express aka

Sometimes I feel such strong love for a person, it’s like a violent attack. I need to do something to vent it, be it in the form of affectionate touch, creating art, gift-giving, or maybe just throwing something at them.

INFP thoughts

affectionate INFP violence is real.

Larry in 2017 (so far)

just bc i feel like it i present the following highlights reel in no particular order (many thanks 2 @strangenewfriends for her assistance in compiling this List of Larry)

louis’ bday tweet to harry

harry quoting the pink louis pics

the return of the green and blue keys (the footage was released in 2017 it counts ok)

harry celebrating JHO’s #1 with louis and steve (also footage we Received in this great year)

louis not being able to fucking shut up of how proud he is of harry in dunkirk

and then louis exposing himself as watching all the dunkirk promo interviews

roman kemp blessing us w/ the pee tweet exchange in the mariachi game and larry not being able to control their damn faces throughout

louis liking the smallzy tweet with harry

sweet creature and two ghosts Existing

when they had a haircut date w/ lou and she and lottie Exposed it on twitter

when louis posted That Picture that harry obviously took on his instagram

louis’ obsession w/ roses aka his expression of love for his Ultimate Rose

the way they STILL manage to follow each other around the globe wtf

harry STILL being obsessed with still the one thats Also a wtf

also them becoming BFFs w shania twain

bebe and steve being the ultimate louie harrie larries next only to niall

louis taking harry’s birthday off

louis being obviously mia during harry’s first show

harry’s friends liking a buncha pics of louis on ig

ALSO larry being relevant enough to the media in the year of our lord twenty seventeen to warrant as many larry denials as we’ve gotten in this damn year of our lord twenty seventeen

additions shall be made as my memory is jogged and/or as Larry larries

welcome to the Castle, friend. 

Day 52.


This earth is saturated with it. I have been here little over a month, and already I can see the effects of time and circumstance. On my planet, change, if it happens at all, is slow and deliberate. This planet, however, seems to be constantly bouncing off the walls of difference, trying to right itself. People are thrown around by the endless force of time. New bruises form before the old ones can heal.

Some humans have seen far more change than others. I can tell. It is more than obvious in those who walk around with stiff smiles and straight backs, sad eyes and darting gaze. It’s incredible what a human being can hide behind a false expression. Those of my race are far less skilled in this area. We simply say what we are feeling, and hope the person who is listening knows what to say.

The first form of change I have noticed is how quickly a mood can snap. I swear, every time I blink it feels like a kind face has turned into an angry one. A conversation first bleeds red and then blue. A smile can evaporate. A laugh can fall dead. Fear, memory, and conflict can change a mood faster than a snake can strike. But there is also good in this pain, as I have discovered is true with most things on this mysterious planet. A frown can quickly vanish, a smile can suddenly shine through tears. One day there is sadness, but the next, joy. Pain can turn to love, shouting to singing. All of this change is held in a delicate, unpredictable balance. It is amazing.

The second is how quickly our idea of something can change. The way we view it. How it makes us feel. For example, I live with a host family. One of the family is a 17 year old son (2 years older than me). Four days ago, he was “in love” with a girl that smelled of perfume and wore dazzling bracelets. Now he tells me that he has, “moved on” and that she “puts a sour taste in my mouth.”

“Funny,” I think. “The sour taste must have been sweet four days ago, because he wouldn’t stop kissing her.” There are many examples of this. An actor was convicted of a crime almost 15 days ago. The family, who once crowded around the TV, cheering when this favorite man won an award, now only sighs sadly when his name comes up. And through the disappointment lies a silver strand of mistrust. A defense mechanism. A reminder to never trust with such absolution again, lest the heart will suffer. Strange, how even a celebrity can change our lives, teaching us to trust a little less. But once more this must be kept in balance. There is also change to be found in a new haircut, a brighter smile, book releases, baby announcements, triumph in human rights. Amazing.

The last form of change is perhaps the most beautiful and fascinating, and the least unfamiliar to me. It comes in the form of seasons. In how the broad green leaves put on their evening gowns and drift from this world so gracefully. In how the grating yellow air begins to melt into soft sunset hues and smells. On my planet, such gentle and prolonged seasons do not exist. One day there may be rain, the next snow, and the next heat. It keeps you surprised and guessing, but maybes it terribly hard to make plants. This planet is much different. Its seasons last months, and they do not come overnight. Instead, they transition with the sweet dance of tradition, changing colors and smells, sights and sounds, with a gentle hand. Amazing.

To conclude, this world that I am visiting is overrun with change. Some of it good, some of it bad. 

And I still miss home.

I miss home.

Until next time, 


dan and phil play keep talking and nobody explodes: a summary

hoodie!phil i am immediately enthralled and this video isn’t even a second in yet

“you da bomb of our lives”

they keep clothes fans give them which is nice shoutout to that lucky son of a gun


phil is insistent on everyone seeing speed

supportive boyf dan has his back

dan nudged phil’s arm in a bro-esque manner

they mentioned escape rooms finally i can relate as i have now been to one too

“i think we’re a lot nerdier than we think” why do they think we refer to them as nerds all the time

“rest in peace environment” / “fuck you trees”

“i’ll punch you if you look at this” going to provide no context there have fun

“DAD…. playing halo with me” nice save dan

the wholesome howell blanket is always on hand

“they’ll see if we do a single glance…”

how is dan going to go a whole extra seventeen minutes without glancing at phil i think he’s going to implode

they already did the tutorial but didn’t show us yet phil can’t remember the title of the game wow rip nerd!phil fic trope

