slytherin common room lost their damn minds.

this screenshot of the Wayne’s World point and click featuring an expressionless garth and wayne standing in what appears to be an almost entirely empty italian restaurant feels like some really unnerving hyper self aware dread of a thing that cannot be described or quantified