explains why i have so many nightmares

Too many feelings Part 2

Summary: You and Bucky never get along one day Steve asks you to help him after on mission. Feelings could change?

Paring: Bucky x Reader

Words: 1072

A/n : Thank you so much @widowsfics​ for reading this for me telling me was good and revise I love you even more. 

PART1

Originally posted by vintagefangirll

You avoid him all morning true to your world. You skip breakfast and your morning run because you were not in the mood to leave your room and see him. Unfortunately, you couldn’t stay in your room all day even if you wanted.

You are scrolling thru your tumblr when you see that Steve is calling you. You smile when you see that he is alright and smiling at you thru the screen “Hello Doll.”  You try to see if he’s hurt but he seems alright “Hey Steve, are you okay? Why are you calling me two days in a row something happened? Where is Tony?”

“Call down Doll. I am fine, Tony is being a pain in my ass so he is great and I only call to see if you and Bucky are okay.” You are relived and ask Friday call Bucky to your room. You two are having small talk until Bucky enters your room.

“What do you want?” You pat your bed to him to sit by your side “Steve is here.” He start to complain but sit by your side “What do you want, Steve?” You receive a sympathetic look of Steve “Are you alright Bucky? Did anything happen? You had any nightmares?”

You are expecting him to respond but he doesn’t say anything so you intervene “Everything was fine. Bucky here was not hurt when he get and I cook for both of us. No nightmares that I know off.”

“Yes, I slept the whole night.” The two men started to talking about the mission that Steve was currently on when you heard a loud noise coming from the Safe house “ Damt it Stark. I have to go. Take care of her Bucky.”

When the screen turns to black you expect him to leave your room but no, he lies on your bed and you feel vulnerable with having there. He can see your pictures hanging on the walls, your teddy bear on the floor and your journals on the table, you feel exposed.

“Why did you lie to Steve?” You leave the bed trying to hide what is on your table “Did you really want to worry him about what happened last night? I rather that he focus on the mission that if he is going to come back home to my dead body.”

Your words don’t shake him “I would never hurt you. You shouldn’t be afraid of that.” You smile at him sadly “I know you won’t, but you should leave right now.” He gets up and starts to look around “Nice room … explains a lot.”

You almost feel bad for the punch bag in front you, you are not even trying to practice you are just punching the bag to relieve your stress. The speaks were blowing your favorite song and you are so concentrate that you didn’t listen to him coming in.

“If this was a real fight you would have your ass kicked right now.” You jump at the sound of his voice “It’s good that I am not planning to fight then.” You continue to assault the punch bag felling his eyes on you “Who taught you to do this? You suck.”

“I just need to relieve some tension James, not save the planet.” He gets behind the punch bag holding it for you “Why are you tense, it’s because I am here? I make your nervous little girl? Because your heart is betting way to fast.”

“What the hell are you talking about? Of course it’s because of you, you hate me why are you here?” He gets closer to you “Why did you lie to Steve?” You groan “I already told you that.” He is almost on your face now “Yes but I don’t believe it, you were afraid to tell him that you were in my bed with me? Of course that is not the same but you don’t want the Capitan to be jealous of you having another man in bed.”

“I want to smack you face right now. How fucking dare you?” You don’t realize that you are pressed the wall of the gym “Do it. But I am wrong? I know that you sneak in his room and I saw him sneaking on yours. You two are just fucking or it’s something more?”

“You are an idiot gosh I hate you. I am not fucking Steve, he is my best friend.” You try to leave but he doesn’t let you “Explain to me what you do in his room at 2 am?” You take a deep breath not believing what is happening right now.

“He has nightmares you all have but he let me comfort him after them. So when you see me entering his room at 2 am it’s not for a quickie, is because he needs a hug and to know that someone cares about him.”

He lets you go and say “You really should hit me.” You can see so many emotions in his eyes especially guilty “I am not gonna do that Bucky.” He looks even sadder “Why not? Is not like I don’t deserve I am an ass to you.”

“A lot of reasons actually, the first one is that you can stop me with you want. I not stronger enough to hurt you and even if I was I don’t want cause you pain. That’s all you had all your life pain and suffering.”

“You know that you don’t have to be Jealous right?” He is leaving the room after helping you clean “Why would I be jealous? It’s not like…” You don’t let him finish the sentence “Steve he is your best friend, between you and me it’s always gonna be you. I am not trying to steal him from you so if this is the reason that you hate me you can stop.”

You can feel that he tensed up “You should fuck him, he needs a good lay and you are already there cuddling with him, just open your legs and help the poor boy have some fun. It’s gonna work better than tea and cuddles.” You don’t expect that you two would be friends any time soon but why he has to be so rude and talking with such a violent tone with you?

“You are sad men Barnes. I hope that one day you find someone that cares about you.”

PART 3

FOREVER TAGS: @myluvislikewow @capbuckyfics @you-should-love @shamvictoria11 @amrita31199 @buckyswinterchildren @dracsgirl @vashanatasha @aenna-4

Too many feeling  tag: @disney3life @stormyfandoms @a-steroides @thefallenbibliophilequote @assbutt-son-of-a-bitch @earthtoliseth @kyloreindeer @pandartist @welcometomyworldwithoutrules @bexboo616

In case you want to be tagged ( Or untagged) in the next part please let me know. Would be a pleasure to tag you.

