experience the beauty

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URL inspired edits [5/?] → @rhysfcyre & @fcyscnd

When she started torturing you, something snapped in a way I couldn’t explain, only that seeing you bleeding and screaming undid me. It broke me at last. And I knew as I picked up that knife to kill her … I knew right then what you were. I knew that you were my mate, and you were in love with another male, and had destroyed yourself to save him, and that … that I didn’t care. If you were going to die, I was going to die with you. I couldn’t stop thinking it over and over as you screamed, as I tried to kill her: you were my mate, my mate, my mate.
“But then she snapped your neck.” Tears rolled down his face.
“And I felt you die,” he whispered. Tears were sliding down my own cheeks.

My little bug isn’t feeling well this morning. He keeps asking when he will be better. I hate that he has these experiences when it helps me to learn. 😢

I found myself telling him things that I need… This too will pass, pain helps us understand others, it will be OK.

I wish I could give a concrete answer. Because I too would like to know answers to challenges in my life. But it doesn’t work that way. We have mountains and valleys and they are all apart of this beautiful experience called Life.

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“stammi vicino”

every time I hear the stammi vicino melody, I start to cry actual tears which is why I refuse to download it on my phone

“I was afraid of the darkness of my skin. I believed I had to be celebrated for my intelligence and my sense of humor. Those could be the beautiful things about me since my skin couldn’t. I remember in junior high having a beach day with my family and going to school the next day. Someone in my class exclaimed shock at my appearance. She didn’t know black people could tan. The look on her face stuck with me. For years, I wanted to avoid direct sunlight. The comments you hear as a child stick with you. [I was] afraid of photos in dark rooms because you know no one will be able to see you in the picture and [people] will make fun of you. [I feared] walking into a room that has a black wall and hearing someone remark about how you’ve disappeared. You try to avoid these situations so you’re not in a position to act like you don’t care or [you] make fun of the darkness of your skin before someone else does so that maybe it will sting less. It has been a process of self-love to embrace the beauty of every single drop that makes up the richness that is my beautiful brown skin. If you learn anything in life, learn to love yourself. There is no amount of makeup or skin-care products that will make you love yourself.”

— Aja Naomi King || actress, How to Get Away With Murder ||  41 Women of Color Get REAL About Beauty and Diversity

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By the way man, this why we work well together, you know? You see free soup, you make a decision to eat it.

how to do prom on a budget

Because not everyone can afford to spend a ridiculous amount of money on one high school dance, but that absolutely does not mean that you can’t enjoy your evening to the fullest. 