“this is going to be a mistake”

“i can’t speak if i’m under some kind of situation” mister english degree back again

phil spinning dan around with those sweet sweet seconds of skin to skin contact (hand to arm)

also lowkey hand porn

look at his hands

the curly hair and shaved sides from the side profile makes my heart warm

sassy hand clicks from danny


five seconds in i am already stressed for them why is this already the most intense video of this game i’ve ever seen i’ve watched like six different channels play it

“there’s, there’s-” “no phil, i’m guiding you.” someone likes to take control don’t they

during the wire puzzle you can slowly watch dan get more stressy look at his pursed lips and expressive strict hand gestures

“there’s an alien man with a triangle head and he’s got a T coming out of his neck” their best friend mind meld really needs to come in handy here

i’m still really enjoying dan’s side profile i can’t get over it

“that’s you selecting the module you dork”

“guys we’re nailing this” i was going to make the obvious joke but i won’t we’re classy here

“shut up shut up SHUT UP” stressy dan is here to stay

they did one wow who says youtube gamers can’t game screw you comments

“what everyone out there is thinking now is we need you to get the manual, phil” i think dan honey you just want to be in control again i know that was hard for you

getting their last glances at each other in before they can’t for at least five minutes

opposite sides again why has this happened two videos after one another this is weird what is the post-baking video universe coming to

“this is weird. now you’re the person with the really bright face… wow it makes my hair look so much less white now that i’m here”

“it makes my hair look grey… i promise i don’t have grey hair” honey you’re thirty years old it’s going to happen inevitably sometime soon best to break us in gently

i’m hyped for side profile phil

dan quoting the marriage mantra of something old something new etc…. foreshadowing perhaps who knows with the way 2017 phan is going

phil looks so confused he’s like me facing every exam i’ve ever taken

i’ve been cheated out of side profile phil ffs dan get your hands on him and spin him around i feel attacked

“oh shit new stuff” literally everyone every few days when they upload a new gaming vid with no warning????? they know our struggle????

phil looks so focused i’m entranced


“oh god it’s hurting my brain so much”

stressy phil is a new experience but i’m digging it

dan being the little shit he is just laughs all the time

“stop freaking out!” stressy dan is still here despite having the opposite role

they did two attempts and won them both wow

they high fived yes for more skin to skin contact

phil is reeeealllly making up for lost time by shamelessly staring at dan

like seriously that was at least a solid six seconds of him staring

oh and more glances

i get it you’re in love

“kept calm under presh”

more staring seriously phil are you aware the camera is still rolling

“i hate to alarm you phil but what is your catchphrase on this gaming channel?”

*awkward silence whilst phil realises he’s being spoken to thus has to tear his gaze away*


*resumes staring*

seriously what is with him today subtlety ain’t in his vocabulary

p h i l i get it you’re in love

oh now dan’s at it

dan just got super close to the camera and did that creepy smile he has i was unnerved

“i’m frickin terrified as diddly heck”

they’re back on their own sides balance in the universe has been destroyed do you reckon they’re as insistent about which side of the bed they sleep on

side profile dan is back welcome back old friend i missed you

i thought he dabbed for a second but it’s okay he didn’t

they’re determined as fuck but i can already see dan’s stressing

yep there’s the hurry up hand gestures

“i’m going to explode…. literally” because of the intensity or because he can’t stare at phil i don’t even know anymore u decide

dan’s eyes just got really really wide they were like bulging

“is the button yellow?” “no it’s blue i told you it’s blue!” welcome back stressy phil i hope you had a nice break

phil’s little “ooh” is so cute i want it as my ringtone

“we did it? oh christ”

stressy dan is really coming out to play in this symbols puzzle isn’t he

phil’s expressive hand gestures aka he’s beginning to panic too

dan’s doing some kind of gang sign okay boy you do you

aaaaand there’s the deafening dan scream for this video i can’t believe we lasted a whole 17 minutes and 40 seconds without one

rip headphone users it was nice knowing you

stressy dan has never been more present

phil is surprisingly calm(er)

“dan come on” all of us all the time

oooooh they couldn’t last five minutes without a quick glance at one another could they jfc get a room

they managed with three seconds to spare

phil is giggly and dan is….. well, dan

dramatic as ever my little actor that never was

phil initiates skin to skin contact again why am i not surprised anymore

“i was winding you up” dan says as he adds flames on top of himself in editing i am nodding furiously

the camera pans back out and phil’s hood is up who even is he

“we could have died!” “but we didn’t” *dan adds a halo above his head aka can’t relate*

“see if i worked in bomb disposal, i’d be cheeky like that” your colleagues would throw a bomb in bed with you

“i’d be like ooh what’s the timer steve???” the danxsteve fic coming atcha real soon

dan’s in an obnoxiously good mood now he has won a game and can freely stare at phil again

“we could be bomb disposal experts” again expect the fic coming atcha real soon

“what you just saw was two nerds that grew up playing puzzle games that have a psychic connection because they have no other friends defusing bombs” they literally said they go to escape rooms for their friends birthdays but alright i’ll take the exclusivity

they’re considering coming back in hard mode YES I NEED THIS

again i could have made the obvious joke there but i didn’t

let them know how you felt throughout that video type out long essays i dare you

“subscribe if you’re happy you didn’t explode”

“if you want to see us do that more challenging version where we might blow up… or not 'cause we’re the best… disposers ever”

“subscribe to us, have a good day, don’t explode” the best advice comes in threes