Try #1: Letter
Write a letter to your abuser with everything you want to say. Ask all the questions you know you could never get a satisfying answer to, ask them anyways. Write pages and pages. Express whatever feelings you feel, all the terror and conflict. Let yourself cry and be upset. Let it all out. Don’t think much. Hold them accountable for all the injustice and horrifying things they did to you.
You were just a small and defenseless child with needs of love and safety like any other child. You didn’t know love could be used as a tool to abuse you. You were never ready for that kind of betrayal or to defend against those supposed to protect you. It’s not your fault.
They can’t shut you up or cut you down this time. You don’t have to be sorry or lower your voice or fear to talk about things you’re not allowed to talk about. This is not for them. They will never get to read it. It’s for you and your freedom.
Children don’t deserve chains. And you as an adult don’t deserve to be weight down by those chains. You can fight them. You can fight for your freedom. And the hurting children can heal. They deserve to be tried for like any other child. It’s never too late.
Write it, read it over, allow yourself to feel the pain you’ve been denied and made to bury, burn it, rip it, destroy it.
You can get stronger. Slowly and surely you can make it.