  • Your prom dress definitely does not have to cost several hundred dollars. Amazon.com has some really nice formal dresses, and most of them are in the $50-100 range! (I know there are other websites specifically for discount prom dresses, but in my experience Amazon has better quality and lower prices. Plus prime shipping can be a lifesaver if you’re in a rush.)
  • And if fifty bucks is still out of your price range (and I know that it is for a lot of people), check your local thrift stores. Second-hand prom dresses sell for a fraction of their original price, and they’ve usually only been worn once or twice. Seriously, I got my first prom dress at a thrift store; it was a very pretty, very well-made dress, and I payed $15 for it. Check. Thrift. Stores. 
  • Or, if you just don’t like second-hand clothes or if you couldn’t find anything good in the thrift stores, check Ross or a similar store. (Ross is just what we have in my hometown.) They usually stock some formal dresses around prom season, and they’re almost all in the $20-30 range. I’ve gone to formal events in dresses from Ross before, and they hold up really well and look great in pictures.
  • All of the stores I just mentioned are also really good places to get shoes, jewelry, ect. to go with your dress. Even stores like Walmart and Target might be good places to look for shoes, bags, and other accessories. And definitely check your own wardrobe – you might already own stuff that will look good with your dress. (I’ve worn the same pair of heels to, like, three different proms at this point tbh.) 
  • Get a dress that fits you well without alterations. Seriously, tailors are so pricey – you’ll probably end up paying several times more for alterations than you did for the dress itself. You’ll save yourself a lot of money if you just buy a dress that already fits and looks good. 
  • Do your own hair and makeup. There are approximately two billion “prom hair and makeup” tutorials on YouTube – find one that you like and practice it a couple of times before the big night. 
  • And if you aren’t confident enough to do it yourself, call in a friend for help. I’m totally useless when it comes to hair, but my best friend is a hair genius. We would always get ready for dances together, and we’d do a trade-off; she’d do my hair for me, and I’d help her with her makeup, and then we’d both go to the dance looking amazing. It’s a good system, and makes getting ready a lot more fun.
  • Or, if you don’t want to do your own makeup and don’t have a friend you can ask, a lot of department stores that have makeup counters (Macy’s, Belk, ect.) will do free makeovers, even if you don’t buy any of the products! I had a friend in high school who always got her makeup done at Belk for school dances. I don’t like trusting a stranger to do my makeup, but it is an option if you want to get it done professionally without spending a lot of money. (MAC and Sephora both do “free” makeovers, but only if you make a $50 purchase first, so probably not the best option if you’re trying to save money. Always make sure that the makeover service really is free before you sit down in the makeup chair.)
  • Also, you absolutely do not have to wear dramatic makeup or complicated hairstyles to prom if you don’t want to. If bold makeup isn’t your thing, you can just do mascara and a little bit of lip gloss. If you don’t want to spend two hours on your hair, just wear it down, or pin it up in a really simple bun, or whatever works for you. You don’t even have to wear a dress if you don’t want to – if renting a tux is more your speed, then rent a tux. Feeling comfortable and confident in how you look is more important than following trends. 
Always keep your sails pointed in the direction in which you wish to travel. Sometimes there may be a change in wind, however, you are in charge of how that affects your path of discovery.
—  Nicole Addison @thepowerwithin
Aries: I envy you. I envy your courage, your stupidity and your childishness. Maybe you’re asking “Why?” Well, wouldn’t it be beautiful if we were all children at heart, like you? Like seeing things so horrible yet still making corny jokes? Like telling your feelings, like running until your feet hurt? Like purity, like innocence mixed with knowledge? You have experienced the world, you have experienced life. And yet, you still stand here. Brave and tall. As if to say “I am not afraid of life. I am not afraid to live.”

Taurus: I will always associate you with flowers and colours. With lilies and roses and blood oranges. I will always associate you with fruit and red-green-yellow. We will speak in colours, talk in words others won’t understand. With red-grey sand and blue-green eyes. An encouraging nod, a hug with clasping hands. Words left unspoken simply ‘cause they were never meant to be said, they were meant to be. They were meant to be. Plucking petals like a grade schooler playing games about love. Holding a magnifying glass over your head, and I could not find a flaw. I just saw you. I saw you.

Gemini: While you drink in the melodies of everyone’s laughter. The ghosts find a new home inside your body. A facade of performance, masking out true emotions. While the hallways turn vacant and your ghosts shut the doors. The voices leave the room empty, the emptiness in your chest weighing like a brick worth thousands of golden bricks. I cannot put a price on your heart, I don’t know its colours. I don’t know its voice. Or the three albums you have on repeat over the summer, or the songs you dance to at night. Simply because you are you, unique, mysterious and beautiful.

Cancer: You are a puzzle and I am not your missing peace, I don’t own it. But you do. You make up your own being. Maybe you left it in your back pocket, next to the shattered dreams or under the pillars you build when you were eight years old. The ones you made to put your broken home on, searching for stability in broken mirrors. I will linger in my map of you and I swear that even when I get back it leads back to you. It always leads back to you. To that little house with orange paint on the walls from ten years ago. With the nicotine sticking to a once white ceiling and some kind of animals running around. The dusty photographs will still stand on the desk. You will still sit on that one spot, with teary eyes and crossed legs. And you will still be beautiful.