Pretty please leave feedback i really like to know what you guys think of the new series;

Fun fact: I can’t take an insult

No, I don’t cry or get upset or crumble inside

I don’t understand that I am being insulted I just take it as some form of playful banter or being blunt or an inside joke or somethin

Or maybe I take it and turn it into some kind of flirtation or pick up line or assume it’s a pick up line

Or I just accept it and shrug

“You literally look like a demon straight out of hell”
“Tru tru, might explain why I’m so hot”
“Your face gives me nightmares”
“So you dream about me then huh”
“You’re fat”
“Well to be fair karen you had a lettuce wrap for lunch and I had pizza so really who’s the real winner here lol”

I have kept too many toxic friendships going simply because I refused to acknowledge that they liked to insult me to my face

I dunno man I’m just weird maybe it’s because I’m a sensor maybe it’s because I was homeschooled I guess we’ll never know

anonymous asked:

We got another throwaway line this week about Hook's time with Hades, "The last time I was here, I spent most of my time at the end of a lash" + Hades' previous episode comment about his "creative beatings." Could you write something about Killian having some post-underworld/torture PTSD?

Hey Nonnie. First I want to thank you for dropping me a prompt. That is really kind of you and I do so love that people think of me when they want a story written. However I am going to decline to write this one. And also use this opportunity to explain why I have a bit of a problem with fics that center around nightmares or PTSD. This is my own personal squick so please anyone who writes or reads them don’t feel like this is a judgement on you. I should add that I have mild-PTSD as a result of my deployment to Afghanistan and many of my friends from the military have PTSD so it’s likely I am too close to be objective here. 

I have yet to read a fic that dealt with PTSD in a realistic way. This may be the fault of my reading but I suspect it has more to do with the fact that most people don’t have personal experience with PTSD or at least with the type of PTSD that would result from the things that Killian or Emma have gone through. Of course people can write about things they haven’t personally experienced through good research but from what I can tell most people are parroting what other hurt/comfort fics have done instead of actually looking into the issue. The way I have seen it written PTSD always perpetuates bad stereotypes and it just pisses me off (tbh). 

The point of these fics seems to be the aspect of the couple bonding over the pain. These fics tend to have the person who experienced the trauma speaking at length about the trauma to their significant other. It’s supposed to be (I think?) a moment of vulnerability and bonding over that vulnerability. And while I am sure such things happen it always hits me wrong. First because I don’t see Killian and Emma getting overly talkative about the horrible things done to them, even with each other. Second because in my experience people don’t share trauma like that after a triggering experience because it’s all so raw and visceral and difficult to unpack when your emotions and body are going haywire. They share during quiet moments when they feel safe and loved or happy. It will come out almost randomly not part of some overwrought emotional moment. 

 Another thing I have seen is a hug or a kiss taking away the nightmares or curing the person. This is a nice sentiment but it really upsets me because that’s not how it works. You can’t hug away the pain and PTSD can often break couples apart. People don’t wake up in a panic state and then slip back into the arms of their significant other like nothing has happened. (The nightmare thing is another issue entirely because it’s just one of 17 symptoms of PTSD but it’s the one people always write about). It feels like a cheap way to get angst and to have the couple cuddle all while making light of a very serious mental and emotional issue. 

Dealing with PTSD does not, in my opinion, result in lots of tender and sweet relationship moments. And since I know so many people who struggle with PTSD and have had their marriages destroyed I have hard time viewing it as a positive relationship thing. I am not saying that couples don’t work through PTSD and that they can’t grow stronger through it. But the way that works is not something I have seen represented in fics. 

Sorry for the rant Nonnie. I hope you find someone to write your prompt to your liking! 

Preference #367: You get nightmares when he’s not beside you

Harry: Sleep did not come easily for you. It was something you suffered with your entire life. There was no reason for them, it was just something you always had dealt with. You should have adjusted to the nightmares that plagued your nights, but you never could. They kept you up so many nights for so long, and then suddenly those nightmares went away. After so many years of restless sleep they were over, and it didn’t take you long to realize why. “When I’m with you the horrible thoughts I can never shake off suddenly go away. When you’re in bed next to me I actually sleep. I don’t remember the last time I could say that. I don’t think I ever could.” Harry didn’t know what to say to that. How could he have done that for you? You could see the confusion on his face. “I can’t explain it. I really can’t. I have always had these nightmares, you know that, I told you about them.” Harry nodded his head. The first time you spent the night as his place, you explained it all to him. You didn’t want to wake up in tears in the middle of the night and have him not know why. “And now they’re just gone. Or mostly. It came back Tuesday.” Harry thought back to that day, and it hit him. “I wasn’t here.” “No,” you sighed, “And they came back. You’re the reason they ended. I didn’t see that before, but now I know. You keep them away.” He still had no idea how he did that, but he felt a joy in knowing he somehow had that effect. “Then they’ll never come back, not totally at least. Because I’m not going anywhere.” You smiled softly, “I hope not.”

