I’m so incredibly overwhelmed. Not stressed, really, just….. ugh. Exhausted by life.

I spent over an hour - with the call records to prove it - on the phone with CVS specialty trying to get my progesterone. They changed systems and claimed they “lost” me in the system. Then they said my prescription got deleted because I hadn’t refilled it (um it has 3 refills left). THEN they said the only way to fill it was to get my doctor to fax a NEW prescription, which then got stuck in billing (insurance).

At that point, I had to go to another meeting. I ate my lunch while on a call, then had two back to back meetings.

I came up for air at 4 and spent another 30 mins sitting on hold, when the woman came back and said they’d make an exception and transfer my old prescription to the new system. Oh! So I wasn’t “lost”- you just didn’t want to try. Cool.

But she’d have to call me back and actually arrange the shipment - at some point between 5-7:30 pm. When I was supposed to be in yoga.

I drove to yoga figuring I’d have to keep my phone on my mat and run out if it started to vibrate but she called me back as I was parking.

Then when I got home we discovered one of our credit cards was compromised. Yay redoing auto payment and all that jazz.

I just need to sleep. I’m so done with today.

Spoonie Problems: The sudden onset of overwhelming exhaustion. Like one minute you’re fine and the next you can’t even keep your eyes open. It literally takes too much effort to keep your eyes open.

BPD is exhausting...

Having such eradic emotions is exhausting.
Controlling yourself as to not let your mental health problems impact others is exhausting.
Not being able to figuratively step back and not worry about how people around you see you because you need constant validation is exhausting.
Constantly having extreme emotional reactions that conflict with your own morals and logic is exhausting.
Not even coming close to being able to clear your mind of rapid thought and paranoia is exhausting (which is kind of ironic as this makes sleep and relaxation extremely hard to get to)
Trying so hard every time you’re at an emotional low to actually remember what anything else feels like because you lack emotional permanence is exhausting.
Constantly having to be alert to your emotions because you need to be able figure out if your pain is a reasonable response to someone hurting you or if you’re overreacting yet again is exhausting.
Fighting the urge to dissociate in a situation where you need to be alert and aware is exhausting.
Making seemingly simple decisions and undergoing any kind of social interaction for people who desperately need to keep everyone happy and make themselves likeable is exhausting.
Internally freaking out almost all the time that people are judging you for being lazy, annoying, immature, a shitty friend, etc. Is. Exhausting.
To summarise, BPD, as with many other PDs and mental illnesses, is exhausting, more than most can even imagine.