Leo: I could never describe your beauty. Your beauty cannot be multiplied, it can only be remembered, treasured, envied, appreciated or regretted. And by remembered I mean that when you feel like you are just another extra in someone’s life that they will mention you to their parents during dinner. They will talk about your shining personality and sparkling eyes. By treasured I am talking about that “the one” experience which you deserve. A treasure filled with all things unique and irreplaceable. One that’s filled with happiness. By envied I am talking about the eyes you do not see, or do not wish to see. Or don’t notice. You stand out in a crowd, especially when you don’t think you are. By appreciated I am talking about the ones who see your true you, your tangled hair and cracked lips. The ones who still stay even through the bad times. By regretted I am talking about the people who did not see your beauty until you blossomed. I understand why you find cocoons beautiful now, and how you like caterpillars just as much as butterflies.

Virgo: Snow litters on untouched skin. Sun rains through the cracks of the darkness even where you hide. I could hear you talking every day. Forever. With delicate fingers and blushed cheeks. Your hair untamed and your fingers bruised to the bone. Delicately logical. The edges of the leafs of oak trees remind me of your way of thinking. The overhang reminds me of your mind. Which casts shadows over the villagers in the houses you build where colourless souls reside. You are so often in debate with your own head, at war with your own body. Never at peace, always restless. Always asking, “but why?” I don’t know. You like it, don’t you? Parading around in your own world? Sweet little soul in a world full of pain.

Libra: The bell of the church echoed through your head a little longer than it should’ve. It never was nice. We never played nice. We talked until our lips were dry and I stayed home when you were out cold. But memories don’t matter anymore do they darling? In this orchestra of harmonious noises where you are the leader of everything nothing can hurt you. I don’t know, I don’t know. And goddamnit I know you will try to push everything on yourself again. You always do. That’s just how you work. Why don’t you warm your hands on your own body for once? You don’t need another person to feel like you’re loved, you only need one. One whole, full, true person.

Scorpio: Everything seems darker these days. Charcoal coloured clouds are a daily thing. And your arms are always covered up along with your legs. Even in the summer the nights don’t seem as enchanting. Not when small bruises shaped like the bumps of your knuckles litter on your thighs. Self destructive lullabies, “I just need a friend, for once in my life.” A desire for someone to stay ripped from your lips. So I stayed by your side wondering, if you wanted me to stay or needed me to stay. Of course I could say you remind me of scarlet blood and bathroom tiles. But you also remind of the river I used to play in when I was nine. You also remind me of the necklace I got when my grandmother passed away. You remind me of memories, the good, the bad, the in-between. You remind me of life. Please keep on living.

Sagittarius: The reason that I didn’t cry when you left was because crying means letting go, or so you said. And I don’t want to let you go. I want you to be a part of me, forever. But I can’t do that, you would rot in the hell hole that is my mind. I can’t put you through more cruelty. I hate how I am the reason you cry on bad nights, do you still wonder if I miss you? I do. I do. I do. Regret was stronger than appreciation. But you’re so fucking strong. Your eyes still shine even when you’re sad. You think no one likes you yet you know that’s not true. You’re the reason I am alive. You let me experience pain, beauty, emotion. You let me live. You’re so much more than enough, sometimes I can’t even handle who you are. You are dazzling. But you could never control your heart, it always wandered over the streets of other people’s bodies.

Capricorn: When the sun sets over mountains and the houses made of glass shatter I will still see your name in the sky in neon lights. The little bugs in our home always wanted to be friends with you. They always say on the tip of your nose with gentle smiles. I never envied you, I wish I treasured you. You are so simplistic and nice. Nice. Too underrated for your own good, no? Aren’t we all. Your hands will still be remembered by those you touched. You always leave some kind of mark that they don’t want to wash off. You have that affect on people. You make them drown their thoughts and hold their breath when you walk into a room. You are an old soul, you know. Why? You just do. Because you’re you. And nothing can change that or the late nights, the slowness or the fastness in your walk doesn’t matter for the right people. They will walk for you until they have blathers on their toes. If they don’t you know what to do.