Liam: “I wish you didn’t have to go. Can’t you maybe stay for a bit longer? Just another day or so?” You felt stupid begging Liam not to leave, but you had to do this. You knew he had to go, but you couldn’t help but ask. The past month had been the best month you had in a very long time, and now it was ending. Liam was leaving for tour, and you would be all alone yet again. The nightmares that kept you awake at night would now return, and you didn’t want that. “I don’t want to go, but I have to,” he replied, his own heart breaking as well. He knew the comfort you felt in his arms at night, and he didn’t want to leave. You had school though, and he had a tour. Things were just tearing you apart for a while. “I don’t know how I’ll sleep at night. I know that’s stupid, but I just…. I don’t want the nightmares to return. I’m so happy when I’m with you.” You saw a look of pain on his face after you said that, and it only hurt you worse. You did not want to make him feel bad for leaving. “But it’s okay. You have to go. We’ll talk on the phone at night, maybe that will help.” “Maybe so.” He hoped so. He did not want you to have horrible nights for months. “Even if they do come back, it’s okay though,” you pushed even further for him to feel no guilt, “I just have to remember it’s not forever. Once you’re home again, they’ll be gone. It’s only for a little while, and then I’ll feel safe again. I’ll have comfort in knowing once you’re home, I’ll be okay.”

Niall: It didn’t even have to be a full night. Anytime you tried to sleep away from Niall your mind was filled with nightmares. They began the moment you shut your eyes. Images raced through your mind that made your heart race. You would wake up sweating, close to tears, and have a hard time going back to sleep. With Niall next to you though, that never happened. With his arms wrapped around you, you felt safe and could fall asleep with no issues at all. “So Niall’s some sort of miracle for you,” your best friend laughed, after you told her about all of this. “It’s so strange. I can’t sleep at all if he’s not there. When he gets in bed next to me, I’m okay, and if he leaves the nightmares start.” She had never heard of something like this before. How could he change how your slept so much? “I don’t understand how that would even work.” You had thought of this a lot, and felt the explanation was simple, “He calms me. When I’m with Niall, I feel totally safe. He makes me feel totally secure, and I don’t have to worry. All the stress I had, it’s gone when I’m with him. I just need Niall by my side.” Your friend was happy for you, as well as concerned, “Well let’s hope Niall isn’t going anywhere.” You weren’t offended by that comment, though some may have been. You would have told her the same thing if her happiness was so invested in someone else. “He’s not. I don’t even worry about that.”

Louis: “I’m so tired,” you told Louis, as he sat up watching the television. “Okay, well I’ll go to bed in a little while,” he replied, his eyes never leaving the screen. You stood there awkwardly for a while. “Oh um, okay,” you mumbled to yourself mostly, before making your way to the bedroom you shared for the past few months. You laid down across your bed, and refused to close your eyes. Sleep without Louis beside you meant nightmares. He knew that. Why was he letting it slip his mind tonight? You were shaking, so scared to close your eyes and allow the images to begin rushing through your mind. Back in the living room, in the middle of his show, it finally hit Louis that you went to bed alone. He glanced towards the bedroom, and in an instant knew where he needed to be. He could finish his show tomorrow. You were more important. He quickly shut off the television, and made his way into the bedroom. You were laying there with your eyes wide open when he stepped into the room. “I realized I’m pretty tired also,” he told you, deciding it was best to not bring up the true reason you both knew he had come to bed. You were so thankful, and glad he didn’t make you feel foolish for your fears. He slid into bed next to you, and you instantly felt the calm you needed. “Goodnight Louis.” He placed a kiss on your lips, before replying, “Goodnight [Y/N], I love you.”

Zayn: Explaining your nights to Zayn was hard to do. You tried to the first night you spent the night with him, so he would be prepared to wake up to your panic. You never could find the right words though, and simply waited for the moment to happen. That moment never did though. Though the nightmares would return the moment you went home, when you were with Zayn they never occurred. As time went by it grew more and more difficult for you to find the words to tell Zayn what you dealt with. How would he understand? “Baby, just tell me what’s wrong,” he told you, after weeks of avoiding a topic. He did not know what this topic was, but he knew you were holding back something from him. “It’s dumb,” you replied. “It’s been bothering you for a while. Just tell me,” he pushed, not wanting you to feel like you could not tell him things. He thought this relationship was going well, but hiding things from each other wouldn’t help it. “But it’s so dumb, and you won’t understand.” “Just please tell me. Give me a chance to try to understand.” You felt ridiculous, as you finally told him your secret, “I have horrible nightmares pretty much every single night. I barely sleep because of it. When I’m with you though, they go away. I have never had one when you are by my side.” Zayn’s eyes were wide, “Really?” You nodded your head, “Mhm.” “You should have told me this sooner.” You felt tears in your eyes, “I know it’s weird, and you probably don’t want to deal with it…” “No, that’s not what I meant,” he cut you off, “I meant if I had known, you could have stayed at my house every night. I don’t want to be away from you anyway.”