I ended up with a following and it's exhausting. Getting a little snarky is human. Most of the time I check myself, but lately it's really hard. I never blocked anyone, till I someone told me I was basically an object and if I didn't meet the expectation they had come to believe about me, I was the problem. Wrong. It's not our responsibility to be anything other than ourselves. And if someone chooses to take it and attach their bias, that's on them. Get on with your bad self. Meow. 🐱❤️
Getting a little snarky is human. Most of the time I check myself, but lately it’s really hard.
I don’t want to presume to know your leanings, but for those of us on the Left, and for a lot of the women I know, we all feel raw right now. Every fucking day brings some new fresh hell, as we are forced day after day after day to watch the very worst of humanity (with a fucking abuser at the top of the whole thing) attack and destroy the things we love and care deeply for. That takes a toll (and I say this knowing that I am in a position of incredible privilege, so I can only imagine how a vulnerable human must be feeling right now.)
I was basically an object and if I didn’t meet the expectation they had come to believe about me, I was the problem.
I’m not saying that this is happening to me right now, but it does happen. It happens to all of us who are in someone’s life in a way that’s intimate for the audience, but doesn’t involve reciprocal intimacy for the artist: we stop being people, and we start being things.
Most of the time, it comes from a place of genuine goodness, (Like if I ever met Dita von Teese, I know that I’d faint, because OBVIOUSLY, but I don’t harbor any illusion that I would be special or memorable to her, because we don’t have that kind of two-way relationship) but it can cross a line and become a kind of ownership, which is harmful and not okay.
I do my best to be patient and understanding when someone gets excited at me the way I got excited at Neil deGrasse Tyson, or Billie Piper, or Edward James Olmos, or President Obama (I’m thrilled to be that person to someone else, to be honest). But when someone demands that I jump through a specific set of hoops because of reasons, I tend to knock the hoops over and set them on fire.
…and to think this all went up like a tire fire today because I made a joke about cats.