Aquarius: Swirls of icy wind are always your accomplice. Your cold, and beautiful; like snow. The wires always stick to your senses, they get stuck in between your backbone. They twist around your spine and plug into the back of your brain. You let other people control you like you’re a mindless puppet. I think the wires got the best of you. Whenever you speak your mind it says something beautiful and unique. You are original, not ordinary. I am sorry they teach you that being unique is bad and that you have to fit into this ‘ordinary’ world as an ‘ordinary’ person. Nothing is ordinary about you, not even your name. Your name says who you are as a person, if someone asks me to define you I will simply say your name, the definition of your personality is your name. Because your name is unique and so is your personality. Don’t let other people control you.

Pisces: The imaginary butterflies with the raven black wings told me about you. They tell me that your head is in a universe they have never seen, with all things beautiful and all things bad. They see you crying with your knees tugged up sometimes, hands in your hair as you hide beneath sheets of darkness. You write poetry with the blood in the sink and make galaxies with the stars you find inside other people their eyes. A gentle smile always embraces your lips, “So happy, yet so sad” they say. A mask is something you believe is beautiful, but I believe you are beautiful. The real you. Not the you who cautiously walks over this realm of sadness. Your moonlit hair is so silky, your sunlit eyes are so sad. Chin up little soldier.

—  Letters to the zodiac signs
dating people with bpd

written by a girl who loves a girl who has bpd

disclaimer: i do not have bpd (borderline personality disorder) and this was written from my experience dating a beautiful girl who has bpd and she proof read it!! i just want to help others whose partners have bpd! this may not apply to everyone because everyone is different but these are things that i have experienced in my relationship!

1. TALK ABOUT BOUNDARIES
this is important for every relationship whether the person you are dating has bpd or not, but it’s crucial for when you’re dating a person with bpd. this is important because certain things that you may not even think about can make them sad or even a bit angry. it’s important to talk about what triggers them and be super understanding when their triggers seem a bit uncommon, and let them explain their boundaries and symptoms they experience. it’s important to be patient and listen to them.

2. TELL THEM WHAT’S REAL
some people with bpd have a blurred sense of reality and need to be told what’s real and what isn’t. even if it’s just the color of their jeans, it is still important.

3. REASSURE THEM
some individuals with bpd have an intense fear of being abandoned, which usually comes from early childhood abuse, and need constant validation to reassure them that you aren’t going to leave them. be patient when they ask if you wanna breakup with them, or if they ask if you’re mad at them, or when they say their sorry for even the slightest of mishaps.

4. DON’T BE SCARED
personality disorders have tons of bad stigma surrounding them and individuals with these mental illnesses are demonized and made out to be like monsters in the media. it is important to ignore all the articles and posts about bpd that demonize them written by neurotypicals. people with bpd aren’t inherently bad.

5. IMPULSES
impulses are things you want to do. some impulses can be self destructive while others are not. most people with bpd don’t have impulse control like those who don’t have bpd do. a thing that works for me when their impulses are self destructive is (assuming that you’re their fp) asking them how they would feel if i did that, or asking them to do virtually anything to take their mind off it. and if that doesn’t work, it’s important not to get mad at them if they do it. they don’t know when an idea is bad or good, so just be patient and understanding and don’t be a fuckass.

6. EDUCATE YOURSELF
educate yourself on the disorder and read about the symptoms. the best person to talk to about bpd is your partner. because everyone is different, it’s important not to limit bpd down to certain symptoms. figure out what your partner experiences and read about those. i suggest following the bpd tag on tumblr or even browse it a bit to get a general understanding of the disorder. bpd is very complex so it’s important that you get a general understanding and realize that it’s not relatable to you. certain posts may be relatable but do not think that you can reblog them, because the extent in which they are felt is extremely different. most people with bpd have very intense emotions and feel things that we feel to a much higher level.

to conclude, dating someone with bpd isn’t hard or scary. however, it is different from dating someone who doesn’t have it. it’ll be hard if you don’t research it or ask them questions or get a general understanding of it, but if you do it’ll be easier for the both of you. people with bpd aren’t inherently abusive, and it is possible to have a stable relationship with your partner.